A/N: Okay guys, I know it's been a while. I went on a long trip to Israel and when I came back school started along with lots of papers and a tiring new schedule. I really tried to update before leaving, but there was still something missing in this and I didn't want to rush it (it's an important chapter after all). For those of you who haven't given up on me, I really hope you enjoy this. It's a loooong one to compensate for the wait. Tell me what you think! :)
13. Confessions
Heather had called in sick and asked to skip rehearsal that afternoon, promising to show up bright and early the next day. It was the first time she had done that. Everyone was immediately worried, filling her cell phone with texts and asking if she needed anything. The details of this sudden disease remained unknown.
Out of all the worried faces, Naya's was the worst. Heather never called in sick. She had actually showed up one time with such a high fever that she had almost fainted during rehearsal. For Heather to miss work she had to be nearly dying or something else was going on. Something serious.
She had texted her that morning to postpone their lunch - the one where she would tell her about the "not important, very important, good, but sad" thing. The vague, apologetic text didn't mention feeling sick, which only confused Naya further.
She just couldn't wait for the next day. She got in her car as soon as work was done and drove to Heather's place.
When she got there, Taylor was outside, carrying a huge box towards the trunk of a white SUV. Relief flooded her. It couldn't be so serious if it didn't stop him from whatever he was doing.
Naya haphazardly parked her car, meeting Taylor on the curb with a soft smile.
"Hey Taylor." She greeted.
"Hi." He coldly replied.
Naya had to stop her eye-roll at his tone. They had surely fought. He would always act like a brat when that happened. Who would fight a probably comatose Heather? God, he was an ass.
"Is Heather home?" She asked, concern already lacing her tone.
He looked at her like she was mocking him. Shifting his head to the side to glance at the entrance, he responded. "She's there."
Before Naya could protest against his carelessness, Heather came out holding a similar box, looking healthy as ever.
"Heather?"
"Naya?" The panicked tone didn't quite convey the absolute ghostly look that showered the girl's face.
She dropped the box with a loud crash, wakening an immediate raging Taylor.
"Would you be careful?! You probably broke something!"
Heather didn't reply, standing there, looking at Naya in stunned silence.
Taylor marched to her, shoving her to the side as he inspected the interior of the box while spitting accusations.
None of the girls heard a word. Naya slowly walked up to them, questioningly observing Heather. His temper, the boxes, Heather's shock at seeing her, the important thing she had to tell her – all those little puzzle pieces were starting to fit together and Naya didn't know what to say.
"I thought you were sick."
Taylor scoffed throwing a side glance at Heather before grabbing the box and taking it to the trunk.
"I can explain." Heather weakly said.
"Well, can you finish helping me first?" Taylor spat from behind Naya.
Heather finally acknowledged him with a nod, before turning to her friend again.
"Don't leave. Go inside and wait for me. I'll be right over." Heather pleaded.
"Okay." Naya croaked, walking to the house without really knowing why.
If what she was thinking was true, then why wouldn't Heather say something? And should she be here now? Heather didn't owe her explanations. But she had looked so guilty, and Naya couldn't deny the sting in her chest even in her state of shock.
When she crossed the hallway she noticed how the place was starting to look the way it did many years ago. For a long time, Taylor's stuff had started marking the place, plaguing almost every corner. But now it was as if his presence was absolutely gone from inside those walls, and without Ashley's things, it actually looked a little empty.
Hearing steps entering the house, she noticed how the living-room was still filled with boxes. Not wanting to be here while they carried them out, Naya climbed the steps and ventured inside Heather's room.
His things were gone from here too. The bag Heather used to bring to Naya's place when she slept over was standing next to the closet, apparently full.
She sat on the bed waiting, not really capable of forming any coherent thoughts. She didn't know what she was feeling. It actually seemed like she felt nothing - absolute numbness - which was a weird feeling on its own.
She didn't know how much time had passed, but when Heather showed up at the doorway, her body ached from being in the same position for so long.
"I'm sorry you had to wait." Heather said, slowly entering the bedroom.
"What's going on, Heather?" Naya asked, looking up at the blonde who seemed to hesitate on where to stand.
Heather's fingers fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. She stood in front of the dresser, facing Naya, but keeping her distance. It made Naya feel just as awkward.
"I-We broke up." Heather paused, looking down. "He's moving out."
Naya waited for the girl to look back at her, but when she didn't, the brunette stood up, walking a step closer.
"I'm so sorry." She said honestly, her heart breaking at the thought of Heather's sadness.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
Heather looked at her, seeming hopeful but also nervous with the shortened distance. She started speaking, but suddenly stopped and swallowed emptily. The blonde averted her eyes, eventually closing them.
"I didn't know how."
"When did this happen?"
If Heather looked guilty before, now she looked absolutely mortified.
"It-It happened a while ago." She paused, taking her time before looking up at Naya. "It's been a month."
"A month?" The shocked reply was out before she could stop it. "Heather…"
"Would you sit down?" Heather asked softly while staring at the floor.
"I want to tell you everything, but I can't with you standing in front of me like this."
Naya looked at the space between them and silently did as asked.
When Heather didn't say anything, Naya asked the question that was burning in her chest.
"Why did you break up?"
"It just wasn't working." Heather said simply, glancing at Naya before returning her attention to the floor.
"Does anyone know?"
Naya tried to cover the hurt in her voice when she asked, but as blue eyes met hers, she knew she had failed.
"I only told Ashley." Heather breathed. "Our families know. He told my mother."
