Ok, last we left off, using Shaggy as a getaway driver, the Guerreros and Trish stole a ton of food from the local convenience store. Now, however, we'll join back up with DX and Harry Potter, as they're making a pit stop at a rest stop in Northampton…
HBK: Damn…I hope we're leading.
HHH: I'm pretty sure we are. I feel good about it, how about you, Pac?
X-Pac: Meh…I don't know. I think that that one restaurant that kicked us out really slowed us down. Oh, by the way—Harry, sa-WEEET DX chop you laid on that manager!
Harry: Much obliged, X-Pac. The bloke had it comin'!
(There's a momentary silence between the guys when…)
X-Pac: Damnit! This is boring—I'm gonna' get some phone numbers from some girls.
(X-Pac walks off.)
Harry: Eh, guys, is he always this…
HBK & HHH: Random?
Harry: Exactly.
HHH (sipping his soda): Well, you see, Harry, Sean tends to get bored easily.
HBK: Yeah, when I invited him to my church, he fell asleep during the praise and worship part—you know, that's the part where people are jumping, singing, dancing, fake-passing-out, etcetera.
Harry: Oh…I think I see what you mean. We have a church like that in Hogwarts called The First Baptist Church of Hogwarts.
HBK: Wha? The First Baptist Church of…Hogwarts?
Harry: Absolutely. The services are outstanding, indeed. Gollum, from Lord of the Rings, is our bass player.
HHH: Well who else goes there?
Harry: Ohhh…there's Cornelius Agrippa! He's the choir director. HIS problem is that he feels as though he has to lead every song because all the microphones are his.
HBK: Huh? What the—what kind of attitude is that?
Harry: Sha—that's what I'm wondering, mate. He'd be like "If I can't lead this song, you lot can't use these microphones".
HHH: So…it seems like an interesting crowd, to say the least.
HBK: Yeah, tell me about it-
(Just then, a loud slapping noise can be heard. The boys turn and find X-Pac flying in mid-air with a reddish hand imprint on his face…)
All three of them: DAAAAAAAAAMN!
HHH: That—right there was the highest I've seen him hit, wow. Anyway, Harry—tell me more about this…church you go to.
Harry: Sure, there's my friend Ginny—she's been caught stealing out of the offering plate like, 5 times.
HBK: Hahahahahaaa…there's this guy at MY church who always does that shit, man!
(I'll just let Harry keep explaining the finer points of his, ahem, CHURCH to DX. Now, we'll move on to Hulk and the crew, as Hulk stopped at a grocery store…)
Nash: Hey Hulkster, bring me back an iced tea, willya'?
Hulk: You got it, brother. Guys, I'll be right back.
(Hulk gets out of his car and enters the store…)
Hulk (mumbling to himself): Damn, I'm the tallest mofo IN this joint…
(There's a TON of people running around the store and all around Hulk. It sounds like a bunch of different people saying "Tokyooo-Tok, Tokyooo-Tok")
Hulk looks around for the milk…
Hulk: Ah, here's my shit! And, it's on SALE, too!
(Hulk makes his way up to the counter and grabs an iced tea out of the refrigerator. He puts his stuff up on the counter…)
Pimple-faced clerk (in Japanese): Will this be all for today, sir?
Hulk (ALSO in perfect Japanese): This'll be all, brother.
Clerk (in Japanese): Ok, that'll be 5 Yen.
(Hulk reaches in his tights and pulls out his wallet. He starts thinking, and…)
Hulk (In Japanese): Wait a minute, brother. How much was the milk?
Clerk (oh, YOU get it, geez): Ah, it was 3 yen.
Hulk: But your sign said it was 2 Yen, dude.
Clerk: I'm sorry, but that sale was last week.
Hulk: Sorry dude, but you're gonna' have to eat this one. Your sign said 2 yen—I can point it out to you if you want.
Clerk: Look, all I know is that that sale is over and that the milk is 3 yen.
Hulk: Do you know who I am, dude?
Clerk: Yeah, some old guy who's making a problem over 1 yen.
(Hulk proceeds to rip off his t-shirt, and glares at the kid while flexing his arms.)
Clerk (shaking a little): Um…uh, sure sir, y-you can have it. Just take it!
Hulk (smiling): Thanks, It was nice doin' business with you…brother!
(Hulk leaves the store as the clerk tries to catch his breath. Hulk jumps into his car…)
Nash: What kept you, man?
Hulk: That punk cashier had to learn who he's messing with!
Hall (sipping yet another beer): What happened, mang?
Hulk: The price on the milk said 2 yen, when I went up to pay for it, that li'l punk tried to charge me 3 yen!
Snake: I'd have pointed my Ruger in his face—THAT would've prevented any argument.
Hulk: Yeah—I'll have to remember that in case that happens again, dude.
Ok, we'll leave them be for now and join up with Los Guerreros and company…
Eddie: We ROBBED them fools!
Trish: Oh my GOD—I've NEVER hit someone over the back of the head with a bottle before!
