A/N: First off, I planned on finishing this yesterday after the episode, but I felt that I need a little time for mourning. And after that episode, Fellowes better Free Bates soon. We all need some happiness.

For this chapter, I changed things up a bit by making it from Anna's point of view and focused on her backstory. I think I will still primarily tell this story from Bates' POV, but Anna's POV may make the occasional appearance.

And as promised, the kiss is here! Hope it did not disappoint and here's to more kisses in the future! Thanks for the reviews!

Late September 1914

Anna sat agitated at the table. Over a week had passed since Thomas's departure, yet she barely talked to Mr. Bates. The few words spoken had been cordial, but he remained distant. He had only brought his work to the table half of the nights and would always excuse himself after a short time. Anna found herself frustrated, but only slightly at Mr. Bates. She knew he had his reasons, but it did not stop her for missing him and wanting to comfort him. No, Anna was frustrated with herself. She wanted to give him space but equally wanted to be with him. She would toss and turn at night trying to decide what to do.

If anyone would have ever told Anna that she would be in love with a married man, she would have thought them crazy. There were still moments when she realized the absurdity of the situation. But she never felt that way when she was with him. Every moment Anna spent with Mr. Bates felt like the most rational thing in the world. She truly felt herself around him and could not imagine life without him. Mr. Bates intrigued Anna the first moment she met him. She never realized why she was always drawn to him those first months until nearly a year later. While she appreciated his companionship, she began to realize it was more than friendship. Anna struggled to understand the feelings, since she had never truly been in love.

Anna had accepted the fact she would not find love years ago. Her entire adult life had been spent in the structured life of servitude. Of course, as a young girl, she thought she would marry just like her classmates planned. After school, the girls would swap their lesson books for books of Austen, the Brontë sisters, Alcott, and so many others. Together, they would fantasize about running away with some dashing lord or being rescued by a handsome soldier. And as the girls pictured the perfect man, the boys became increasingly curious about the fairer sex. More and more of the girls would tell stories about how Gareth had lifted Lily's skirt or how Jane and Henry were caught kissing by the pond. As the stories were told with increasing frequency, Anna began to feel that she was missing out. She dreamed of a million scenarios of how it would happen and how the kiss would forever change her life. The moment would be magical with the man that she loved, and she would be his forever. And then, after months and months of anticipation and jealousy at the other girl's stories, the moment arrived. On the eve of her fourteenth birthday, Jimmy Brown kissed Anna behind the barn. Jimmy had tasted of tobacco and was overly aggressive with his tongue. Instead of magic, the kiss was sloppy, wet, and disappointing. Jimmy did little to promote romanticism but actually made Anna doubt the appeal of intimacy. And before Jimmy had the opportunity to truly redeem the dissatisfaction, Anna was on her way to Downton Abbey as a maid.

As soon as Anna arrived at Downton, she was informed that relationships among servants were greatly discouraged. And the other maids would complain how impossible it was to meet anyone outside the house. Anna found herself utterly exhausted the first few months on her job that she had no trouble forgetting about boys. She struggled with the early mornings and long days and worked tirelessly to make a good impression. Anna did not find think about any male until after the servants' ball her second year. The new footman George had asked her to dance not once, but twice. Finally, Anna found her heart aflutter. George was a model footman, graceful, tall, a gorgeous smile, and perfect hair. He talked so politely and treated her like a real lady. Anna found him very attractive the first moment she saw him and never expected him to take to her. George would elect the seat closest to Anna and always encouraged more conversations. Anna was not use to such blatant attention but found that she was rather flattered. Some of the other maids were jealous since they hoped to catch George's eyes. But Anna did not care, George made her feel special. And for the first time in her life, Anna found herself utterly infatuated and able to understand the allure of romance. Every night, she would imagine George confessing his love, their wedding, leaving Downton together, their kids, and so much more.

After months of carrying on in this manner, Anna began to wonder why nothing more was happening. He still talked to her every day, but he never held her or kissed her like she had pictured. She felt trapped in a fantasy that never was going to happen. It did not help that so many of the maids would pester Anna about their clearly eventual nuptials. Anna finally got up the nerve and asked George if they were together. George frowned and shook his head. He apologized to Anna and explained that he only gave her extra attention because she reminded him of his kid sister. George had meant nothing romantic and considered all of his feelings as brotherly. He hadn't mentioned it before, but he had a sweetheart back home, and he took this job so he would have the money to make a proper proposal.

