Preference, and Perseverance, in Life

by Lyra Harp

Lillian Wescott knew that she was in trouble when Ratchet called her to the med bay to give her some unfortunate news about her health that even her human physician agrees with. She already had enough problems with Galloway and her aunt, Sonya, who is a soldier in N.E.S.T. Will she be willing to accept the offers of help or will she push everyone away out of fear? OC story

3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers (2007) or the Transformers: Generation 1 characters. I also got the "Blaster, shut up!" line from episode 37 of the Transformers: G1 series. XD I love that episode so much. :D

Warning: Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (They will be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story. I'm sorry if I messed up Blaster's dialogue...I have no excuse for that. XD Oh, and Red Alert is less paranoid than usual. Blame it on Inferno...Although I'm not really sure why that would be a bad thing. ;)

Jazz dropped me off at the entrance to the base and said something about meeting up with Prowl before zooming off. I walked straight to Red Alert's security room knowing that Inferno, Blaster, Jazz, and a few choice humans were allowed inside. I knocked on the door before hearing a yelp. I expected the alarms to go off as usual but raised an eyebrow when they didn't. A screen appeared, showing Red Alert. "What is it?"

"Hello Red Alert. I want to talk to Blaster."

"Why?"

"He's my guardian and he's in trouble. That's why." I heard Blaster mutter 'uh oh' in the background. I smiled slightly. Yeah, you know your in trouble, I thought smugly.

"Designation?"

"Lillian Wescott. Niece to Sonya Wescott. She has been a soldier of N.E.S.T. for a few years."

I waited a few seconds for Red to look up the necessary information. "Don't stay for too long."

I walked in and got straight to the point. "Blaster, do you know the meaning of the word 'secret' or do you just ignore the whole 'friends trust each other' agreement?"

Blaster grinned. "What do ya mean?"

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "I mean have you spoken with Jazz recently?"

"'Course I have. He's meh best friend. Why? Are ya jealous? Ya know that I'm all yours baby."

"First of all, ew. Never happening and never talk like that again. It's creepy."

"Understood."

"Secondly, I would never be jealous of your friendship with Jazz or anyone else for that matter. I'm glad that you socialize so easily. Now let me ask again. Have you spoken with Jazz recently?"

"'Bout what?"

"You know damn well about what."

Blaster held up his hands in a 'I surrender' gesture. "Easy girl. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

I harrumped while crossing my arms. "Excess comments not appreciated. Get to the point."

"I may have given him hints..."

I growled low in my throat. 'Hints' in Blaster's language were like waving a red flag. "Red Alert, permission to throw something at Blaster's head?"

"Outside in camera's full view."

"Thank you. C'mon Blaster. It's time for target practice and your the target."

"Lilly, is what I did really that bad?"

"Yes Blaster. I told you to keep your mouth shut."

"What did Jazz say that gave me away, anyway?"

"Something about showing more than just memories when he was about to plug a cable in."

"You actually allowed him to connect a cable to your socket?" OMG by Usher played through his speakers.

"Blaster, shut up!" I laughed hysterically even though I was embarrassed at the statement simply because it was Blaster telling me this, not a family member. I felt comfortable enough around Blaster to laugh about such things...and then hit the back of his helm with a wrench that Ratchet would let me borrow afterward. It was a mutual agreement: You tick me off, I get to hit you with something. Blaster only accepted because...in essense, I wasn't Ratchet. I couldn't throw an object, such as a wrench, as hard or big as the ones Ratchet threw. Plus my aim wasn't perfect. Far from it. But it served the purpose of releasing stress fairly well.

Blaster sagged his shoulders in a overly dramatic way. "My poor femme doesn't love meh..."

"Oh Blaster, of course I do! I'd be idiotic to not love an outgoing mech such as yourself."

"Really? Oh happy day!" Blaster picked me up in his 'excitement.'

"Ack! Not like that, you idiot!" Blaster snuggled me to his chest all the way to the med bay. When I saw Jazz sitting on a berth, I jumped at the chance for freedom. "Jazz, tell your friend to get off!"