Naya nodded, not knowing why it hurt so much that Heather hadn't confided in her. It was very unusual for them to talk about Taylor, or any aspect of their love lives. If it weren't for their mutual friends and crossed conversations, they would probably never even discuss it at all. She had no reason to feel like this.
"I'm so sorry, Naya. I wanted to tell you. But you- you were so happy at the time, with Nate and all that. I didn't want to bring you down with my sob story. And I really didn't know where to start."
Adding to the illogical feelings she was experiencing, the explanation strangely humiliated her. But now wasn't the time to be a ball of emotion over this. Even if four weeks after the fact, and only because Naya showed up unannounced, Heather was still confiding in her. Her friend needed her.
Naya stood up once more and closed the distance between them, against Heather's wishes.
"Hey, you don't have to apologize. I'm sorry I looked so shocked. I wasn't expecting it. But that doesn't matter now."
Naya held Heather's forearms hoping to bring some comfort to the other girl. "How are you?"
She couldn't understand the way Heather was looking at her. It seemed like the blonde was hesitating on what to say and her guilty eyes kept averting Naya's. But why? Why did she look so scared?
"I'm okay. I knew it was coming. Ever since he moved in things started going downhill."
Naya's brow furrowed. That was certainly not how it had seemed. Everyone kept saying how perfect they were and talking about the impending marriage.
Well, now that she thought about it, Heather had never responded with the same enthusiasm. She would smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. And, most of the time, she would avoid the questions. Naya had just been too focused on not throwing up to notice, until now.
"I started realizing things I hadn't before." Heather continued, now shaking under Naya's grasp.
It pained the brunette, who only gripped harder. Heather, however, didn't seem to want physical support. She softly grabbed Naya's wrists, pulling her away, before moving to sit on the bed. Their places now reversed, Naya leaned back onto the dresser watching her.
"I guess I was in denial about…"Heather managed to meet her eyes, but it didn't last long. "… Taylor. Our relationship wasn't what I thought it was."
"Did he do something?"
Heather smiled sheepishly at Naya's protective tone.
"No. If anyone's to blame it's me. I should have figured it out sooner."
"Figure what out?" Naya asked, her voice quieter than she expected.
"That I didn't love him." Heather confessed, looking up at her with tears starting to fill her eyes.
At that, Naya had to physically fight to breathe. The brunette wanted to move to the bed and hold Heather, but she felt like she wasn't allowed to. It was maddening to stand there, watching her friend break apart. Just as maddening as trying her hardest not to let the small glint of hope reemerge.
"I'm so sorry." She said again, not knowing what else to do.
The blonde looked away with a tight-lipped smile, but her eyes turned sadder.
"What can I do?"
"Nothing." Heather responded simply, still looking away.
The stony answer only agitated the slight sting that was still bubbling in Naya's chest. Feeling powerless, she tried to verbalize the confusion in her mind. Hopefully, that would help break the unexpected wall between them.
"I know you're a very private person. I know that and I respect it." Naya started, watching Heather's face, even as the girl ignored her to focus on the comforter instead.
"But I don't understand… He's already moving out. I know we don't talk about this kinda stuff all that frequently but… Is there a reason you didn't tell me?"
Heather gulped, wiping away her tears but still not looking up.
"I told you why. I didn't want to drag you into this."
This time Heather's words hit her with new meaning. Naya felt the sting turn into a painful clench in her chest. By "drag you into this" Heather meant she didn't want to give Naya hope. The feeling of humiliation came back, but this time it made sense to her. Everything was suddenly clear - the distance, the vagueness, how unusually guarded she was being.
"What do you mean drag me into it? I'm your friend." Her voice was so weak right now, it embarrassed her even more.
"Your life was on the right track. I didn't…" Heather looked around the room as if looking for answers. "I don't know. I guess I just didn't want to be the Debbie downer."
On the right track, Naya thought. Those were Heather's words.
After all this time, she thought she had been more successful hiding her feelings. But it made sense that the one person she could never fool was Heather. Hell, she wasn't even sure she could fool Telly or Dianna. Maybe she couldn't really fool anybody. Just a second ago, she was fighting her own pathetic hope.
She was the same silly girl of the past. So obviously so that, puppy eyed Heather Morris, the head-chief of Denial, couldn't ignore it.
She wasn't mad at Heather. Could she be mad that her former best friend wouldn't want to give her false hope? For not wanting to break her heart again?
She was merely mad at herself.
In any other situation, Naya would skillfully avoid the insinuation and reassure Heather. But this time, watching Heather evading, Naya felt like she couldn't pretend anymore. It was pointless anyway.
"I'm sorry to disappoint but Nate and I were never serious."
Heather's eyes glued to her immediately, like a magnet had just forced them up. And they were almost as wide as when Naya had arrived.
"I had fun with him, but it would have been much more comfortable for me if we had just hung out as friends."
Naya knew her tone was cold, almost uncharacteristically bitter, but she couldn't bring herself to change her demeanor.
"But obviously I wouldn't know that without trying first, so I did. At that moment, I felt like I really needed some light-hearted dates to get my mind off of…"
Hold your horses on the honesty department, Naya thought.
"…Stuff."
The staring contest between them was starting to unnerve her so she shrugged her shoulders looking away, talking as lightly as she could muster.
"So you really didn't need to spare me from a sob story. But you probably had your reasons not to confide in me. I can't tell you they were wrong."
Heather's brow furrowed in the confused puppy look Naya tried not to adore.
It seemed like even when she was so dangerously honest, Heather would miss it. But if that was the case, where did this talk come from?
