Allllright! Here we are, back yet AGAIN—for another round of the adventure! Tonight, we're gonna' join up with the battle between DX and the Hardys over in jolly ole' England. Both teams have made it to London, DX is on their way to a nightclub to ask for directions to where this supposed liquor and porn place is. Let's join them, shall we?


HHH: Ok guys…and uh, GIRL…Ahehehe…Here's the plan—I'm gonna' go in here and ask for some directions to…wherever this place is. I'll be right back.

Trips closes the bus door and enters the club. He approaches the bar…

Bartender: Hey mate, what can I get ya'?

HHH: Umm…let me get a-a rum and Coke—it's good for my, uh…sugar.

The bartender nods and goes off to make his drink. HHH leans against the bar with his arms folded, looking around the pretty-much-empty club.

HHH (mumbling to himself): Damn, they need to draw a chalk outline around THIS joint.

The bartender returns with HHH's drink.

Bartender: Here you are, sir.

HHH snatches the drink and guzzles it down, in fact, he drank it so fast that, when he was finished, he had some of the mixture running down the side of his cheek.

HHH: Mmm…tasty.

Bartender: Thank you, sir, that'll be 10 pounds.

HHH: 10 pounds? What the hell do you MEAN "10 pounds"? I asked for rum and COKE, not rum and COCAINE!

Bartender (getting noticeably agitated): Look…mate—I said it's 10 pounds! Now pay up and fuck off!

HHH (ALSO getting a little pissed): Hey, hey, what the hell kind of customer service is THIS?

The bartender smirks and winks. And, just then, HHH doesn't realize that there are 4 big bouncers creeping up behind him.

Meanwhile, in the bus…

Sephiroth: …aaaaand that is why I MUST become the most powerful in the universe!

Harry: Dammit.

X-Pac: What's wrong, dude?

Harry: I KNEW I drank too much soda earlier. Be right back, guys, I gotta' take a piss.

Tifa: Um…thanks for telling us.

Harry: Right welcome, you are.

Tifa (curling up her lip): Fucking smart ass.

Harry exits the vehicle and heads into the club, that by now, have no bouncers at the front door. When he pulls the door open, he can hear a loud crash.

Harry: Maaan, I SO hope he isn't in here trying to show off his damn "power of the pin"…

Harry walks inside and sees the bartender laid out in a pile of wood that USED to be the bar. He sees HHH standing over him with his arms raised. He also notices the four bouncers sneaking up on HHH!

Harry: Oh no, HUNTER, behind you!

HHH: Wha?

Just then, HHH receives a hard left to the jaw, staggering him back a few steps and making him groggy.

HHH (shaking off the stars): H-Harry, use some fuxking magic, or something!

Harry knew he had to make a decision…

Harry: I'll be right back, I gotta' PEE

HHH: WHAAAT?

Harry: I SAID—I gotta' PEEEEEE

One of the bouncers lifts HHH up over his head and as he's up there…

HHH: WELL FUCKING HURRY BACK!

Harry nods and thinks, he looks around and sees HHH still up in the air…

Harry: Hey, Hunter, where's the bathroom?

Hunter (calming down, for some reason): Oh, uh..it's in the back, near the kitchen.

Suddenly, the bouncer that has HHH up in the air chimes in…

Bouncer: Um…no, no…I'm pretty sure it's near the uh, coat room. Yeah, that's it kid, go back toward the kitchen, and the coatroom will be on your left. It's just across from it.

Harry: Ok, uh…thanks.

HHH: Harry?

Harry: Yes?

HHH: HEEEEELP MEEEEE!

Harry nods and runs toward the back. A few seconds later, after he's finished washing and drying his hands, he teleports back out into the club, where one bouncer is repeatedly punching HHH. The strange thing is that as this bouncer was punching HHH, he was stomping on the ground every time he punched. He finished his combo off with a rake to HHH's eyes.

Harry had seen enough…

Harry (waving his hands): Inky-winky, dinkly-DIN, dark forces, COME forth and release…the power of the PIIIINNN!

Suddenly, lightning struck inside the club and the few in attendance just shrugged and continued about their business as the bouncers were all suddenly laid out on the floor and HHH readily pinned each of them as a referee crawled from out of the falled bartender's ass and made the count…

Ref: 1-2-3!

A mysterious bell ringing could be heard.

HHH: YESSSS…THE POWER OF THE PINNETH PREVAILETH! BECAUSE IIII AM THE GAMETH!

Harry: Uh Hunter?

HHH: WHOHOOOOO! YOU WERE GREAT, KID! I NEED TO HAVE YOU IN TEAM DX'S CORNER AT THE NEXT 'MANIA, OR SOMETHING! WHAT'S UP?

Harry: Yeah, I'm glad you, uh…WON and all, but we still didn't get directions.

HHH: Damn, we sure didn't, either. Hey, you get a-uh, you got a spell for that?

Harry: Hmm…I got it!

HHH (smiling): Let it rip, kid!

Harry: Inkly-dinkly, masturbation…out of these fallen fools, give us INFORMATION!

Suddenly, the bartender sits up as if he were Taker no-selling a piledriver, or something.

Bartender: You must go down the street and to the left where you shall find…him—in a white coat. HE will show you the way…to get underground, but beware, that is a place of many evils and you need a password to get in. The password is "the titwank strikes back".

After he says his piece, he falls back to the floor, limp from the pedigree he received earlier.

HHH: Ok, so we gotta' look for a dude in a white coat to show us the way—ok let's move!


HHH and Harry run out to the bus and HBK guns it and runs it on down the street. Now, let's join up with the Hardys and company, as they've finished eating at Cammy's place and are making their way into town…

Jeff: Maaan…that was an AWESOME meal, Cammy!