Anna found herself utterly heartbroken and felt foolish. As she reflected back on their time together, George expressed compassion and warmth, but never anything more. He was fiercely protective of Anna, but not passionate. Thanks to her imagination and the gossip of the other maids, Anna truly thought she was in love. But alas, it was a crush by a naïve girl who was never meant to fall in love. After George, Anna stopped longing for romance and instead turned her efforts to her work. She stopped idly gossiping about men and tried to emulate the work ethic of Mrs. Hughes. At the beginning, Anna felt like she was missing out on something. It was still hard to face George, but eventually, he left to marry his love. But as the years past, she realized she was proud of her work and could make something of herself. She was surprised to be named head housemaid at such a young age, but it proved to her that she was making the right choices. And as Anna reflected on her relationship with George, she realized she never truly was in love, just simply infatuated with the idea of love. Dreams of romance were for teenagers; Anna became a realist and focused on progressing through the ranks as a lady's maid or head housekeeper.

But all that seemed to change once Mr. Bates entered her life. Unlike George, Anna was not dumbstruck by his looks. But yes, Bates was attractive, just not in the traditional sense. She found herself drawn to his calm demeanor, maturity, and even his mysteriousness. She did not pity him or resent him like the rest of the staff, but instead, admired his boldness to persevere through everyone's doubts. And Anna was truly glad he was staying at Downton Abbey, but only because of companionship. She wanted to admire Mr. Bates for their friendship, nothing more.

As time progressed, Anna tried not to think about the way he made her laugh, his smirk, the way his eyes would light up when he saw her, his sly compliments. She had felt the sorrow of unrequited feelings before, and did not want to relive that experience. Her feelings for George began and ended in less than six months. But, with Mr. Bates, her feelings steadily grew over a year. Anna thought she was headed for another road of ruin, until she became sick. Completely unexpectedly, Mr. Bates risked reprimand to bring Anna food and even managed to bring flowers. No one in her life, except her family, would have made such a fuss over her. Even George would have never thought to care for an ailing Anna. Mr. Bates expression and gesture seemed to confirm what Anna swore would never happen again, she had feelings for someone and he may feel the same way back. With George, Anna fought to have her feelings returned, but with Mr. Bates, all of it happened without any effort on her part.

Anna observed her interactions with Mr. Bates very carefully over the next month and realized that she was not imagining anything. He cared deeply for her, and not in the brotherly way. She noticed how he would become flush anytime they accidentally touched, always try to catch her eye, and seek her out throughout the day. Anna actually went out of her way to avoid him, yet he always managed to find her. And how he would work so hard to make her smile or defend her against Thomas and Miss O'Brien. Although Mr. Bates was a secretive man, he shared more with Anna than anyone else. And she felt herself returning the attention and flirting. Anna realized for the first time in her life, she was truly in love with a man, not the idea of love.

Anna decided to act on her feelings once again instead of waiting for permission. Anna's confession to Mr. Bates was not easy and she did not get the answer she expected. He wasn't free, he had been married. But while it was not "I love you," he did not deny his feelings. Anna was not quite ready to throw away her hopes. For almost another year, Anna treaded carefully around the subject of love with Mr. Bates. And while she tried to distance herself, she discovered she could not. Oh the irony of the night he told her to dream of a better man. Almost every night since Anna confessed her love, her dreams had been filled with Mr. Bates. And after that night, the near kiss haunted every sleeping moment. She could almost taste him and feel his lips on her neck. The dreams felt more real than any other fantasy before. She wanted him and knew he wanted her. Oh, Mr. Bates' honor. How she loved him for it, but if only he would falter once and kiss her.

Since the announcement of the war, their relationship was finally progressing forward. Anna knew bits and pieces of his past and always felt there were things he was not telling her. But after Mr. Bates' confessions, all of his hesitance made sense. She knew he struggled with self-loathing, but she never fully understood the extent of his guilt. Hearing some of what Mr. Bates said was extremely difficult for Anna. She struggled to imagine a violent and spiteful man, but she did not doubt his confession. She could barely imagine the hardships of war, addiction, unfaithfulness, anger, and everything else Mr. Bates had described. Anna had always played it safe and lived a sheltered life. The only real pain Anna had experienced was the death of her father, but so many in the world, including Mr. Bates, knew the grief of losing one's parent. Anna could not even consider the misunderstanding with George as real heartache. With so much pain and disappointment, no wonder Mr. Bates tried to push her away. And he truly was a man of honor. He worried endlessly that his actions would hurt Anna. But Anna could never judge him for what he said, rather she felt closer to him than ever before.