"You can talk to me about this, about whatever you want, and I'll listen. I told you before and I'll say it again – I'm here for you. But I also respect that you may not want to. So I'm going to leave now."
Heather's face fell and the blonde dancer stood up, but Naya didn't stop.
"I'm sorry for forcing this out of you. I really didn't mean to. I was just really worried because you never call in sick."
Naya started speaking faster as soon as Heather stood up, and this time she was the one avoiding physical contact by moving to the doorway and out of Heather's grasp.
"That's really sweet." Heather said softly, in absolute contrast to her movements as she almost jumped towards Naya.
Heather closed the door as Naya was about to reach it. The brunette jumped back a little, her back colliding with the wall. Heather looked at her apologetically, rubbing her palms against the fabric of her jeans.
"I'm sorry to jump on you like this, but can you please not leave yet?"
Naya was going to agree but nothing came out. Heather was looking at her in a way that brought one too many memories, and the girl froze trying to ignore the parallels. Heather was standing only two very short steps away, leaning against the doorway with soft, pleading eyes.
"I feel like we just had one of those double-meaning conversations."
"You think we do that?" The brunette couldn't help a smile.
"Don't you?"
"Maybe. But I'm not used to you being so…"
"Perceptive?" Heather asked, embarrassed.
Naya laughed. "I was going to say blunt."
After a small pause, she continued.
"I don't mean you're not an honest person, though. You're pretty direct. It's just that…"
"I know."
"So what were you trying to say?"
"You first." Heather quickly offered, biting her lip nervously.
Naya cracked up but didn't relent.
"Well…" Heather started, a blush covering her cheeks. "I don't want you to get mad at me, or awkward, or anything like that…"
The blonde's breathing was so erratic now that her words came out in puffs, like she was underwater and needed to come up before speaking. It made Naya fidget.
"The last thing I want is to scare you away…"
Now Naya was sure of what was going to be said and her heart broke in anticipation. It was going to hurt, but seeing Heather prepare to step away, she grabbed her elbow to stop her. It surprised them both. Usually Naya would prefer some distance in a situation like this, but this time felt different. She couldn't take the physical distance on top of the emotional one that was probably going to be thrown at her. She would face the final rejection head-on.
"The reason I didn't tell you about Taylor until now…"
Heather locked eyes with her, looking vulnerable in a way Naya had never seen before.
"…Is the fact that I've been thinking a lot about when it all started."
Naya froze.
"Ever since he moved in I realized that our relationship only worked long-distance. At first I thought it was just the fact that I wasn't used to it. But it still felt weird that I wasn't… Happier. And then…"
Heather looked down and started talking to Naya's neck. It raised an embarrassing surge of heat over her body, but it didn't stop the agonizing fear that pulsed in her heart.
"Then I thought about how Taylor and I got back together and… Everything came back. All that confusion..."
Naya frowned and even though Heather wasn't looking directly at her, she seemed to notice. The blonde straightened her back, daring to look back at Naya.
She knew she hadn't covered the sadness in her face fast enough just by watching Heather's pout. It was adorable. So adorable it wore her down. How was it that, even in the worst moments, she couldn't stop reacting to the blonde this way? Was it possible that she didn't just not get over Heather but fell more in love with her over the years?
"I realized I made a huge mistake. I don't know how my life would have been if I hadn't done that. But even the tiniest chance that, maybe, things could have worked out my way breaks my heart."
Naya's heart was now at an impossible fast beat. For the first time since she had arrived, she wasn't afraid. She wasn't hopeful either. It was a weird anxious sensation of being on the verge of falling. But instead of being scared, you just want to know when they'll push you over the edge.
"I didn't tell you about Taylor because all I could think about was how we were before."
Naya's eyes widened and it seemed to scare Heather. As if she was just now realizing what she was revealing.
"And every time we were together I just wanted to have a little bit of that past back."
Naya didn't say anything, which seemed to make the situation worse. Heather's eyes filled with tears that quickly ran down her cheeks. Yet, the blonde continued.
"I don't even know how you felt before. I just know that I buried myself in a stupid fucking highschool fantasy. And I keep wondering…"
Blue eyes were everywhere but on Naya. The brunette wanted her to look at her, but she couldn't ask. Thankfully, Heather still seemed to read her, so puffy blue eyes met hers.
"I know you still remember those days because I can feel it when we're together."
Heather took a shaky breath before continuing. "I don't want to sound conceited. I'm not making assumptions about… your past feelings. I just know you remember it. And it's absolutely normal that for you it's all well resolved in the past. But I guess… It's not for me. I denied it all this time, and maybe because I denied it, it didn't…"
Heather stopped the words before they were out, leaving Naya hanging on every word. The blonde looked down, her voice losing its strength.
"I made all the wrong choices and tried to be with someone in a way I couldn't anymore. And when I realized it… I didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't keep lying to myself or Taylor, that's why we broke up. But I didn't know how to come to you."
Was this a dream? Was Heather actually talking about this? Was this happening?
Naya looked around the room. Her vision was hazy as if she had been drinking. She let her hands feel the wall that was touching her back. It was real, this was happening.
When her eyes returned to Heather the girl seemed utterly heartbroken. Naya felt incapable of moving or even speaking. She had yearned for this moment for so long, kept it hidden from her wishes for so long, that now she was completely paralyzed.
She didn't know she was crying until she felt the warm tears roll against her cheeks.
"Please say something." The blonde begged without meeting her eyes.
Naya opened her mouth to speak, but the only thing that came out was a strangled, "I remember".
