Hurrah, hurraaaaaahhh! Here we go again, let's drop in on the nWo, who are back on the road, now that Hulk figured out a way to get into his car—he stole a hangar from out of this one lady's trunk as she went inside to pay for her gas.
Nash: Ok, how are we gonna' catch 'em?
Otacon: Never fear, big Kev—I was in stealth mode when this was all going down. I put an RTD-radar tracking device—on Eddie's…um, "van".
Hulk: Sweet!
Hall: Ok, so how's this gonna' work, mang?
Otacon bends over and reaches in his butt…
Otacon: Easy—I just use my laptop here…ugh, THERE we go!
Nash: Dude, you just pulled that…out of your ass! Didn't that hurt?
Otacon: No, not really, after a while, you get used to it.
Snake: God help you if you ever go to prison, dude. Those inmates are gonna' be shvin' all KINDS of vegetables, apples, and whatnot up YOUR ass, pal.
Otacon: Aaaaaanyway—we can track their every movement with this radar program that I've installed!
Hulk peeks over and sees two blips—one red and one blue…
Hulk: Hey, is that red one us, dude?
Otacon: No, that's THEM. WE'RE the blue blip.
Nash: Man, I can't wait to get back at them for that bullshit they pulled back at that petrol station!
Hulk: Oh, don't you worry brother Kev—we're gonna' run WILD on their asses, oh trust and believe!
Otacon: Speed up, Hulk, they're not too far from here! In fact…turn this corner, here!
Hulk puts the petal to the metal, so to say, and his Maliboob screeches on down the road…
Hall: Hey hulk, mang?
Hulk: What's up big Scott?
Hall: Don't forget our plan, mang.
Hogan: Oh don't worry about that, brother Scott. Hehehe…aaaaaall we need to do is just get 'em within eyesight!
Snake: That's right! THEN…we put a TAIL on those asses!
All: Hahahahaaaa! YEAH!
Otacon (adjusting his glasses): Yes…uh, nWo style! 4-LIIIIFE!
Hulk: Hahaha…tell'm Otacon!
Otacon: Ooh…ok—they should be just around this bend!
Hulk: Ok fellas, I just saw them zoom around that corner there! Everybody, go into stealth mode!
The boys all go into stealth mode, with one push of a button. Otacon even put a stealth device on Hulk's car and it, too, went into stealth mode.
Nash: Uh, hey Otacon?
Otacon: Yeah, what's up?
Nash: I was just, eh…thinking—isn't it, like, kind of dangerous if our car is invisible?
Snake: Uh, yeah…Nash is right, guy.
Otacon (smiling): Ah, but our car is NOT invisible! I programmed that particular stealth device to DISGUISE what the car would look like!
Hulk: Damn, brother—you're a fucking GENIUS!
Otacon: Not too shabby, huh?
Hall: Damn, mang—so what does it look like we're driving?
Otacon: I disguised our car as a Volkswagen CC!
Nash: Niiiice…they'll NEVER suspect us now! Let's roll up!
So, Hulk gently accelerates closer to Eddie's bean-van. So, now you know we have to go visit Eddie and the crew!
Chavo: Hmm…are you SURE they won't catch us, Uncle Eddie?
Eddie: Chavito, I told you not to worry, homes! Your Uncle Eddie HAS this!
Shaggy: Trish, you ARE an evil genius, I'll tell you THAT!
Trish: Hmhmhmhm…thanks, Shaggy. I DO try.
Eddie: Ok, this porn..place SHOULDN'T be too far…
Shaggy pulls something out of his pocket…
Trish: Hey Shag, what's that?
Shaggy: Well Trish, it's my PB&PD!
Eddie: What the—a "PB&PD", vato?
Shaggy: Ehh…that means my "Portable Beer & Porn Detector"
Trish: Wow…NOW I've seen everything. How does it work?
Shaggy: Hahaha…simple, Trish—What you do is, you type in the brand name of the AlKaholiK (lol) beverage and the name of the porn mag you want, and this baby—it shows you the nearest place where this stuff's sold!
Chavo (looking intently): Woooow…that's fucking amazing, dude.
Shaggy: Ah, Eddie—turn left up here at this crossing—the shop's supposed to be 1 mile down the road.
Eddie hurries to the intersection, all the while looking around for Hogan's car. He looks in his rear-view mirror and sees a rather gorgeous Volkswagen CC.
Eddie: Daaaamn…that CC is fuckin' TIGHT! Look!
They all turn around…
Trish: I'm not really into cars, but that right there IS nice.
Chavo: Maaaan, if I had time, I'd fuckin' STEAL that bitch!
Meanwhile, in the "Volkswagen"…
Hogan: Hahaha…Otacon, you're a fucking GENIUS, man! This shit's working, brah!
Nash: Yeah, look at those losers, admiring our…CAR! BWAHAHAHAAAA!
Hogan: Yeah, we're gonna' keep following 'em, see if they can lead us to the porn spot, or something.
Ok, back to the bean-van…
Shaggy: Zoiks! Eddie—the light's green.
Eddie turns the corner and looks at the buildings as he slowly passes by. Meanwhile, Hogan and the crew duck into a parking space about a half-block up from where Eddie and his crew are…
Hogan: Ok dudes, they're stopping. It looks like they may have found the porn spot.
