Fans and general readers…let's continue, for God's sake! Last we left off, we were with DX and the crew along with the Hardys. Tonight, however, we're gonna' go and have a little fun and join up with the nWo!
Nash: Ok, so…we got my li'l buddy Otacon laid, uh…that lady got paid, we had fun at the strip club, Hulk—you got your milk a little while back there…
Hulk: Damn right, brother! Ok, next order of business is to take CARE of business. I'm gonna' stop at this petrol station up here and fill up and then we're gonna' start hunting down this liquor and porn that McMahon wants, dudes!
Hall: I'm thirsty, mang…
Snake: Wha?
Hall pulls an entire bar from out of his trunks and Snake has a seat at the bar. Scott suddenly has a bowtie on as Snake orders…
Snake: Ummm…I'd like a gin and tonic, my good man!
Hall: Comin' right up, chico!
Nash (shaking his head): Maaaan, I'm no homo, but I'd LOVE to see what else you have in your tights.
Otacon: Eeeeee!...hahahaha!
Nash: Eh-eh now, I mean, he's been pulling all sorts of shit from his tights—don't tell me YOU'RE not the LEAST bit curious, guy!
Otacon: What's down a man's…tights is his own business.
Hulk: Li'l Otacon's right, brother! If he has a full bar, complete with barstools down there, then I say enjoy it. I'd be ordering something myself if I weren't driving, brother.
Nash shakes his head and hops up on one of the barstools.
Hall: Eh Big Kev, what can I do ya for, mang?
Nash (rolling his eyes): Meh…fuckit…lemme' git a Rolling rock with a whiskey back.
Hogan: Ok here's the petrol station, I'm gonna go fill the Maliboob up and we'll be on our way, dudes. By the way—Hall, maybe you can save us some time…
Hall: What's up, Hulk, mang?
Hulk: You wouldn't happen to have that bottle of Glenlivet that Vince wants, do ya?
Nash: Yeah? PLEASE tell us you have it!
Hall: Damn, chico…
Otacon: What's wrong, Scott?
Hall: JUST before taking this…trip. I used my last bottle to break over the head of this Italian dude who tried to cheat my ass during a game of craps in this alley back in Miami.
Hulk: Damn! Well…we're just gonna' have to do this ourselves.
Meanwhile, there's a van in the shape of a giant kidney bean approaching the same petrol station…
Eddie: Simon, ese! There's Hogan and his crew of misfits.
Trish: Hahahaaa!
Chavo: What's so funny, Trish?
Trish: I just thought of something.
Eddie: What?
Trish: I was thinking that MAYBEEEE…we could…
She leans forward and they huddle for a couple moments…
Shaggy: Zoiks! That's brilliant, Trish!
Eddie: Damn, mami…you're more evil than I am!
Chavo: Uncle Eddie—I think you created a monster.
Trish (smiling wide): Hahaha…c'mon boys!
Shaggy wheels the van behind a nearby bush and Trish gets out and sees that the coast is clear. She goes up to the Maliboob and looks around before looking inside. She sees the Hogan left his keys in the ignition!
Eddie: I hope she hurries, here comes baldilocks out of the store right now, homes!
Chavo: C'moooon Trish, you can do it!
Trish sees Hogan approaching, she hurriedly but gently opens his driver's side door…
Hogan sees her, too!
Hulk: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BROTHER?! HEY GUYS, GET OUT HERE, QUICK!
Trish quickly hits the "lock" button on Hulk's car and runsaround the car as Hogan is trying to catch her…
Hulk: GUYS, HURRY UP—THIS BROAD'S FAST!
Trish fades left and quickly jukes right and Hogan falls on the ground. Hall and Nash angrily come running out of the store and Trish takes a running jump into the waiting van and it zooms off. Hulk shakes his fist in the cloud of dust from the bean-van…
Hulk: WHAT'CHA GONNA' DO WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, GUERRERO!
Hall: You ok, Hulk, mang?
Hulk: Damn bitch done locked my keys in the car!
Nash looks through the window…
Nash: Daaaaamn. What are we gonna' do NOW? This'll give them an INCREDIBLE lead!
Snake: Hmm…sabotage, huh?
Nash: You got any ideas, man?
Snake: Yeah, I do, in fact. Otacon?
Otacon: Yeah?
Snake: You got any more of those stealth outfits?
Otacon: Oh, of course. How many do you need?
Snake: Enough for all of us.
Otacon: Sure fellas, here you go.
They all put the buttons on them and click the buttons to make sure they work and then they huddle up…
Hulk: Ok, first, we're gonna get my keys outta' here, brother! THAN, we're gonna' play a li'l bait and switch—nWo styyyye! HAHAHAAA!
They all look at each other and you can best believe they're all on the same page as they all start laughing!
