Sorry everyone for not posting sooner. My aunt that I was very close to passed away, so these past couple of weeks have been hell. Things are starting to get back to a somewhat-normal state now, so I will try to start updating regularly. Please, please, PLEASE review! The more reviews I get, the more inspired I am, and the faster the updates will come!
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My dad chuckled to himself as he slid into the passenger seat. "Ready?" he asked as I buckled my seat belt.
I nodded hesitantly. I was suddenly nervous. In reality behind all of the false bravado, I had no idea what I was doing.
"Relax. You'll do fine," he said, answering my thoughts. I nodded, reassuring myself and reached for the key he held in his hand. "Hold on," he said. "First things first. The fat pedal on the floorboard is the brake, and the smaller pedal to the right is the gas." I nodded, touching each with my foot. "Use your right foot for both." He looked at me to make sure I understood, and I nodded again. "Now, your gear shift in here is in the center console, the same as your Corvette." I moved my right hand from where it was resting on the steering wheel to the gear shift. "Right now we're in park. After that is reverse, neutral, and then drive. After drive comes third and low gears, but we're not going to worry about those just yet, okay?"
I nodded. "Park, reverse, neutral, drive, third, and low. Got it."
"Good. To move from one gear to another, you just squeeze the button on the front side of the shifter and pull it back to the gear you want." He caught my hand as I reached for the shifter. "Don't shift until we've started the car, and make sure your foot is on the brake whenever you shift. Now, your headlights, which should be on since it's raining, are there." He pointed to the left of the steering wheel. "You can go ahead and turn them on." I clicked the lights on, and they illuminated the front of the garage.
"Are we ready to go yet?" I asked impatiently. At this rate, we were never going to get out of the garage.
"Not quite. My legs are longer than yours, so you should probably move the seat up." I quickly found the button I was looking for and moved the seat ahead to where I could comfortably reach the pedals. "Now readjust your mirrors and the steering wheel so you can see. Okay, now hit the button on the visor to open the garage door." He handed me the key. "Foot on the brake. Is your foot on the brake?"
"Yes Dad!" I snapped.
"Just double checking. Now put the key in the ignition and turn it."
There was a satisfying purr as the engine came to life. He coached me as I backed slowly out of the garage. I put the car in drive and went slowly down the driveway. He had me drive all over for hours, in all sorts of pretend situations. Eventually, after Dad made me fill up the Volvo with gas, he had me drive to Grandpa Charlie's.
I put the car in park in front of the little white house. I locked it with a satisfying beep of the horn as my dad and I walked up the front steps. Just as I knocked on the door, the knob turned and Charlie greeted us with his easy smile. "Well hi kiddo! Hi there, Edward. What brings you to my neck of the woods?"
"Dad was teaching me how to drive," I answered as we walked into the house.
Charlie paled a little a thought of me driving at such a young age. "I can't believe how fast you are growing up. How are the driving lessons going?" he asked, changing the subject from my accelerated growth rate.
"She's doing great," my dad said with pride. "She's a fast learner." I grinned to myself as I sat on my favorite spot on the couch in the front room. I've always been a little too cocky for my own good. Pride goeth before a fall and all that, but I couldn't help being a little smug at my stellar driving ability. I saw my dad roll his eyes behind Charlie's back, and my grin stretched even wider. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my feet up next to me.
"You look so much like your mom, sitting there like that," Charlie said nostalgically. My dad smiled softly, agreeing. I blushed, self-conscious.
Over the next hour we chatted about the weather, my homeschooling, fishing, and the party. I had to keep reminding myself that Charlie had no idea that Jake and I kissed. I don't think he would welcome the idea of me dating Jake. A swift glance at my dad reminded me that my dad didn't necessarily welcome the idea either.
When the clock struck eleven, my dad and I said goodbye. Charlie was meeting Sue for lunch at 11:30. After getting back in the Volvo, my dad had me drive around Forks for a little while longer.
"Why don't you take the highway north out of town?" I turned onto the highway, shooting him a questioning look. There wasn't anything on the highway to the north. Eventually you would get to Vancouver, but I hoped we weren't going that far. We had already been gone for a couple of hours. He just smiled to himself and shook his head, refusing to answer the questions in my thoughts.
We wove in and out of the trees and eventually were driving along the ocean. The road began to climb, and soon I was driving on top of the cliffs that rose up out of the surf.
