Most of this chapter will be in Lily's POV it starts at the beginning of break.

If you have trouble following it, let me know I will switch it.

Chapter 24

When Nothing is Everything

She could feel, rather than see, James behind her. She knew he was just feet away from her and there was nothing she could do, nothing. She knew if she tried to speak to him it would only start a yelling match on the platform. They had gone back to the original James and Lily relationship, or rather he had. He had completely turned the tables since the patronus incident, she wondered if this was how she had made him feel all of these years.

Now he barely acted like she existed if she said something in class he would roll his eyes, if he overheard her telling a joke or talking to a friend he would say something sarcastic or rude. That usually ended with her walking away and crying on her own or her blowing up at him for being a jackass. She tried to keep her temper in check with him, she knew he was hurt and pissed and she couldn't blame him for that. At least not anymore.

She knew what it was to be without the person you loved. She loved James, she knew that she did. She didn't want to be with anyone else, there was no point in even trying, but he could hurt her. He had the power to hurt her more than she had ever been hurt before. She had felt pain, and knew what it was to feel your heart break into two, but James held the power to break her heart into thousands.

She walked over to her mother and gave her a hug, her mum squeezed her shoulders and walked with her through the barrier.

"Who was that boy you waved to Lily?" she said with her small high pitched voice.

"Remus Lupin, he is the other Gryffindor prefect in my year." She muttered.

"Oh, I see. He is very handsome. So tall." Her mum said with a smile.

"It's not like that, he is a friend. Certainly not a boyfriend. Merlin, James would kill us both." She muttered.

"Oh, who is this James?" her mother said with raised eyebrows.

Lily sighed.

"He is Remus' friend. The one with the insanely messy black hair." She said in a flat voice.

"Ahhh, well why would he kill you both?"

"Mum do we have to talk about the boys roaming Hogwarts? I am not dating, I won't be dating so can we just end the subject?"

Her mother pursed her lips but said no more.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Two weeks later Lily was sitting on a barstool at the breakfast bar in her kitchen listening to Petunia wax on and on about her upcoming wedding. She watched her mother nod and smile happily as she listened to the newest details. From what Lily could picture it was going to look like a peach colored ball of lace threw up in a fancy ball room. Completely not her style, very much her sisters'.

"So Lily, as a bridesmaid you have to have a date, you have to dance at the reception. Who are you bringing or do I need to arrange you one?" Petunia said shortly.

She was as thrilled that Lily was in the wedding as Lily was about being in it. Their mother was forcing it, she had said she wouldn't fund the blessed event if Lily was not in it. As such, Lily obliged and was going to wear a hideous dress in a hideous color and apparently bring a date.

"I am sure I can find a date by next spring. I don't need your help." Lily said, irritated.

"What about that Remus fellow? Or, what was his name? James?" her mum supplied.

Petunia had a sour look on her face, she didn't want someone from Lily's school to come.

"If I bring Remus it will be as a friend and James and I would murder each other before the night was out if we came together."

"Lily, you are such a beautiful and bright girl why don't you find yourself a boyfriend." Violet Evans said sweetly running her hand through her daughters scarlet hair, the hair she had inherited from her father.

Petunia smirked and Lily huffed.

"Mum you know that I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to be married, but Tuny does, go to her wedding."

"I am going to her wedding, but I would like to go to yours too. I want to know that if I die you won't be alone. When you leave school next year you are going to be all alone, I want you to be happy and have a future, not end up alone."

"Mum, just because you get married it doesn't mean you won't end up alone, I would think you knew that." Lily said coldly.

"Lily, that was out of line." Petunia said angrily

Her mother looked at her with pain in her eyes.

"Lily Elise Evans, I am not alone. I have both of my daughters and I love my husband with all of my heart, I always will. Whether he is here with us or not, he loved us all."

"Mum, he's not here is he? You did end up alone, and you are sad, I have seen you cry. And we are sad. You can't tell me that it doesn't hurt you that he left, he is gone and he isn't coming back. I don't want that. I would rather just be alone." Lily said simply.

"Lily, I know that you are still hurt by your father. But you are old enough to know that he never meant to never come back."

"That doesn't matter. He never came back." Lily interrupted defiantly. "He left, he didn't even say anything, he just left, he left all of us." Her lip trembled.

"He's dead, it isn't like he abandoned daddy's little flower princess." Petunia said coldly.

"Both of you stop. I think we should have had this conversation long before now." Violet said as she leaned against the counter.

"First off, Petunia your father loved you very much. You were his first born, if you could remember the way he doted on you when you were born, and the way he walked with you and danced with you…You remember him doing that with Lily because you were older, but he did it with you too. As you got older and went to school you didn't want to play with daddy anymore, you got into makeup and jewelry and friends and Lily was always the one to be playing in the pond or outside with him. You stuck to me and she clung to her daddy but you were both equally loved by both of us. You just spent more time shopping with me while Lily was fishing with your father.

