A/N: Lol, Prime…Prime…How to torture Optimus Prime…

Megatron: OOH! OOH! *starts waving hand wildly to get LamboGirl666's attention*

LamboGirl666: Down. OOOOOH! IDEA MOMENT!

All Decepticons: Aww….

I wish, severely, that I own Transformers.

Ch 3: Optimus Prime

April 1st, 1230

Now, everyone was on high alert. Not because of a Decepticon threat. Not because of Wheeljack's new invention (which actually hadn't blown up…yet). Not because of Ratchet being in a bad mood (he is, just that's not the reason). No, they are all worried that each of them is the next target for Sideswipe's next prank.

Of course, some bots didn't care, so long as they got a kick outta it. Smokescreen even set up a betting pool for the next victim; he was sure he'd never be pranked. He and Sides are buddies.

No one thought it would be this…subtle before.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Optimus Prime walked out of the med bay after clearing everything and calming Ratchet. If he could say it while sounding dignified, he would say that Ratchet probably WAS the pit-master. …or, at least, his creation. Whatever evil being he was, that mech could throw a wrench. Hard.

He vented a sigh, and walked silently into the rec room for a cube of energon…

xXxXxXxXxXx

Sideswipe grinned helm horn to helm horn as he saw their leader walk away from his quarters and office. He'd need to act fast, but he should be able, with enough luck, get their leader into stasis lock from fritzed logic chips…

And so he started his next devious act.

xXxXxXxXxXx

April 1st, 0100

Optimus was leaving the rec room, charged with energon and ready to start on the amass pile of reports and such, all lovingly placed in a perfectly straight column by his SIC, Prowl. Wait…Prowl was in medbay. His reports were handed in by Jazz or Ironhide, that meant. He sighed heavily in realization. More work for him.

But, as the automatic door slid open, something didn't feel right. His walls were colored another color other than orange. A quick closer zoom revealed that, on the wall behind his desk, there was…a picture of a naked female human? What the frag? He was utterly disgusted by the lack of grace in her posture, the lack of sanity in her face, heck, and the lack of CLOTHES on her body! She was flat out nude! The 18-wheeler commander took an involuntary step back, away from the naked woman. He turned and was about to start running as the door slid shut in front of his faceplates, revealing another bare-skinned human. This picture was even worse than the original, as she was laying down with her legs spread apart.

He offlined is optics and typed the override code for the door. It, of course, slid open quietly, and the fearless leader of the righteous Autobots took off running, his tailpipe between his legs. When he got to his quarters, at almost the exact opposite end of the ship, he vented deeply, onlined his optics…and screamed.

Someone found Transformers porn, had printed life-sized images of it, and put the posters up all over in Optimus's quarters. There was even a false depiction of Elita-1 with her armor off on recharge berth.

The frizzing sound of his logic chips where hard to ignore. Of course, he didn't do anything because he was too dumbfounded and scarred to move. The only thing he could do was glitch, offline, and fall to the floor. The sound of their leader hitting the ground was what made all online bots jump.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Somewhere…

Sideswipe's fuel pump nearly stopped from too much laughter. He was dead later, but it would be so worth it. And, Optimus's eyes when he saw those pictures…The red twin grinned.

Thank humanity for porn.

A/N: In actuality, i hate porn with all of my life. Just wanted to see how Optimus liked it. ;)

Optimus Prime; You...You...fiend! I died! Well, I would have died!

Megatron: That'll be the day...

LamboGirl666: Review! I want 6 before I put up the next chapter! 6 REVIEWS, PEOPLE!