Kyle spent Friday night sitting in his tub. After dinner, once everyone had left for the dance, Kyle had gone into his room and worked at his computer. After a while, distracted and unable to concentrate, he paced and then, finally, climbed into his tub and sat fretting.

Nicole looked in his door and saw him. "Kyle is everything all right?"

Kyle said, "I'm in a gunk."

"What's a gunk?" Nicole asked.

"A guy funk," Kyle explained. "It's one of Lori's words. She says the new word is 'ennui'."

"That's at least a real word," Nicole said.

"I like gunk better." Kyle sighed. "This definitely feels like a gunk."

Nicole pulled a chair over next to his tub and sat down. "So, why are you in a gunk, Kyle? Is it Amanda?"

"That's part of it," Kyle admitted. "I miss her. I talk to her on the phone almost every day, and she seems happy. She's enjoying her music. But it's not the same as the last time she was gone. Last time she was eager to talk to me, she didn't want to hang up. Now, sometimes it seems like I am interrupting her. She's still Amanda, but …"

"But she seems distant?" Nicole asked.

"You can't really tell distance over the phone," Kyle explained. "The four kilohertz bandwidth makes it sound the same no matter where you are."

"I mean not as close to you emotionally as she was," Nicole said.

"I think she is becoming distant," Kyle agreed. "I keep telling myself that we will go back to normal at Christmas when she returns but I'm not sure we will. My life may be too strange for her to be with me. I've always been afraid of that."

Nicole patted him on the shoulder. "She did go there to focus on music. Maybe that's all it is."

"Maybe," Kyle glanced at Nicole and then looked away.

"You said that it was 'part of it'," Nicole observed. "Is there something happening at Latnok bothering you?"

"There's nothing unusual," Kyle looked at the wall in front of him for a moment and then said, "Jessi's at the dance."

"Are you worried about that?" Nicole asked. "Is there some reason to be concerned about the football player?"

"There's nothing that I know about." Kyle sat for a moment, "Nicole, you said that it was inappropriate for me to pursue a romantic relationship with Jessi while we lived under the same roof. I've tried to do what you asked."

"But you have feelings for her," Nicole nodded. "I understand. The two of you have so much in common, a connection closer than any I've ever encountered. You can actually share thoughts and memories. And Jessi has been obviously interested in you almost since she met you." She paused for a moment, "Having someone have strong feelings for you is something that it is hard to ignore. Most people either eventually return the feelings or reject them. It's hard to remain neutral. It has an effect on you."

"I've always wanted to be with Amanda," Kyle said. "I didn't realize that Jessi was interested in me that way until she told me. Now I can't help thinking about it." He sat for a moment, lost in his gunk.

"And Jessi's at the dance?" Nicole prompted.

"I'm afraid that she might want to be with him," Kyle reluctantly admitted. "I'm afraid of losing her."

"You two have a unique connection," Nicole assured him. "You had it even when you were dating Amanda and had no romantic feelings for Jessi. You were still very close. You risked everything to go and get her when she ran away. I can't imagine you losing that, I don't think it's even possible."

Kyle gave her a wan smile, "I've been trying to do what you asked me to do, Nicole. I've been trying to discourage her." He paused for a moment, and then continued, "I thought that if she were with Raymond I wouldn't have to keep pushing her away. But then I realized …"

Nicole sighed, "You realized that you liked her being attracted to you. That let you be close to her without it being your responsibility."

"I do," Kyle said. "I'm sorry, Nicole, I'm so confused."

Nicole patted him on the shoulder, "Kyle, I think you may be getting ahead of yourself. This is just a single date. She may not even like him."

"I want Jessi to be happy," Kyle said. "I can't wish for her date to be unpleasant. She was looking forward to it."

"I hope it goes well, too," Nicole said. "I would like to see Jessi have more interaction with other people. She needs to broaden the base of her connections to the world. It will help her be more secure. It may be flattering for her to be focused on you, but it isn't good for her to connect with the world only through you." She squeezed his shoulder. "I wouldn't worry, it will be fine."

Kyle smiled at her, "Thank you, Nicole. It helps to talk about it. You have a good bedside manner, Dr. Trager."

Nicole laughed, "I think in this case, it's a tubside manner." She put the chair back and left the room.

I sat in my tub wondering if Nicole was right. That I wanted to be close to Jessi but I didn't want to be responsible for the decision. How could I choose between Amanda and Jessi, 'butterflies' or 'electricity'? What bothered me most was the fact that I might not have any choices at all. Both girls seemed to be slipping away from me.