A/N: Hello everyone! Here comes another chapter. School and this part-time job I signed up for are making it reaaaally hard to update as often as I wished. But believe me, I'm trying my best. For every long wait, you get a long chapter. That's a promise. I hope you enjoy this :)
15. Tell her
It had been two weeks since she and Naya had the talk. And in the course of those fourteen days they had picked up rituals as if things had never changed. Carpooling wasn't practical now that Naya lived further away, so instead they would call each other every night. And from the moment they sat to have dinner until the moment they went to bed they would talk.
Heather knew she was playing with fire. Not only because the memories of the past were fresh and awakened now, but mostly because of how she still felt.
Still felt… It was more than that.
Ever since she had acknowledged her feelings, it seemed like they had expanded. Knowing that Naya had reciprocated only worsened her condition. Yes, it was a condition. It had multiple side effects. Naya should come with a warning that read: "This person may cause erratic breathing, hypertension due to an increase of heart palpitations, chest pains, insomnia, loss of appetite, and in severe cases cardiac arrest."
Honestly, Heather felt cheated that this information wasn't on a pamphlet along with the "hi, nice to meet you". But to be fair, there was also the good part: the constant warmth hugging her heart; the never-ending grin she carried whenever Naya was around; the buzzing in her limbs whenever they touched; the maddening clench between her legs whenever they danced too closely.
It would be tiring if Heather wasn't so addicted to it.
At night, her mind would push sleep away with thoughts of how perfect they could be. Thoughts of the things she wanted to do with Naya. Sometimes of what she wanted to do to Naya which granted her a late night cold shower every time. She accepted all that came with it because she really had no other choice. She loved her.
Just a couple of days ago, Heather had arrived home with the most annoying headache of all time. The kind of headache that isn't strong enough for you to whine about it, but its insistent pounding ends up driving you insane.
She took a bath and a pill before plopping on the couch with a soda. Her head not really allowing her hunger to kick in.
In less than an hour her phone had rang announcing the best cure to any sickness.
"Hey." Heather greeted softly.
"Hi you."
Heather closed her eyes at the sound, letting the gentle tone alleviate the drilling on her temple.
"How's that headache?"
"Still kicking."
"Awww. Maybe you're just hungry. Have you eaten yet?"
"I don't feel like it."
"Heather…"
"Seriously. It's like my brain is under construction. I just want to sleep and wake up feeling fine."
"You should eat something."
"I already took a pill."
"Great. Kill your stomach while you're at it."
"You're not really helping. Shouldn't you be all cute and supportive right now?"
"Not when you don't take my advice."
"I don't want advice, I want to cuddle."
It came out so honestly she didn't even stop to think the suggestion may be too forward. Naya's light chuckle relaxed her, and she felt herself smile.
"We're phone cuddling."
"I can barely feel you."
"Lie on the couch with Zach and pretend it's me."
Naya may have been joking, but as soon as Heather's cat walked by she grabbed him and snuggled into his fur contently.
"Done."
"Good. I'm sorry I forgot to wax."
Heather chortled. "It's okay. I wasn't planning on taking it that far, anyway."
"I'm insulted."
"Don't be. It's just because of the headache."
"That's the worst excuse in the book. Even men already know what that means. I thought we were better than that."
"If you were here, I would do you no matter what."
Heather popped her eyes open at her own words and caught the tense snort that left Naya's lips.
There was a breathy pause before Naya's voice returned. "Don't abuse Zach, though. That would be just creepy."
"I promise." Heather replied with a small, earnest smile.
Any sort of innuendo left their conversation after that. They watched re-runs of Happy Endings and Naya managed to convince Heather to eat something before bed. And just like every other night, Heather tucked in with Naya's voice by her side.
Rituals. They came so easy to them.
Now, as she changed in her trailer, she couldn't stop the rush in her movements. Going home and prepping up for her nightly call had turned out to be the best part of her day. The domesticity she yearned for in the only way she could get it.
That notion brought another brunette to her mind.
Due to a last minute need to re-shoot they had been called to work last Saturday. It blew Kevin's party plans out of the window. But with a free Sunday on her hands, Heather had spent the day with Ashley. They went shopping for groceries and even stopped at IKEA in an effort for Heather to re-decorate her old apartment.