Hall: Yeah, mang—Guerrero, that mid-card jabroni Chavo, that nothing-happenin' punk Shaggy and his mutt, and that skank Trish—'dey gon' KNOW…who they messin' with, mang.
Nash: Hey Scott, so, uh…you got a slim-jim in your trunks?
Hall: I'm not sure, mang.
Hall bends over and puts his head inside of his own trunks, he looks around and sees a Dollar Store, a couple of Corner stores, and Grand shopping mall, a red-light district, and a ghetto, but he can't find a slim-jim anywhere.
Hall: Nope, sorry mang.
Snake: You know—you're a trip, dude.
Hall: What do you mean, mang?
Snake: Well…you seem to have every living manner of things in your tights, hell, you even have a goddamn BAR in there, but you mean to tell us that you can't find a slim-jim?
Hall (shrugs): Seems that way, mang. Remind me to go to Auto Zone, or something.
Snake: Unbelievable.
Hulk: this isn't getting us anywhere, dudes.
Nash: Hulk's right—we gotta' figure out a plan.
So, as the boys figure out where to go from here, let's join up with the victorious Los Guerreros…
Chavo: Trish, that shit was FUNNY!
Trish: Heheheee…I told ya'—he's just like my ex—bald and he seems to always forget his keys in his car. I was about to steal his keys, but…naaah. I figured I'd just lock them in his car, instead.
Shaggy: Boy, oh boy…remind me never to get on YOUR bad side, Trish!
Scooby: REAH, REAH!
Trish: Nyahahahahaaaa!
Eddie: You're starting to scare me, mami.
Trish: You've taught me well, Eduardo. You've taught me well, tee-hee! In fact…
Trish reaches down her shirt and pulls out a bottle of tequila.
Eddie: Shit! Where'd you get THAT, mami?
Trish (smiling): Oh…just a li'l something I picked up earlier!
Chavo: Wha? Earlier? When?
Trish: Hm-hmmmm…that's for me to know and for YOU to wonder about. A shot…anyone?
Shaggy: Trish, you may be a klepto, but you suuuure can steal a mean drink!
Scooby: REAH, REAH REEEEAN RINK!
With a rather saucy smile, Trish pulls out some shot glasses from out of her bra and passes them out.
Eddie: What do we drink to?
Trish: Tonight Eddie, baby—we drink to ME! This is my latest invention—I call it a "Milky Way Tequila"!
Eddie: ORALE, HOMES! VIVA LA RASA! Uh…what's that, mami?
Trish: Gimme your glass.
Eddie hands her his glass, she pulls out a shaker AND ice from out of her shirt. She pours some tequila in the shaker, as well as the ice, and then she whips out a titty and squirts it inside the shaker—it sounds like someone peeing in a tin can.
Shaggy: ZOIKS!
Scooby's eyes roll out of his head like a couple of dice, at this point.
Chavo: Damn…that shit was fucking RANDOM, Trish! You whipped out your…totoni right in front of everyone, that was wrong, mami.
Trish (shaking the shaker): Hmhm…drink up, boys!
Eddie takes his drink and he and Chavo nervously look at each other.
Eddie: Eh…mami, I don't know about this.
Trish: C'mon, drink up! I've been told that my milk tastes like sweet cream.
Chavo: Who told you that?
Trish: Torrie Wilson—but if you want details, you're gonna' have to trust me and drink up!
With that, Eddie, Shaggy, and Chavo looked at each other with wide eyes and hurriedly drank Trish's…um, drink.
Trish: Not bad, huh?
Eddie (licking his lips): You know what, vato? This shit ain't so bad AFTER all, SIMON, ESE! It tastes like, eh…vanilla COKE and shit, man!
Chavo: Yeah, yeah, yeah—It was good, blah, blah, blah-now tell us about Torrie tasting your milk! I wanna' know what color her nipples are—
Scooby: REAH, RIPPLES, RIPPLES!
Trish: Hahaha…easy—I introduced my drink to HER first!
The boys all looked at each other, disappointed.
Eddie: Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever mami. Don't get my hopes up like that.
Trish: Haaaahaaaaaaa! I got youuuuu! Oh, and her nipples are pinkish-brown…and they point to the floor.
Chavo (let down): Awww…you mean…without her bra, her tetas…droop?
Trish: Yep, she's been telling me that she's going to get implants, but—
Chavo: I don't BELIEVE this! Such a lovely mami and her titties have…fuckin'…low self-esteem and shit!
Trish just shrugs.
Trish: Sorry to ruin it for you guys, but—you HAVE to know the truth.
Eddie (sighs): Well, let's just concentrate on getting this…Glenlivet and this "Milky Mams" magazine.
So we'll stop here as they motor on down the highway.
Gee, wonder what Snake and the nWo have planned for Los Guerreros and crew? But, knowing those nWo boys, it's likely gonna' be diabolical.
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Buuut…join me next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!