Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know it has been forever since I last updated, and I make no guarantees about when the next update will be. If you are a loyal reader, thanks for sticking with me! If you are new, welcome! Please review and tell me what you think! On a side note, I saw BD2 and loved it! It was truly phenomenal.
Jake and I walked slowly back, hand in hand, in comfortable silence. "Tell me what's going through your head right now," he asked, breaking the silence after several minutes.
"Well, I was wondering about the big secret and how long it will be before you break the news-whatever it is- to me. But, just now I was thinking about us."
"Us?" he questioned.
"Yeah…" I trailed off, hesitating. I decided after a moment or two that if I wanted him to be honest with me, I needed to be honest with him. "It's just…a lot…you know? I mean, two days ago we were best friends, and now we're something more?" I questioned tentatively. His eyebrows furrowed, and I recognized his deep in thought expression. Instead of trying to explain through words, I used my gift. I showed him memories of the two of us laughing and hanging out, just being best friends. Then, I showed him more recent memories. I showed him how my heart would stop whenever he smiled at me and how I dreamed of pressing my lips to his. Finally, I replayed our first kiss, letting him see how excited I was but also how confused I was. He was smiling now, gazing at me with the look of wonder he got whenever he experienced my gift. "I guess I don't know how to be more than best friends. I mean, you were always like a brother, you know? And now you're something more… It's not like I have any experience with how normal relationships work, not that we're a normal relationship in any sense of the word." I rolled my eyes and blushed, embarrassed by all that I was confessing. As I general rule, I was a pretty private person. Or at least, I tried to be.
"Believe me," he grinned. "I feel exactly the same way. I have no idea what I'm doing any more than you do. We'll just take it slow and see what happens. And we'll always be best friends, no matter what." He paused now and blushed. "And never be afraid to tell me if things…you know…" he stammered, rubbing his free hand across the back of his neck "…go too far…or whatever."
I kind of wanted to say that maybe I wanted things to go too far, but I didn't think the second day of our relationship was the time to make that sort of statement. Instead, I just nodded. "Really," he added, "I want you to lead. I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do." I smiled to myself. He really was the nicest guy ever.
I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed his surprised face. "How's that for leading?" I asked playfully.
"Yes," he said, kissing me back. "That's exactly what I had in mind.
…
Jake stopped when we got close to our cottage. He took a deep breath. "I need to talk with your parents to try to convince them that you are ready to know the truth. Try to understand that we're keeping this from you because we wanted you to grow up without the…pressure…of knowing the truth. This will all make more sense when we explain." I just nodded and tried not to get too frustrated. "It would be much easier for me to convince your parents that you're ready if I didn't have to worry about you overhearing our conversation. I need to be uncensored with them. Is it too much to ask for you to hang out here until we're done?" He looked at me, eyes pleading for understanding.
I gave him what he was looking for and sighed. "Yeah Jake. Not a problem. Just come and get me when you're done." I smiled to let him know that I wasn't mad at him for shutting me out of the conversation.
"Thanks Ness. You're the best." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and started jogging towards the main house. "I'll come and get you as soon as we're done," he called behind him.
I sighed and turned to let myself into the cottage. I inhaled, allowing myself to be contented with the smell of home. Our little cottage always smelled slightly of wood smoke from the fire that crackled in the tiny hearth year round. It also smelled like fresh linen and honey with hints of cedar. I wandered through the rooms, enjoying the quiet and solitude. It had been awhile since I had truly been alone.
I found Pride and Prejudice where I had left it beside my bed. I wandered back into the living room and curled up in my favorite chair. I tried to read but found myself nodding off. My late night and early morning were catching up to me. I pulled a blanket over me, marked my page, and drifted off to sleep.
I awoke with a start, panicked and disoriented. I surveyed the cottage quickly, looking for the dangers that stalked me in my subconscious. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I flew out of the chair in panic as I heard someone opening the door. I didn't relax from my defensive position until Jake had his hands on my shoulders.