We came to an overlook on the side of the highway looking out at the sea. "You can pull in here." I parked the car, and my dad stepped out into the light rain. With an impatient sigh, I followed him. I didn't understand why we were stopping here. It was just another unremarkable piece of coastline. "Just watch," he said, standing at the wooden railing preventing us from tumbling into the sea below.
With mild irritation, I gazed out at the gunmetal-gray sea. Just as I was about to turn around and go back to the car, something grabbed my attention. Rising up out of the dark waters, a huge whale plunged back into the sea. Soon there was another, and another. There were half a dozen of them. They seemed to be dancing amidst the waves.
"Humpbacks," said my dad. "Beautiful aren't they?" I nodded, mesmerized. We stood in companionable silence, watching the spectacle.
"Dad?" I asked, knowing that it was unnecessary. "I had a really great time today." I knew that he would hear the thoughts behind my words. He smiled as he heard how I loved spending time just the two of us, and how I wish we did it more often.
"Me too," he added, kissing the top of my head as he gave me a hug.
"Umm Dad? Can I ask you something?" He stiffened as he heard the question in my head. I knew I had to ask him out loud though. Otherwise, he would pretend that my question was just another one of the many thoughts running through my head. He looked at me from the corner of his eye. "I was just wondering…well…if you were okay, you know, with me and Jake…" I trailed off, confused by his raised eyebrows. I realized my mistake and rolled my eyes. "Jake and I," I said sarcastically. "Jeez Dad."
He grinned briefly, but then his face turned serious. I bit my lip, worried. I didn't know if I really wanted to know the answer to my question. "You have to realize that, one, you are my daughter, so no man will ever be good enough for you." He smiled as I rolled my eyes. "But aside from that," he continued, "you must try and understand how very young you seem to me. You were born only five years ago. I waited for over one hundred years to fall in love with your mother." I blanched at his words. Jake and I had only kissed once. I didn't want to think of the "L" word yet.
"I guess I just wondered if you were okay with us…dating…or whatever," I added to clarify and make my question more ambiguous at the same time.
"It's a work in progress," he said with a soft grin. "Jacob is truly part of our family, but that doesn't mean I won't murder him if he ever hurts you. I'm not thrilled about you being…romantically involved…with anyone, but I'd rather it was Jacob than anyone else. I trust him, and I trust you. Just don't rush into this too fast, okay?" I nodded. "Renesmee," he continued, "can I ask you a question?" He heard my affirmation in my thoughts, so he continued. "Are you okay with being romantically involved with Jacob?"
I sighed. Guess I opened myself up for that one. "I feel like it shouldn't be this hard to answer your question." His eyebrows furrowed, perplexed by both my answer and my thoughts. "I mean, I'm thrilled that Jake likes me the same way that I like him." I blushed. This was on my list of things I preferred not to talk to my parents about. "But, I have no idea how to bridge the gap from being best friends to something more. And, I'm scared to be something more because I don't want to stop being best friends. Plus, the fact that the three of you seem to be keeping some huge secret from me doesn't help to simplify things," I said, glaring at him.
He started walking towards the car. "You must be hungry. It's getting close to one," he said as he opened the driver's side door and got in.
"Yes. Let's just change the subject. That's very inconspicuous!" I shouted at the clouds as I stomped to the passenger side and climbed. I sat, fuming, with my arms crossed staring straight ahead.
"I know how frustrated you are." I scowled and refused to make eye contact. "And yes, Jacob, your mother, and I know something that you do not. For now, we feel that it is best to keep this information to ourselves. Someday, someday soon, we will tell you, but for now, try to put it out of your mind."
I huffed, still refusing to look at him. Who was he kidding? If this information concerned me, I deserved to know. It wasn't fair.
I stewed in silence all the way home as he drove. When he parked the Volvo in the garage, I got out and shut the door without a word. Thanks for the driving lessons, I thought bitterly. Even when angry, a Cullen was still expected to be polite. Just like we were expected to seclude ourselves from society, never misbehave, and never be unkind or argue with one another. As a Cullen, I was expected to be perfect at all times. It was grating on my nerves. I had to resist the urge to act out against all of their rules and expectations, but I pushed the rebellious thoughts to the back of my mind. Around here, thoughts like that could get you in trouble.
My mom looked up from her novel as I stomped into the living room, still fuming. "How did the driving lessons go?" she asked tentatively.
