I missed you all-and I know you missed me, too! So I'm back again, for yet another round of The Adventure! Tonight, we're gonna' join DX and the Hardys, as they make their way toward jolly 'ol London. In actuality, though, we're gonna' stay with the Hardy's for now.
Katherine: Looks like we're getting close to London, guys!
Matt: Yeah, THEN you can tell us where this place IS!
Katherine: Where…what place is?
Matt (slightly impatient): Where my boss wants his damn porn from, that's where!
Katherine: Matthew, I'd strongly suggest that you take the bass out of your voice.
Matt: Oh…Fuckthisshit! Lita—I'm sorry—for EVERYTHING! Baby, I just want us …I want us to be a couple again.
Lita: Well…I'll have to think about it. You really pissed me off, Matt.
Matt: Ok…fine—but don't forget all we mean to each other!
Lita: Hm…right now, Matt—your words are just…words to me.
Suddenly, something gets Jeff's attention
Jeff: Oh SHIT! Look at THAT!
Katherine: What the fuck? Why does a special-ed schoolbus have…REAL WINGS?
Lita: Damn—that's DX, Jeff! Quick, take that side street so they don't see us!
Jeff hauls ass down the side street, just out of DX's field of vision.
Matt: Shit, dude—that was close.
Jeff: Yeah, I'm not ready to deal with DX quite yet, anyway.
Katherine: I thought DX only had 3 members—Moe, Larry…and X-Pac. That bus looked like it was FILLED with people!
Lita: Hahaha…it's probably only Stephanie!
Matt and Jeff snicker a little…
Katherine: Lita! You shouldn't talk about your boss' daughter like that! Heheheee!
Lita: It's TRUE! It probably IS JUST Stephanie! I mean, HHH was telling me just last WEEK about when he and steph were on their way to RAW, right? Well, he was telling me how their limo got pulled over because the cop thought that there were too many people in the car!
They all have a quick laugh…
Lita: Yeah, HHH was all like, "Hey, why'd you pull us over? We're gonna' be late!"
Jeff: Yeah?
Lita: The cop said, hahaha…the cop said "Everybody out of the vehicle!" And HHH said that he stepped out, but it took him AND the officer to pull Steph out of the car! He said that as they were pulling, Steph was p-pushing so hard, hahaha…she was pushing so hard that she cut a loud but quick fart and the officer just said "Ya' know what? They don't pay me enough for this shit, go on you two!"
They ALL break out in laughter…
Matt: Hahahaaaa…no shit?
Lita: None at all! HHH was mad the ENTIRE evening, dude! Especially when he found Stephanie waddling around the hallways with a sign hanging on her back that said "How's my driving? Dial 1-800-fat-slut"! When Hunter found that sign, he was LIVID, he went all around the locker room asking who put that sign on Steph's back!
Matt: Hahaha…daaaaamn!
Lita: We all knew it was Chris Jericho, but no one dimed him out because, frankly—we ALL hate HHH and his fat whale of a wife, anyway!
Jeff: HAhahaha—the part that had ME laughin the hardest was that Steph didn't even know the sign was on her back!
Matt: I know, right?
Lita: OOOH—OOOH! Chek THIS shit out—Jerry Lawler started this thing where, when we talk to Stephanie, we're to subtly refer to her as "Stephanies".
Matt: Damn…well why'd he do that?
Lita smacks Matt upside his head…
Matt: OW—I was just askin'
Lita: You sure can be an idiot, sometimes—he said that as in "plural", meaning she's so fat, it seems like there's more than one of her!
Jeff: Damn, boy—you're the only one who DIDN'T get that!
Matt: Eh…whatever.
Lita: Oooh—and get this—Stacy Kiebler saw Steph trying to drive her limo to a store one night during SmackDown!
Katherine (smiling): Uh-huh, so what happened?
Lita: Kat, this hoe was driving her limo and EVERYONE knew she was coming because her stomach kept laying on the horn! Heheheee…when she tried to rock herself out of the limo, the horn sounded like "herrrrn…hern…herrrn, hern, hern…hern"-THAT shit was funny as hell, dude!
Jeff: Oh, I got one—remember that white suit that she thought she looked SOOOO good in?
Lita: Hahaha-yeah, I remember that shit! Miss Jacqueline said she looked like a big-assed jar of mayonnaise!
So the Hardys and crew share a much-needed laugh. And , we'll go zero in on DX, who, as you remember, are ALSO in London…
Referee: …one, two, three!
Cloud rings the bell…
X-Pac: Dude, are you EVER gonna' stop pinning things? I mena, c'mon, dude.
HHH (ignoring X-pac): Harry, Cloud, Tifa—THIS is the power of the pin!
Harry: So, mister H—If I pin people and objects, that makes me…better than they are?
HHH: EXACTLY, kid!
Cloud: I don't get it—why not just take your sword, endow it with some elemental magic, and shove it up someone's ass? And collect money—depending on what level they're on.
