A/N Well…I only got one review for the last chapter Thanks Amy, I appreciate the support. Does this mean you guys are getting tired of my story? I hope not, I still have a lot left to write!
Nope, I didn't magically turn into Suzanne.
At first I don't believe it. I think that Jay has somehow gotten to me, that I'm hearing my name even when it's not being called. I stare at Gemini, waiting for her to read the real name but she never does. She stares at the crowd, smiling and waiting for the girl to come forward.
Alisha's hand is squeezing mine so hard I can hardly feel it. She's staring at me with a look of horror and as I meet her eyes, I know. I know without a doubt that it really is my name that was called. I have been chosen, Jay had been right, I have become a tribute.
I am going to die.
"Where are you, dear?" Gemini said, getting impatient, "Come on up here!"
I yank my hand away from Alisha who looks like she might be about to cry. The girls part the way for me as I walk through them, their eyes boring into me. Two Peacekeepers meet me and escort me to the stage steps. I stop and stare up at the stage where Gemini is smiling at me, gesturing me to come to her.
I walk up the stairs slowly, staring at Gemini, her blue and purple face hazy and hard to see. I reach the top and glance over to where Jay is sitting. His face is deathly pale and when I met his eyes, all I see are the tears he's holding in check. Gemini takes my hand and leads me to the microphone.
"District Seven; I give you your female tribute, Gwynavyre Gray!" She shouts happily, then starts to clap. The crowd claps hesitantly like they aren't sure whether they should or not.
I stand there, staring at the crowd and a fierce wave of betrayal hits me. I thought of these people as friends, as people I could trust, and what have they done? Thrown me into the Hunger Games. It hurts. An ach builds in my chest and I swallow hard to keep tears from falling.
They have used me, they have sacrificed me to the Capitol, they have given me over to the monster. Will they even care when they watch me die? Will it bother them to see the little girl who gave them medicine be murdered by another child? Would they remember me after I'm gone? Go to my funeral? Or will I pass out of their minds, forgotten like yesterday's news?
My eyes meet several people in the crowd, their eyes full of desperation and hope. I realize with a start that they aren't sending me because they hate me or want to get rid of me; they have chosen me because they think I have the best shot of winning. They think I can win.
And suddenly, I'm not mad anymore. I feel sorry for them, so very sorry. They were forced to pick someone, forced to sacrifice a child. They only chose me because they think I can survive, that I can live. My anger switches to the Capitol, it's their fault, they are the ones who murder kids, demanding they kill each other for entertainment.
I make up my mind; I'm not going to let the Capitol use me. I might be forced to compete in the Games, but I'm not going to become a heartless monster. When I die, I'm going to go down fighting but I'm not going to rejoice in the death of others.
"And now, time for the boys!" Gemini says, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I realize less than a minute has passed. I blink and glance at Gemini who is reaching for the slip of paper in the boys' bowl. She picks it up and moves back to the microphone before opening it. Again, the silence is so defeating I can hear Gemini's quiet breathing.
"Flynn Ade!" She calls out.
I instantly feel sick. I had told Alisha there was no way he was going to be chosen, and now he had. I feel like the worst kind of liar, having told both Jay and Alisha that what they were worried about could never happen. And now they have.
Two Peacekeepers escort him to the stage and as he walks up the stairs, I study him. His hand is nervously running through his light brown hair, shaking like a leaf. His light green eyes are wide with shock and disbelief. He's tall and muscular, but his tan skin has a light cover of sweat from intense nerves.
Our eyes meet and an understanding passes between us. We are friends and we are going to work together to make sure at least one of us comes home. I'm going to do all I can to make sure Flynn comes home to Alisha, maybe even at the cost of my own life. I could never kill Flynn.
"District Seven; I give you your male tribute, Flynn Ade!" Gemini shouts, clapping again while everyone else semi joins in.
"Happy Hunger Games!" Gemini repeats, closing the Reaping ceremony, "And may the odds be ever in your favor!"
She takes Flynn and me by the arms and practically drags us off the stage and into the Justice Hall where we are met by two Peacekeepers who escort us to separate rooms. The last place in District Seven we'll see before going to the Capitol.
The room I'm in is really nice, elegantly carved wood furniture covered in red velvet with long velvet curtains covering the windows. It's beautiful, but I can't appreciate it. I'm still in shock, my brain refusing to accept the fact that I've just been chosen. That I am going to die.
The doors open and I turn, wondering if it's time to board the train, but Aunt Bet, not Peacekeepers, comes in. Her eyes are suspiciously red and her hands are clenched at her sides.
"Was I right, or was I right?" She says gruffly in way of hello.
I don't have the strength or want to argue with her, this will be the last time I see her. I don't want it to be spent fighting.
"Good-bye, Aunt Bet," I say softly.
She surprises me by taking me into her arms. She holds me close, like a mother would a daughter. I rest my head against her shoulder and listen to her quiet sobs. I can imagine how awful this is for her, losing both her sons and now a girl almost like a daughter to the Hunger Games.
"Oh, my dear girl," she says, stroking my hair, "I'm so sorry I was right."
I want to cry, to somehow let out all the anger and fear that's bottled up in me, but for some reason I just can't. My eyes refuse to create any tears.
"I'm fine," I pull back and look at her, "You're going to have to get another apprentice. I'm sure Jay will help whoever that is find what they need. He's been with me enough times to recognize most of the usual herbs."
Aunt Bet shakes her head but I press on.
"Help him, Aunt Bet. Help him get over me, I know he's going to be hurt," I say, "But I want him to be happy. Find him a nice girl, ok?"
Aunt Bet drops her arms and looks at me, her eyes almost glaring.
"You try to win, you hear me girl? You'd better not just give up and die."