"Yo, mech, ease up. The femme doesn't wanna get squished by ya."

"Thank you," I said when Blaster set me down on a med bay berth closest to Ratchet. "Yo, Ratchet. Toss me a wrench."

Jazz laughed. "Mech, what did ya do that set her off this time?"

"I don't know, man! I swear the femme punishes me 'cause she likes it!"

"Does she now?"

Ratchet ignored them both. "Not exactly the proper method of asking for something, Lillian Wescott."

"Galloway ticked me off this morning."

Ratchet gently tossed a human sized wrench into my palm without further delay. "Fire away."

"Speaking o' Galloway, Lil," Jazz began with a grin. "What happened with the silent treatment?"

"Ignored due to guardian idiocy." I aimed at Blaster's head and wailed the thing at him, managing to get his shoulder. "Woot! New height record."

"Alright miss energy," Ratchet began in amusement at my spike in what would normally be a sedated mood. "Park your aft on that berth. Medical examination time. I highly suggest you two aftheads get on your way, though."

I sat down obediently with my legs crossed. "I don't mind them staying Ratchet."

"Loose your attire."

I looked back at Jazz and Blaster before pointing to the exit with my right hand. "Out."

Jazz sighed dramatically as he got up from the berth that he was sitting on. "We get no love from our dear femme, Blaster."

Blaster patted his back. "It's alright, man. I feel your pain. I'll be your lover for the evening while Prowl's recovering."

"Will ya, Blaster? Gee willikers, how thrilling!"

I broke out laughing and fell over. Jazz's reaction was way too much for me to handle. "Are you two deaf? Out!" I laughed harder when I heard both mechs yelp when Ratchet started throwing wrenches in their general direction, but not at their helms.

I looked up at Ratchet when I calmed down. "Do I really have to change?"

"I only said that to get them out of here. This isn't an average examination, so I felt you would be more comfortable in private."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, sit down and start explaining, doc bot."

"Just for that, you get the bad news first," Ratchet began teasingly.

"Aw..." I smiled and looked up at Ratchet as he sat on the berth that Jazz was on. I controlled my emotions when the amusement left Ratchet's optics. Uh oh. "What is it, Ratchet?"

"Lilly-" Double uh oh. Ratchet never calls me Lilly unless something bad is on the horizon. I sat up straighter. "I don't know how to tell you this, but-"

My eyes suddenly grew wide. "Is Sonya okay? Did she get damaged in battle? How-?"

"Lillian!" Ratchet said sternly. I shut up. "Relax. Sonya's perfectly healthy. Your the subject here."

I blinked. "How? Last time I checked I was fine."

"According to your human physician, 'fine' doesn't begin to describe it." I blinked again. Huh? "I talked with your physician and we both agreed that you need to start having sex."

I calmly stared at Ratchet as my heart constricted. "Why?"

"Do I really need to explain the benefits?"

"No, but intercourse isn't vital to my health."

"Not according to your physician. Both human and autobot," Ratchet continued with a smile. "Lillian, are you really that opposed to it? Have you ever gone through a experience that has made you not like it?"

"Well, no, but this is ridiculous!"

"Really? How so?"

I narrowed my eyes at his look of total confidence. Smug autobot, I grumbled mentally. I flailed. "Sex is not vital to my healh!"

"Tell that to Prowl. He's been interfacing with Jazz for vorns and he's been-"

"TMI, Ratchet."

"How is it too much information? You need fantasizes to at least engage in masturbation."

"Ratchet!"

"What?"

My face was on fire at his amusement. "Not funny. I do not want images of Prowl and Jazz interfacing rolling around in my head."

"Not according to your blood pressure." I flailed wordlessly at the insanity of this situation. Ratchet took that as a way of telling him to continue. "Your blood pressure rises everytime you see one of them. If that's not enough to convince you, your-" I covered my ears while Ratchet chuckled. I knew that the reaction was childish, but this was ridiculous! "Lilly," Ratchet said sterny. I sighed, straightened up and looked at Ratchet. "You seriously need to start engaging in intercourse. You're thirty years old. You'll loose use of your vagina if you don't. If you don't start now and start later, there will be immense, unavoidable pain. The only way to avoid this situation all together is if you are asexual. Are you?"