HHH: In MY world, it doesn't WORK like that. In MY world, you try to make friends with the bookers, and if they don't go for it—then you threaten to tell Vince on them, hahahahaaa!
X-Pac: Yep, that's the way it IS, my man!
Tifa: Well…that's not really fair, is it?
HBK: Well, that's the beauty of it! You could do what I do when I don't want to lay down for anyone—I just act like I'm too injured to wrestle and make up a story about a bunch of guys jumping me the night previous! To this day—I've been jumped about 87 times.
HHH: Kid, it's all about the pin. The POWER…of the pin!
Sephiroth: HHH…
HHH: What is it, sasquatch?
Sephiroth: I shall very much like to meet this wife of yours, for she seems more powerful than you!
HHH: What? You wanna' meet my…wife, dude?
Sephiroth (NOW wearing a DX t-shirt, for some reason): Yes, for I want to know the secret to her power! For I MUST have it!
HHH (looking around and thinking quickly): Ummm…sure! I'll call her—wanna' use my phone?
Sephiroth: It shall be a pleasure!
X-Pac and HBK motion to HHH and they huddle, whispering…
HBK: Dude, why…did you give her Steph's number?
X-Pac: Yeah, dude, what gives?
HHH: Boys, don't worry—he's about to learn the HARD way just why it is that I call my wife a "magician"—the way she can turn ANYTHING into an argument!
HBK: Aww…dude.
X-Pac: That's ignorant, man.
HHH: Heeeheeeheee! But it's gonna' be funny as SHIT, though—watch this…
The boys look on as Sephiroth calls Stephanie…
Linda: Hello, Hunter—I'll go get Stephanie for you. STEPH! DETATCH THAT BUCKET OF CHICKEN FROM YOUR FACE AND ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE! SUPPER'S ALMOST READY!
Steph: Coming, mom!
(Steph picks up the line…)
Steph: Hi babyyyy!
Sephiroth: This is NOT your beloved Triple H, miss!
Steph: Ok, well who is it?
Sephiroth: It is I—the ruler of the universe—SEPHIROTH!
Steph: Umm…Ok, so whaddya' want?
Sephiroth: I've called to obtain the secret to your power! Show me that secret NOW and I shall spare your family's lives!
Steph: X-Pac—is that YOU again? Quit playin' on my Got-damn phone!
Sephiroth: No, this is not X-Pac…I…am…SEPHIROTH!
Steph: Are you like, one of those telemarketers, or something—I TOLD you fuckers not to CALL me again—
Sephiroth: SILENCE! I want to know why you're the most powerful in the WWE!
Steph: Oh, that's easy—because my daddy is soooo powerful!
Sephiroth: Hmm…that's it, huh? Well damn. Tell me, woman—WHO is your father?
Steph (playing along, breathing heavily): LUKE…I AM YOUR FATHER!
Sephiroth: You dare MOCK me?
Meanwhile, HHH has his hand cupped over his mouth, trying to keep from laughing…
X-Pac (whispering): Dude, that was WRONG, man!
Steph: Hahahahaaa! Hey, since I have you—uh…Seph-ir-oth, is it?
Sephiroth: Yes, it is…
Steph: Since I have you—could you tell my idiot of a husband to pick my mom up some Depends and to pick ME up a bucket of chicken, some ribs, and more toilet paper—I'm almost fresh out. Oh, and come Monday—in THAT very ring…
Sephiroth: What…very ring?
Steph: On RAW, it'll be YOU versus Big Show!
Sephiroth: But…how can I face a Big…TV show?
Steph: You want anything else, hon?
Sephiroth: I..I-I guess not…
Steph: Well, bye then. Don't forget to tell my Husband what I need from him! *click*
Donald: Damn, son…
HHH, HBK, and X-Pac all start laughing as Sephiroth looks on, smirking…
HHH: HAhahahahaaa! Oh, dude—you shoulda' SEEN your face!
HBK: I-I'm sorry to be laughing, man, but that WAS funny!
Sephiroth: Funny, was it, mortals?
HHH: Hahahahaaa—I'll say!
Sephiroth: I have a message for you, from your wife, mortal.
HHH: Oh yeah? What is it?
Sephiroth: Well, she wants you to stop by the store when you get home and pick Linda up some Depends. She also wants a bucket of fried chicken, some ribs, and some toilet paper—as she's almost fresh out.
There's an awkward silence as HHH is now glaring and beet-red with embarrassment…
X-Pac: BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA! He put it ON you with THAT shit, man!
Donald: Daaaamn dude, how you just gonna' let yo' wife run out of toilet paper like that, man?
Cloud: Oh…dude, you just got embarrassed.
HHH: I fucking KNOW that!
Sephiroth: Mortal…always remember—he who laughs last, laughs BEST! MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
Dejected and embarrassed, a now very-quiet HHH just turns his attention toward the road ahead.
So we'll leave this off right here tonight!
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Don't forget to JOIN me next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!