"Great! Just great! Fan-freakin'-tastic!" I said sarcastically as I blew past Jake and Emmett watching TV on the couch on my way to the kitchen.
"I hope you weren't too hard on her," I heard my mom say to my dad as I rummaged through the fridge. Ugh. None of Esme's meals sounded appetizing. I usually ate according to my mood. When I was calm and relaxed, I didn't mind eating human food. But, when I was pissed off or frustrated, I wanted to hunt. To give in to my instincts.
"What?" I snapped when I heard footsteps behind me. I looked up from the fridge just in time to see Jake's shocked and slightly cautious face.
"Umm, well, I was just wondering if you wanted to get out of here for a while. Go for a hunt?" he asked tentatively.
I took a deep breath to steady my emotions. I checked my grip on the refrigerator handle to make sure I wasn't crushing it. I swung the door shut, turned around, and looked Jake in the eye. "Sure. Going on a hunt would be great." It took a lot of effort to keep the sarcasm and acid out of my voice. Even though I was angry and frustrated with Jake too, it was a lot harder to be mad at him.
I stalked out the front door without looking at my parents, and Jake walked behind me. I could picture him exactly without having to turn around to look at him. He would have his hands in his pockets wearing his "you're making a fool of yourself but I'm not going to say anything because I'm having too much fun watching the show smirk." Finally I couldn't take his sluggish pace any longer. I whipped around in a blur. "Are you coming or not?" I asked irritably.
His smirk turned into a full-blown grin. "Yes your highness. Are you in too much of a hurry to wait for me while I phase?"
"Hurry up," I snapped. I was in no mood for his jokes. As soon as I saw him walk out of the woods on all fours, I took off at a run, knowing full well that he'd catch up to me in a matter of seconds.
…
I didn't say a word to him until we had both finished off our kills and were sitting at our spot on the riverbank. Actually, I didn't say anything then either until he broke the silence.
"So how did the driving lessons go?" he asked tentatively.
"The driving lessons were fine. I'm a perfect driver. I can even parallel-park," I snapped.
"Well then what's your deal?" he snapped back. "I thought you were more mature than this."
Normally his harsh words would have made my eyes fill with tears, but I was so mad that they just made me lash out. "What's my deal?" I asked incredulously. "Not 'what's wrong Ness?' or 'what can I do to make it better, Ness?' No. Nothing kind or considerate. Nothing a best friend would say. Certainly nothing a boyfriend would say. You are such a jackass." He flinched as if I slapped him. I hardly ever swore, especially not at him. I ignored the hurt on his face and got up to leave.
He scrambled to his feet and caught my arm before I could run away. "Ness, please. Talk to me. Let me in."
It frustrated me to no end how he was so quick to forgive, to make up. I really just wanted to scream and yell and get out all of my anger and frustrations, but he just wanted to make me happy, to make me feel better. It was beyond irritating.
"You know what? How 'bout you let me in. Let me in on the huge secret that everyone knows about but me. And the worst part is that everyone knows that I know that you're keeping something from me, but you all refuse to tell me what it is. I'm not a child!" I yelled. Jake stood silently, biting his lip. His face was flushed, and he looked upset. He reached out to me, but I jerked away from him. "Don't!" I screeched at him. "Don't you get how frustrated I am? Do you not understand how maddening it is to wrack your brain for hours, to toss and turn every night imagining the worst? Do you have any idea how much this hurts?"
Jake sank to the ground and buried his head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice breaking on the last syllable. Just like that, when I heard his voice betray his pain, my anger completely disappeared, snuffed out like a candle.
I sank to my knees beside him. "No Jake. Look at me," I commanded, tugging at his arm to see his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. Please…" I trailed off, struck silent by the sight of his eyes, red with tears that were threatening to spill over.
"I do understand," he whispered. "And I'm sorry to upset you. You have no idea how much it kills me to hurt you like this, to not tell you everything right now." He saw my face fall. "It's killing me, but I can't. At least not until your parents and I sit down and talk. This concerns them as much as it does me and you." He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. "I promise though, we'll tell you as soon as possible. If they won't, then I will," he said, resolve hardening his tone.
I looked up at him and smiled. "I'm sorry for screaming at you. And for calling you a jackass," I added.
He grinned my favorite smile. "You're forgiven." As he said it, he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. He left his hand there, leaned down, and pressed his lips to mine.