Um, wow. Totally didn't expect to go this long without an update. It sounds pretty lame, but life just got really complicated really fast. Lost two family members in a very short period of time – one by his own choosing. I don't want to go too somber on y'all, but…if you're ever facing a time when you think ending your life is the only answer – please, talk to someone first. Even if you don't have a friend or family member to confide in, there are many places to turn before you make the one decision you can never take back. (Stepping off my soapbox.)

Yep, my first novel came out in August. My second is due to release in December, and I was just told that the manuscript I turned in to my editor yesterday will be coming out in February of 2013. So, as you can see, my fanfic time is at a premium.

I'm going to try to stay ahead of TVD's actual season four, but I make no guarantees.

Warnings: violence, character death, adult content, Bonnie, language,

I do not own TVD (or the series would be going a total different direction), only this plot is mine.

Elena closed her eyes and buried her head into Damon's chest as she gripped his jacket as if her life depended on it. Vertigo like she'd never experienced before had struck her hard; and even being held tightly in Damon's arms, she felt as if she were in a remake of Titanic. She concentrated on the feeling of the strong muscles pulling her into his chest.

Until they were gone.

Far too quickly, she was settled on her own bed, and Damon was pulling the sheet around her. Elena hadn't even realized she was shivering. Cautiously, she cracked one eye open.

Not a good idea.

She fisted the mattress and bit down on the inside of her lip. Dying was supposed to be easy.

Inhale.

Run out of air.

Go to sleep.

Of course, that was before she'd known about Meredith's involvement in her rapid recovery overnight. She should have guessed by now. No one has a nose bleed from just being tired….well, no one other than Bonnie.

"Where's my brother?" Damon's voice came from farther away than she expected. He must have been sitting in the window seat. That was unexpected. She shook her head. No it wasn't. Less than…

Hell, what time was it anyway?

Elena pulled her legs to her chest and rested her forehead on her knees. At some time over the last day, she'd been on the phone with Damon and told him his brother got the goodbye. And he was still here…

"Stefan bail on you?" Damon repeated himself.

The movement in the room eased from rowboat in a hurricane to cruise ship in a storm. Elena cracked her eyes and squinted in Damon's direction, testing her stomach's reaction. "I asked him to leave."

She asked him to leave. Damon bit back his ironic laughter. Of course she did. She'd never want her epic love to have to feel her pain.

To have to watch her die.

To sit next to her and watch the life fade from her eyes.

That's what he was here for…because he was a glutton for punishment. And because he couldn't face the thought of her dying alone. She'd done that once already.

"What, no snarky comment?" Elena's eyes were fully open now. Those chocolate-brown orbs that had him so deeply under her spell looked back at him. Her voice may have sounded like she was teasing, but she couldn't fool him. He knew her too well.

She was in pain.

A lot of it.

Her knuckles were as white as the sheet beneath her as she gripped it to steel herself against the pain of dying. It hurt – even more the second time. He remembered. He'd been minutes away from death when Stefan arrived and sentenced him to this life.

He'd hated his brother for 150 years, blaming Stefan for an eternity spent in darkness. But if he hadn't turned all those years ago, he never would have met his light – even if she didn't choose him. It was worth it for those moments she smiled at him. The times he'd been able to make her laugh when events around her seemed at their most bleak. That one night in a run-down motel on the outskirts of Denver. She'd attacked him with a hunger and passion he'd always known she possessed. For that one instant, she'd been his and no one else's. And now he was here to watch her die.

"Damon?" She'd closed her eyes again, but she was blindly holding her hand out to him.

Before she could finish her next breath, he was next to her on the bed. She rolled onto her side and turned to face him. As he wiped the sweat from her forehead, he was struck by the irony of the situation. Less than a year ago, she held his head against her chest as they waited for him to die.

It was only at the last second that he'd realized he'd spent all of his life waiting to meet her. If he'd died that night in the quarry, he would have never met her. He couldn't imagine what life would have been like without her in it.