Heather looked at her lips as she spoke. The look of wonderment was so intense one would think she didn't know Naya was capable of speaking. When she found the trace of tears, she moved closer, locking eyes with the brunette. Her right hand moved to Naya's face, delicately wiping them away.
Her soft touch burned Naya's skin, her heart beating wildly, but she couldn't let herself repeat the same mistakes of the past. She needed to be sure.
"What were you denying… back then?" She asked.
Heather let her hand fall, a contemplative sad smile gracing her lips.
"That I was falling in love with you."
The gasp that left Naya's mouth was barely audible, but both of them heard it. Heather avoided her eyes, her face solemn.
"I was afraid that maybe you didn't feel the same, that maybe to you it didn't mean as much. I didn't want to lose you, and…"
Heather took a shallow breath, new tears forming.
Naya's heart was dancing against her ribcage. It was dizzying and overwhelming.
"And then a lot of stupid stuff got in my head. I thought I needed a boyfriend to stop being confused. I thought I would screw us up or ruin your career. I thought a lot of crap." Heather choked on her words. "I was so afraid."
"Why didn't you talk to me about it?" Naya's words were whispered throatily.
"I wanted to but I didn't know how."
"That happens a lot." The snarky comment seemed out of place, and Naya immediately felt sorry for it.
Heather didn't seem bothered. She just nodded.
"I know it was my own doing but… Why didn't you say anything?"
"When?" Naya asked, even though she knew exactly what the other girl meant.
"When I told you my mom was setting me up with Taylor."
Naya thought about that day as she absorbed Heather's words.
"What could I say?" Naya croaked.
It upset Naya to hear her own words. All this time she blamed herself for being foolish but never for being a coward. How could she have been so passive?
The guilty look that shadowed blue eyes, her broken figure, and the tremble on her lips while trying to keep the tears at bay - nothing about the blonde was defensive or attacking. She looked defeated. It made Naya want to say more.
"I didn't know what we were. I didn't know if it meant anything to you."
Heather let out a cry. It was soft and muffled by her hand, but Naya caught it. This time she was the one to move a step closer, grabbing Heather's wrist. The sob that followed broke her heart.
"But did it mean something to you?"
The question may have been whispered but Naya had never heard anything so loudly.
She gripped Heather's hands. "Yes."
Heather looked up, and it was the most beautiful sight Naya had ever seen.
"I was falling in love with you too."
The strangled breath that escaped Heather's lips as her eyes shone was Naya's final push. They didn't seem to be able to stop their tears any longer. Heather pulled the girl into a tight hug, letting their bodies collide. There was no space between them, but this time like never before. It was out now.
Naya felt like she had jumped back two and a half years and put her heart back together. A smile, stained by tears, burst through her lips and she could feel her whole body being enveloped by Heather's warmth.
Her body shook and she gripped harder, having trouble breathing under the frenzy that was happening inside her body. Her head burned with a new kind of fire, as if celebrating the end of tortuous thoughts. For that moment, her only concern was to hold on for dear life.
A content laugh found its way out. She felt Heather reflect it as she turned her head slightly burying it on Naya's hair.
"Naya?" she whispered to her neck before stepping back enough to face her.
The brunette didn't want it to end just yet, but she couldn't resist the opportunity to face the blonde. The girl looked a mess, the most gorgeous mess ever to grace the earth. Her eyes were bluer despite the puffiness and redness surrounding them, her skin tainted by a blush that would not cease, and her breathing shallow but much lighter than before.
The blonde turned serious and Naya felt herself doing the same almost immediately.
"Do you… Do you still…"
Heather gulped and it made Naya nervous. This moment had made her jump back in time mending her broken heart, but the present could still tear her apart.
"Heather, let's not talk about this right now."
Heather looked devastated, but nodded. It was such a huge fall from the stunned and bewildered happy look she was sporting not a second ago. Naya had no doubt in her mind that whatever was about to be said took a lot to ask. And for that alone she knew she would be honest. She wouldn't lie about this ever again. Knowing she hadn't been a fool all these years, that what they had shared had been real, was the greatest gift Heather could have given her. But to go beyond that at this point was a risk Naya wasn't willing to take.
Taylor had just left. Heather was feeling lonely; her world was probably upside down. She had been thinking about the past, regretting her decisions. How could Naya trust her emotions right now?
"We'll talk." Naya added watching Heather's broken but compliant expression. "Just not today."
Heather's smile froze her. She had never seen Heather smile like that before. And at that moment she finally knew what pure bliss felt like. Because no matter what happened after today, she had been honest and Heather wasn't running away anymore. The relief that flooded her made her dizzy. She felt her legs weaken but Heather's arms were back around her waist, safely holding her still.
The blonde stared at her lips sending a familiar wave of butterflies to Naya's stomach. A shiver ran through her back as she let her eyes fall to Heather's lips. There she saw the smile that she had longed for all this time, and with her heart beating its fastest she watched Heather close the distance and kiss her forehead.
Naya smiled, her chest jerking at the feeling of soft lips resting against her face. Heather was different. A change that made Naya feel safer than ever before.
Heather found it hard to do simple things she used to do automatically. She had to force her brain to focus so that she could open her bedroom door, just like she had to force her legs to walk down the steps.
Naya was right next to her, silently following her and for that alone she felt like the happiest woman on earth.
Heather didn't know what possessed her to open up like that. In her head she had already decided to be honest with Naya about the past, no matter the consequences. It seemed fair to at least let the girl know that she wasn't just playing around back then. The fear of rejection had almost frozen her and Heather could only hope that Naya wouldn't freak out and shut her off.
