"I don't want to be a vampire. I never wanted to be one." The irony of those words played through Elena's mind as she curled her knees up to meet her chest. Leaning back against the headboard of her bed, she tried to get comfortable. She'd never realized how hard the wooden boards were before...of course, that could have just been her mind playing tricks on her. Trapped in the in-between world - not dead, but not really alive - she wasn't a vampire.

Yet.

This wasn't what was supposed to have happened. When she inhaled that last mouthful of water, fully aware she'd been underwater far too long, Alaric would die and everyone she cared about would be safe. Her life in exchange for the lives of the people she loved - it was a fair trade, even if she knew they wouldn't think so.

And she'd done it without a second's hesitation. One quick breath after Stefan swam away with Matt and it was over. No one was there to stop her...even though she half-expected a very certain someone to arrive just in time.

He always did.

They always survived.

Well, at least after she made sure that whatever the creature Alaric had become was gone...he would survive. His name was the last word that crossed her lips as the world faded into blackness.

It didn't hurt. Dying really wasn't much different from falling asleep. One minute, she was looking into the blurry haze of her underwater grave and the next everything was simply gone.

It all went just as she expected except...

Elena just hadn't planned to wake back up. When her eyes opened and she found herself lying prone on the cold metal table in the hospital morgue, she knew something had gone badly wrong. Had Stefan come back before she died? Should she expect Alaric to come crashing through the doors in any moment?

Stefan was there - just out of reach - he kept his eyes turned away from her...and that answered her question before the words left her mouth. He couldn't face what she'd become.

Still gasping for the unexpected breath filling her lungs, her eyes swept the room and she froze under the intensity of his expression. The vividly blue eyes didn't blink. They swept over her with a mixture of sadness and anger that she'd never experienced before.

"Elena, I'm..." Until Meredith spoke, she hadn't even noticed the doctor standing in the doorway next to Damon. One look at her face, and Elena realized what had happened.

"Last night." Elena startled at the sound of her own voice. Rough and gravelly, drowning hadn't done her throat any favors, the vampire blood must have been too busy saving her life to heal the sandpaper-raw throat. "I didn't just pass out because I'd hit my head. Did I?"

"You were dying when Jeremy brought you in." Meredith's eyes swam with tears as her face mimicked Stefan's - only Damon would look at Elena now. "You...may have needed some help."

Damon glared at Meredith with enough malice to drop most people in their tracks. "We need to get you out of here." He came to stand at Elena's side as the shock began to sink in. He looked over Elena's shoulder at Stefan. "I'll stay and take care of the coroner. Alaric may have told the council about us, but they don't need to know about her." His eyes narrowed. "Unless you think Matt needs you to help him first."

For the first time since she'd awakened, Stefan's eyes looked somewhere other than the tile floor. "I'll take her to our house. She'll be safe there - at least for a while." He reached for her hand as Elena whisked it out of his grasp.

She shook her head as she looked between the brothers. She knew something they clearly didn't understand. "No. I want to go home." Trying not to laugh at how childlike she sounded to even her own ears, she just wanted to be in her bed with her teddy bear and her posters on the wall. If she had to die twice - she wanted to be in her own room.

"Elena, think about it." Stefan wrapped his arm around her waist as he pulled her to her feet. She shivered as the cold, wet clothes stuck to her skin. How long had she been here after all?

"I am." She defiantly met his guilt-ridden eyes. "I'm not going to transition."

That was three hours ago...or four. Tired of counting down her last minutes, she'd thrown her clock across the room. Petrova fire in action. It now lay in a pile of shattered pieces beneath her window seat. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now she was desperate to know what time it was. Surely it couldn't last much longer. Caroline's dad hadn't ... lasted more than a few hours after he decided not to turn.

Her hands were shaking. She couldn't remember when she'd last felt so dizzy. The overwhelming smell of paint drifted into the room and made her stomach churn. Jeremy was following her lead - doing anything to keep himself busy. From the sounds of the roller against the wall, he was finishing the job they'd started after Alaric died.

They needed to lock the door to that room permanently and seal it off from the rest of the house. It was bad luck. At least finishing the painting gave Jeremy something to do now, though. She didn't dare let him stay in the room with her. They'd said their goodbyes. She was strong, but what if she wasn't strong enough?

She would not hurt her brother. A tear snaked down her cheek. She knew that by making this choice, she'd be hurting him far worse than a pair of fangs ever could.

Nervously picking at a string on the blanket, she studied the hole between her fingers. What had started out as a tiny tear was now almost large enough to push her fist through. She wasn't afraid last night in the truck, but now she was.

Footsteps echoed in the hall. She fought back tears as she thought back to Jeremy's face when she'd arrived home - hopeful...but then the reality hit him. "Elena." That was all he said before they'd both started crying. When her parents died, she'd promised she'd always be there for him. She said she'd take care of him, and now she breaking her promise. She was going to leave him alone.

She needed to explain. Jeremy had to understand why she couldn't turn. He'd met Katherine - surely he'd realize...

She couldn't be a vampire.

She refused to be her.

"Jer -" As soon as one foot touched the floor, the room spun around her. Elena had watched the sun rise and now the vivid golden light of mid-morning peeked around her tightly closed blinds. A few hours ago, she just wanted it to be over.

Now, she was desperate for a few more minutes with her brother. Blindly propelling herself toward the door, she overestimated the strength she had left. As the floor pitched beneath her, her knees buckled and she dropped to the meet the hardwood floor.

But her knees never hit the ground. Strong arms wrapped around her as her cheek brushed against the familiar black leather jacket.

Damon. Of course. Her lips curled into a hint of a smile. He never let her fall.

Author's note: I'll bet I was the last author you expected to see an update from today. I'm between deadlines and needed something fun to clear my head between stories. I can't promise quick updates, and I'm sorry about that. I will try to get my first "real" chapter up before the week is over, though. Then it's back to my as-yet-unwritten (but still due by October) third manuscript.

Less than a month before my first novel is in print. :-)

Thanks to all of y'all who've read my stories along the way. Hope you enjoy this little trip through early season 4 that I've written to help pass the time.