At home and after a round of drinks the 'Naya talk' had been brought up.
She couldn't really resist it. Ashley was the only other person who knew about her feelings and it felt good to share her frustrations from time to time. Heather never started the topic, though. She would mention the brunette here and there, but only in passing. Ashley was the one who would bring up the hard talk.
Maybe because she worried, or maybe because she just knew Heather too well.
"Why don't you just tell her you're still deeply in love with her?"
The jokey tone didn't stop Heather's heart from racing faster at the idea.
"You're crazy."
"Why not? Aren't you trying the whole honesty thing, now? You haven't been completely honest until you tell her how you still feel."
"Have you forgotten that she doesn't want to talk about it? She asked me not to." Heather shook her head to get the idea out. "I won't do it."
"She said that on the day Taylor moved out, Heather. That was ages ago." Ashley exaggerated.
"It's only been 5 days."
"And from what you've told me, you two haven't spent one day without talking since then."
"We work together, Ash."
"I don't mean that kind of talk. You're not bullshitting your way out of this, Morris." Ashley took a deep breath, reaching for Heather's hand. "You two have been all lovey dovey since that day. And you know what happens when you get like that. I mean, you were there the last time."
Heather stood up from the couch creating a much needed distance from Ashley and her crazy ideas. Before she knew it, she was pacing.
"You know I want to tell her. But we're in a good place right now. Why should I ruin it?"
"Who says you're going to ruin it? What if she tells you she loves you too?"
Heather's heart literally stopped for a second. When she tried to talk her breathing was so erratic that no words came out.
"And even if she doesn't say it back, why would it ruin things? Look at your history. If you're still friends after everything that went down, you're clearly strong enough to make it through this."
"It's different now." Heather said, even though she didn't quite believe her words. "And I don't want to put us through more drama. We've had enough of that."
"Heather, it's not dramatic unless you make it so. Your feelings aren't going to disappear out of the blue. This is something you'll have to deal with. And if she doesn't love you like that, don't you think it's better to know now so that you can't start moving on?"
Heather snorted. "If I haven't moved on after 4 years, I won't move on now."
"You hadn't even dealt with your feelings, how did you expect to move on?"
"Ashley, it's not gonna happen. It's Naya. That's it. You're right about me having to deal with this, and I'm not saying I'll never tell her. I just don't think now is the right time."
"You'll wait around for her to be married with kids?"
Heather winced at the words which made Ashley immediately regret them, but before the girl could backtrack, Heather continued.
"I'm not waiting for me, I'm waiting for her. She's not going to say she loves me back and I'm not going to dump that on her when she doesn't want me to."
Ashley's face saddened at the words and she tapped the seat next to her inviting Heather to sit. When the blonde did, Ashley enveloped her in a strong side-hug.
"If you really think that, it's even more reason for you to tell her. You can't keep living this fantasy forever. Don't you see? You're hiding. You're playing girlfriends again, and I don't mean just at work. Look, not everyone gets to be with the love of their lives, but you have to keep on living anyway."
The thought alone hurt Heather even if she had no other choice. But she couldn't deny that the carpooling, the night calls, the teasing at work - they were all ways to live the romance she knew she couldn't actually experience.
"Secrets hurt. You know this. You have made that choice before and it didn't work out. So why don't you try a different approach this time and get it out in the open? If you love her that much you should be honest with her." Ashley paused, looking at Heather adamantly. "You're starting anew. This is the time to talk things out, not months after."
Heather was silent now, letting the words sink in.
Ashley didn't push anymore and they watched TV in silence. When her friend got ready to leave, Heather could tell the brunette was trying to tell her something. The blonde kicked her foot playfully getting her attention.
"Go on. Say it."
Ashley smiled in relief, moving towards her for a hug.
"I'm sorry for pushing you. I shouldn't have. I keep trying to be a good friend and sometimes I don't even notice I'm overstepping my boundaries."
Ashley moved back so she could face Heather. "Ignore my earlier rant. I was bullying you. People got inside your head in the past too and it wasn't helpful. Just do what you think is right. I'm sorry."
