Chapter 18
The Doctor sat on a stool back in his lab in UNIT HQ. He quietly poured a bright yellow chemical into a test tube filled with clear liquid. As the solutions mixed, they turned a deep, royal blue.
It had been two days since he had seen the Brigadier.
He had seen Jo nearly every day. She brought him his tea and coffee and occasionally passed him his test tubes and generally made a tremendous effort to appear as if nothing was wrong. They would chat about trivial things and share secret, strained smiles.
But despite the few, awkward moments things were, for the most part, returning to normal. Although she was scared, Jo wouldn't let that stop her from doing her job. And since the… incident she had never forgotten to remind him to take the proper amount of blood.
Although perhaps there was more to that than sudden interest in job security.
It was taking longer to regain Sgt. Benton's trust. There was a portion of the Doctor's mind that believed he never would, not completely. Whenever he passed the sergeant in the hallway the man's eyes would shift and his hand would drift down to his gun.
He sighed. He turned to the corner of the lab. It still seemed so empty. Something really needed to go there. Something that would liven up the place. Perhaps something in blue…?
He still hadn't told them yet. He had promised himself that he would, but… he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He had kept this inside for so long, almost buried behind layers of suppression. But he could never forget. He would never, never forget.
Perhaps he wouldn't have to tell them. After all, he was absolutely certain the Brigadier would come back from his interminable meeting to tell him he had been fired. He would return to his old life and have nothing more to do with UNIT. His secrets would be buried with him.
Yes. That's what he would do.
"Doctor?"
The Doctor turned on his stool to see the Brigadier standing in front of the double doors. In one hand he held a small stack of folders and in the other a cup of tea. His face was inexpressive but his thin mustache twitched occasionally.
"May I speak with you?" the Brigadier continued.
"Yes, yes," the Doctor said, practically tripping over his words. He slipped off his stool, shoved his hands in his pockets, and strolled as nonchalantly as could toward the door. "Have you and your superiors come to a consensus?"
"We have." He paused dramatically. "You're very lucky, Doctor. It has been determined that the benefits you can give our organization outweigh the possible risks. You'll be able to keep your job here as UNIT's scientific advisor. Of course, I doubt the board will be so lenient if anything like this every happens again."
The Doctor had stopped breathing. This made no sense. He had been so certain they would fire him. He hadn't wanted to leave, but – he had been free from responsibility. No need to tell them.
No need to tell them.
"What?!" he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.
"For goodness sakes, Doctor," the Brigadier almost laughed. "I thought you would be pleased!"
"But… but you can't… Jo…" he said, frantically. "Jo… I could have killed her!"
The Brigadier frowned. "I know you can be a dangerous man, Doctor, but I seriously doubt you could have killed Ms. Grant."
"NO!" the Doctor shouted, slamming his hand against the doorframe. "You don't understand! Of course I could have done it! Of course I could have killed her! I was so close! So close! I could have done it! I've done it before!"
The blood rushed through the Doctor's ears and sang in the deafening silence.
"What?" said the Brigadier, his voice reduced to an icy whisper.
"I killed her," the Doctor said desperately. "I killed her. I killed her." The words couldn't seem to stop tumbling out.
The Brigadier stared at the tall, fair man, his eyes glassy and hard. When he spoke, he ground his words out through his teeth. "Doctor, what exactly are you trying to tell me?"
The Doctor took several breaths and finally managed to return his breathing to normal.
"Her name was Ann Lambert," he said, his eyes fixed on the floor. "And I killed her in cold blood."
The silence stretched on.
And the tea went cold.
END
Author's note: Wow. That was a wild ride. This is the longest thing I've ever written, fic or otherwise. I must say I'm pretty proud of it, for better or worse. (I wish you could have seen my outline for this story. It contained such Shakespearean phrases as "Doctor!angst", "Doctor!BAMF", and "epic car chase in Bessie!")
There is a sequel in the works for this although I have no idea when I'll be able to get it up. (It may or may not contain the Master.) I would really appreciate any feedback on that front.
A big thank you to everyone who faved, followed, and reviewed. You really helped to encourage me to finish this. Thank you so much!