I think this is it. This story has really run its course. And I can't turn it smutty now since I've kept it away from that for 19 chapters. I didn't intend for it to be that kind of story anyway.
All of my future stories will probably be posted under the Major Crimes group unless I do a backstory story. But I don't have any thoughts of one.
Thank you for reading and reviewing and commenting. I let this story get a little out of hand and I'm glad you stuck around.
Thank you!
Brenda didn't sleep at all during the flight back. She was afraid to close her eyes. Afraid the dreams would come back. From her side of the private jet she watched Sharon Raydor sleep in the extended seat across the aisle. Something was different about her when she slept. Her guard was down. She was exposed.
For the first time, Brenda really saw her. She saw the hard line of her strong jaw. The small nose. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. Even in her sleep a tiny smirk tickled the ends of her mouth.
But it wasn't her physical features that drew her in. It was what she kept hidden on the inside. The stuff she didn't let anyone see. The caring Sharon Raydor. The tender Sharon Raydor. The loving Sharon Raydor.
Brenda had missed her every day for over a year and now she was right in front of her face and she couldn't express her feelings. She knew for a fact she wouldn't have gotten through the job without her thoughts of Sharon. They kept her grounded in who she was. How would she ever thank her for that or even tell her at all?
"Why are you staring at me?" Sharon asked, without opening her eyes, in a deep, sleep-rasped voice.
Brenda's mouth fell open. She'd been caught. She watched Sharon's eyes lazily blink open.
She could only shake her head when Sharon asked if she'd gotten any sleep at all.
An hour later the plane had landed in LA and they were sitting in Sharon's car that was parked in the terminal lot. It was dark outside but neither could register what time it was until they looked at the clock on the console. Between lack of sleep and jetlag, everything was turned upside down. Thankfully it was still around 10pm so a good night's sleep was still attainable.
"Are you sure you want to go to a hotel?" Sharon asked as she looked over at Brenda sitting in the passenger seat next to her. She really did feel sorry for her. Here she was being thrown back into a life she hadn't led in over a year and to do it all alone.
Brenda nodded profusely. "Yes. I'll get my apartment in order tomorrow." She'd had all the utilities shut off but she automatically paid her rent even when she was gone. She didn't want to lose that location. It had taken awhile after Fritz left to find the right space for her and she loved her apartment. It was her own little piece of the world.
Sharon wondered if that was a good idea but didn't want to press the issue. Brenda was a grown woman and clearly able to make decisions on her own. Brenda didn't want fancy or expensive so Sharon took her to the Hollywood Hotel in Silver Lake. Fortunately, it wasn't too far from Sharon's own Los Feliz home.
Slowly dragging her rolling suit case behind her, Brenda stopped at the hotel bar and ordered a sandwich to take back to her room. Her growling stomach told her she hadn't eaten since who knows when. But more than anything she was exhausted. Beyond exhausted.
Thankfully, it didn't take long for them to have her order ready and she took it upstairs to her room. It was a nice enough room but she didn't pay attention to the details. She only wanted a hot shower and a bed to sleep in.
After her shower, Brenda propped herself up in bed and ate her sandwich while mindlessly watching the tv. She wasn't even paying attention to what the show was. Her mind was elsewhere.
Tomorrow her life started again. Brenda Leigh Johnson started again. But where would she start? A new job? She didn't know anything but law enforcement and she couldn't handle being under the guise of the CIA again. They wouldn't put her on another case that soon anyway. And technically she wasn't back in. This had been a special case…one which almost got her killed. Phillip Stroh's tentacles reached far and wide and apparently into the CIA. Never would she go back there again.
She was a retiree of the LAPD and couldn't go back there.
Maybe she would just pack up and go back to Georgia. There she truly could start anew.
But it wasn't Georgia she thought about when she closed her eyes.
After two much-needed glasses of wine and a bowl of pasta with herbs and oil, Sharon stepped into a steaming hot shower. She let the hot water pound against her body. The tension slowly released a bit but nothing would take it all away. With the soap covered loofa, she scrubbed every inch of her body. But still she felt the grime and grit. Her thoughts wandered. She could have easily botched the whole ordeal and gotten Brenda killed. It weighed on her mind heavily. Everything had turned out alright but what would the lingering effects be? For both of them.
Her skin was red and agitated from her aggressive scrubbing. The cocoa butter lotion she used to coat her skin with soothed it only slightly. Pulling on a pair of thin, loose grey yoga pants and a white tank top, Sharon finally climbed into her bed. She willed the thoughts spiraling around in her head to stop. And eventually sleep overtook them and she drifted off.
Suddenly, the crude sound of the doorbell buzzing jolted her out of bed. Not bothering to find her glasses, she flew out of bed and down the hallway still half asleep. When she got to the wooden door it took two looks out the peep-hole before it registered who was standing on her door step.
Sharon unbolted the 3 locks and pulled the door open.
"Brenda?" She asked squinting into the darkness.
The woman standing on her front porch was shifting her weight from one leg to the other. The shorts and t-shirt she had on looked like they'd been slept in. Her eyes were sunken and red…very red.
"I didn't…I didn't know where else to go."