Heather smiled at her friend and cradled her face. "You don't try to be a good friend, you are."
She kissed Ashley's cheek before continuing.
"And you're right." She admitted. "I'll think about it and make my decision, but I'm glad you said something. Sometimes I really need a slap in the face to wake up."
"It felt more like I was punching your gut."
"That's on Naya." Heather joked. "I'll be okay. I promise."
And that had been the end of it. Since that day Ashley hadn't brought it up again and Heather knew she wouldn't. Almost a week had passed and the dancer was still thinking it over.
A knock on the door brought her out of her reverie. Heather opened it, revealing Lea waiting outside.
"Thank God, you're still here." Lea chimed. "What do you say to a girl's dinner date?"
"I thought everyone had left. But my answer is - absolutely."
"Great!" Lea exclaimed. "Jenna left already but she's meeting us at the restaurant. Amber already had plans so that leaves me, you, Dianna and Naya."
The blonde's heart did its usual cartwheel at the mention and she grinned genuinely. Excitedly she grabbed her bag and followed Lea outside.
They went to an Asian coffee shop that served the best mix of teas and cake. It had a Vegan menu on the side that Lea convinced everyone to try. Heather had to keep her chuckle in at the faces Naya was making while studying the menu. They all settled for an iced berry tea with cinnamon on top, baked tofu with ratatouille vegetables and a banana cake that Dianna assured was to die for.
"I'm so glad I'm here with you girls." Lea extended her arms to all of them with a tired smile. "I swear this episode is going to kill me."
"It's scary to think you could choke on the most important audition of your life," Jenna commented.
"It's awful."
"You would never choke." Naya countered. "Every time you get nervous you make it seem like you're playing it up."
Lea laughed, denying it nonetheless.
"You know it's true. I wish I was like that. When I get nervous my breathing does not give room for discretion. It sounds like I'm either drowning or having an orgasm."
"The latter could open many doors." Dianna joked.
"Your nervous breathing is sexy." Heather blurted.
She wasn't sure if it was all in her head but it seemed like every set of eyes was on her as soon as she said it.
"What?"
Dianna smirked at her. "Heather is right. It is sexy. But the fact that you know it's nerves probably ruins it."
"Well thanks." Naya bumped against Dianna. "At least you'll never have that problem. They'll find you charming either way."
Dianna turned to Naya and they exchanged a smile. It was flirty but in that inoffensive way so natural to them. Heather couldn't help but feel a little bothered, though. There was a time when she would flirt with Naya all day, every day. It wasn't awkward even if it was tense and she missed it.
She missed doing that without arousing curious questioning eyes from everyone, including Naya. Not that she could complain. Things were not like before but it was getting there astonishingly fast.
As if reading her thoughts, Naya leaned against her resting her head on the dancer's shoulder. Heather couldn't stop the grin that took over her face.
Jenna's laughter pulled her back to the conversation. The other girl finished reading the text she had just received before turning her cell phone to them.
"Kevin's getting pretty serious about this party. He says he's moving the festivities to his parents Lake House. They'll be away next weekend."
"Gosh, I need that party. It's been too delayed already." Lea whined.
"And whose fault is that?"
"Well, Naya, it's the studio's fault. I didn't ask for us to shoot on Saturday last week. That never happened before."
"I'm talking about tomorrow."
"That's on Cory."
"Isn't he your boyfriend? That makes it your fault."
Lea shushed her before continuing. "No, it doesn't."
"Well, since the party is only next weekend, you could have one of your Saturday dinners." Heather suggested shamelessly, her mouth watering at the thought of Naya's food.
"Look at you." Naya smirked, threading their fingers together just as naturally. "Are you starving yourself with your improved cooking skills?"
Heather punched her shoulder half-heartedly, gripping their joint hands.
"Not everyone can be as flawlessly talented as you."
"I'm in." Jenna intervened, cutting off Heather's compliment. "I haven't been to one in months and I miss your comfy rug."
Naya cracked up loudly. "You do know I have couches, right?"
"Not as comfy as that rug," Jenna defended. "I'll even bring dessert."
"I'll get the wine." Heather announced excitedly.
"I miss cooking. Can I prepare something too and ease your chef duties?" Dianna nudged Naya.