And Lily, your father did not leave us, contrary to your belief. I know it is painful for you to think about his death. I know you have just pretended that it did not happen, but it did. He got in that car crash and it killed him. He didn't come home because he couldn't, not because he chose to."

Lily felt her eyes grow hot with tears as she stared down at the marble bar top.

"He could have taken me with him. I was home for break and never got to see him and he didn't even want me with him." She said softly.

"He was coming right home, You were messing about with Petunia, and you were actually getting along for a minute and he didn't want to ruin it. He was going to the store, that was it, just going to pick up some things for dinner and popcorn for a movie that night. He didn't abandon you, he didn't forget about you, he just left for a minute that turned into a lifetime.

Lily had you gone with him you would have died too, what would I have done, you would have had me bury the love of my life and my baby? You would have me broken beyond repair? A mother does not ever get past losing her child, I would not have survived if either of you girls were gone, you are the only reason I survived your father's death. You, the two of you get me through every moment.

No, Lily just sit and let me finish. You don't want to meet a boy, you don't want a relationship because you don't want to lose it. Let me tell you, I do not regret loving your father. His love lit up my life. He made me know what it was to breathe, to live. Without him my world is dull but it is because of him that I know what color is at all. I would rather have never lived myself than to have not had the years that I had with him, even if they were cut short. I knew more love in those 15 years than some people will ever know. And I got the two most amazing miracles from it. Don't give up that chance for fear. Fear gives way to a sad and lonely death. I want beauty and love and happiness for you both. Don't lose that. Don 't give up that chance."

OoOoOoOoO

James POV

"Ok sweet heart, it was so nice meeting you too, I hope you have a wonderful remainder of summer."

"Yes Mrs. Potter." Gracie said dreamily.

James walked her to the door,

"I'm sorry we are leaving early. Mum said something came up with work so we have to go tomorrow, tell Gabi that it was great meeting her for me."

She nodded and walked away, not saying anything. James flinched as his mother spun him around to face her.

"James Potter! This is why we do not let you around muggle girls, you get all befuddled and you loose your tongue!" she said sternly.

"Is she going to be alright?" he said softly.

He shuffled his feet as his father came and stood in front of him.

"She will be fine, it was a very mild memory charm, it won't take long to wear off, you aren't to contact her again."

"But what about Gabi and Rem, I mean they really hit it off…."

"She is not Gabi and you are not Remus. Don't worry about them, don't let me catch you writing that girl. And you are forbidden to date muggle girls until you know how to keep your mouth shut when your pants are down."

"Dad! My pants weren't down!" James protested

"Yes, well that is where your intentions were and why your mouth was spilling secrets. If you can't snog and be silent than you can only snog the girls that know."

"Dad please, mum is right there."

"Your mum knows full well what 17 year old wizards get up to, and Merlin knows we need thicker walls because if we didn't before you and Sirius turned 14 or so we certainly do now, talking quietly is not your strong suit son. Now go meet your friends and tell them that we are leaving tonight."

"But Rem.."

"Bring Pete and Sirius back with you and tell Remus he has until 8:00 and then we are leaving at 8:15. Go, now." Charles said sternly as James turned and left, face red and head down.

oOoOoOoO

They had been home for a a week and a half when the boys were sitting at the breakfast table. Remus and Pete were browsing through their school lists that had just arrived while James and Sirius were taking third helpings of breakfast.

"Are you even going to open your letters?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Hmm, no, I mean they are the same as yours without the prefect mumbojumbo." Sirius said stuffing another piece of bacon into his mouth.

"I can't believe you didn't get head boy, if it is Snape I am going to hang myself."

"James! If I ever hear you talk like that again, it will be the last you speak for a while. Now get your bum off that chair, get your letter and Sirius' and read them. You have different classes than Remus and Peter and you need you book lists. Don't look at me like that. Up you get." Mrs. Potter said shooing him out of his high backed dining chair.

He stood and took his and Sirius' letters off the mantle. And tossed Sirius his before sitting down opposite him at the table. He watched as Sirius' blue eyes scanned the parchment lazily and then he broke the wax seal of his own. As he lifted the letter something rolled out and landed on the floor.

"What was that?" Sirius said peering under the table.

"Was it your Qudditch badge?" Pete asked.

"No, I have that already, it is packed in with my robes." James replied sliding out of the chair and slipping under the table.

Remus poked his head under the table and watched as James looked around for whatever fell. As his hand fell upon it and he picked it up his eyes locked with Remus' when they both took in the sight of the gleaming golden badge.

