V: The Nurse
There is a lot of walking in the dark involved in getting to the suicides dwelling place and I've discovered that Riku doesn't like to speak that much while in motion. In fact, he hasn't said anything to me since we started and the only thing that assures me he hasn't vanished is that I'm still clutching his cold, dead hand. I hold on to him tightly, because I've never been too fond of the dark, even if the feeling of the soft, icy flesh is really weirding me out. I've only felt a dead body once, when I had held my grandmother's hand at her open casket. She had been the only person who ever loved me, and after that, I saw her lifeless form for weeks every time I'd close my eyes. It's not a nice feeling, and I realize I must feel exactly like him and her.
I shut my eyes tight, and try to even my erratic inhales. Riku shifts and I open my eyes, but don't see him. "Why are you breathing?" The question would have been so mean if I were alive, but since I'm dead it makes perfect sense. I shrug, and I don't know what he does but he stays quiet and starts walking again. Back on Earth when I was alive, I had always let my imagination do it's worst as I lay in bed in the dark, which is probably why I'm so scared.
The shadows on the walls would move, become demons, inching closer and closer to where I was. As the sun would rise, the darkness would slowly fade away and that rush of fear would go with it, only to be replaced by a deep sorrow and the pounding headache of having spent the whole night awake, staring at a white wall would start up like a sputtering car engine. The demons never managed to capture me, and I always made it through the night.
Looking back, I wonder if the demons in the shadows were real, just lurking around and waiting for the right time, the moment I'd gain enough courage to just off myself and that thought freaks me out. It could be true, after all Axel said he had been watching me for quite some time...also another thing that unnerves me.
My free hand goes up and I place it against the rough rock in front of me, realizing just how close it is and just how little space I have. I've never felt claustrophobic, though in life I had many instances where I was between a rock and a hard place with no space to move, but now squeezed tight in between these rocks, I feel panic flooding my being and an uncontrollable urge to start screaming for help. Breathing definitely did nothing to help me, so I give that up. It feels like I'm going to be stuck in this fucking wall for eternity, all while butt naked, until Riku stops and turns to smile at me. I'm surprised by the faint light, letting me see just a little of his features. "This might feel a little uncomfortable," is all he says as a warning before tugging me through an opening in the wall.
What I feel, is a horrible pressure in my chest, that mixes with the stomach pain and I start to cry, my tears soon being smeared into my cheeks as it feels like I'm bursting through a thin layer of plastic wrap. I can't help myself when I cover my face with my arms, that shit touching my skin makes me feel disgusting. I can't stop bawling. It's an almost crippling sadness and everything I didn't cry about on earth, comes out now. I look towards Riku, through blurry eyes, throwing my arms down to my sides to let them dangle there and spot him, sobbing, rubbing away the tears but wiping at his skin almost furiously.
It takes me a while to notice the temperature drop, but mostly because I'm too busy crying. In this moment, more than ever before, I wish I could just stop existing. I want to vanish into thin air and cease to be, and the knowledge that that is never going to happen makes me cry even harder.
Slowly, the depression seems to ebb and we both manage to stop crying. I sniffle a few times before moving closer to Riku, the opening leading us into a cool cave like place, the walls a deep purple instead of red and dark brown like the rest of hell. The fire burning in here is blue and I look around, spotting the same holes in the walls, like the ones where the demons rest and I wonder what or who is curled up in each little opening.
Riku is a few paces ahead of me when he stops, a demon appearing and blocking his path. It's a small demon, but the pointed ears that stick out of its oddly coloured hair, let me know it isn't a soul. A big chunk of hair(that looks like an ashy purple, or that pencil crayon shade 'Pale Rose', which looks pink until used. Then it's this murky greyish purple, I swear) covers one eye while the other bright blue eye seems to glow in this darkness as it observes Riku. It's wearing a long, black coat and chained to his raw wrists, two massive black books.
"Why must you always run off?" he asks, his voice coming out flat and monotone. Riku doesn't answer him instead turning and waiting for me to catch up. The demon lifts his head, before spotting me and grinning, nasty little teeth showing between his spread, pale lips. "Oh, Roxas...what a surprise," as soon as the words leave his mouth, I feel dirty and again that horrible depression. He walks up to me, the heavy books dragging behind him, the chains clanking.
"Don't lie, you knew he'd be coming...you know everything," Riku sneers at the demon's back and it looks towards him, the grin leaving its face. I can't really see much of its face past its mouth, with the way its head is turned, most of its hair blocking him from my view. So instead I look towards Riku as he crosses his arms over his chest and the demon seems to stay thinking for a few seconds before sighing sadly.
"Yes, and if only your family had had my abilities...they'd still be alive," The demon laughs but it sounds hollow, and it reminds me of everything horrible that's happened in my life. Every single time I've felt abandoned, betrayed, ashamed and just so many other bad times. Riku's face scrunches up and he seems to feel the same way, his eyes tearing up again but that's it. He turns and stomps away from the demon and me, leaving me here alone with it. I swallow thickly when it turns to look at me. "Now Roxas...I suppose you've met Axel."