"Awww, yes! I'll just make my famous shrimp appetizer then."
Heather nodded vehemently earning a dopey grin from Naya that had her chest expanding ten sizes.
Naya shook her head hopelessly. "Okaay. It's set then. But only us four this time."
"Well, now that you all made plans that exclude me, can we move onto more interesting subjects?" Lea mocked them playfully.
A hand gripped Lea's shoulder just then.
A dark blonde girl was grinning widely at the brunette but not before her eyes travelled up Naya's torso.
"Lindsaaaaay!" Lea practically shouted while standing up to hug the ogling stranger. "What are you doing here?"
"Work, of course." She explained before taking a hold of Lea's hands. "It's been too long!"
"Then why didn't you tell me you were here, slut?"
"I got here yesterday and I'm leaving tonight. This was my relaxing tea break before my flight back."
The girl eyed Naya again and it did nothing to relax Heather. Actually, it was borderline infuriating.
"Where are my manners? Girls, this is Lindsay Vaughn, the funniest girl in New York City. Lindsay, this is Jenna, Dianna, Naya and Heather."
They exchanged pleasantries while Heather wondered how long what's-her-name's relaxing tea break was going to last.
"I'm still waiting for your visit." Lindsay pouted.
"I know..." Lea started apologetically. "Work is crazy as you know, but I keep my promises. I'll visit you before summer."
"Awesome. I'm counting on it. And bring whomever you want. My house is big enough."
The blonde acknowledged everyone with a nod but her eyes stalled on Naya. Heather looked at her drink wondering why the iced tea was scorching her throat so painfully. It was comfortingly fresh just a minute ago.
Her eyes fell on Naya's timid smile and she realized the brunette was aware of the attention. It got her stomach in a knot and Heather feared the tea wouldn't stay down much longer. She was happy their food hadn't arrived yet.
After a bit more of small talk the blonde finally made a move to leave.
"It was nice to meet you all." The dark blonde said before sharing a long hug with Lea and walking away.
"Bye! Have a nice trip," echoed from the table.
Heather stayed silent, eying her empty plate until a tug on her hand made her look up. She hadn't realized she was still holding Naya's hand. She looked at the girl worrying that her typically nervous fidgeting had given her discomfort away. She found Naya's eyes set on their threaded fingers, with a content smile playing on her lips.
"She was totally into you!" Lea exclaimed excitedly.
"Stop." Naya warned, even though she was still smiling.
"I'm serious! And she's amazing. She's confident and funny. And she lives in New York. It's everything you like in a person." Lea continued. "Plus, she's a blonde."
Naya shifted in her seat awkwardly clearing her throat. The hand lock was quickly broken and Heather found herself not knowing what to do with her now free hand.
"Seriously, I'm not looking for a set up."
Dianna brushed her knuckles against Lea's arm in a subtle warning and the brunette breathed out heavily, signalizing her own defeat.
Heather didn't talk much after that. She put on a smile and made an effort to pay attention to what was being said, but something about that stranger had opened a can of worms inside her.
Ashley's words were playing on her head, like a tune that got stuck and you can't stop singsonging it.
The banana cake was without a doubt a life saver. Its sweet flavor seemed to melt Heather's frown and worries, making it easier to smile again.
"I told you it was great." Dianna said, observing Heather's delighted hungry smile.
"Calm down, beast, or you'll eat the plate." Naya teased, elbowing her side.
"I need a minute alone with this cake." Heather joked.
"She want that… Cake cake cake cake cake." Naya singsonged.
"Oh baby I like it…" Heather continued playfully. "It's so exciting."
"Imma make you my bitch." Naya finished with a wink.
Heather laughed even as a flush covered her cheeks.
The other girls were giggling at their silliness, and suddenly a game of "what would Rihanna say" started that had the girls laughing to tears.
After their early dinner, Lea invited them to her place, which prompted Naya to make fun of her for always choosing restaurants near her house.
"You're not fooling anyone." Naya had said; her hand already linked with Heather's again before they headed to their cars.
The drive to Lea's was less than five minutes, unless you count the extra ten minutes it took Heather to find a parking spot.