"James Charles, I am done playing with you, get up at this table and quit, what do you think you are up to?" his mother said as she saw him on his knees on the floor.

He sat up on his chair holding the badge in his hand, and placed it on the table in front of him. The entire room had gone quiet, the silence was deafening, the only one showing any reaction other than shock was Remus who was smiling brilliantly. There was no sound at all until Sirius burst out into hysterical laughter. James looked over at him, not sure why he was laughing.

"It has to be a joke, a prank, Dumbledore must be getting us back for all the mayhem we caused this year…Right?" Sirius said sobering as James held up the attached letter.

"I don't think it is…My name is on the badge, and on the letter…I…I don't think I understand this at all. Head boy? Me? There is no way, I have been in detention more than anyone else in the history of Hogwarts." James spluttered

"Jamie dear, I am certain that you and Sirius share that record actually. And I would guess that Dumbledore has a plan to stop those detentions."

James glowered, Sirius' jaw dropped, Pete looked mildly confused and Remus started laughing.

"No, it makes perfect sense Prongs. You have the best grades in the year, of anyone, Sirius included. Remember what McGonagall said? For us to do whatever it was to make you stop the pranking? Well it has to be obvious to Dumbledore. Lily is what calmed you down, she is what put a stop to the detentions. When you were seeing Lily you were completely different. He is using Evans to get you and Sirius in hand because I obviously can't"

"No, he won't break us up!" Sirius protested.

"No, he won't. It won't change anything." James reaffirmed.

"What is this about a relationship…With Lily, as in the Lily I have heard about since you were 11 years old?" his mother said, intrigued.

James scowled at Remus as the other boys snickered into their hands.

"It was nothing mum. We aren't dating, it was just a stupid moment, a lapse in judgement on her part."

"Jamie I am sure that isn't true, you shouldn't put yourself down like that." She scolded.

"It is true, just ask her. I don't want to talk about this, are we going to diagon alley or not?" James replied huffily.

oOoOoOoOoO

It was a hot, bright day as Pete and James walked side by side out of the apothecary to collect everyone's potions supplies while Remus, Sirius and James' mum were in Florish and Blotts getting the book lists.

Carrying his new cauldron filled with supplies (Sirius had unintentionally melted his during a prank last year) James sat down at a bench along the main walk way.

"D' you think your mums gonna notice that we spent more money than we needed? If she finds out about the Erumpent drops we are going to be in a lot of trouble They are a class C substance James!"

"Yes, I am aware, but we only need a drop of it and when the slytherins use it their potions will explode, it was the only thing that would work for certain, now calm down. My mum has no idea what things cost, she just buys what we tell her we need." James hissed as he pulled the hem of his red shirt up and wiped the sweat from his face.

"Well look at you handsome!" he heard a familiar voice call.

He lowered his shirt from his eyes and saw Alice standing in front of him hand in hand with his cousin, Lily just a few steps behind her.

"Are you showing off your abs to the entire wizarding population?" she joked.

Frank rolled his eyes and James smirked as he pulled his fitted shirt back down over his stomach.

"Well not intentionally, I had to get a new cauldron, you know after Sirius' potions mishap…And it was heavy with all of our stuff in it." He supplied.

"Well, I hear from Lily here that a congratulations are in order? Who would have thought that James Potter would be head boy? Has Dumbledore finally lost his marbles?" Frank said pulling his baby cousin into a brief one armed hug.

"Yeah, I think he may have. I have no idea what he was thinking." James replied shaking his head.

"I think you will make a good head boy." Alice said leaning forward and kissing his cheek, rolling her eyes as Frank narrowed his. "What about you Lily?"

James blanched as Lily blushed.

"I think you will do great." She muttered.

"yeah, well, I am thinking about resigning and seeing if they'll give it to Rem….Congrats by the way Lily." He said while looking down at his feet.

"I don't think you should resign I think you will be a really good head boy. There is a reason that Dumbledore picked you over Remus… Don't resign." Lily said quietly.

James was spared answering by a yelling Sirius running up behind him.

"Hey Allie!"

"Hey Sirius, how is your summer?" She asked as he scooped her up into a hug.

"Eh, it has been good, all except getting brought back from the beach early because James threatened the entire wizarding populations security. And then the prat went and got himeslef stuck as head boy."

"Sirius Black you stop teasing him about that, before he goes and gives it up, you know that is something he would do." Mrs. Potter said walking up with Remus, both of them bogged down with books.

"Hey Alice, Lily…How has your summer been?" Remus said with a smile as he sat his bag of books down.

"Pretty good, we just happened to run into each other. Lily is here with her mum and my mum and dad are working so I came with Frank." Alice said, smiling happily.

At that minute a thin blonde woman came walking up behind Lily and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Lily Elise, do you plan on introducing me to your friends?" she said with a kind smile.