Chavo: So, how'd it feel, chica?
Trish: Chavo—it felt…GREAT! I –I don't know if it's something I've unconsciously always wanted to do, but…it felt SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD, hahahahaaaaa!
Shaggy: Uh, hey Scoob, where are the pork rinds?
Scoob: Mmmm…rork rinds, rork rinds!
Chavo: Here you go, man!
Shaggy opens the bag an immediately swallows half of the contents.
Shaggy: Mmmm-MMM, I'll tell ya' Eddie—you suuuuure can steal a mean bag of skins!
Eddie: ORALE HOMES! You're the best getaway driver since…well, ME!
Shaggy: Thanks! When I drove the Mystery Machine, we always escaped the ghosts or monsters chasing US!
Trish: Yeah, Shaggy IS a seriously good getaway driver, Eddie. I remember tagging along with Him, Scooby, Daphne, Velma, and Alan—we solved the mystery of who was stealing Mrs. McMahon's underwear.
(Eddie and Chavo look at each other.)
Chavo: So, uh who was stealing, ugh, Mrs. McMahon's drawers?
Trish: Well, it turned out to be Jim Ross!
Eddie: What? JR?
Trish: Yep, he tried to do a Jedi mind trick with Daphne, but she was on her game! He tried to pose as some…some…"ghost of panties past", or some shit like that—it was hilarious!
Scooby: Reah, reah, roast of ranties rast! AH-HEE-HEE-HEEE-HEEE!
Trish: You should've seen it—this so-called "ghost" was nothing more than JR getting busted in Mrs. McMahon's bedroom BUTT-NAKED, sniffing a pair of Linda's panties while jerking off using Mr. McMahon's Preparation H!
(They all look at each other and go…)
All: EEEWWWWWWWWW!
Ok, let's leave that filthy scene and join up with the Hardys and the others…
Katherine: You know, Jeff, I was just thinking about what if we roomed together next time we stop at a hotel?
Jeff: Well, I do, uh…I think that can be arranged!
Dora: WOW! KATHY, ARE YOU AND JEFFY GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER?
Matt (interjecting): -Uh, Dora, they're adults. You—are a child, you should mind your manners, mmkaaay?
Dora: AWW, IT'S OK, MATTIE! I ALREADY TOLD YOU—I'VE HAD THE TALK ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES, SO IT'S OK! SO, JEFFIE, KATHY—ARE YOU TWO GOING TO DO IT?
(Jeff and Katherine look at each other, blushing)
Jeff: …
Katherine: …
Dora: C'MON YOU TWO! I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO HER DOGGIE, RIGHT, JEFFIE? CAN YOU ALL SAY…DOGGY?
…
Dora: C'MON…I KNOW YOU CAN! SAY…DOGGIE!
…
Dora: DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT IT AGAIN, ASSHOLES! SAY…DOGGIE!
(The other four all look at each other and…)
All: Uh…doggy?
Dora: YAAAY…YAAAAAY…YOU SAID…DOGGYYYYY!
Matt: Uh, Lita?
Lita: What?
Matt: I don't know about you, but I think Dora might have been here in a past life, or something.
Lita: Oh, come on, Matt. She's not that bad!
(Just then, Dora pulls something from out of her backpack…)
Dora: EVERYBODY, I WANT YOU TO MEET MR VIBRATION!
Jeff: Who the heck is "Mr. Vibration"?
(Lita's eyes get as wide as saucers…)
Lita: Why—why, you little THIEF! GIVE me that!
Dora: EWWW…MR. VIBRATION, YOU SMELL FUNNY!
Lita (reaching for Dora, as she plays keep away): How did you FIND that? Matt, grab that from her!
(Matt tries to grab Lita's dildo from Dora, but Dora Jabs himn in the eye with it.)
Matt: AAAGH…YOU LITTLE SHIT!
(Jeff and Katherine are cracking up as all this is going on…)
Dora: WOW! WHEN I TURN IT ON AND PLACE IT ON THE GROUND, IT GOES "BRRRRRRRR" AND IT SPINS AROUND LIKE A PROPELLER, TOO! CAN YOU SY…PROPELLER?
…
Dora: C'MON…SAY…PROPELLER!
…
Dora: DAMMIT, SAY PROPELLER OR I'M THROWING IT OUT THE WINDOW!
Lita: PROPELLER, PROPELLER, PROPELLER! Now give it here!
Dora: HERE YOU GOOOOO!
Lita: You know, Matt—when that girl was still in her mom's womb, her mom should've swallowed a brick and BUSTED her in her head!
(Dora tosses the dildo to Lita, as Jeff and Katherine continue to whoop it up. Matt glares at Lita…)
Lita: What's YOUR problem?
Matt: So THIS is why I'm, how do you phrase it?—"insufficient"?
Lita: Matt, I-I can explain—
Matt: Save it, we'll talk about this later.
Ok, I'll end it here tonight, I'm tired.
.
But don't forget to tune in next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!