When she walked the block back to Lea's she found that only Naya was left waiting for her.
"They steal all my parking spots and don't even wait up? Nice." Heather mocked annoyance.
Naya shrugged with a lopsided smile. "I waited."
"That's why I love you the most."
They both chuckled a little tensely, before Heather took Naya's hand and pulled her up the stairs.
When they got inside, Lea was already grabbing blankets to move to the roof.
Heather took one and climbed after the girl. It was with a smile that she watched Naya move her own chair next to hers, cuddling to her arm as Heather put the blanket over their bodies.
The night was chilly but silent, leaving a peaceful quietness around the girls. They talked in almost whispers, just enjoying their late evening together.
"I said it before and I'll say it again, I'm glad we had this. I needed a calm night with the girls." Lea insisted with a content smile.
Naya let her head fall on Heather's shoulder and the blonde had to will her heart to beat slower. This was even better than a phone-call. The way Naya's body fit so perfectly with her own was something she would never get used to.
This was it; this was all she wanted because with Naya by her side she felt at home, no matter where she was.
"I need summer to begin already. It's ruining my favorite hang out spot." Lea complained; tucking the blanket over her body as the wind picked up.
"But it's so cozy like this." Naya noted, itching closer to Heather.
"You had all winter to cuddle. Enough already."
"There's never enough cuddling." Naya defended, locking her arm with Heather's under the blanket.
It made the blonde's skin vibrate at the contact.
"You girls will find any excuse to be all over each other." Lea poked fun at them, her eyebrow lifting as she teased. "I'm sure you'll find a suitable excuse for summer too."
Before they could even think of a response, Lea's phone rang with a text message.
"Seriously, think of all the 'Sex and the City' inspired parties I could have. And we would get a tan early on. Roofs are great for that!" The brunette continued as she reached for her phone.
Heather was trying hard to control the grin on her face but it was pointless. She tugged Naya closer as if that would make the moment last longer.
She was so distracted that Lea's squeal almost threw her out of her chair. Naya giggled at her, holding her steady.
"Nayaaaaa, I told you!" Lea continued shrieking. "I knew she was into you!"
With that she had everyone's attention.
"What do you mean?" Naya asked innocently.
Heather was sure the tiny brunette at her side knew what was coming just as much as she did. Heather held her breath, already feeling her heart drop. A tightness surrounding it that wasn't pleasant like the one Naya elicited so many times.
"It's Lindsay! She's asking if you're single and if you'd be okay with me giving her your number."
Naya straightened her back freeing Heather's arm. The blanket fell to their laps letting the cold night air hit Heather's torso. And just as quickly Heather lost all the warmth inside.
"No." Naya answered simply.
"No, you wouldn't be mad?!"
Heather was staring at the floor with what felt like a gun pointed to her chest.
"No, I don't want you to give her my number."
Heather turned to her slowly, still unsure.
"I need a break. I'm done with love trouble for a while."
It was hard to describe exactly what she felt at the moment. Maybe she simply wasn't feeling anything. For days now, every moment was filled with butterflies and giddiness, so this numbness was strange to her.
"Cheers to that." Dianna jumped in.
"What love troubles? I haven't seen you have those ever." Lea prodded.
"She means you Naya." Dianna snorted.
"I'm just not up for it right now." Naya said, facing Lea. "I tried with Nate and it didn't work out which just proves there's no point in forcing it. When it happens, it happens."
"You used to date people all the time." Lea pointed out. "And it seemed to work out fine."
"Yeah, but it was never serious. So what's the point?"
"The point is to have fun. You love New York City girls, you told me that. Maybe the problem with Nate was that you need a girl right now."
Naya was shaking her head at Lea.
"And she's just as busy as you, so she wouldn't put that much pressure on you."
"Yeah, because long-distance relationships are the easiest." Jenna mocked.
"They are when it's a fling." Lea insisted.
"Lea." Dianna warned and it was so gentle and final that even the insistent brunette knew to shut up.
"You love putting your nose in other people's business, don't you?" Naya spat with a lop-sided grin. "But the answer is no. Don't give her my number. If we ever meet again she can ask for it herself."