"According to you, I'm not," I mumbled.

"Come again? Mind explaining that comment?" I glared at him. "Please, Lillian. I'm your physician. You know the rules that go with that."

"I don't know what I'm attracted to besides personality," I said seriously. "I've never been on a date in my life, Ratchet. Scratch that. I've never been with anyone in my life. I'm used to sexual solitute."

"Your not use to sex."

I glared at him. Forget it. "Can I get down now, Ratchet?"

"This meeting isn't over."

"I say it is," I growled as the tears threatened to form.

"Lil-"

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings," I spat at him. "Get me down before I go psycho."

Ratchet sighed before complying. "We'll talk when you're ready."

I ignored him and walked straight out of the med bay to find a certain weapon specialist. If anyone would understand the need to fire a gun to calm down, it would be Ironhide.

~0~

I never wanted to have sex. I never had that urge to. I labeled myself as bisexual around my family because I'm only attracted to personality and the female human species is generally more patient and understanding. However, I didn't want to become attracted to a male on the off chance later on and then have my family joke about how 'I was never attracted to females. I was just experimenting.' I would never have a relationship based on sex. I can't have sex every day, week, or month. Hell, I would be surprised if I tolerated it once a year. I can't be with a random person, or autobot, just because it's 'doctor's orders.' I have to care for the person, trust them and be open with them naturally. I would expect the same from them. It wouldn't be fair in a relationship for only one person to share all and have the other not share all of the details. If you really trust a person, all barriers should be brought down. Whatever happened to casual Q&A sessions? Is that even normal anymore? Was that ever standard?

I snorted. Who cares if that's standard? I'm straight forward. I expect other people to be with me.

Why the hell is sexuality so damn complicated for humans to wrap their heads around? Primus should just hand us a relationship guide. 'How to make your relationship last for a millenia.' It's not like we live half that anyway.

I sighed. Why am I so concerned about this? I'm in a freaking military base. Sex should be the last thing on my mind! It shouldn't even be on my mind, but..."You'll loose use of your vagina if you don't have sex soon." As I said to Ratchet before, sex isn't vital to my health. However, would I regret not having that experience at least once in my life with either a human or an autobot? It's not like everyone gets the chance to orgasm at the hands of a alien. Hell, not everyone gets the chance to see a alien. Alien? Since when did I start thinking of the autobots as aliens? Since when did I even think about considering using an autobot for pleasure? What is the matter with me? They're our allies, our friends, our...My hands tightened on the gun I was holding as I thought about the primary use of the sockets that Ratchet put into humans on base that agreed to it. Oh great. Now I want to punch something.

I looked at the gun in my hand before dropping it like it was on fire. The hell...I used a gun, I thought, horrified. I just used a freaking gun. I stepped away from it. Damn it. I went against another oath. I promised myself I would never use a gun. Here I am rambling on about religion, peace, and relationships...I just used a gun. By Primus, I just used a gun. Violence, hatred, and destruction.

I slapped the side of my head. Wake up! Sometimes violence is a necessary precaution for peace!

No it isn't!

Pick up the damn gun and bring it back to Ironhide, then! Stop rambling on about morals, peace, love, and war! You know what you're like afterward! You don't think the autobots have reflected upon the same issues? You blabbed to Jazz about religion when you forgot that he's in a war! He's in the same position as your aunt!

Don't you dare judge Jazz. I picked up the gun as tears threatened. I don't know Jazz. Not really. I barely know any of them. I know the surface...But I don't know them, as is their right. They can choose to tell humans about their past or not. It's not my right to expect them to. I can't expect them to. I treat this base like my home and I'm not even a soldier. My aunt may be, but that doesn't give me the right to wander around like I own the place. That doesn't give me the right to talk back...True, Galloway is...not the nicest or understanding person...but he asked a question and a question deserves a proper answer.

