Trigger warning (hints of rape). Proceed with caution.

Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie.

Chapter 12: W-why'd You Do It?

I had questions.

Lots and lots of questions. They kept popping up every corner I turned, every time I stopped, every breath I took. Some repeated over and over. They repeated forwards and back, and when I thought they were gone, they would appear in another form.

The questions didn't stop even as I pulled my key out of its hold, or when I made my way up the stairs, or even as I went to touch the doorknob that was in front of me now.

They didn't stop... but I did.

My breath hitched and my body started to tremble. A little voice in the back of my head didn't seem so little when it finally broke through all the questions. I knew what it was saying to me, I just didn't want to listen. But what was the point of ignoring it if it was your own voice.

You're afraid of what's behind that door. You don't want to see what you left behind when you ran away. Is it always going to be like that Eridan? Are you always terrified of what's behind that door that you decide to keep running? Running like everything you did wasn't going to follow.

When are you going to stop running Eridan.

I couldn't open the door, but I didn't want to leave. So I knelt and sat there with my back against a wall, and started thinking.

The next moment though... I woke up in a bed.

Alone.

I abruptly sat up and checked myself.

I was still fully clothed, my glasses where on a nightstand next to me, I was on a water bed, and it was dark. Conclusion: I fell asleep outside the door and someone brought me inside because it got dark. Did I really sleep the whole day?

The door was closed but there was a faint sound of a microwave beep. Grabbing my glasses, I stood and walked up to the door. I opened it and slowly peered into the living room. Sollux emerged from behind the kitchen wall, blowing lightly into a steaming mug.

He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved button up with his glasses casted away somewhere. He looked up at me and our eyes locked. His eyes said something to me in that moment.

He was mad.

He was completely furious but... at the same time, he was relieved.

"Sol I-"

"Don't."

I pressed my lips into a thin line and cautiously walked past the door frame. I stared down at my feet and softly closed the door behind me. I heard him shift and I slowly raised my head to watch him stroll to the couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on the tv, then plopped down on with his drink still in hand.

"Really Sol, we need to ta-"

"Shut up ED."

I was taken aback by the hostility in his voice. He really was upset.

And that's what made the situation more frightening then ever. To know that he really was mad at me for my reaction. The thing that I was trying to run away from. To find away to escape what was really there.

Reality.

The reality of the situation was that Sollux was mad at me. The reality of the situation was that I knew he was mad at me. The fantasy of the situation was that I kept trying to break reality even when it was a brick wall plastered right in front of me.

So that's when I put my foot down and stomped my way to the couch. I sat down right next to Sollux and began to demand answers in the calmest, most proper way I could think of.

"What the livin' fuck is wrong with you?"

He took a sip of his drink then raised an eyebrow at me.

"The fuck is wrong with me? Theriouthly? What the fu- actually... Why don't you just explain to me what's wrong with who I am. Be my fuckin' guest."

I frowned at his response, but he only crossed his arms and watched me. So I took a deep breathe and began.

"Well, for starters, you don't just snuggle up to a man in bed and expect them to be okay with it in the mornin'-"

"You seemed pretty okay with it-"

"-Well you know what. I'm gonna continue and your goin' to stay quiet until I finish considerin' you're the one that asked."

He took another sip of his tea, now that I could smell it, and rolled his eyes. I took this as a sign that I could continue, so I did.

"Anyway, you don't snuggle with a man just because your sleepin' with them. At least buy them a drink first. Also, you can't blame me for this mornin' cause that was all you. You scared the shit out of me! You know how unnervin' it is to have a guy sneak up behind you and whisper into your ear all seductively-"

"Heh, I'm theductive-"

"-especially if you slept with them the night before-"

"if only-"

"Do you even understand the meanin' of quiet?"

He shook his head and smiled at me with a care free expression, all his anger drained. I was happy for that but incredibly pissed at him now.

"Mother of... Okay. You're a lispin' honey addicted computer geek that can't keep his fuckin' hands to himself. That's what's wrong with you."

"And you want me to change that?"

"No."

The moment I said that I slapped both my hands over my mouth. I could feel the blush come on so fast I became light-headed. Why would I even say that!

"Oh?" He leaned in close enough for me to feel his breath on my face. I immediately began to cover up my little slip up.

Badly.