Heather froze at that. It was a small window of opportunity the blonde was not comfortable with. And that was all it took. It was as if Heather could see their bubble breaking before them. The fantasy dissipating before her eyes.
This is what Ashley tried to tell her. And once again she had been right. There would be Lindsays and Nates in Naya's future, and Heather had no right to meddle. They weren't dating; they weren't together in any way. The hugs, the cuddling, the pillow talks… That was a smoke screen. Heather could try and hold onto it but she would end up with empty hands. That was something she had yet to deal with.
"It's not even charming that she asked through you." Jenna commented.
"Okaaaaay," Lea relented. "My nose if officially out of your business."
"That sounded sexual." Heather muttered, trying to participate in the conversation in some way.
"Thank you." Naya smiled at Lea before turning to Heather with a playful grin. "And you put that dirty mind to rest."
Heather smiled but it wasn't the vigorous smile she had been sporting lately. Naya seemed to notice, so the blonde averted her eyes back to the group. Suddenly, she wished they weren't sitting so close. She wished she could put her own feelings aside just enough to get through this. Just this one evening.
"I simply don't understand how amazing girls like you are still single." Lea seemed revolted as her eyes roamed both blondes and Naya. "Seriously… It's crazy."
"We don't need boys." Dianna shrugged her off. "I'm very comfortable with being single."
"But it does warm up the bed."
"I have Arthur for that."
"And I'll buy myself a dog too." Naya announced cheekily. "Then I can cuddle all year."
"Pets are the best." Jenna agreed. "Boyfriends aren't as fuzzy"
"That's because you're dating a brick wall." Lea mocked her. "He's all muscle."
"You jealous?"
"Why would she be, she has flubber Monteith." Naya couldn't resist.
Lea threw an actual shoe at Naya who shamelessly hid under Heather's arm. The footwear hit Heather's knee before falling flatly on the ground.
"Ouch!"
"Sorry! It was meant for the minx."
"I'm sorry." Naya whispered leaving the hiding spot under Heather's arm and blanket. "Did it hurt?"
Heather couldn't help but smile at the tender brown eyes watching her. She shook her head no before turning. She found Dianna watching her with knowing eyes.
"And you have Zach." Dianna spoke gently, watching Naya snuggle back to Heather's torso.
Heather watched the blonde for a second, at the same time trying to ignore the effect of Naya's touch.
"Y-yeah." She managed to say.
Naya clung to her and with that Heather made her decision.
"Girls, I should be going."
"Already?" Lea was the first to react. "No! Why?"
"It's Zach." Heather said the first thing that came to her mind. "He's been alone all day. I need to go feed him."
She felt Naya let go and turn to her slightly. The blonde avoided her gaze, worrying that the girl would read the truth she was desperately hiding.
"Oh, poor guy." Jenna commented with a frown. "He must feel the place is emptier nowadays."
Jenna seemed to regret her words immediately, quickly adding, "With Ashley moving out."
"Yeah. And it's late. He must be wondering where I am."
The girls chuckled at that, which somehow calmed Heather.
"I'll let you go then. I don't want to piss off PETA." Lea joked.
"He appreciates it." Heather finished with a small smile before getting up and waving goodbye to everyone.
Even Naya, albeit quickly.
Heather stalled her pace until she got downstairs, not wanting the girls to hear her run out the door. She felt like a caged animal marching towards her things. With her purse in hand she headed to the doorway.
Heather felt as if she would burst without the night's cold air. The roof had become too small for her and for a moment she knew how it felt like to be claustrophobic.
When she reached the door handle a surge of relief rushed through her before it halted drastically at Naya's call.
"Heather, wait up!" The brunette followed her, bag in hand. "I'm leaving too."
The blonde smiled tight lipped, trying to seem content or at least neutral about this news. But her eyes were stinging with tears and she had to clench her jaw to keep them in.
She turned to the door and opened it leaving first. For the first time in years she didn't care to play the gentlemen.
As soon as they got outside the blonde walked towards her car. Naya's hand held her elbow, once more stalling her escape.
"Can we talk?"
"Now?"
"On the way to the car."
"Is something wrong?" Heather asked suddenly worried.
"I don't know, is there?"
"You're asking me?" Heather replied taken aback, before the light bulb lit on again.