And how Mr. Bates was willing to disclose everything and break down in front of her truly made Anna lose control. Any of his past faults meant nothing and she only wanted to make him better. All she could do was hold him as her tears mixed with his. But now, for an entire week, he was avoiding her. Anna worried that if she tried to approach him he would just retreat further into his self-loathing.

Anna had been dwelling at the table for nearly an hour but he did not show up. She was resolved to find him and rescue him from his doubts. Mr. Bates thought he did not deserve Anna, but the truth was Anna needed him as badly as he needed her. She knew where she could find him so she grabbed her sweater and ventured outside.

Anna spotted him almost immediately. He seemed horribly lost in his own thoughts, in his own unworthiness. He did not even notice her until she was almost upon him. But alas, Mr. Bates smiled when he saw her. Even after everything, he could not contain his excitement of being near her. Anna smiled at this reassurance.

"Mr. Bates, I've missed you." Anna started.

Mr. Bates frowned again. Anna had hoped this admission would cheer him up, but she should have known better.

"Neither of us is very good at not missing each other. Not nearly as good as we should be." Mr. Bates replied. Anna hesitated and contemplated leaving him alone. But no, even though he was not physically ill, he was spiritually ill. And just as he took care of her, she was here for him.

"Are you ready to talk yet? I feel I have given you enough space this last week."

Mr. Bates shook his head but finally started, "Anna, don't you see. Everything good in my life has turned bad. I'm a hard man with a hard life, so I don't fear consequences for my happiness. But I am afraid that my actions will hurt you."

"Don't say that. You would never hurt me." Even after Mr. Bates explained how he harmed Vera, Anna knew he would never touch her. The regret of that moment was still so fresh to him and he would never allow himself to lose control in that manner again. And Anna believed their relationship was completely different from his marriage. Vera and Mr. Bates both seemed bent on winning control of their relationship. But no, with her and Mr. Bates, they both would give up everything for the other person.

"I'm not worried about physically hurting you. But I fear our relationship could bring you great hardship. I always manage to sour everything I touch. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even next year. But some day you will regret being with me."

"Shhh, you worry too much. I am a big girl, and I'm willing to risk it all." Anna finally broke the physical barrier and grabbed his hand. Just as his touch made her feel better, she knew she had the same effect on him.

"That's what I feared the most, Anna, you would risk it all for me and lose it all." John sighed deeply. "But you're right, I worry too much. Maybe luck is finally on my side."

"And if not, I will always be on your side." Anna said with great fervor. She truly meant it with her whole heart. John finally broke into a smile. "You promise?" he asked and Anna only nodded her head.

"Well then, I have one more confession," he said, but still maintained the smile on his face.

And at this, he rose with his hand still in Anna's and he placed his other sheepishly on her shoulder. "I've wanted to dance with you for every second of the last week. Will you grant my wish, will you dance with me?"

Anna was completely taken aback by this request but thrilled. She could feel the smile on her face growing twice its normal size. "I would love to."

And slowly, they began swaying to the imaginary music. Mr. Bates seemed unsure of his steps, but it did not matter, she was in his arms. But as Anna kept pace with his movements, he gained confidence and smiled brightly. Mr. Bates removed his hand from her shoulder and placed it on her hip. Her entire body trembled as he drew her closer to him. Their faces were as close as could be without touching. They shared the same breath; everything he exhaled would be inhaled by her immediately. She could almost taste him, yet John hesitated as their noses nearly touched.

"Kiss me already" Anna breathed.

At that point, Mr. Bates lost all of his restraint and finally landed his lips on hers. Initially, Anna was unsure of where to put her hands and how to move her mouth. After all, this was her first proper kiss after a lifetime of wishing for it. She had kissed him a million times in her dreams, but it was so much better than she expected. She soon realized she did not care where her arms went as long as they were around him. And as the kissed continue, Anna thought about how long she wanted this to happen. And before she knew it, Anna broke away and started giggling uncontrollably. She tried to stop but found herself unable to contain her enthusiasm.

"Was it that bad?" Mr. Bates inquired.

"No, it was perfectly wonderful. It's just, I've dreamt of this moment for so long and now it's here and I almost don't believe it." Anna said as she caressed his face. She wanted to restore any confidence her giggles may have caused to falter.

And with that, Mr. Bates responded with a second kiss, even more passionate than the first. The wait was over.