"Ness? Are you okay? What's the matter?" His questions grew more urgent as he surveyed the room, searching for my imagined danger.
I exhaled and blinked with sudden clarity. My heart was still pounding with fear, but I playfully shoved Jake. "Sheesh. You scared the shit out of me." I laughed shakily.
Jake saw through my false bravado and pulled me into his arms. "I thought the dreams were getting better?" he questioned.
Jake was the only person in the universe who knew about the extent of my nightmares. He was the only one who knew how often the Volturi came for me in my subconscious. My parents knew that I had nightmares occasionally, but as I grew older I got better at hiding them. Unless my dreams were particularly awful, my dad usually didn't notice them in my thoughts, during or after. I had gotten to be really good at pretending they never happened, and I tried not to think of them around my dad. If they knew how paralyzed with fear I was, especially at night, they would worry nonstop.
"I thought they were. I haven't had one for a couple of weeks." He pulled me into his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head. I fought back against the memory of the line of black advancing forward to murder my family. "They'll never hurt you," Jake whispered fiercely as he kissed the top of my head. He took a step back so he could see my face. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, concern evident on his face.
I took a deep breath and laughed shakily. "I'm sure. Better now that you're here," I added.
"Good," he said with a soft smile. "Happy to be of service." He leaned down to kiss me as I wrapped my arms around his neck, entwining my fingers in his jet black hair. He deepened the kiss and my body responded before I even realized that, in the two days since our relationship began, we had yet to kiss like this. My mouth opened of its own volition, and I pulled myself closer to him. My stomach dropped, and my legs turned to jelly. If he hadn't been holding me up, I probably would have ended up on the floor.
We broke the kiss, flushed and gasping for air. "That…that was…" I seemed to have lost my ability to speak. Jake's signature cocky grin spread across his face as he watched me struggle to speak coherently. "I think we should do that more often," I said with a grin.
He laughed. "I completely agree." He took a step back as I tried to kiss him again. He chuckled at the disappointed look on my face. "However, I was supposed to come and get you to bring you to the big house."
My eyes widened with clarity. I had forgotten why I was hanging out here in the first place. "Did you talk to them? What did they say?"
"They agreed, eventually, that it's time for you to know everything."
He shut the door to the cottage behind us as he led me outside. I blinked in the soft glow of twilight shining through the trees from the west. "Woah. How long was I asleep?" I asked as we walked through the woods.
"Well, I left to go talk to your parents around two. It's about seven now."
"Seven? Wow. I slept all afternoon." I could feel the nervous energy rolling off him as we got close to the big house. His anxiety was making me nervous. Could whatever they had to tell me really be that bad?
He led me through the front door and into the dining room where my parents were waiting. Seeing their apprehensive faces made me start to sweat, figuratively. Jake pulled my chair out for me and then sat in the chair next to mine, angling his body towards me to better look me in the eye.
Jake took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to figure out what to say or pray for help. Maybe both, I surmised. When his eyes opened, he looked to my parents and they nodded to reassure him.
"Ness," he began, "I know how upset you are that we have been keeping secrets from you. Please know that we never planned to hurt you. In fact, we only wanted to protect you. Can I ask just one favor before we explain everything?" I nodded, so he continued. "Please, just hear us out. That's all I ask."
"Of course, Jake. I promise." I looked at my parents, but they just looked at Jake with apprehensive eyes.
"Okay. Good." Jake exhaled in a huff. "Ness, do you remember the very first day you met your mom? I mean, not the day you were born, but when she was a vampire?"
I closed my eyes and searched my memories. "Yes," I said, opening my eyes. "I remember."
"Can you walk us through that day, as you remember it?" my mom asked.