"What's wrong?" Naya's tone was gentle and caring, but mostly worried. Her brown eyes were curious and confused.
Heather took a deep breath. "I'm tired. I'm afraid I'll fall asleep in the car if I don't leave now."
Naya's brow furrowed but she nodded softly. "Zach is with Ashley tonight. You told me that. So who do you got to feed, Heather?"
Stunned, the blonde opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. It wasn't like she couldn't make up yet another excuse. But what would be the point? Naya had followed her for a reason. The girl knew her too well.
"Why are you running home, Heather?"
Naya's eyes were set on her patiently. Heather looked away knowing she had nothing to say to the brunette, or maybe too much to say. She hadn't chosen yet.
"Heather…"
"Naya, please. I want to go home."
Naya averted her eyes for the first time and nodded solemnly.
"Why don't you go back inside? You really have nothing to worry about." Heather tried.
"I don't want to go back. I just want to know what happened that made you so sad all of a sudden." Naya admitted a little breathlessly.
Heather felt her jaw clench again but this time out of frustration. It wasn't directed at Naya, but at herself and her own mood swings. She had to stop worrying the girl. And she had to stop bringing her drama to their relationship. She didn't want this. She didn't want Naya's worried eyes on her. It was all her fault.
"I can't tell you everything. Some things I have to keep to myself." Heather stated weakly, despite her attempt to sound firm.
"I don't want to pry. But we promised to be honest from now on. And it just feels like you're slowly wallowing and shutting off all over again."
"That's not what's happening."
"Isn't it?"
"Don't push it, Naya." Heather begged more than demanded.
"What, Heather? Don't push what?"
"This!" Heather huffed. "Don't make me talk about things you probably don't even want to hear about. Just let me be alone when I tell you I need it."
Naya was studying her face like a puzzle. She seemed to hesitate on whether to keep fighting or doing as the blonde asked. Heather hoped for the latter.
"I know that look, Heather. I know it."
Heather could feel her walls breaking as doubt clouded her mind.
"Why are you doing this?" Heather whispered.
She felt the first tear fall. She knew she probably sounded overdramatic, but the way Naya was looking at her so intently was too much to handle right now. The girl wanted answers that Heather was too afraid to give. It was all building up in her chest making it hard to keep her emotions in check.
She felt about to explode, the night air doing nothing to calm her down after all. Her skin was heated and it made every single limb ache, but her insides were cold with fear and nerves.
Naya's hands gripped her forearms strongly, slightly shaking her as if that would speed the process.
"I know I can't stop you from being sad, but I want to help. I want to understand whatever it is you're going through. I thought you were okay, happy even, but then…"
Naya was hesitant now, despite her strong grip.
"Is it me?" Naya met her eyes and there was a seriousness there that Heather couldn't pinpoint. "Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable… again?"
Maybe it was the sadness and vulnerability in Naya's eyes. Maybe Heather was just too tired or finally strong enough. Whatever it was, she couldn't help it any longer.
"Yes, it's you. It's always been you." Her voice wavered with grief. "I try not to feel it but I do. Every single time and every single moment. I just can't make it stop."
The despair clouded her voice making it hoarse as fresh tears fell from her eyes. Naya didn't let go of her arms, but her grip weakened.
"Being your friend is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to ruin it. I really don't." Heather gasped a painful breath. "But it kills me. It kills me whenever I think about it. It kills me even when I don't. It's been years and I still don't know how to control this. So… So maybe I should really just not be your friend."
Naya blinked in shock, swaying in her spot looking so hurt that Heather felt the need to continue.
"Not this close of a friend." Heather remedied as Naya's hands released her arms. "Because I can't help but take it too far. And I get so jealous of everyone around you. I get so jealous of anyone who gets to have you."
Understanding suddenly downed on Naya and Heather felt her face grow hotter.
"And it's unfair to throw this on you and to use your friendship to satisfy the need for what I'll never have."
Heather couldn't breathe anymore. She really couldn't. Even Naya's shallow intakes of breath astounded the blonde's incapacitated lungs. She felt like her body was losing all function.