Matt: Yeah, fucking TELL me about it, dude!

Cammy: Aww, you blokes are just so sweet, you two! Thanks!

Lita: I meant to tell you, Cammy—your house is fucking AWESOME! I had no idea that Street fighting paid so well!

Ken: It doesn't.

Lita: Huh? What do you mean?

Ken: Haven't you ever played our game? I live on a fucking DOCK, for God's sake!

Ryu: Heh…I live on a ROOF of, well, what USED to be a dojo! When I first started living there, I felt I had SOME source of honor, I mean, living above a DOJO and all!

Katherine: Aww…well, what happened?

Ryu: Hm…the dojo went out of business like 7 years ago. It's now a McDonald's, and yes, the employees harass me to this day! They throw fries at me and call me the McNinja. Even the fucking MANAGER took a shot at me! He said that they're going to name a sandwich called the McNinja!

Matt: Well damn. That's a shame. Um, Ryu?

Ryu: Yeah?

Matt: What'd they say would be on it?

Ryu: THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

Lita: Matt—stop being ignorant!

Matt: Just askin'.

Ryu: Ugh…sorry I snapped, guys. It's just that, when you have to live on a roof all these years and some snot-nosed punks tease you constantly, it kinda' gets to you. Sometimes, all the karate in the WORLD can't keep you from losing it.

Matt: Meh…it's cool. I shouldn't have brought it up—I go through a similar fate at MY job. They make me lose to people I CLEARLY should be beating. And it pisses me off!

Ken: HA! Who are YOU tellin'? When that rubbery bitch Dhalsim comes over to fight, he always uses that cheap-ass stretching and kickin' routine and you can't even APPROACH the fucker!

Ryu: So, to finally answer your question—no street fighting doesn't pay shit.

Just then, Cammy pulls out a knot of bills from out of her bra.

Lita (wide-eyed): Daaaaamn…I don't even earn THAT in one paycheck where I work! How do you have this kind of money, Cam?

Katherine: Giiiiiirl…Cammy's PAID! Tell her, Cammy!

Cammy: Well, I went into business for myself.

Lita: Really? What kind of business?

Cammy: Oh…uh, I sell bootleg pregnancy tests.

Lita: Huh? "bootleg pregnancy tests"? How does that work?

Cammy (smiling): Lita, the way it works is, women buy my product—and MY pregnancy tests come out positive EVERY TIME! It's very good for women who want to get their hustle on, y'know?

Jeff: Daaaamn…you're so cute, but so…EVIL!

Cammy: AAAAHAHAHAHAAA!

Lita: You know what? That—that's fucking brilliant! I'm wondering why the hell I never thought of that! I wouldn't even HAVE to wrestle.

Cammy: Well, all I know is that, me personally—I do USE my product!

Ryu: And, guys, it IS very convincing!

Cammy: Yep, I'm "pregnant" for the 13th time this year! All these men who want to do good by me keep buying me groceries and paying my mortgage, and taking me to the "doctor's"—Oh, when they do, I always ask them to leave and I'll call them to pick me up. I use the money to go to the nearby shopping plaza to buy shoes and pizza, mostly.

Matt: Woooooow…damn, that's a shaaaame, Cammy.

Cammy (shrugging): No shame in MY game, love. Oh, and it DOES stand up in court, as well! Those idiot judges wouldn't know a real pregnancy test from a hole in the ground, hahaha!

Jeff: Remind me never to get on YOUR bad side, Cammy. Whew!

Cammy notices that they've arrived at the restaurant.

Cammy: Ooh…guys, stop here! We're here!

Jeff stops the "car" and they all run inside the restaurant. DX sees this as they're heading down the street…

HHH: NOOOOO…they're beating us!

HBK: Look, I'm not seeing any dude in a white coat—so, fuck whoever he was. We have to get moving!

DX's bus comes o a screeching halt—half the bus is on the curb, the other half is out in the middle of the street—hell, Tifa was driving, lol.

Tifa: Hurry back, guys!

HHH and Sephiroth get out and dart into the restaurant..

Sephiroth: Mortal, look! Over there, let's go!

HHH and Seph quickly run after Cammy, Ken, Ryu, and the Hardys…

HHH: Get back here, Hardys!

Sephiroth (running and panting): What, do you think they're just going to turn around, or something?

HHH: Meh…just help me get this shit!

They finally make it downstairs to the nightclub, which is VERY crowded.

Cammy: Ken, Ryu, try not to lose me!

Katherine: Yeah, that goes for you guys, too! This place is STUPID crowded!

Sephiroth: What the—this place is PACKED!

HHH: I can SEE that, let's go!

HHH and Sephiroth force their way through the crowd, the club is dark, save for the neon blue strobelights…

HHH: Dammit, I can't see that damn secret door!

Cammy: GUYS! I found it!

That gets Sephiroth's attention…

Sephiroth: HHH, this way!

HHH and Seph force and push their way through WAVES of people, to a door with a familiar face painted on it…

They just saw Cammy's bunch run through the door.

HHH: We gotta' hurry!

They approach the guard at the door, say the password and now they enter the room, as well.

HHH: Damn, LOOK at this place! Porn…fucking EVERYWHERE! And…fresh produce?

Sephiroth: HA! Forget that, mortal! MY question is whay was Gordon Ramsay's face on the door leading INTO this place?

Voice: Wanna' know why, mate?

HHH and Sephiroth turn and look.

Sephiroth: W-Wait, you're—


Aaaaand I'm chopping it off here! Now whose voice could that BE? Who'll get to the porn first? Who'll get to the liquor first?

.

Well, only one way to find out—join me next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!