Suddenly, the rock begins to shift under our feet and the demon looks down as it begins to crack open, fire curling out and licking at the open air. I jump away but it keeps getting bigger, leaving less spaces for me to run. The demon tumbles over the heavy books, and lands on its back before looking upon the black hole that opens up right above the open rock. It widens until I see Axel step out, dropping onto the ground, landing flat on his feet, rolling his shoulders back before turning towards me, eyes watching and I notice he's pale and looks sickly. Speak of the Devil and he doth appear, I guess. His skin looks thin and I can see a tiny network of purple veins just beneath the surface when he's close enough. The scariest thing though, would have to be when I look into his eyes and they are pitch black. There is no pupil, not even a thin slitted one. That hypnotizing green, is completely swallowed by ebony. "My lord, I suppose you had a good time with the Almighty?" Axel's head snaps towards the demon and it's grinning, the books seem to glow a faint purple. I'm a little thrown off, my ears perking and really listening to the exchange of words.
"Hold your tongue, Zexion," Axel growls and I feel relief for a split second, holding on to the illusion that Axel's forgotten about me and is going to keep shouting at the demon. It's devastating when I realize the devil is staring right at me, a huge grin almost splitting his face in two looking like he'd never in a million years forget about me. "And you...my, my, my, aren't you naughty," The words roll off his tongue and I shiver, but in terror. He circles me, and I can feel the stare, as it travels along my naked body. I never would have complained about gym showers if I had ever known being naked in front of someone else could be this uncomfortable. Compared to the way Axel is looking at me now, gym class was nothing. I feel my stomach clench and I lick my lips nervously, just as he reaches out and grabs my arms. "I never would have imagined such a bold move coming from you...wandering around hell naked," He nuzzles his frozen nose against my skin and I cringe, trying to pull myself away yet, a part of me wants to hide behind his billowing black robes. "I think you've earned the rights back into my chambers."
His tongue gets my trail of thought off of hiding in his clothes and I make the strangest sound in the back of my throat. I can't even explain it, because I have no idea what it is. Axel seems to swallow it right up and he starts to chuckle against my skin. "Axel, what a charming sight," I'm reminded of the little demon and Axel spins around, the coolness that had been radiating off him suddenly begins to burn and I feel it, even as he's walking away from me and towards the demon. "Hitting me won't fix anything," Just as the demon raises it's hands to defend itself from any punches, Axel laughs and grabs its arms, pulling them down and staring into its eyes.
"No, but I'll settle for adding more weight to your books," The demon groans loudly and I watch as it drops to its knees, howling in pain as the chains glow a bright red. I watch, transfixed until I feel Axel toss the edge of his robe over my shoulder. I grab it and wrap it around myself, a short little argument within myself about moving in closer to Axel and in the end, I decide to just fucking do it. We stay watching the demon suffer for some time, and I look up towards Axel's face...his eyes are still pitch black.
"What the fuck is going on?" I ask and Axel laughs, then looks down at me, though something tells me he'd much rather watch Zexion suffer.
"The first book holds the weight of every single human regret and the second is the knowledge of the entire universe..."
Suddenly Riku's earlier statement makes sense to me, and I briefly wonder about what the demon had replied but Axel doesn't give me much time. He's pulling me away from the demon and opening another black hole, shoving me into the blackness and I sigh, really wishing for some sunlight. I guess I never truly appreciated it. "Where are we going?" I ask as I wait to arrive to wherever we're going and I look around for Axel, but I can't find him anywhere...all I see is black. "Why aren't I staying where the suicides go?" I feel stupid, like I'm speaking to nothing but I can feel Axel's presence. It's just this deep feeling, right in my core that let's me know the devil is just a few inches away.
"Roxas, I have bigger plans for you...you're going to...heal me from my little visit to the pearly gates," I spin around crazily, trying to spot Axel as he chuckles and my eyes widen almost impossibly huge. So what, I'm suddenly a fucking nurse now? Wait...what does he mean he was at the pearly gates?
"You were in heaven? Why?" The curiosity is almost too much, and my mind is filling with questions. I briefly wonder a few things, and I can't help but think of Axel's appearance. By the looks of it, his visits to heaven don't go too smoothly, and if he were human I'd fear he was going to die but...well, yeah.
"So many questions...you should save your breath," He snorts at his own words before I feel that hot gust of air and we appear in his room again. I swallow thickly and turn to look at him, the long, black robes already tossed off to the side and his lean body revealed. I blame it on being in the devil's presence, the sinful thoughts and the...lustful ones, could be easily blamed on him. I comfort myself with imagining he has some sort of control over my emotions and I almost topple right into him when he walks towards me. "Let's put that delicious mouth to work..."
With the look he gives me, and the way his snake like tongue wets his lips I get two very distinct feelings. Excitement and pure, genuine horror.
A/N: This is a little late birthday present for myself, because I really like this story and now is the only time I've gotten to actually sit and finish this!
I should work on Brotherly Love and just get it over with...but I really want the ending just right.
This story however just seems to come out with ease and I promise if there's anything you're confused about...it'll be cleared up eventually -wink-
All of you better stay sexy, I'll be dropping by again soon for the usual...you know how it is
;D
Yo Pimp,
Sharmander