Not while your still questioning yourself. It's not fair for you to answer the question when you don't even know the answer.

I froze when I felt something pick me up from the back of my shirt. Considering my previous thoughts I was a little spooked. "Hey!" I said before randomly shooting the gun.

"Hey yourself! Watch where ya point that thing!"

I froze and dropped the gun before looking up. "Jazz? What are you doing here?"

Jazz smirked. "Ironhide said ya looked ticked and that ya wanted to borrow a gun. Ah figured that that can only led ta trouble."

I snorted before smiling nervously. "Can you put me down?"

"Magic words, anyone?"

Normally I would have retaliated with a joke, but I wasn't in the mood after picking apart my morals one by one. "Please. I don't like heights."

He slowly put me down before sitting and staring at me as I picked up the gun again. "What happened?"

I waved my hand absently as I turned toward the target again. "It's nothing." Conflicting morals and sexuality, that ain't nothing. I turned and stared at Jazz. He's beautiful, graceful and funny, I can't deny that. He cares about people. About humans. All of the autobots do, despite the fact that some of them don't show it.

Hm...What does that sound like? It's so familiar...

Oh shut up, I thought in amusement. My lips twitched upward slightly. I have my life. I have time to think about it. I can't let myself fall. I doubt any autobot, Blaster, Jazz, and Ratchet included, would let me.

"On second thought, scratch that. It's not nothing. I'm questioning myself but I'm too confused to talk about it. I tried shooting to distract myself but its not working. Is there something you can think of that might?"

Jazz grinned. "Ah got jus' the thing."

~0~

"Truth and dare?" I asked skeptically. "You serious?"

"Hells yeah, lil' lady. You ain't heard of this version before though, trust meh." Like I trust Primus, I thought sincerely.

I leanned back against Jazz's finger that he was currently using to rub my back with. I may not enjoy the idea of sex, but I have no problems with friendly comfort.

"Yo, Romeo an' Juliet," Skids said as I was actually starting to drift off. "You playing or what?"

Skids, you better hope that my spin doesn't land on you.

"Chill, mech," Blaster said in amusement as he spun the bottle.

I watched as it spinned and landed on me. I narrowed my eyes at it and crossed my arms. "This isn't remote controlled, is it?"

"Nooo," answered Skids.

"N'aw, course not," assured Jazz.

I raised an eyesbrow slightly. "Riiight. Okay, Blaster, what's my fate?"

"Truth. Have you ever felt attracted to another species?"

"Yes."

"Which one?" asked Mudflap.

I smirked. "Wait your turn man."

Jazz and Blaster chuckled.

Jazz leaned down and touched the bottle. "Meh' turn."

The bottle spinned and landed on...Mudflap. Maybe the bottle was Wheelie or Brains? The bottle didn't exactly look like it was made of glass.

"Jazz..."

I looked up at Mudflap to see that he was glaring at Jazz. Jazz had a smirk on his face. "Truth. What's in Sunstreakers and Sideswipes high grade?"

"I don't know." Jazz stared at him. "Seriously, I don't know. It's so top secret that Skids and me (I know that it's supposed to be "I" don't kill meh!) don't know."

"But they're yer family, man."

"Every family has its own secrets, Jazz," I reminded him before looking at Skids. "Your turn."

He nodded before spinning it. It landed on me again. Damn. Skids smirked. "Dare. Go say something to Prowl ta make him glitch."

"C'mon, Skids! Cut me some slack! Prowl will either send me to the brig afterward or Ratchet will throw a human sized wrench at my head!"

"You decided to play didn't ya? That means that ya have ta follow the rules."

I huffed. "Fine." I stood up before pointing a finger at Jazz. "If you record this Jazz, your next on the hit list."

He held up his hands with a smile on his face. Skids spoke in his place. "Yer stalling!"

I directed my glare toward him before turning around and going to Prowl's office. I took a hasty breath before knocking on the door. "Come in."

I walked in when the door began to lift up. "Hello Prowl."

