A/N: I am really appreciating the love and reviews! Thank you so much, they help a lot. With love, JEWEL.
I don't own Bleach, cheers. Huzzah.
Ulquiorra's blank expression stares into the smudged mirror in the bathroom of Alexander General Hospital. He continuously scrubs his sullied hands, to rid the memory of twenty-nine rectal exams he had performed his first day.
For the past nine and a half minutes, he has been scrubbing those very tiny, delicate—yet very lethal and agile—hands in the steaming water. No amount of soap in the world can rid me of these shameful memories. His lip slightly curls. Human anuses are disgusting.
"Is that the intern fucking Jeagerjaques?" A man with pink hair whispers to a man beside him.
Ulquiorra sighs, pumping a large mountain of soap onto his wrinkled hands. He decides to just ignore these useless rumours. If he denies them, then obviously people will just hassle him more. All he wants is a quiet… under the radar life.
"Yeah, Ulquiorra Schiffer." The strange man with pink hair glances at Ulquiorra in the mirror. "He's really pretty," He mumbles. After getting a look from the other male, he adds quickly, "You know… for a guy."
I remember hearing their names from the morning… they're both attendings. They were both at the nurses' station, just outside one of the rooms Ulquiorra was doing a rectal exam in. The pink haired guy was Szayel or something. The brunette was Coyote… or Dr. Starrk.
"Heard he was into S and M," Szayel snickers, washing his hands.
Schiffer's face turns beat red instantly. He refuses to look up or react. Those infidels think they can get a rise out of you…. Just relax. He shuts his eyes, determinedly chanting in his head; quiet life, peaceful life, quite life, peaceful life.
"Where'd you hear that?" Starrk murmurs, ripping paper towel off for the two of them.
"Rangiku told me, who was told by Ikkaku, who was told by Byakuya who was probably told by Grimmjow," Szayel sniggers again.
"Shut your fucking face this instant, you scum bag." Ulquiorra whirls on Szayel, turning off the tap. "That infuriating piece of trash you all worship is a liar." He rips off a piece of his own paper towel and retorts sassily, "As if I would stoop so low to even consider sleeping with that… is just sordid." He opens the door with unnecessary force and down the hall he goes, hearing their laughter as he scurries away with a red face.
In the cafeteria, he grabs a small salad, a pudding, and an iced tea. But as he turns to sit at a table, unwanted eyes follow and judge him.
"That's Schiffer…"
"Really?"
"Heard he was getting into all the attendings' pants…"
"Seriously? I thought it was just Grimmjow's…"
"I heard Grimmjow pays him to sleep with him… what a man whore."
Ulquiorra's face pales as all these murmurs circle around him. His breathing begins to quicken and his head swirls gloomily. How nauseating… He thinks as he finds those beautiful blue eyes watching him from afar. Those lips peeling up into a smirk. A smirk that says 'I have won'.
His feet drag as he exits the cafeteria with his tray. He finds the closest washroom and thanks all that is holy that he is alone.
He exhales, looking into the mirror, and clutching his chest. His hearts thuds and clenches on itself. Ulquiorra's shaky hands find the pill bottle in his pocket, popping one in his mouth and sucking down a gulp of iced tea. He breathes more evenly, sitting on the sinks ledge. He pulls his salad onto his lap, pouring dressing on top.
And at this moment, Ulquiorra felt so alone and so alienated.
After lunch he washes his hands, and opens the door and heads to the nurses' station to receive his charts. For more glorious rectal exams.
The nurses' station only had three people at it; the nurse, the Devil, and Byakuya Kuchiki. His eyes close for a moment before he opens them and strides to the farthest point from them.
Kuchiki whispers into Grimmjow's ear, quite loudly. "Lover boy is here." Grimmjow's head snaps up and stares at Ulquiorra.
Ulquiorra's fierce glare meets both of theirs. And for forty-three very long seconds, they all just stare at each other. One could only imagine lightning meeting up in the middle of their gazes.
"Couldn't stay away from me, eh?" Grimmjow finally purrs.
Ulquiorra turns his head and keeps it held high with pride. He flips through his chart, completely ignoring the pointless life form awaiting his answer.