"Umm, I can try. Let's see… When I woke up that morning, everyone was downstairs with, except for Dad. He was still upstairs because you were still asleep." I paused, and my dad gave my mom's hand a squeeze. "Alice went upstairs to talk to Dad about how long it would be until you woke up, and then Dad called everyone to see you. I wanted to go, but Jake said I had to stay downstairs. He said I could see you later. I remember seeing you leave and go into the woods. I got upset because you left without saying goodbye, but Rose came downstairs and told me that you would be back soon. I tried on different outfits for Rose and Alice, and then Alice said that you both were on your way back."
"Right," Jake answered. My parents both nodded, urging me to continue. I felt like I was in a Freudian therapy session, but I continued.
"Okay. So then Jake got up and went to leave. You told me that you had to go talk to my mom and dad, and that you would be right back. Emmett laughed and told you good luck when you left. You went outside, talking to Mom and Dad, and then you came inside and stood by me. Mom and Dad walked in together only Emmett and Jasper kept Mom from me. I finally got fed up with everyone trying to keep me and Mom apart, and then you finally held me," I said, smiling at my mom. She smiled back, but I could still see the tension in her face.
I didn't understand where this was going. Why was that day so important? "Keep going," my dad prodded.
I rolled my eyes but continued. "Okay…so then Jake said something, and Mom got really mad and hauled him outside. We all went out to watch, and I was scared that Mom and Jake were going to hurt each other. Mom was yelling at Jake, and then she got even madder when he called me Nessie. She lunged at him, and Seth jumped in the way, and Mom broke his collarbone."
My mom cringed at the memory and looked at Jake apologetically. "Do I need to keep going?" I asked.
"No," my dad answered.
"Do you remember why your mom got mad at me in the first place?" Jake asked, his voice thick with tension.
"Well, I remember her holding me, and then you wanted to hold me, and then she got really pissed..er, sorry. She got really mad?" I made the statement into a question, not knowing if that's what they were looking for.
"Close," my dad said. "Dig deeper. I know you know this."
"Why can't you just tell me? This guessing thing is getting old."
My mom just shook her head. "It wouldn't make sense to you. You're almost there. Do you remember the exact words I said to Jacob when I got mad at him?"
I tried to concentrate on the conversation stored in my memory." Okay, so Jake said that Mom was doing great, but not to push it. Mom got mad and asked Jake what his problem was." I searched my mind, trying to determine what they were looking for. "Dad and Rose were mad too, but not as mad as Mom. More irritated, I would say. Then, Mom realized something…she gasped and said something like 'you didn't' as she walked towards Jake. I remember being really worried…"
"Keep going. You're almost there," my mom encouraged.
"Okay…so then Jake told you that it wasn't something he could control…" I quickly ran through the rest of the conversation until my mind screeched to a halt over something that my mom had said that day, something that I had always wondered about but was never given an answer. "And Mom asked him…she asked him how he dared imprint on her baby…" I looked at my parents and Jake, disbelief on my face. "You've been keeping this secret for my entire life, haven't you? The secret, it's about imprinting, isn't it?"
"Yes. It's about imprinting. And yes, we've kept this from you since the day you were born." Jake looked like he wanted to reach out and take my hand, but I ignored him.
"Why? What is it? And why was Mom so upset?" I questioned, growing more irate by the second.
"Relax, Ness. That's why we're sitting here. We've decided it's time to answer all of these questions," Jake said. "Okay," he continued. "So you know that we, that is, the wolves, are the natural enemy of vampires, right?" I nodded, and he pressed on. "Plus, on top of that I was in love with your mom when she was in love with your dad, so that made me hate vampires even more. When your parents got married, I knew your mom had decided to become a vampire herself. When I heard that your mom was sick, I came here to see for myself if she had been changed. To my surprise, she was still human, but she was pregnant." I nodded again, bored and frustrated. I had heard this before. I had heard how the wolves made the decision to kill me and how Jake split from the main pack and formed his own pack. "Well anyway, after I split off from the pack, I came here, and, even though I wanted to, I couldn't leave. I thought, at the time, it was because I still loved your mom, but now I know it was something more." Now I was confused. Jake had always said he had a crush on my mom when she first moved here. I had no idea that he loved her that much, for that long. It was really horrifying to think about, actually.