James couldn't help look up at the woman he had heard so much about. She was beautiful, Lily looks just like her, except for her hair color and eye color. Her mother had deep brown eyes they looked so kind. He had seen her in passing at the platform of course but this was the closest he had ever been to her. He glanced at Lily and saw her cheeks pink up a bit.

"Yeah mum…" Lily said as she pointed at each person in turn, "Well you obviously know Allie, but this is Frank, her boyfriend. Uhm this is Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin. Remus is the Gryffindor 7th year prefect. This is Sirius Black and James Potter, a scary combination these two are. And James incidentally enough is also head Boy. And this is Mrs. Potter. This is my mum." She finished shyly.

Mrs. Potter beamed and held out her hand to the, obviously uncomfortable, muggle woman.

"Good afternoon, I am Madeline Potter, James' mum, though I claim all four of them. I met your lovely daughter last summer at my home. My husband is around here somewhere if you like we can get a drink and let the kids go off on their own…If these two promise to behave" she said pointing between James and Sirius.

Lily's mum nodded and shook the outstretched hand.

"Nice to meet you, I am Violet Evans. I believe I have heard a lot about your group of boys." She said with a smile, Lily's face matched her hair, James' was flaming to his hair line. The drastic difference made it really noticeable.

"Shall we wait for our husbands?" Mrs. Potter asked kindly.

Mrs. Evans shook her head slightly.

"Oh well, unfortunately Lily's father passed away 4 years ago, but I would love to sit and chat with you, Lily tells me so little of this world I feel I hardly know what she is even going to become, though I am well versed in the goings on at her school. And the shenanegins of a group of dashingly handsome boys."

Mrs. Potter laughed heartily and walked off with the woman to a small tea shop, taking the bags of books and James' cauldron with them. Lily's face was in her hands, Sirius and Remus were grinning like lunatics while Pete was blushing a bit James was looking at Lily with a most confused look on his face.

"Oi, James, Earth to Prongs!" Sirius said, snapping his fingers in front of the stunned boy.

"Huh, right, uhm, where do you girls have left to go? All we have left is Madam Malkin's" James muttered.

"Well I just got here really, mum was exchanging muggle money for wizard gold. So I haven't been anywhere. But I need new robes…Alice?" Lily said softly, this was the closest her and James had been since the hogsmede battle and it seemed to be the best they had handled each other. She wasn't' sure how to act.

"Oh well, we are done, I have to be home in about twenty minutes, we were heading back to floo home when we bumped into you Lil." Alice said apologetically.

Sirius POV

Sirius glanced at the stricken look on Lily's face and at the pitiful expression his best friend wore. Yeah, he was over her, bull shit.

"That's alright Al, we can take care of Lilikins for the afternoon, can't we boys?" Sirius said with an evil grin.

James' jaw dropped, Lily looked nervous, and Pete and Remus nodded their heads happily.

"It would be our pleasure." Remus said with a true smile.

They all bid farewell to Alice and Frank and began to walk towards the robe shop. As they stepped away Sirius yanked the new book from Remus' hands and threw it to Pete, who caught it surprisingly.

"Seriously, Sirius!" Remus shouted, "Give me back my book!"

"Catch us and we shall." Sirius chanted in a sing song voice as Pete threw the book back and the two took off at a jog, Remus sighed and went off after them.

James POV

James took a step forward before hearing his mother yell.

"James Potter!"

He turned and smiled at her.

"Don't you run off and leave Lily alone now, you boys be nice to her." She said sternly.

He nodded and stepped back into place to walk alongside the stunning red head.

"I'm sorry about my mum." Lily muttered shaking her head.

James shrugged.

"She's no worse than mine. I'm sorry about your father. I didn't know." He said softly.

"It's alright, it doesn't matter." She said quickly, not meeting his eyes.

He looked over at her, she was watching her feet as they walked. Glancing ahead he saw the guys stopped, all bent over panting, they were about a block ahead of them. He reached out and gripped her elbow and pulled her to a stop. She turned and looked at him, her eyes filled with sadness and questions.

"It does, it does matter. I am sorry." He said firmly, he every word laced with emotion.

"I…I..I know, it's fine James. Really, it's fine"

"No I mean about the date incident and last year." He said quieter.

"I know what you mean, it's fine, really. It…It's forgotton James…It's nothing." She said with a smile

He grinned and pulled her towards the 3 boys waiting patiently outside the clothier.

They didn't notice their mother's grinning like fools at the little outdoor tea table half a block behind them, nor did they notice Sirius' manic smile as they walked up to them James' hand still gently touching Lily's elbow.

"Alright you two?" Remus said, still slightly out of breath.

"Never better." James replied.