"W-well it's not like it isn't annoyin', but I don't hate it, I-I mean it's not like I enjoy it. W-what I meant is that, I... Um... How-w come you don't lisp when your seductive?"

Dear god. Someone kill me.

My face could probably make tomatoes jealous by now.

He stared at me blankly for a moment before a huge smirk crossed his lips.

"If you really need to know, I can control my lithp when I thpeak thofter. So you do admit it'th theductive?"

He slouched back into his normal position with his back against an arm rest. He had a look of content that made my desire to punch him slowly rise. I could feel my eye begin to twitch the longer I sat there.

"Can I at least know-w w-why you're such a big flirt all of a sudden? W-what happened to the pompous dolt that I meet three w-weeks ago over spilt coffee."

"Now who ever thaid that I wathn't a flirt to begin with. Bethideth, what happened latht night wathn't really my intention."

"W-what? So your sayin' that you didn't purposely w-wrap that arm around me last night. That makes total sense, thanks for explainin' your sick mind to me."

"Okay, will you thhut up for a thecond. I know it thoundth weird but I have my reathonth," he took a deep breath before he began, his voice suddenly low and serious.

"When I wath thtill in highthchool, I uthed to be bullied... a lot. It didn't really bother me cauthe motht of the time it wath mainly becauthe I fit the thtereotypical nerd. Ya' know, glatthheth, lanky, lithp, thmart. Not to mention I uthed to wear thweater vethtth a lot."

I snorted at the image. He gave me a warning look.

"The bullying uthually wathn't too bad till..."

"Thomeone in the thchool found out about my parentth."

The look on his face was so familiar. It was pained and heartbroken and... lonely.

"Thome dick thtarted thpreading rumorth about my parentth being a gay couple. I thpent everyday trying to cover the fact that my parentth aren't really the normal kind of couple you thee walking down the thtreet. All the timeth where I had to make up excutheth that my parentth were out on vacation or having to lie to my teacherth when they wanted to thee one of them. All my hard work of not getting into trouble jutht tho they didn't have to come in and meet anyone, down the fucking drain."

"Not only did I have to lie to my friendth and teacherth, but I had to lie to them too. Not onthe did either one of my dadth come anywhere near the thchool. It wath either a phone call or I had to come in for them. All my friendth thtopped talking to me after the thecret got out. People thtarted up hate groupth againtht me, everyone avoided me. They thtarted calling me faggot and queer. They even had a webthite dedicated to their hatred towardth me and my dadth."

He paused and let his gaze fall to his hands. His breath was starting to become even, and I could feel my heart ache in my chest as he spoke.

"I thought it couldn't get worthe than that, but... Jethuth Chritht wath I wrong. I wath tho wrong."

"They thtarted to become phythical. They would catch me after thchool and drag me to one of their carth. They would take me on a joy ride then leave me in an alleyway, lotht and broken. They did thith every week for two whole fucking monthth. Then they thtopped. For the firtht time in monthth I felt thome what thafe. The verbal bullying wath thtill there but it wath nothing compared to the phythical."

"After a week or tho though, they came back. I realized that they would thtop fathter if I didn't fight back. But thith time, they didn't do anything to me. They jutht kept driving. When they got to any empty lot, they blindfolded and cuffed me. Once they put a gag on me, I thuddenly realized what they were really going to do. They spat nameth at me and they didn't thtop till I patthhed out. They left me there, but I could thtill here them laughing ath they drove away."

"The...the memorieth thtill give me nightmareth. That'th why I don't uthually thleep. Or at leatht, thleep well. But latht night, thomething wath different."

I wanted to say something but I had no idea what to say. Swallowing a lump that had grown in my throat, I tried to respond.

"W-why did you tell me all of this?"

"I only anthwered your question. You athked for an explanation, tho I gave you one."

"But, w-what does w-wrappin' me up in your arms hav-ve to do w-with any of that?"

"For onthe thinthe that inthident, I've been able to have a full nightth retht. For thome reathon, you make me feel, I don't know, thafe?"

"I still don't understand though. A-are you... gay?"

He let out a sigh then started to lean towards me.

"No, but I guess your just an exception."

That's when our lips met.

Finally updated! Sorry about that.

By the way, here's my tumblr: backoffmybubble

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-Personal Bubbles

p.s. OH NOES, SCHOOL.