Ever since her mind had taken a trip down memory lane, a feeling in her gut told her that, at least in the past, the feelings that she had denied had been returned. There had been something there. It wasn't just a selfish need to know for sure that made her talk. It was the guilt that hung on her chest every time Naya's eyes would darken in sadness when referring to those times. She needed to come clean. Heather just wasn't expecting to talk about it so impulsively.
And when she did, it was as if the tomb had opened letting everything out. She kicked herself internally for almost asking the question that Naya cut off. That question was the selfish one. She desperately wanted Naya to still feel the same way. But, as much as her heart hurt when the girl didn't want to have that talk, Heather was glad they didn't.
She didn't want Naya to think she just needed someone to warm her bed. And honestly, after years of running from this, she knew she didn't deserve to get her fairytale happy ending.
The whispered promise that they might talk about it one day was more than Heather could have hoped for. She would wait. She would wait forever if she had to. And even if Naya told her now that there wasn't a chance in hell that they would ever try again, the fact that the girl was still here right now was enough to make Heather smile the brightest smile of these past three years.
When they reached the front door, Heather opened it for Naya, and they shared a quiet smile. Naya took a few steps outside and Heather stayed back and watched her. When a sounding shriek erupted from the brunette's throat, Heather jumped outside, quickly following her line of sight.
"What's wrong?!"
"My car!" Naya whined. "They towed it!"
"What?" Heather asked confused, looking around for the white Range Rover.
"It was right here!" Naya pointed after sprinting to where her car should be.
"You parked your car here?" Heather asked trying to keep the grin from her face. "Naya, what the hell were you thinking?"
Naya turned to her with an angry pout that did nothing to stop the blonde's smile.
"I was thinking you were dying! I couldn't waste time parking it properly."
Heather smiled gently feeling another round of frenzied butterflies enter her body.
"Plus your stupid boyfr-… Taylor's car was blocking my way."
Heather cracked up lightly, reaching out for Naya's hand.
"Don't worry. I'll pay for your ticket. It's my fault after all. I'm the worst friend ever."
Naya half frowned.
"Now I'll have to call a cab."
"No, you don't. You can stay here and I'll give you a ride to work tomorrow."
Naya seemed to stop at Heather's suggestion. Only then the blonde realized what she had just offered.
"I didn't even think of work." Naya commented, ignoring the sudden tension. "I can call a cab now and you could give me a ride tomorrow."
Heather simply nodded. She hadn't meant to invite Naya for an awkward sleepover. They had an early morning call the next day, but the blonde wouldn't mind waking up at dawn to go pick her up. It was the least she could do.
The brunette inspected her for a short while, both of them gazing at each other in silence.
"But I guess I could stay here. It's not a big deal." Naya shrugged.
Heather tried to keep the wide grin from her face, not wanting to scare Naya away with a gigantic animalistic smile.
"Yeah." She tried to answer nonchalantly.
When they got back inside the awkwardness came back instantly. Naya looked around the house as if she had never been there, and Heather mimicked her thinking of something, anything, for them to do.
Naya commented how the place needed to get "more cozy", and they shared opinions on how to warm the naked walls. Conversation was always easy with them, but as soon as that stopped the silence was back. That's when Heather had the worst idea of all time. She was going to cook them dinner.
It didn't take long for a simple omelet to gain a brownish sort of rusty tone. Naya was sitting on top of the counter expecting the blonde's work and trying to guide her through it. The advice was definitely helpful, but the staring was not. Heather dropped too much salt, forgot to turn the food letting it burn on the bottom and dumped half a package of black pepper on top of the weirdly shaped omelet. She wasn't to blame, brown eyes were.
Naya cracked up loudly at the increasingly unpleasant smell of their future dinner and jumped off the counter.
"Honey, let the boss take over."
The pet name, despite being said in such a mocking tone, set a whirlwind of shivers to Heather's body.
"How are you still so bad at this?"
"You were distracting me!" Heather complained, taking Naya's place on the counter. "I'm better at it, I swear."
"If this is better, I dread to think of how it was before." Naya snorted playfully.
Heather kicked her on the hip with her foot.
"You know how it was before."
Naya grinned, crunching up her nose like Heather so adored.
Heather's cell phone started ringing and the blonde moved to grab it while still looking adoringly at Naya.
"Heather." She said when she picked up, not bothering to check who was calling.
"Hey, so how did the move go?"
"Oh, Ashley. It was fine." Heather continued, suddenly remembering how the afternoon had been. "He left about two hours ago."
Naya's head turned to the side slightly before the brunette immersed on her cooking activities again.
"So, this is it then. You're free."
Heather could hear the relief on her friend's voice, which made a smile rise on her own lips.
"Yeah… I am."
"Do you want to celebrate? I can meet you later."
Heather hesitated. Her cheeks flushed as she took a few steps away from the kitchen.
"Definitely, but… Actually… Someone showed up."
She could hear the questions bursting on Ashley's tongue before she even voiced them. It was as if Ashley had also developed a sixth sense when it came to Naya. Or maybe Heather was just too obvious.
"I mean, you can still come over. I really couldn't have done this without you. You have no idea how much your help meant to me. You're the best friend I could have wished for." Heather finished sincerely.
"Stop kissing my ass! Who is there, right now?"
"Uh… Naya."
"NAYA?!" Heather wasn't sure if Ashley was actually surprised or just having a weird and loud outburst. "How-when… What is she doing there?"
