Eeeeek I know I know really angsty and sad and intense…

But come on we all know that I am best at that : )

But either way, they have to die before James and Lily or they would take Harry.

It has to happen and I am a firm believer that Azkaban isn't the only thing that put the haunted in Sirius' eyes. Sorry Sirius.

And Sorry it took so long, my 7 year old has had a ton of events at school and

I am one of her Cheerleading coaches and our new season started and competition is only 3 months away and we have 44 girls in her age group alone..Yikes!

Oh and the baby is crawling and standing and everytime I write he goes after the TV…Aye he requires much more watching now..He is my own little James Sirius.

(you might not get that if you haven't read the ATSR saga)

I joked about naming him that and oi if he doesn't act just like my character of him…

Goodness help me.

Anyhow because I am not into super long A/N and this is a lot here is your chapter.

Chapter 41

Waking up

His everything hurt. Literally, there was not one part of him that did not hurt. He tried to open his eyes, this was the fourth or fifth time he had tried but every other time the darkness pulled him back under just before he could, But this felt different this time. He was tired and hurting but he didn't feel like his eyelids were weighted down like before. He pushed them open and saw a stark white ceiling. It was shadowed, it appeared to be night. It was quiet, he could only hear the soft breathing of someone near him. Where was he? Suddenly everything crashed in on him at once, his torture, Sirius' torture, his parent's torture, their deaths. He sat bolt upright, panicked and riddled with grief.

"Nooooo!" he screamed.

Several things happened at once. Someone fell out of a chair, startled. Someone who had their head resting on his bed jumped so badly that they slipped backwards off their stool, and the person he had heard breathing was in a bed beside of his, he too sat up straight, a look of terror plain on his face.

"Mum.. Mum…Dad…Sirius!" he screamed as a woman and man in white robes rushed in and tried to calm him.

"Mr. Potter. You are safe, Mr. Potter." They had their hands on him and he pulled upwards and away from them, flinching from the contact.

"No, 't touch me. DON'T TOUCH ME!" he bellowed, panicked.

"Get away from him." A rough voice growled, he saw the Dr. be pushed bodily to the side.

"Now really Mr. Black, get back in your bed." The woman chastised.

James continued to scream and try to get away.

"I said get off of him." The voice demanded.

Both healers stepped back and for the first time his eyes landed upon Sirius. He remained pulled into a tight ball at the top of his bed. Sirius pushed through the medi-wizards and without slowing or pacing himself at all walked straight up to his friend. He felt Lily's restraining hand on his arm but he shook it off. When he reached James he pulled his trembling friend into his arms talking low into his ear, though everyone could hear.

"Jamie, it's me, we made it Jamie. We are going to keep both promises do you hear me, we stood strong and fought and we will be happy. Lils is hear, Remmy is here, Pete is here and they are safe, I am safe, you are safe. They can't hurt us anymore."

Everyone watched silently as the muscles in James' body released and he fell forward into Sirius' steady arms. They sat frozen as tears poured down Sirius' face. This was the first Sirius had spoken since he was released from his medical sedation yesterday. They watched as the walls that Sirius had built around himself fell to let his friend in.

"Mum…Dad…" James mumbled through his tears.

Sirius shook his head, he didn't need to speak the words for James to understand the truth. It was then that he sagged in Sirius' arms and he screamed wordlessly into the already tear soaked hospital shirt Sirius wore. Sirius couldn't hold himself together when James broke down and his own arms began to tremble, he had been severely injured too after all and his body was failing him. Remus rushed over to help. When his hands found James' shoulders he flinched and started to pull away, fear evident on his face.

"Prongs it's only me. It is only me." He said gently.

Lily held onto Morgan's arm and cried. It was impossibly hard watching James and Sirius seem so vulnerable and scared. Sirius didn't pull away at Remus' touch but he involuntarily flinched at the contact. James stilled at the sound of his friend's voice but the tension plain as day. His entire body was clenched, ready for pain.

"Moony." James cried softly.

Remus nodded his head, he put one arm under Sirius' arm to help steady him and used his other hand to hold firm to James upper arm.

"They…they're gone." He said pitifully. The emptiness in his voice was deafening.

'I know Jamie, I know."

"Fix it." He plead with his friend.

"I can't Jamie, I can't fix this, no one can fix this."

Sirius shook with silent sobs. Lily couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't not help. She stepped to the bed, ignoring the healers and Pete's warnings. She put her hands on Sirius' shoulders. She felt his muscles clench as he turned to her and then felt them release as he completely let go of James' and wrapped his arms around her. James leaned into Remus falling into hysterics again. Listening to Remus speak gently to him through his screams.

As he calmed, Lily's tear streaked face looking at him over Sirius' shoulder registered with James.

"Lily." He said hoarsely.

When he spoke Sirius sat up and released her, Remus moved to the side made sure James was stable before he let him go. She stepped over to him and lightly ran her fingers down his face. He held very still but didn't flinch away. Her fingers were wet with his tears.

"They are going to kill you because of me." He whispered.

"No, no they won't." she said with certainty pulling him into her arms, she pushed her hand into his hair and let her hands run over the expanse of his back. Feeling the fear within him.

"They will, they told me they would, I could have saved you but I couldn't…I couldn't be one of them. I am so sorry. I am sorry."

She pushed him back so he could see her face, so he could see her own tears falling.

"Jamie, I would rather die than see you become one of them, you wouldn't be the man I love if you were a death eater. And let's be honest, you would never let them touch me. I have every failth in the world that you will protect me forever. You started that by coming back. Do you understand that?

My greatest fear James is that you will leave and die and you didn't. You fought and you came back to me. You came back. You would never let them hurt me and I know that as surely as I know that you will never leave me.

It was only moments later that the healers insisted the friends of both boys leave the room so they could examine them both, as Sirius hadn't allowed them to examine him yesterday at all. They allowed them to sit on the same bed side by side, it seemed to be the only way they would consent to being touched.

It didn't help that they were practically being interviewed about the attack while they were under examination. The minister was there, a few aurors (which made James highly upset as his father should have been the one there not Senior Crouch) but to their immense relief before either healer could even begin the door to their shared room opened and Dumbledore and McGonagall walked through.

"You will not interview these boys without my presence. As they are still enrolled in my school they are under my protection and Minerva McGonagall's care as their head of house. Unless we are here they will not be giving any interviews at all.

It didn't take a genius to allow them both to stay, the boys didn't even blink or balk to the fact that they had to be without a shirt and in hospital pants infront of their professor. They seemed to both be in a bit of a daze.

"James your leg was broken pretty severely. It was able to be healed. Can you tell us how it happened?" the Minister said gently.

"The steps, I fell down them running." He muttered.

"Can you tell me what you can remember from the point you flooed into your home?"

James' voice faltered and he started to shake. His healer held tightly to his shoulders until he jerked away from him.

Their interview took three hours, each boy telling their story, when James heard the horrors that had happened while he was knocked out for the first two days they had to give him a calming draught and were going to separate the boys for the rest of the interviews until they both refused to speak without one another.

It took four days before St. Mungo's would release the boys, they had suffered from innumerable injuries but even more than that both were traumatized beyond what they would allow anyone to help with. They would only talk to and allow their friends to touch them. If they were together or with one of their closest friends they sometimes almost seemed normal, excluding the wincing and flinching at even the lightest touch. And neither boy would touch their wands. But they refused to allow anyone else to touch them either.

Upon their release they went directly to their parent's memorial service and burial and then they immediately went back to Hogwarts begging not to be taken back to the manor, begging to be allowed to go back to where their lives were not full of fear.