"Keep listening," my dad interrupted. "It's not like that. Do you think Jacob would still be here if it was? Do you honestly think I would let him still be here? Don't start making judgments until you hear the entire story," my dad admonished.
Jake bit his lip, but he continued with his story. "Your birth was very violent. I thought your mom had died, and I went outside to mourn. I was so blinded by pain that I transferred that pain into hate. I truly believed that you were the reason that your mom, my best friend in the world, was dead. I hated you so much that I came inside to kill you." I cringed as Jake studied my reactions. "But," he cautioned, both hands held up apologetically, "when I came inside, I looked into your eyes for the first time. My whole world, my entire life changed at that exact moment. Do you remember?"
"Yes," I whispered. "I remember."
"Do you remember when we talked about how it was difficult for me to be a wolf in the beginning? And you asked me when it stopped being difficult? And you asked me when I stopped loving your mom? I lied when I told you that both those things stopped right around the time you were born. Both of those things stopped at that exact moment when I looked into your eyes for the first time. Both of those things stopped in that moment because I imprinted on you, Renesmee. You became my whole world, and suddenly being a wolf meant that I could stay with you forever. Suddenly, everything made sense."
"It doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand what imprinting is at all."
"Don't worry; I'll explain." Jake took a deep breath and cracked his neck to relieve the tension. "Imprinting is something that has happened to most of the wolves. When you imprint on someone," he paused, struggling with how to phrase something, "you find your soul mate." He paused, now, to gage my reaction.
My mouth fell open as I struggled to come to grips with what he just told me. Does this mean that I am Jake's soulmate? But I was just a baby. I tried not to be judgmental, but I was kind of horrified.
"It's not like that, Renesmee. Again, Jacob would not still be here if it was," my dad reminded me.
Jake shot him a grateful glance before he continued. "When I imprinted on you, it was like seeing the sun for the first time. You became the most important thing in my world. You became my best friend, my other half."
"But I was just a baby…" I tried to keep the disgust from my voice.
"Believe me, I know. There is a difference between imprinting and falling in love, Ness, at least for us. Most of the time, you imprint on an adult. Then you can be in a romantic relationship with them. It has only happened differently twice. Me and Quil."
"Wait, what? Quil has imprinted? On who?"
"Claire is Quil's imprint." He let that sink in, and he continued. "And you are mine. We imprinted on our imprints when they were children. We couldn't love them romantically; it was physically impossible for us. We loved you like parents, brothers, and friends. Anything you needed us to be. That's an imprinter's main job- to be everything your imprint needs. I have loved you since the day you were born, but it wasn't until you were ready for me to love you romantically, until you needed me to love you that I began to have feelings for you."
I sat in silence, trying to process everything he was telling me. "Who else…?" I questioned.
"Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Embry and Jill, Paul and Rachel…"
"So what does this mean for us?" I questioned.
"Well, ideally it means that we are literally destined to be together forever. We were literally made for each other. Soulmates. But," Jake cautioned, "I would never force you to love me. The imprint doesn't force us to love each other. I will always love you, but if you didn't feel the same you could love whoever you wanted."
"That's why we never told you," my mom interrupted. "If you and Jake fell in love, we wanted it to be natural, not aided by magic. We wanted you to grow up as normal as possible, without the pressure of knowing that you were best friends with your soulmate.
"No," I said.
Jake let out a gust of air like he'd been punched in the stomach. "What?" he asked, pain evident in his voice.
"No, not that kind of no Let me finish." Relief flooded Jake's face, but I continued. Suddenly, everything made sense. This aspect of my life that I could never define was clear. "I don't think it works that way. I have never been able to be away from Jake for long. It literally hurts to be away from him. There has always been this connection between us that I never really understood. That's the power of the imprint, isn't it? We are destined to be together. Soulmates. Two halves of the same whole. Forever."