Sharon took Brenda by the arm and led her into the house. Sitting beside her on the couch, Sharon watched her chocolate brown eyes dart from one thing to the next but not ever really focusing on anything. She looked high on something or drunk. But she knew she wasn't. It was exhaustion.
"Every time I close my eyes I'm back in that room. In that bed. Tied to that bed. And they're there. He's there." Brenda's voice cracked as she tried to shake the images from her head.
Sharon rubbed the middle of her forehead with her fingertips. "I knew it was a bad idea to leave you at that hotel." She watched the tears well in Brenda's eyes.
"Come on." Sharon stood up from where she was sitting and pulled Brenda to her feet with her arm. "You've got to get some sleep."
Stopping in front of her own door, Sharon considered making Brenda comfortable in the guest room next to hers but figured that would only temporarily mask the issue if help at all. Brenda hesitated only slightly before entering the neutrally decorated bedroom. The cream colored walls and black doors popped against the natural wood floors. Everything was in its proper place. Very Sharon-like.
Sharon stood in the doorway with her hands on her waist just watching Brenda looking at her personal belongings atop the antique vanity. Normally it would make her quite uncomfortable for someone to be looking so closely at her things. But this wasn't a stranger.
"The bathroom is through there." Sharon nudged her chin towards the closed white washed door. Brenda still hadn't said anything and was running her fingertips along the top of the mahogany wood vanity. Brenda finally made her way into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door behind her.
Sharon finally exhaled the breath she had been holding and climbed into her side of the bed. She couldn't believe after all the nights she had dreamed about Brenda being in her bed it was finally coming true. Albeit not in the capacity that she dreamed of. At the moment, Sharon only cared that Brenda got the help and sleep that she so desperately needed.
After turning the lamp off, she pulled the covers over her body and turned her back to the opposite side of the bed. The glow of the outside street lamp would provide enough light in the room for Brenda to find her way once she was done in the other room. Sharon blinked her eyes to stay awake until Brenda made it to bed. And finally she heard her padding across the hardwood floor.
Brenda got herself situated in the new bed.
"Thank you…Sharon." Brenda said as she placed her glasses on the bedside table.
"I just hope you can get some sleep tonight."
A light hand on her bare upper arm startled Sharon. She turned her head and saw the bleary brown eyes over her shoulder.
"I really do appreciate this." Sharon could feel her warm breath on her cooled skin. When Sharon didn't say anything, Brenda pressed on her arm turning her on her back. "I think I'll be able to sleep now."
Sharon swallowed the lump in her throat. "I hope so." It truly disturbed her that she was having these feelings of…she didn't even know exactly what they were.
Brenda leaned in closer and closer until their faces were mere centimeters apart. "Tell me to stop." Brenda whispered over Sharon's parted lips.
Sharon didn't say anything. She couldn't. She'd taken her breath away.
Brenda raked her bottom lip ever so lightly over Sharon's. She felt the woman under her stiffen. "I'll stop if you want me to."
Again Sharon didn't speak. She could feel Brenda's heart pounding against her chest. Or was that her own? She felt like a hormone raged teenager with butterflies in her stomach. She was a grown woman. Much too old to be so nervous. But she wasn't in control of her body anymore. Slowly, she dragged her tongue along her lip where Brenda's own lip had left a searing burn.
Brenda knew just from the feel of Sharon's body beneath hers that she didn't want her to stop. She shouldn't have started this…not now. But she was overcome.
And before she could think about what she was doing her lips were sealed over Sharon's mouth. She had always wondered what her lips would feel against her own. And she never imagined it to be so divine. She savored their softness and warmth.
But when Sharon relaxed and started to kiss her back, she felt it all the way to her toes. Shifting her upper body over Sharon as much as she could, she was surprised to feel two hands griping her waist. Her skin tingled like every nerve was on fire.
Brenda moaned into Sharon's opening mouth. And they explored and learned and tasted and devoured. The gentle, barely-there kiss soon turned into a deluge of probing tongues and almost painful nips. Each wondered if the other was feeling the same throbbing in their core.
But then Sharon pulled away and both were left panting and gasping for breath. She couldn't continue with what they were doing tonight if they'd both regret it in the morning.
"Wait." Sharon said breathlessly.
Brenda pushed herself up and away. The little bit of light through the window highlighted Sharon's flushed face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." She tried to move away but Sharon grabbed her by the waist again.
"No. That's not it. I've thought about this for so long." She saw the shock on Brenda's face. "I don't want it to be like this. You need to sleep."
Sharon was right. It wouldn't be fair to either of them to start something and then rush through it or have to stop in the middle. They weren't even sure what would even transpire. But now wasn't the time.
Sharon wiped her fingers across her swollen lips. She turned her body slightly towards Brenda and extended her left arm beside her. "Lay down."
Brenda followed the order she was given and curled into Sharon's side. Her resting on her shoulder and her arm thrown across her stomach. Sharon held Brenda close to her body. As she closed her eyes to sleep she hoped her friend would be able to sleep because tomorrow would be a whole new life.
And that night Brenda slept without any terrifying dreams or cold sweats. For the first time in years…maybe forever…Brenda felt safe. Completely safe.