"She thought I was sick and got worried."
Heather couldn't help the smile that tugged the corners of her mouth. She had unintentionally walked back to the kitchen. Naya turned to her with a mocking frown.
"You called in sick, remember?" The brunette whispered, throwing the end of a carrot to the blonde's stomach.
Heather laughed at her as the vegetable hit her.
"What's going on in there? Are you guys flirting already? Oh my God! You told her, didn't you?"
Suddenly terrified that Naya could hear Ashley's words, Heather sprinted to the living-room before whispering.
"No. I mean, sort of. We just talked about the past. Not the present."
"Oh my God…"
"She didn't want to talk about the present." Heather clarified, noting how defeated she sounded. "Which is totally okay."
"I thought you were done with lying to yourself."
Heather still didn't feel safe so she silently walked up the stairs before answering.
"I know, and okay, I wish we could have talked more. But I'm really grateful we're in such a good place even after everything."
"How do you guys do that?"
"I don't know." Heather breathed. "I mean, it's awkward sometimes. I don't know if we'll ever be as comfortable with each other as we were before. But we have our moments. And that's more than enough."
She could hear Ashley's deep breath before her friend spoke.
"You really are in love with her, aren't you?"
Heather felt a tug in her chest at the girl's words. It wasn't really a question and they both knew it. Heather fell silent.
"Her car got towed so she's gonna sleep over tonight." She explained after a short pause.
"Sleep over?!" Ashley's tone was back in loud and weird mode instantly. "Playing with fire, don't you think?"
Heather blushed profusely at the thought of Naya and her doing anything beyond platonic.
"Nothing is going to happen, Ash."
"You say that now and then I'll end up catching you two sucking face on…"
"Stop!" Heather interrupted, feeling the heat rise between her legs. "It's not like we haven't been friends without benefits for years now."
"Yes, but you had Taylor then. Now you're free."
"That doesn't change anything."
"Besides," Ashley continued, unbothered, "you were hiding from your feelings before. It's going to be much harder now that you've faced them."
"That really isn't helping, Ashley." Heather scowled getting more and more anxious. "Everything will be fine. I won't try anything and she certainly won't either. So stop fantasizing."
"Oh, I'm not fantasizing. But I'm sure you'll be, later tonight."
"Ashley!"
"Ok, you're right! I'm being an ass."
Heather breathed in relieved.
"I guess I got a little carried away. And you're right. You and Taylor are done now, but that doesn't mean Naya will drop right in." Ashley paused. "Although, she kind of did…"
"As a friend."
"Of course." Ashley agreed, but it still sounded mildly sarcastic.
"Look, I have to go now. Will you come over?"
"No way. Even without benefits, you two are insufferable with your sexual tension."
Heather couldn't help but snort. When she hung up the phone, Heather realized she hadn't checked with Taylor. Deciding to tie all loose ends, the blonde gave him a quick call, making sure everything had gone alright.
Now that he was officially starting a new life, Taylor seemed to be enjoying hating Heather as much as possible. It hurt a little, but she knew she deserved it. Setting her phone on her night stand, she walked down the stairs finally feeling like she could start living too.
When she got back downstairs, Naya was halfway done.
"Where did you run off to?"
"I just went upstairs." Heather vaguely answered. "Oh!"
"What?"
Heather's heart was pulsing faster now that she realized a very important detail that had gone completely over her head until now.
"On the guest room, I don't have a mattress…"
Naya's eyebrows rose, understanding what that meant.
"Taylor couldn't afford one right now, so I let him have the one from the guestroom."
They had been comfortable sharing a bed before. It wasn't a big deal. But before there was Taylor, and before the past was taboo. Now everything seemed different, even if not in a bad way. Why did Ashley always have to be right?
"You can have my bed and I'll just sleep on the couch." Heather added. "I'm actually used to it. I've been sleeping on Ashley's couch for almost 4 weeks now."
The change in Naya's expression happened instantly. The brunette watched her silently before shrugging her shoulders and turning her back to the blonde.
"If anyone will take the couch it's me. But we can both sleep on your bed, if you don't mind. It's queen sized. Plenty of space."
Naya turned off the stove while Heather just kept nodding slowly to nothing in particular.
They could sleep in the same bed. Heather wasn't an animal. She had been attracted to Naya all this time. Acknowledging her feelings wouldn't suddenly break her self-control. Ashley was just overreacting.
"Plenty of space." She repeated, embarrassingly late, earning a smirk from the brunette.
Oh, how she had missed that playful knowing smirk.
"Dinner is ready." Naya announced, sounding more domesticated than anyone else who had ever lived there.
Heather clapped excitedly, sprinting to set up the table. Naya joined her, but only to grab Heather's elbow and cease her movements.
"Do you remember that night at my house, after Mark and I had that messy fight that ended things for good?"
Heather's mind had been racing ever since Naya's hand gripped her elbow, her brain trying to tame her stubborn body. The shivers that were sent to her spine by that simple touch were as intense as they felt ridiculous and inappropriate. But as soon as Naya spoke, Heather forgot her own frenzy and nodded.
She did remember that night. She remembered how relieved and giddy she felt when Amber told her the news, before the smile died on her face as she saw Naya. The brunette looked like a truck had run her over. Her eyes were puffy, she looked angry and frustrated, and nothing anyone would say seemed to cheer her up or make her laugh. Heather couldn't take the sight, and felt extremely guilty for her short happiness over the break-up.
"You showed up at my house with sushi from my favorite place." Naya started with a huge smile on her lips.
"We watched movies all night." Heather continued.