"Is something the matter, Lillian?"

"No. Why?"

"Your blood pressure is high." Damn it. Why the hell is Ratchet always right?

"I just witnessed something that I really didn't want to witness..." I muttered. "Ever."

"Is someone hurt?"

I winced slightly as my blood pressure rose. "Um...not exactly." C'mon, he's not going to hurt you!

"Lillian, you're being awfully vague. If you can't-"

"Ironhide!" I blurted out.

"Pardon?"

Scrap scrap scrap! Ironhide is going to have my head!

"N-n-nothing. Forget I mentioned it!"

"Lilly." Prowl said when I started to run out. I stopped and looked at him. "What happened to Ironhide?" He asked gently. My heart clenched. Please stop looking at me like that...Damn you Skids! Prowl's a good bot, why-? "Lilly?" He probbed.

"Ironhide...um...Well there's nothing really wrong with him...It's just that I saw him...um..." I winced slightly again, trying not to breath hard.

"Go on."

"I saw Ironhide and Bumblebee making out in Wheeljack's lab!"

I saw Prowl's eyes dilate. "What?"

"I was on my way to Red Alert's security room when-"

"Red Aleft?"

"He wanted me to meet him in his office for something. Mentioned something about high grade. Anyway, that's...not the point! Ironhide and Bumblebee were making out and...Wheeljack just stared at them! I mean, I have nothing against their relationship...but Wheeljack watching is just...and the door was open! I mean, it, the-I'll go get Ratchet."

Prowl fell to his desk the moment I associated Red Alert with high grade. I just kept it up to make sure that he was really offline since I really didn't want to make Skids hold it against me if I didn't complete the job.

I commed Ratchet on my phone.

"Lillian, is-?"

"Ratchet, Prowl needs you."

"What?"

I wanted to bang my head on the wall. "I'm in Prowl's office. He's offline. I...I think he glitched."

I heard him sigh. "I'm on my way. What happened?"

"I don't know...I just started talking and...Look, can you tell him that I said that I am sorry when he wakes up?"

"What-?"

"I have to go," I said quickly before hanging up and running to the rec room. I promptly hid behind Jazz as I watched Ratchet go to Prowl's office. When he was gone, I glared at Skids. You are so lucky that I don't have a gun right now.

"What?"

I stayed behind Jazz so that Ratchet wouldn't see me if he came by. When I was sure than Ratchet was gone, I sat on Jazz's thigh, too angry to even consider asking. "Who's next?"

"You, girl," Blaster said in amusement.

I smiled slightly before spinning the bottle. It landed on Blaster. I snickered at his look of horror. "Your fate, man..." I walked diagonally across from the mini twins so that I wasn't near Jazz. "Is simple. Kiss Jazz."

"Ya do realize Prowl will kill me?" Blaster said seriously.

I waved him off. "No he won't. I already made him glitch and I'm the one who told you to kiss him. He'll come after me, not you." Which is fine by me. I glanced over at Jazz. Well, he is bonded to Prowl... "Unless passes are allowed in this game. Are they?"

"They ain't," Jazz said.

I looked at Blaster before he could run. "Besides, I never said that the kiss had to be on the lips. Just a friendly peck on the cheek, forehead or hand is fine."

"Fine, fine," Blaster said quickly before going over to Jazz and kissing him on the forehead. The mini twins chuckled as Blaster went back to his spot. He hit their helms on the way. "Your next," Blaster said as he pointed at me in deadly amusement.

I crossed my arms and smiled. "Fine by me."

He spun the bottle and it landed...right between the twins. Primus kill me, I thought as Blaster smirked and I frowned.

"Twins, kiss Lil."

"An organic, mech?"

"I ain't happy 'bout it either, Skids," I said after sighing. "Just do it." I felt my body tingle when the twins pressed their metalic lips to my hands. Truth be told, I wasn't sure if it was the instinct to pull away or my body's way of trying to get use to the sensation. It really didn't feel any different than soft metal on smooth skin.

"Ya okay, Lil?" Blaster asked teasingly.

