Well, here I am again, fans and readers alike, tonight, we're gonna' join up with the battle taking place in England—DX and crew versus Team Extreme, with Katherine. I flipped a coin and decided that, since it landed on "heads". We'll join up with DX first, as they're on the road…
Donald Duck: You know what?
HHH: Naw…what, dude?
Donald: We need to be about getting' this shit fo' yo' boss, nigga.
HHH: True, true…fortunately, we're almost in London—hell, I can see the royal palace from here!
HBK: Y'know, I was thinkin'—it's too bad that Billy and Road Dogg couldn't join us—they'd be lovin' this shit, here.
X-Pac: Yeah, I know. But, you know, Road Dogg would've prolly just slowed us down, dude. What, with his twisted ankle, THANKS to fuckin' AUSTIN!
HHH: I know, right? Just who the hell does Austin think he is, anyway? I'm tellin' you guys, when we get this shit for Vince, we're gonna' make his ass pay!
Tifa: Well, I don't know about all that, but I'm kinda' hungry.
Cloud: Yeah, me too. Hey HBK, can we get something to eat?
HBK: Hmm…ok, sounds like a plan.
So, the boys find a nearby eatery—a deli, to be more specific. They place their orders, get their food, and sit outside at a table on the sidewalk, just outside the restaurant.
Donald: Daaaamn, yo.
X-Pac: What's up…duck?
Donald: I don't believe 'dey ain't have any 40s of St. Ides! I mean, I can't eat no goddamn sub without my brew, son! These limey muh'fuckers don't know how to DRINK!
Tifa: Easy, Donald—when we get back, you'll get your…um…brew. It's not that big a deal, dude.
Donald: Not that big a DEAL? Not that big a DEAL? Wha'chu know, Tifa?
Cloud: Hey, Donald—ease up, dude. Hey, I'll buy you a nice strong beer later, dude, just…y'know…easy.
Donald: A'ight…cool then. But if you don't I'm-a buss' a cap in 'dat ass!
Cloud (sighing): I-I know, Donald. You're…gonnaaaaa bust a cap in my "honky ass". I know, don't worry.
X-Pac: So, Hunter, where do you think this place is?
HHH: I have a feeling that we're going to have to go to a couple places. I mean, I seriously doubt that ONE store can carry both Jaegermeister and—what was that magazine called?
X-Pac: Umm…"British Bums"
HHH: Uh, yeah…that.
Just then, a blonde-haired lady with a rather ample posterior walks by. This gets Donald's attention…
Donald (running up to her): Oh Babybabybabybabybaby PLEEEEEEASE stop!
HHH (looking at Cloud and Tifa): Has he NO shame?
Tifa: None at all, guy.
HHH (smirking): Damn, Don's an ANIMAL!
Donald: So, uh…my name's Donald. What's yours?
Lady: M-my name's Diane
Donald: Mmm…Diane and Donald—that be soundin' good together, huh?
Lady (smiling): Um…I guess…I
Donald: How'd you like to buy me a drink, baby?
Lady: Um…excuse me?
Donald: DAMN you got a fat ass! How about you let me tap 'dat ass?
Lady: Ugh…what a-get lost, you tosser!
The lady quickly runs across and down the street, yelling "EEEEEEEK!"
Donald: YO, wait up, baby! I wanted to toss something, myself—yo' SALLID! GIT back here, bitch!
Donald starts after her and stops…
Donald: YOU NEED T'BE HAVIN' MY BABIES!
HHH: Uh, Donald?
Donald (holding his crotch): Yo, what man?
HHH: I-I just don't think that a-a sexually aggressive duck with no pants on is going to appeal to a woman. Y'know? Just sayin'.
Donald: Man, fuck dat' shit. I was gonna' shove my big, feathered fuckstick all up IN 'dat ass!
HBK: Dude…you have a bit to learn about women.
Donald: What? Man PLEASE!
HBK: What do you MEAN "Oh please"? YOU just told that lady that she-she has a fat ASS!
Donald: Cause…'dat's how I do. And besides, who YOU talkin' to? Son, I get mo' pussy that yo' gay ass ever gits!
Cloud: Ok, enough Donald! Shawn! Now…we're supposed to be finding liquor and porn. Let's not lose focus, guys.
HHH: He's right guys. Let's finish up and get a move on.
So, we'll leave them be and join up with the Hardys, who are ALSO in London, but on the opposite side of town…
Lita: Hey Kat, where IS this place, anyway?
Katherine: It's deep in the BOWELS of this city.
Jeff: Well, are we at LEAST getting close?
Katherine: Well, we're GETTING close—it IS in this direction, but we're not gonna' be able to get in until nightfall.
Matt: What? Why do we have to wait until nightfall?
Katherine: Well, this place is attached to a restaurant that has a nightclub in place of a basement, and then we have to go THROUGH the nighclub in order to even enter this place. Oh, and we need to know the password, too.
Matt: Fuck—there's a password, too?
Katherine: Well…yeah.
Lita: Do you know it?
Katherine: Nope…sorry, but-
Matt: What the hell do you MEAN, "nope"? We've come all this WAY!