"Yes. Horrendous, gory movies that you probably hated."
She cracked up. It was true; she didn't like them that disgusting. It made eating a hard task that night.
"But you still watched them because it was the only genre I could handle that night. I felt like killing someone, I was pissy and annoying but you stayed there."
Naya's hand travelled to her forearm where it tenderly moved in circles. The action seemed to affect the air surrounding Heather, making it much thicker and harder to breathe.
"And you listened. You made all that stupid rage disappear. A week after I was already joking around with Mark again. If it weren't for you, we probably wouldn't be friends right now. And I didn't even thank you for that."
"You didn't have to." Heather said sincerely, her voice a lower than usual. "I'm your friend. That's what friends do."
"And that's what I want to do for you now." Naya finally explained, pulling Heather back to the kitchen.
The brunette set two trays for them while Heather watched with curious eyes and a smitten smile draped over her lips.
"Go on. Pick your poison."
"I'll watch anything."
The brunette grabbed one tray and Heather followed.
"Come on, help me out. How can I make you feel better if you don't tell me what you want?"
"You're already making me feel better."
Naya set the tray on the coffee table by the couch and just turned to Heather insistently.
"Okay!" The blonde relented. "No romantic comedies. I don't need to watch other people's happy endings. No dramas. I had enough of that. No killing people. I don't want anyone dead."
Naya laughed at that, but let Heather continue.
"I guess a comedy. Like a really funny movie that's just stupid and hilarious."
"Deal!"
They took their time deciding on a movie and ended up watching Bridesmaids. It may not have been an original choice, but it had them crying in laughter just the same. However, it didn't go unnoticed by Naya how Heather's face fell when Annie felt estranged from her best friend, nor when she couldn't get the forgiveness she needed from Rhodes.
As soon as the movie finished, Heather shifted her head to look at Naya. The girl was watching her intently, making Heather self-conscious about the stray tears that had escaped her eyes somewhere during the movie. She had hid them under the discretion of the puffy pillow, but her reddened eyes were something that Naya wouldn't ignore.
The brunette pressed her lips together and frowned before resolutely grabbing the remote.
Not wanting any sort of sadness shadowing the blonde's face, Naya decided to go for some classics. The brunette was avidly scrolling through Heather's TV trying to find something appropriate for them to watch. But the more Naya did, the more it downed on Heather how well the girl knew her and what she had missed out on. The brunette had admitted her feelings. The enormity of that was still hard to grasp. Heather had been lucky enough to inspire such feelings. Naya had loved her back and Heather had let it go to waste. It made her heart cringe in pain, but she couldn't let it get to her. Not now. Not when Naya was sitting next to her, trying so hard to make her happy.
Naya finally decided they would watch Dumb & Dumber and Sister Act. Before starting the movies, the girl lifted Heather's legs and laid them on her lap. Heather smiled brightly at the gesture, nestling on the couch contently.
By the time they finished their third movie, Naya had made Heather laugh so hard that the weight on her heart had dissipated completely. The blonde was sporting a huge smile and rosy cheeks. When she turned to her friend, she found Naya watching her while tracing soft patterns on the blonde's legs.
"Thank you." Heather whispered.
The room was peacefully quiet now and it seemed like time had stopped. They were frozen in that moment of contentment where the usual worries couldn't reach them. The only thing keeping Heather's heart racing was the delicate touch of Naya's hands on her skin, which undoubtedly increased her blush.
"You're welcome." Naya replied, gripping Heather's knee before halting her movements completely.
Now that Naya wasn't moving her hands, it felt like her palms were burning holes in Heather's skin. The quietness was still peaceful, but Heather was suddenly aware of the heat in her lower stomach.
She had missed this, the way her giddiness would last for hours when Naya was around. She missed the nervous jitters that vibrated through her body. These past years, the feelings had never stopped, but they felt different when guilt clouded them. Until now, whenever she and Naya got lost in their bubble, Heather would be awaken by reality with a sharp pang of guilt that, even without acknowledging the reasons behind it, left an unbearable weight pressing on her chest. She had never felt this comfortable around Naya.
Even in that first year, the burning questions about their friendship and her own feelings (the questions she so expertly avoided) never allowed her to be completely at ease.
But now, despite not being able to act on it, things had changed. The fact that she wasn't hiding anymore, that she wasn't denying it, felt liberating.
Naya was watching her intently making Heather's smile grow. After so long, Naya's curious eyes still hadn't given up. Right now, the brunette looked more lost than ever but, at the same time, less frightened by it.
"There's something different about you." Naya admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I can't put my finger on what, but I know something changed."
Heather nodded with a tiny shrug.
"Besides the obvious, of course." Naya continued shaking her head slightly as her eyes drifted to the coffee table. "I'm sorry, that was tactless."
Heather used her knee to push Naya's hand slightly, her own hand falling on top of the brunette's, letting her know it was okay.
"It's not that kind of change. It's something about you in general." Naya kept trying to explain, before breathing weakly. "Forget about it, I'm not making any sense."
"It makes a lot of sense to me."
At that, Naya's eyes met Heather's. There was that questioning look again and Heather wanted nothing more than to explain, but Naya had asked her not to. How was Heather supposed to tell her friend about it without breaking her promise?
"I guess I just see things in a different perspective now." Heather started choosing her words carefully, "The right one. I'm just accepting things as they are."
Naya didn't seem any more enlightened but she still nodded firmly before turning away from the blonde.
The brunette hesitated for a second. Even though her lips didn't move Heather knew she was fighting a question. When it came, it wasn't what she expected.
