Well, we all know where this is heading. Can't put it off any longer …

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Chapter 4

Susie sighed heavily as she folded the outfit and placed it in the case with the other clothes. It had been a wonderful honeymoon, she had to admit. Her husband could be brash and opinionated at times but he was also intelligent amusing company and undeniably talented in the bedroom. By the end of the week she'd had quite an education in the pleasures of the flesh and had been quite vocal about her enjoyment on several occasions, much to his delight.

When they arrived home things continued in pretty much the same vein: he only had to creep up behind her and fondle a breast while nibbling on an earlobe, and she was putty in his hands. Sometimes they made it to the bedroom but often it was only as far as the sofa, the kitchen table or the living room floor, and she once confessed to Eileen that he seemed to have turned her into some kind of sex maniac. Her friend giggled behind her hand, but Susie noticed her eyes were always fixed on Gene when he strolled into a room and felt a flash of jealousy. Mind you, women seemed drawn to him wherever they went so Eileen was far from alone.

Susie made up her mind to keep him so satisfied at home he'd never even think about straying, not exactly a hardship seeing as she couldn't keep her hands off him. The only cloud looming on the horizon was that she still hadn't fallen pregnant after almost a year of marriage, despite their best efforts. Soon after their first anniversary she went to see the doctor and was given a clean bill of health, told to relax and just keep on trying. If only he knew, she thought. Hardly a day passed without them going at it like rabbits, surely something should have happened by now?

She tried to put it to the back of her mind and then a few months further down the line she realised she was late by a few days. Hardly daring to hope, she waited until she was almost certain and then made another appointment.

xxxxxx

"You smell nice, luv."

She leaned back against his broad chest as he began to kiss his way down her throat, the excitement bubbling up inside her.

"Gene, I've got some news for yer …"

"Hmmm?"

His fingers were already starting on her buttons and she slapped them away, twisting in his arms.

"It's important!"

He rubbed his growing erection against her, a lascivious grin on his face.

"So's this …"

As he cupped her behind and pulled her closer, she dropped her bombshell.

"I'm pregnant, Gene."

"What?"

He froze and she smirked triumphantly.

"You heard …"

Holding her at arms length, his clear blue gaze held hers.

"Yer mean …?"

"Uh huh. Yer goin' ter be a dad."

He swallowed.

"Are yer sure?"

She nodded.

"The doctor confirmed it today. I'm a couple of months along already."

He blinked at her as though still in shock and then gradually a huge smile spread over his face and her stomach flipped as he folded her in his arms.

xxxxxx

A month later, she had a miscarriage. Back in the present, Susie clenched her fists, her eyes screwed tightly shut, wondering how it could still hurt so much after all this time. Maybe if there'd been another baby …
The doctor told her there was no reason she shouldn't get pregnant again, especially having managed it once, but the weeks and months passed by and nothing happened. She knew she'd become almost obsessional, taking her temperature religiously and waking her husband at all hours for sex, sometimes several times in the same night. At first he hadn't minded but gradually all the enjoyment began to seep out of it for both of them, and love-making became almost a chore.

"Fer God's sake, woman, I've just spent the last two days dealin' with the brutal murder of a teenage girl. I haven't slept, I've hardly eaten and I had to be the one ter tell the parents. I don't care if it's the perfect time or not, I'm really not in the bloody mood …"

"But Gene …"

He held a hand up and got out of bed. She had to admit, he did look exhausted.

"I'll sleep in the spare room tonight. Less chance of yer bein' tempted ter wake me in the early hours."

She cried herself to sleep that night and gradually, almost imperceptibly, their relationship started to disintegrate. She existed in a bubble of her own misery and Gene started coming home only when he needed to. They communicated mostly in grunts and words of one syllable and by the time she realised she was losing him it was too late.

xxxxxx

She recognised that dress. Tight, black and cleavage enhancing, she'd known it was exactly the thing to get Gene in the mood again, and not just in the hopes of getting pregnant.

Finally she'd woken up to the fact that there may never be a baby but she had a husband she still loved, a husband she'd neglected so badly she wondered if he'd ever forgive her. As she made her way into CID, a half bottle of champagne secreted in her bag, she hoped it wasn't too late to recapture what they'd once had.