"Shut up, Blaster," I grumbled as the bottle landed on me. I glared at Mudflap.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Truth. Which species and why?"

"Does it have to be one that I've met?"

"It can be fictional," he said after a moment, probably thinking that I would offline him for saying otherwise.

I tilted my head to the side. "Hmm...Martian."

"Those little green men?" Skids asked uncertainly.

I chuckled. "There have been different variations...But essentially, yes. As to why..." I shrugged. "The mental communication appealed to me. It's been thought of as fiction until you guys showed up."

Jazz leaned down. "Meh turn."

I raised an eyebrow when it landed on me again. "Is that allowed?"

"Yes," Blaster said in amusement.

Jazz grinned. "Dare. Think up a way ta prank someone and execute it."

I blinked. "Right now?"

"I'll give ya a week."

I nodded before spinning the bottle. I smiled when it landed between the twins again. "Mini twins, go embarrass the twins."

"With pleasure," they said at the same time.

Blaster and Jazz chuckled when they left. "You do realize that you'll be the next on the twins prank list, right?" Blaster asked.

I frowned. "Scrap."

They laughed again. I joined in when we saw and heard the twins chase the mini twins down the hallway closest to the rec room.

"Lillian Wescott!" Scrap, I thought as I scrambled to my feet and met my aunt halfway, which was only a couple of feet from Blaster. "What the hell is that rumor that I've been hearing about? The one where you are on a silent strike?" I stared at her. Who told? "Well? Is it true?" I placed my hands behind my back and looked straight ahead over Sonya's shoulder. "It is, isn't it?" I bowed. It was the only way to say that I was sorry in this current situation. "Lilly..." My body snapped up straight at the tone in her voice and the grip on my arms grew tighter so that there would be nail marks later. Don't say what I think you are about to say. "Did it...? Did it happen again?" she stage whispered. "Are you...questioning yourself?" So much for being subtle and keeping this underwraps, I thought sadly. What the hell do you mean by again, anyhow? "Oh Lilly," she said gently. Don't you dare take pity on me, Sonya. I don't care if you scream. Just don't use that tone with me. "It's alright. We've talked this over. The family." Oh really? When were these private family discussions going to be brought to my attention? "It's alright to question it. We love you." My nails dug into my skin, drawing blood. "I did offer you classes. You know, for this. I would be happy to pay for them. All you have to do is go. Your family supports you, Lilly. You can make the change anytime you want." To what? What change, Sonya? To become straight? Is that what you want? Do you want me to make that change to have a family, to continue the generation? I can't do that, Sonya. I won't follow that expectation. I don't want to follow that path. I don't want kids. I don't want a husband. I don't want sex. Damn it, not again. I thought I was set on ignoring this issue. "Lilly?" Sonya asked urgently as silent tears began to fall down my face. "Lilly, what's wrong? It's not too late, Lilly. You don't have to worry." Sonya, you don't know me! You don't know what I want! "Why won't you speak to me? To anyone?"

"I believe she's 'exercising her right to remain silent,'" Galloway quoted smugly. "I can explain it to you in private, if you like."

"That's hardly necessary," Sonya said bitterly.

My eyes glazed over to her. Well, the blurry blob that looked like her, anyway. Sonya? I looked at Galloway. Galloway? My eyes widened slightly before going blank as Galloway sent a look my way. You have got to be kidding me. Sonya and Galloway? When the hell did that happen? "That's alright. I believe we can discuss it later. Whenever you're ready, of course." He turned around and walked away smugly. A wrench would be so helpful right now.

"Lillian," Sonya said harshly. "Talk. Now."

Here I was thinking that more blood couldn't be drawn, I thought as I felt blood trail across and down my arms. I was seriously considering slapping her when Blaster began to usher her away. I ignored the look he gave me and turned around. I gestured for Jazz to lower himself to my level. He transformed and I got in the passenger seat. "I'll take ya ta Ratchet," Jazz said neutrally. I appreciated the lack of emotion and nodded. I leanned my head against the seat and fell asleep.