"I'm so sorry for constantly breaking us. I keep drowning us in drama. And I wish I could make it stop. Because the thought of losing you altogether is terrifying and…" Heather fought a sob. "And my heart breaks. It really breaks just saying it. But it's what I have to do. I know I can't keep worrying you and stopping you from having a good time just because I'm too selfish to just be happy for you. I swear I'll try to learn. And if you let me, I'll always be your friend. I just can't… I can't keep pretending that things are as they used to be. So please. Just let me go home."
Even though Naya hadn't moved an inch or responded, the blonde felt she was now free to leave. With all the will power she still had, she managed a smile. It probably looked pathetically dejected, but at least she tried.
Heather turned around and took large steps towards her car. She sprinted to freedom even though she had never felt so powerless.
It was out now. She should be relieved, but Naya's silence, Naya's shock, it had hurt more than she ever expected it to. She thought she was ready for it. After all, she had no hope of things turning out differently. But once again she had been in denial.
There was always the tiniest glint of hope in every moment she had shared with Naya - before Taylor, during Taylor, but especially after him. She had fooled herself into thinking she was capable of handling Naya's rejection, but now she knew she had no clue how much it would hurt.
How would she face her now? How could she? It wasn't just embarrassing, it was final. Hope was gone now.
Her sorrow shook every fiber in her body. It blinded her as she wandered down the street.
The heart Heather thought had died was jolted into motion by the touch of a hand. The blonde cleared her eyes to find Naya standing in front of her, breathless and speechless, her eyes bright and watery but with no trace of sadness.
Heather was confused and dizzy by the sudden apparition. Naya opened her mouth to speak but said nothing.
Heather barely had time to register their closeness before Naya's hands pulled at her neck and their lips met.
There was a pause, a mile-second pause during which Heather froze. Her brain raced to catch up with what her eyes had just witnessed and what her lips were feeling – a mile-second before her body could react. A mile-second longer than it took her insides to ignite.
Heather gasped against Naya's mouth, taking her lips with a need and want she was unaware could reach such levels.
Her eyes closed tightly as if afraid the girl would disappear at her sight. She trembled at the sensation of Naya's nose grazing her own before it pressed her cheek with the force of their kiss.
She trembled at the feel of Naya's arms wrapping around her neck, their bodies colliding and melding like they had waited a lifetime to find the perfect fit.
Heather was bewildered, absolutely stunned; her lips firmly pressing against the velvety ones that had been away for far too long.
She breathed in loudly when her slow but racing mind finally realized what this meant. It made Naya press even harder against her, smiling against Heather's mouth. The blonde met her smile with one of her own before they slowly pulled apart and stared at each other.
Heather's heart had not just revived but grown out of her chest. She could feel her own pulse everywhere in her body and her lungs were suddenly awakened, swallowing gulfs of air. Naya cradled Heather's face wiping away the tears before their lips met again.
As Naya's lips opened against hers, Heather desperately gripped her sides making sure the girl was real. Her lips moved in painstaking slow motion registering the touch of Naya's soft mouth caressing her own.
Her body screamed. The butterflies in Heather's stomach were so strong they created waves of chills through her spine. Her hands were shaking against Naya's hips as she was lifted into a haze of happiness and lunacy.
Surely, she had to be completely nuts by now.
Not containing her own muscle's excitement, the blonde lifted the brunette in her arms gluing their bodies impossible closer. It was as if every inch of her body was celebrating their moment. Every limb and every nerve that had suffered without her.
The blonde choked a laugh, still having a hard time believing this was happening.
"You have to stop running away from me before I can tell you how much I love you too." Naya croaked out, with such tenderness and happiness that it made Heather freeze and pop her eyes open in awe.
"Oh my God…" She heard herself mutter.
"Yeah." Naya smiled widely.
Heather shook her head watching Naya's loving brown eyes, Naya's tear stained cheeks, Naya's light blush, Naya's smothered gloss, Naya's unwavering grin. She felt the girl's arms lift from her shoulders to thread on her hair and the world stopped.
Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. All that lived in Heather's world was the girl now standing in front of her, holding her, letting her know she wasn't alone in this anymore, letting her know she was loved back.
And with that she kissed her. This time closing the gap with a certainty she had never felt before.