Lita: Calm the fuck down, Matthew.
Katherine: Now, as I was GOING to say—I know the girl who can get us in. But first, let's get something to eat, I'm hungry.
Jeff: You said a mouthful on that one, Kat. I was thinkin' the same thing!
Katherine: What? That I was so hungry?
Jeff: No…no, I was thinking about how hungry I—as in ME—am.
Katherine just shrugs and puts her arm around Jeff and starts twirling his hair a little.
Jeff: So…uh…where'd you have in mind to eat?
Katherine looks around and, as they're passing a few buildings, one grabs her attention…
Katherine (pointing): THAT one!
Lita: Hmm…looks like a nice place on the outside. Let's check it out!
So Jeff wheels the "car" up to the building and they get out and go inside the restaurant.
Matt (looking around): Well damn, this is a NICE fucking restaurant. But…
Lita: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing—why are all these cameramen here?
Suddenly, there's a bunch of angry yelling emanating from the kitchen…
Voice: …AND YOU FUCKING BETTER BELIEVE I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF! IT'S LIKE NO ONE GIVES A TOSS AROUND HERE!
The group, along with some of the other customers, all look at each other and mumble amongst themselves…
Voice: HOW CAN YOU KEEP YOUR FRIDGE LOOKING LIKE THAT—FROM SPOLED, SLIMY FUCKING CHICKEN TO GREEN BURGERS, TO FUCKING MICE DROPPINGS ALL STEWN ABOUT. TELL THOSE DINERS THAT WE'RE SHUTTING THE RESTAURANT, FUCKING NOW!
The waitstaff comes out to the dining room and tells everyone that they're done serving and the kitchen is closed. The customers are dumbfounded, some are confused, most are still hungry as the waitstaff apologizes for the inconvenience.
Jeff: Well damn, looks like we may have just avoided something, guys. C'mon, let's go.
Lita: Hey, uh, excuse me, waitress—why is the restaurant closing?
Waitress (looks around, whispering): It's Chef Gordon Ramsay—we're taping, that's why all these cameras are here.
Matt: Ohhhhh…so THAT'S it? Hm…"Kitchen Nightmares", right?
The waitress nods and…
Voice: WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY? IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THIS FUCKING LONG TO SHUT DOWN THE DINING ROOM!
The waitress jumps a little.
Waitress: Oops…gotta' go!
Katherine: Well, I guess we can't eat here. Somehow, I think I should be grateful, though.
Matt: You heard what Chef Ramsay was yelling—we ARE fucking lucky to have dodged THAT one! C'mon y'all. Let's go.
So the gang drives off in search of another restaurant, and, as they search, they're getting closer and closer to center city.
Matt: I hope it isn't far to where that girl lives.
Katherine: Just be patient, Matt. We'll get there. Chillax, dude.
So a few minutes pass…
Matt (whining): Are we there yet?
Katherine: No, we're not there yet, just hold on.
A few more minutes pass…
Matt: Are we THERE yet?
Jeff: Matt, stop it! We're GETTING there!
A few MORE minutes pass…
Matt (sighs): Are we there YET?
Katherine: Matt, I SWEAR, if you ask me that shit one more time, we're turning around!
Just then, they start to approach the girl's house.
Katherine: Whew…here we are!
They park and get out of the car. Kat rings the bell. Soon after, a young, physically fit girl with blonde hair answers…
Girl: Heeeey! Kat! What's up, girl!?
Katherine: I'm good, I'm good! Hey, lemme' introduce you to my friends…
Girl: Well don't just stand there like a bunch of wankers, c'mon in!
So Katherine explains the situation to the girl and she's smiling and nodding. She calls two guys from down her basement and they come up the steps…
Girl: Guys, this is Ken and this is Ryu!
Matt (smiling): Am I fucking…dreaming, or something? Aren't you guys fucking…VIDEO game characters?
Ken: Yep, and we kick ass, too! I was kickin' HIS butt in some Virtua Fighter downstairs
Ryu (the more dignified of the two): Good evening to you all, my name is Ryu, it's nice to meet you all.
Katherine: Cammy, you're the best—these two would be a PERFECT fit for our quest!
Cammy: Yes, besides—I know the bouncers in that nightclub personally. If they see me with the lot of you, they'll let you in, no problem.
Ken: Damn…beer and porn, huh? Your boss sounds like an interesting fella'!
Matt, Jeff, and Lita all look at each other…
Jeff (shaking his head slowly): You have NOOOOO idea, my friend.
Cammy: Hey, you lot hungry?
Katherine: Oh GOD yes!
Cammy: Spot on, then. I made a shepherd's pie earlier today and I can't possibly eat it all myself. Would you come help me out, then?
Matt: Fuckin' absolutely! Let's go!
Cammy: I want to go out tonight, anyway. I'd like for you all to eat proper first, and then we all can get your boss's..uh…shit, right?
.
Ok, so our teams are nearing the spot, only a short distance to go! I'll leave it off here for tonight! Thanks for reading, please review!
Oh, and don't forget to join me again—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!