She was about to make the choice he'd tried to make over 100 years ago.

He couldn't let her do it.

Her fingers tightened on his hand, but he wasn't sure if she were reacting to fear, pain, or something else.

"I'm still here." Taking a risk, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

She gave a weak laugh. "You always are." She released his hand and placed her palm on his chest.

"Not always." He couldn't hide the anger in his voice. If he'd been there when the truck crashed through the side of Wickery Bridge, the world might have one fewer football player, but Elena would be alive right now – really alive.

Elena shook her head and frowned, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. "Don't be mad at him."

"He's a vampire. He could have saved you both."

"He did what I asked, Damon."

Damon couldn't look into her eyes. He didn't want her to see the anger flaring in his. He might have forgiven his brother for making him what he was today, but he would never forgive Stefan for the part he played in Elena's death. And then he left her alone….again….just like she asked.

"Damon." Using strength he didn't know she still possessed, she pushed herself to a sitting position and knelt on the bed next to him. Any other time, his attention would be divided between the look in her eyes and the way she looked in her camisole, but not today. She placed her palm against his cheek and turned his face toward hers. "Stefan did what I asked. It was the only way."

Her words hung between them.

"You mean you…." The rest of the sentence was too terrible. He didn't dare voice it.

Elena stroked his cheek just like she did when she most earnestly needed his attention. "I knew what I was doing. It was the only way to save the rest of you. If I died, then whatever Ric had become couldn't hurt the rest of you." She gave a brave smile. "My life in exchange for all of yours. It was a fair trade." Her eyes widened and gazed tenderly at him. "I should never have survived the first wreck."

Damon couldn't believe what she was saying. She died on purpose. She'd taken advantage of the moment Stefan saved Matt to save the rest of them. Of course she did.

Because she was Elena.

Damn it, he was not going to let her die for him.

The methodical rolling continued in the room next door. Jeremy should never get a job as a professional painter. The kid took forever. Unless he was using the task as an excuse to stay next to Elena. Jeremy could hear every word of their conversation. Now he knew why his sister died.

"So you're going to leave your brother alone?" Damon hit Elena where she was the most vulnerable. He knew that Jeremy would come in here at the slightest hint that she wanted to transition, offering his own arm to save his sister's undead life. But Damon had been down that road before. He refused to make the same mistake twice. He didn't want her to die, but he would not make the decision for her.

"Jeremy won't be alone."

"Really?" Damon allowed the sarcasm to drip from his words. "Because it really seems like he will be. Your parents. Jenna. Uncle John. Ric." He ticked the names off one by one as he held up corresponding fingers. "And now you." Damon shook his head. "He's not going to have anyone left."

"He still has Bonnie."

Damon shook his head. "Pretty sure she's pretty annoyed at him about the whole ghost thing."

"You and Stefan can watch out for him." Elena was begging now. Her eyes shone brightly as she fought back the tears that threatened to flow.

"It's not the same." Damon turned at the new voice in the room. He'd been right. Jeremy had been listening. "Elena." Jeremy took a hesitant step into Elena's bedroom, careful to keep most of the room between himself and his sister. "You're the only family I have left."

"Jeremy, I can't." Tears began to fall in earnest down her cheeks and plopped like rain on the bed sheet. Without realizing what she was doing, she grabbed hold of Damon's arm for support. "I'm not alive anymore."

"But you are." He advanced toward the bed and Damon gave a warning glare. He didn't want Elena to make this decision because she was out of control – and if she hurt her brother, she'd never forgive herself. Now Jeremy was begging. "I'm looking at you right now. You're breathing. You're talking to me. You're here. You're alive." His brown eyes pleaded with hers. Damon wished he could leave them to have this exchange in private, but he felt the tension in Elena's grip. She was hungry. She was starving. Right now, she was burning through the last strength she possessed to keep herself from launching herself at her brother this very instant.