"So, ready for bed?"
"Uhm… sure."
Before Heather could even get up, Naya was already taking both trays back to the kitchen. The blonde followed her, hesitating on the foot of the stairs, until the shorter girl joined her.
They continued in silence until reaching Heather's room. Naya hovered by the door while Heather went through her drawers.
"Here." Heather said softly, extending a pair of short sweatpants and a black tank top.
Naya's eyes widened as she got closer, taking the clothes from Heather.
"I thought I had lost these."
Heather blushed, looking down and shuffling her feet.
"I should probably have mentioned I still had them. It slipped my mind."
When the blonde heard no response and saw no movement from the other girl, her eyes travelled upwards finding a small smirk on the brunette's lips. It wasn't the confident full-on smile just yet, but the message was clear: "don't bullshit me". Heather had to chuckle at that. It was nice not to have Naya fidget around her so much.
"Okay, so it didn't slip my mind."
"Why did you keep them?"
Naya's voice was soft again. The almost-smirk was gone, and she looked serious.
"Because", was all Heather was ready to say.
"I haven't slept over that much since…" Naya paused. "It's been a long time."
"But you're here now." Heather sat on the bed, not really trying to run away from the subject, but needing more solid ground beneath her. "So, I'm glad I kept them."
She felt Naya move closer.
"You're still not telling me why you kept these."
"Do I need a reason?" Heather answered with a breath still looking at their feet, now dangerously close. "Don't friends keep each other's spare clothes sometimes?"
"Not secretly, no. That's not like most friends."
The words jolted Heather's face up. Naya wasn't looking at her. She was eyeing the clothes, standing far too close to the blonde.
Heather swallowed the lump in her throat, letting her hands travel behind Naya's knees. She let her fingers rest there and waited for brown eyes to meet hers.
"I didn't want to give them back because I hoped you would come back soon. I knew that, as things were going, that wasn't going to happen, but I still wished it would. So I kept them."
Naya nodded weakly.
"I didn't do anything weird with them, so don't be afraid to use them." Heather joked, releasing Naya's legs.
The brunette chuckled. "Thank you. You've just put my mind at ease."
"Good." Heather stood up, forgetting how close Naya was.
As soon as their faces met, barely an inch between them, the dancer's strong legs gave away and the blonde found herself falling back to the bed awkwardly.
Naya watched her with a tight lipped smile that seemed about to burst.
Heather gave her one breathless grin before rolling her eyes. "Shut up."
That was all it took for Naya to crack up bashfully before leaving the room to change.
Now standing there alone, Heather could feel her own heartbeat. She felt her body tremble with every intake of breath. Her hands were shaking, her legs were weak, but her smile was firmly put. It was a weird situation. It had been so long since Naya and Heather didn't have huge walls between them, that it was easy to feel exposed and vulnerable with each small confession. But it seemed that every brick they took down was one less rock weighting on her heart. That alone made her want to spend the night admitting to every feeling she had ever had.
Yes, it was a weird situation, and Heather was weirdly happy.
When Naya came back from the bathroom, Heather was already lying on bed with a book in hand. The blonde had thought of pretending to be asleep, but now that she knew how much better it was not to pretend, she decided to just wait for the girl.
When Naya's footsteps entered the room, blue eyes searched for her immediately and Heather couldn't stop the gasp from coming out once she saw her friend.
Naya's hair was loose against her shoulders, but it did nothing to cover the cleavage the tank top provided. Without a bra, the black fabric left little to the imagination, even with its dark color. It rode up, giving a good tease of Naya's stomach where her abs contracted under Heather's scrutiny. The sweatpants were also tighter than before, gluing to Naya's toned thighs in a very distracting manner.
Heather's eyes remained on her body even as the girl spoke.
"I was definitely tinier back then, huh?"
Heather was still silent, focusing all her energy on keeping her jaw from falling.
"Maybe I should change. This is too tight. I can't sleep in this."
The brunette was talking much faster now with Heather still looking at her. Pressing her eyelids shuts, the blonde moved robotically to her bedside table, where she fished one of her baggy t-shirts and threw it to Naya.
The brunette muttered a thank you turning around to change.
At the silence that settled in the room, Heather opened her eyes, finding Naya's naked back towards her. A glimpse later and the baggy t-shirt had covered the sight.
When Naya turned, Heather's eyes were set on the letters of the page. Her mind was racing too much for her to read a word of it, much less comprehend it. But she needed something to look at.
She could feel the steam in her cheeks and was sure she was blushing now. Giving up on trying to hide her obvious reaction to Naya's impromptu show, Heather looked at her friend and found her equally embarrassed.
"You know… Most friends don't get this awkward for seeing each other…" Now that Heather thought about it, Naya wasn't even revealing that much "Dressed." She concluded with a mirthless laugh.
Naya stepped inside the bed carefully without turning to Heather. She sounded a little breathless.
"Well, most friends don't admit they…"
She didn't finish that thought but Heather didn't need her to.
The brunette shifted slightly and Heather felt a hand envelop her own. Looking down she saw Naya's fingers threading with her own. Without having to think about it, she gripped the hand in hers tightly, her eyes watering as a small smile returned to her face.
This was nice, so nice, and much nicer than she ever expected them to be after everything.
"We should sleep. Early call tomorrow." Naya eventually said, closing her eyes while her body adjusted to the bed, finally lying fully on it.
Heather simply nodded. That was their cue; it had been for a long time. It was Naya's plea and Heather would comply. From now on, and always.