Dear Midgardian Writers otherwise known as Fan Fiction Writers,
I must confess to being most confused and more than that, upset by all the stories that have been written about me.
Only recently introduced to the Internet, I at first thought this was truth that I simply could not remember.
Do you know how scared I was?
Do you know that I nearly charged up to and nearly killed Tony Stark? (He had to pay for a whole new kitchen).
I believe you writers know why.
It was only a few weeks ago that Sir Rogers told me that these were stories that were made up entirely in your own minds.
And what scary minds you have.
I've half a mind to just give up protecting your planet. It's clear that the majority of your race is hopeless anyway.
Disregarding the fact, that while I care for my brother, I do not care for my brother (you know what I mean), and that my heart belongs to Jane Foster, I have another issue I feel must be breached.
I actually do posses basic intelligence.
I may not know exactly what an Iphone is or the microwave (no, Sir Stark, the microwave that blew up yesterday was not my fault. That was Sir Roger's. The microwave that blew up a week ago was my fault), but I bet you mortals would be just as confused if you were taken to Asgard.
I know how to whisper. I am not creepily cheerful. I don't hug people randomly. And I do possess basic social skills when interacting with my Midgardian collegues.
So, please, a little respect for someone who could destroy your house with lightning.
Sincerely,
Thor
P.S. Contrary to Sir Fury's statement, I do not smash things with my hammer every 10 minutes. I simply smash things with my hammer every 30 minutes. There is a difference.