"I don't want to live like this."

"You're being selfish."

If any passers by happened along the street below, they'd be sure to wonder what was causing the blow up at the Gilbert house. Damon was doubtful the room had ever witnessed such an epic battle of wills. Stubbornness clearly ran in the Gilbert family.

"I can't be like her." Elena shook her head and leaned back onto the pillow.

Damon studied the grief in her face. Now he understood. It wasn't just that she didn't want the life of a vampire. She didn't want Katherine's life. "You won't be." His eyes bored into hers. "I promise you. You will never be like Katherine."

"Elena, please." Gone was the strong young man who'd cut off a hybrid's head. In his place stood a scared younger brother – afraid that the last surviving member of his family was about to leave him alone.

Elena stared at Jeremy, and then she turned to Damon. "You promise?"

"You won't turn into Katherine."

"And you won't let me hurt Jeremy? I won't feed on him."

"Definitely not." Damon snapped into action. "Jeremy. Downstairs. In the refrigerator." He'd spent enough time unexpectedly at this house over the past weeks and months that he'd learned to keep a stash for emergencies in the refrigerator.

Jeremy bolted out of the room and down the stairwell. He landed on the floor below with a thud. Soon, Damon could hear the clinking of bottles as Jeremy pawed through the items in the refrigerator.

"Damon?" Jeremy called up from below. "There's nothing in here."

"Yes they are. Behind the ketchup. Next to Alaric's beer." Shit! Ric's alter-ego must have rid the house of all the blood bags. "Jeremy! Go to Caroline's house….she should have some." Before Damon finished his sentence, the kitchen door crashed shut. Damon suspected that if Jeremy couldn't find a blood bag, he'd soon be back with a cup filled with his own blood. Elena couldn't refuse if she wasn't the one who took the blood from her brother.

Elena's weight was heavy against his side. He glanced down, and her eyes were closed again. Her skin was even more ashen than before. How long had it been since she'd drowned? He turned to the window, surprised to see the sun setting.

"Elena?" He shook her, but she didn't respond.

No.

Not since she'd agreed to turn. They'd come this far. She didn't get to leave him now.

"Elena!" He shook her again, harder. Yes, she'd just had a head injury, but that would go away as soon as she fed. If she died this time, he wouldn't be able to bring her back. "Wake up! Jeremy will be right back."

"Tired." Elena tried to force one eye open, but it was too late. They'd waited too long. She needed blood and she needed it now.

"No. No. No. No. You do not get to do this to me. You are not going to leave me." He'd give his life for hers, and now he was helpless. "Damn it, Elena. Stay with me. Don't leave Jeremy. He's on his way back." He slammed his hand down on the nightstand, shattering her tea cup, and slicing his hand open.

Elena's eyes opened a crack.

Mikael drank vampire blood. The predator who fed on other predators – he'd found another solution. Would it work?

He knelt next to her on the bed and tore into his own wrist, making sure the blood flowed steadily. "Elena. Open."

Elena wrinkled her nose, but she turned in his direction, her mouth open like a baby bird. She gagged as the first drop hit her tongue and again as the second and third poured into her mouth, but the longer his blood flowed, the more the color came into her cheeks. Her lips closed around his wrist, and she began to feed on her own – no longer waiting for the blood to pour from his wound.

Blue eyes met brown. For the moment, they were the only two non-people in the world. She swallowed again, and a hint of a smile played at the corner of her lips. The same look came into her eyes that he remembered from the night at the hotel. She was his.

"What the hell are you doing?" Stefan shot to the side of the bed.

Damon turned to Stefan and gave a cocky grin. "She's making her choice."

Sorry it isn't longer. At this point, I figured y'all would just be happy to have an update at all.

I really do read every one of my reviews, and I try to answer each of them. Please, I'd love to know what you think of this chapter (and if you want me to continue with the story).

Thanks a million for sticking with me even when the updates are few and far between!

-NEP