It was Friday evening and the place was almost in darkness, but she was relieved to see a light still on in his office. As she approached, the breath caught in her throat and her hand flew to her mouth as she shrank back into the shadows again. He was leaning against a filing cabinet swirling a glass of whiskey between his fingers and a pretty young WPC was perched on his desk, gazing up at him adoringly. As Susie watched, Gene put his drink down and moved towards the other woman, leaning in to murmur something in her ear before kicking the door shut and closing the blinds. Susie's pulse pounded in her ears and she felt like her legs were about to give way. There was no mistaking what was going on.

xxxxxx

She kept her knowledge to herself, shouldering most of the blame, and once she'd got over the initial shock she worked even harder to win him back, but with limited success. Although things did improve for a while she felt he was always holding a part of himself back and she wondered if the loss of their baby had affected him more than he cared to admit. He took to staying out late at the Railway Arms most nights, often returning home drunk, and as if that wasn't enough occasionally she would detect the distinct smell of perfume on his clothing. When she confronted him, he always had a convincing explanation. He'd had to fight off a prostitute who wanted to offer her 'services' as a way of avoiding arrest. A victim's mother had fallen into his arms and he hadn't felt able to push her away. One of his fellow officers had upset a plonk and she'd cried on his shoulder …
They both knew it wasn't true but she'd hoped maybe time would heal and he'd work through this phase and come back to her. Until that afternoon when finally, inevitably, something inside her had snapped.

xxxxxx

She still didn't know what compelled her to seek him out that day: possibly some kind of a sixth sense, or more likely she finally felt the need to issue an ultimatum. Walking in the general direction of the station, she rounded a corner and was surprised to see the Cortina parked in the street and even more surprised to see a couple standing close by. He hand flew to her mouth as she realised the man was her husband and she dodged back out of sight, hoping they hadn't seen her.

It seemed she needn't have worried, they were entirely engrossed in one another. As she peeped surreptitiously round the corner, Gene braced himself against the wall with one hand, his intense gaze firmly locked on that of the other woman as he loomed powerfully over her. She was petite, dark, and had the look of a rabbit caught in the headlights, and Susie bit her lip, remembering exactly how it felt to get lost in those bewitching baby blues.

As she watched, he leaned in to whisper something to his companion and her eyelids fluttered closed as one hand snaked possessively round his neck. Susie dug her nails into her palm, remembering just how persuasive her husband could be. No doubt he'd be describing exactly what he intended to do to her in graphic detail. As the two of them moved slowly apart and the WPC flashed him a seductive smile before sashaying her way round to the passenger side, something in Susie died.

Would he take her somewhere quiet and have her on the back seat of the car, she wondered? Or would she be lucky enough to merit a tacky hotel room on the outskirts of town? She recalled what it felt like to be in Gene's arms, his weight pressing down on her, his body possessing hers as he took her to heaven and back, and the sudden surge of jealously almost overcame her. She knew she wasn't prepared to share him and she didn't think he'd change. He'd made his choice and now it seemed she'd finally made hers ...

Epilogue

A small part of her had hoped he might try and persuade her to come home, tell her he couldn't live without her, but instead he seemed to accept her decision almost as though he'd been expecting it.

A few years later she heard he'd moved down to London along with Ray and Chris, and she couldn't deny the pang of loss and regret that ran through her, even after all the time that had passed. By then she was married again to a cousin of Eileen's, a nice steady man called Colin, and still hoping to get pregnant one day. He was no Gene in the bedroom department but at least he was faithful and she knew he'd always look after her.

She wished Gene well, she really did. He was still young enough to start over and who knows, maybe he'd find someone down there who would finally make him happy. She tried to create a mental image of Gene's ideal woman. Definitely a looker, preferably one with curves in all the right places. Intelligent, feisty, bloody-minded and up for a challenge. A bird who would stand up to him and could hold her own in the pub and in the bedroom. Probably better if she worked for the force so she could understand the demands of the job, but not so far beneath him that he could walk all over her.

She sighed, shaking her head ruefully. As if any such woman really existed …

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Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed. Couldn't resist a little note of optimism at the end.
There is a short festive Galex on route shortly as a bit of an andidote!