Nash: Yeah, they must've because that whore Trish just hopped out of the van and gave a thumbs-up signal to the driver.
Snake: Ok guys, here's the way this is gonna' work. We're gonna' just sit and wait until they come back out. We're all gonna' remain in stealth mode, too.
Nash: What? What do you MEAN "sit and wait"? They have to pay for what they did!
Snake: OH-and they WILL! Just not right now…what we want them to do is get nice and comfortable, if you know what I mean.
Hulk (suddenly getting it): Damn…I know EXACTLY what you mean, brah!
Hall: Someone explain to me, mang.
Snake (sighing): Ok, we want them to think as though they left us in the dust and that we're still stranded. That way, they won't be in so much of a hurry and maybe they'll stop off somewhere to get a bite to eat, or something. Do you get me now?
Nash: AHHH…NOW I get it-yeah, I'm feelin' that, you good with that, Scott?
Hall: Mang, whatever gets me more liquor—I'm with it, chico.
Hall pulls out a 40oz out of his trunks and begins drinking it down with a straw he picked up from off the ground.
A few minutes pass…
Hulk: Ok guys, let's get ready, here comes those beaners and their whore!
The boys watch Eddie and the crew run out of the store, liquor and porn in-hand. Hulk starts his car and watches Eddie's crew pull out and then they follow suit.
Meanwhile, in Eddie's car…
Eddie: Simon, ese…did you remember to pick up that EXTRA porno mag and bottle of liquor, homes?
Shaggy: Aaaaboslutely! A little planning ahead never hurt anyone!
Eddie: I had to do it—I haven't seen Hogan's bunch in far too long—it makes me nervous.
Trish: Yeah, you're right. They could be up to ANYTHING by this point. Hey, Shaggy, give ME the spare porn and liquor bottle—I'll keep them in my shirt!
Shaggy: Zoiks! Great Idea, Trish!
Shaggy hands the bottle and magazine to Trish, who proceeds t stuff them both down her shirt for safe-keeping.
Trish: There—safe as in my mother's…breasts.
Chavo: Hey, Uncle Eddie, heehee…
Eddie: What is it, Chavito?
Chavo: Well, I stole these x-ray glasses and shit!
Eddie: Hm…do those things actually work, vato?
Chavo looks at Trish's chest…
Trish: Ummm…whathehell do you think you're doing?
Chavo: I'm trying to see your tits, amiga.
Trish snatches the glasses away from Chavo…
Chavo: HEEEY…I didn't see anything…well, except for the porn mag, that liquor bottle, an orphanage, a rollercoaster, four sets of swings, 3 lovely things, 2 onion ring…and a partridge in a pear treeeeee!
Trish: Chavo, you know what?
Chavo (smiling): What, amiga?
Trish: Public school owes your ass a refund. That's for sure, there.
Trish puts the glasses on and looks around the cabin of the car.
Trish: Oooh, Eddie…I see Vickie's pretty lucky, heheheheee!
Eddie: HEYYYY! Why you look at Latino Heat's…business like that?
Trish takes off the glasses and turns to look out the back window. She notices that CC following them again…
Trish: Hey…i-is that the same car that was following us before?
Chavo: Hm…looks like it. I don't see anyone familiar, so it must just be a coincidence.
Trish: Yeah, perhaps.
Trish puts the glasses back on and looks out the side windows at the people walking along the sidewalk. She looks back and notices something strange…
Trish: What the…fuck—
Eddie: Huh? What's wrong, mami?
Trish takes the glasses back off and sees the Volkswagen still following them. She puts the glasses back on and sees Hulk's regular car following them—complete with Otacon beating his dick in the front seat.
Trish: Eddie! You klnow that CC that seems to keep following us?
Eddie: Uh, yeah. It's a car full of hot chicks! How can I forget THAT, ese?!
Trish: No it isn't! Chavo looked at me with these glasses on and saw everything I keep in my storage "chest"!
Eddie: Wai, wai-wait…so that means…
Trish: YES! That means that that those goons are in some kind of stealth camouflage!
Chavo: No fucking way!
Shaggy: Zoiks! Our goose is cooked if we slow down!
Scooby: MMMM…ROOSE, ROOSE, A-HEHEHEHEHEEEE!
Shaggy: Now's not the time, Scoob! We have a major problem on our hands!
Trish (raising an eyebrow): Hmm…you know what? They say "ignorance is bliss", right? Well, why not lean INTO that ignorance—you know—make them THINK we don't know what they're up to.
Eddie (nodding): Ah yes, I'm with you, amiga!
Trish: YYYYESSSS! I say that, since this van gets seriously excellent gas mileage, we can use THAT to our advantage, as well—when we drive them all over town! HeeHeeHee! Ol' Hulk's blood pressure is gonna' get a nice rise out of THIS one!
With that, they all share a hearty laugh as they look back at Hogan and the crew. Meanwhile, in Hogan's car…
Hogan (furrowing his brow): What the hell are they all looking at, brother?
Nash: Yeah, and what are they LAUGHING at?
Hogan: Well, whatever it is, they're ass is ours! nWo style, baby! Let's move!
Meh…I'll leave it off here this time…
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But, don't forget to join me for even MORE action—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!