"Usually when you have one-night stands, they're all over you." Byakuya notes blandly. "This one is different."
"Well, I don't know how the rumours started up about me paying him to sleep with me, but I only told our friends." Grimmjow says directly to Byakuya.
"I suspect Kenpachi said something. Can't keep his mouth shut about these types of things." Byakuya shrugs, glancing at Ulquiorra. "I like this one though."
"Definitely a keeper, right?" Grimmjow grins and winks at Ulquiorra.
His face flashes red as he continues to write on his chart. His hand trembles with fury.
"He's so high-strung and uptight all the time, it's so… adorable." Grimmjow is purposefully waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. Seeing that he is so close to pushing him over the edge, he decides to make him run off that edge. "It's always the quiet, hot and bothered ones that are freaky in bed."
Byakuya steps back with his chart and raises his eyebrows as Ulquiorra slowly turns towards Grimmjow. Hot and bothered… that he was. He definitely was now.
Ulquiorra steps up to Grimmjow and puts both hands on his pen, holding it up to the other man's chest and snapping it in half. The blue ink splattered all over Grimmjow's neck and scrubs.
"You weren't kidding. He does have a temper," Byakuya gazes at Ulquiorra's scarlet face.
"You are the most vile, dishonourable man I have ever met in my entire life." Ulquiorra hisses, slamming his small hands into Grimmjow's chest. "Stop annoying me. You're wasting your time."
"Time spent with you is worth wasting," Grimmjow smiles innocently, though his eyes portray his ulterior motives.
"Your mind is full of shit." Ulquiorra growls, staring into Grimmjow's perfect eyes.
"I like feeling full. It's satisfying not to feel empty. Would you like to be full of me?" His eyebrows rise in a perverted, sleazy way.
Byakuya snorts as Ulquiorra steps back, and blushes. "You are—"
"Forward? Confident? Talented? Sexy?" Grimmjow interrupts him. He holds up his hand in front of Ulquiorra's face. "By the way, does this smell like chloroform to you?" He asks teasingly. But it is just enough to make Ulquiorra explode.
"I will kill you." Schiffer says slowly. "And it will be so painful." He glares at the hand in front of his face. He spat directly on his palm and gazes into Grimmjow's eyes with extreme resentment.
"I'll make sure to use this hand later tonight when I—"
"Is there a problem here?" Nnoitra Gilga asks, glowering at Ulquiorra. "Is my intern causing you trouble, Dr. Jeagerjaques?"
Grimmjow smirks and shakes his head. "Yes. You see, he just can't stay away from me."
Ulquiorra huffs in embarrassment, crossing his arms. "No, I think the problem is that he can't get any, so he bothers me."
Nnoitra opens his mouth, but Grimmjow beats him to it. "That's untrue. You can't deny that you woke up in my bedroom a couple nights ago. We had a nice time, didn't we?"
"I believe our definitions of 'nice' are not the same." Ulquiorra snaps.
Nnoitra slides out from between the two and continues down the hall, scratching his head.
"That's my resident." Ulquiorra growls, dumbfounded. "I can't believe you just…."
"Don't worry about Gilga. He's my underling." Grimmjow waves his hand away dismissively. "If you agree to a date with me, then there will be no more rectal exams, and no more harassing you in front of Gilga."
Ulquiorra glances at Byakuya who is just standing there, fake-reading his chart. Although it was a very unconvincing fake-reading. "No more rumours?" He asks skeptically.
"None at all."
"Fine, fuck head," there I go again with my stupid excuse for an insult, "You can take me on a date. One date." Before Grimmjow could look too proud, Ulquiorra adds, "But." Grimmjow's face falls slightly, "You will pay for my meal. You will pick me up at 7 sharp. And this will be the worst date in the history of mankind. I will make this as excruciating as possible. And you will regret ever trying to win over Ulquiorra Schiffer."
"See you at seven on Friday, baby." Grimmjow winks, making a slow move to grab his hand.
"Don't call me baby." Ulquiorra's eyebrows furrow, pulling his hand away. "Like, ever."
"Alright sunshine, don't be so touchy."