I want to tell her it's pointless, that even if I do try, I'm not going to win. But looking at her face, and the depth of sadness in her eyes, I can't force myself to say those words.
"Yes, Ma'am," I say softly.
"Good," she mutters, touching my check, "You come back to us, you hear?"
I nod slowly, letting her believe the foolish lies she was telling herself. The usually hard Aunt Bet was softer than I've ever seen her, softened for the moment by the thought of another child she had cared for dying in the Games.
A Peacekeeper comes in and announces it's time for Aunt Bet to leave. She gives me one last look then turns and walks out, the door closing behind her. I know that was the last time I will ever see her, and it makes me sad.
I don't have much time to wallow in self-pity because now Jay's family is coming through the doors. His mother, father, and younger sister have all come to wish me farewell and it means the world to me. His mother, Janica, is the first to come forward and hug me.
"Come back for our son," she whispers, "You mean the world to him."
"I will," I answer, unable to look into her hopeful face and tell her there's no way I will.
She smiles and squeezes my hand then backs up and lets her daughter, Forest, hug me as well. The sixteen year old looks like she's been crying along with her mother, both their eyes red and puffy.
"You're going to win, my future sister-in-law is tough," she says tearfully.
I glance down at my left hand and realize they know. I'm relieved in a way that they do; now Jay will have people who understand what I mean to him when I die, people who can help comfort him and ease his pain.
"Of course I am," I tell Forest, forcing a smile on my face.
Jay's father, Cyprus, is next. He takes my hand in both of his and squeezes it softly. My eyes meet his and I can see the wet tears he's holding in check for his wife and daughter. He knows I won't be coming back and it's a relief that I don't have to pretend that I am for him.
"Stay strong, my girl," he says, his voice deep.
"Yes, sir," I say, swallowing hard.
He gives my hand one more squeeze then moves aside for Janica and Forest to hug me once more. They whisper words of advice and encouragement into my ear and then the Peacekeepers escort them out and I'm alone again.
That visit was the hardest for me. It made me realize what my life could've been like, what I could have had. I could have married Jay and been part of that wonderful family. I could have spent time getting to know each of them, could have been there for Forest's wedding, could have given Janica and Cyprus grandchildren.
But no, my life has been brutally cut short by the Capitol.
That thought just fuels my already burning fire.
I'm surprised when the door opens and Alisha comes in. I didn't expect her at all. Yes, we are really good friends but I was sure she would have spent every possible moment with Flynn before they took him away. I'm touched that she took time away from her boyfriend to say good-bye to me.
Her eyes are red and puffy, evidence of her tearful farewell to Flynn. I suddenly feel a stab of guilt. I told Alisha there was no way Flynn would be chosen…then he was. Even if I didn't really cause it, I feel awful that I caused Alisha to believe in a false hope. The same hope I had Jay believe in.
She gives me a warm hug, her tears starting to fall once again. I pat her back and stroke her hair, trying to sooth her even though nothing I can do will change anything that's happened.
"Alisha, I'm so sorry," I say softly.
Alisha moves away and wipes at her eyes.
"You had no control over anything that happened," she tells me, "I'm the one that feels sorry for you."
"But what about Flynn?" I ask.
Alisha waves aside my question then looks straight at me.
"I need to talk to you, Gwyn," she says.
I blink, expecting a good-bye, not a whole in depth conversation.
"Alright," I agree, "What about?"
"I just want you to know, that if it's you and Flynn in the end…and…and you have to-," she pauses then continues, "-kill him, I won't hold it against you."
I stare at her in horror. Is she really giving me permission to kill her boyfriend? Is that really what is coming out of her mouth? Would she really rather me to come home instead of Flynn?
"Don't look at me like that," Alisha chides me, her eyes welling up again, "I don't want Flynn to die! To be honest, I'd rather him come home then you but if he doesn't, it had better be you! I just…I just wanted you to know that if the worst happens and he dies by your hand, I won't hate you. I know you'll do it mercifully and painlessly…"
She looks at me, her eyes begging me to spare her love the pain so mindlessly inflicted in the Arena.
"I would never kill Flynn," I snap, angry that she could think I'd really murder a friend in cold blood, "He's my friend! I would and could never end his life."
Alisha smiles at me sadly, like an adult does to a child who believes in fairytales.
"The need to survive trumps everything else," she whispers, "Even the love of a friend. Just promise me you'll do it as painlessly as possible."
I'm at a loss of what to say. What do I say, I promise? How can I promise to kill him painlessly when I don't plan to kill him at all? What kind of friend would I be if I did promise her that? What kind of friend would I be if I don't?
Before I can answer her though, the Peacekeeper comes in to lead her out. Alisha looks at me as she walks out, her eyes filled with desperation and hope. I give her a quick nod, unable to leave her hanging. She sighs with relief as she leaves, and I feel a little bit better knowing that I eased a bit of her worry.
The door has barely closed behind Alisha when another Peacekeeper comes in and motions for me to leave. It's time to board the train. I take one last glance around the room, the last part of District Seven I'll ever see, then walk outside into the hallway. The Peacekeeper takes my arm and leads me out the back of the Justice Hall and onto the train platform where the sleek silver train is waiting.
I glance behind me, sad that I can't see the woods from here, just the Justice Hall. I whisper a farewell to my home, the burning ach in my heart intensifying, then step into the train. The door slides shut behind me and I realize I'll never see the woods again.
Well, review and let me know what you think. If I don't get at least one review I'll take it as a "no one's interested" and just quit the story. I don't want to be spamming the HG section with something no one will read. But please don't review unless you really are enjoying the story, I don't want reviews that just make me feel good, I want truth.
~Sunshine