Castiel felt a sense of warmth, of security. He nuzzled into the worn leather laying across his cheek. Still mostly asleep, he rolled over and felt more of the soft leather. Realizing he'd kicked the blanket away during the night and that he was only wearing the white boxer shorts, he opened his eyes. Suddenly, Dean's snoring face was presented right in front of him. He recalled the events of the previous night and smiled softly to himself, knowing that Dean needed to have someone to protect, and, since Sam wasn't around presently, that person was Castiel himself.
I never noticed the sacrifices he's made for others. I only saw how much I'd given up for the Winchesters, not how much Dean has lost for his brother.
I was selfish.
Castiel began to feel sorrowful that Dean had lost so much. Wanting to show Dean that he would not lose him, Castiel reached underneath the leather coat he wore, and, embracing him tightly, he closed his eyes again.
As Castiel fell into the realm of sleep, Dean began to awaken. Opening his eyes, he saw a mass of dark hair. Castiel's forehead was resting against his chin. There was also the feeling reminiscent of Sam hugging him as a kid. But this was different. This was Castiel. Dean smiled a little and moved so Castiel's head was resting against his collarbone. Dean didn't think about anything for a good while before falling asleep again, wrapping Castiel into a tighter embrace.
"Dean?" Castiel murmured, not moving.
"Mmh?" Dean grunted.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Cas, I'm fine."
"Well, I thought you might have developed something."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're sweating and you've been moving about oddly for the last hour or so."
Dean pulled himself off of Castiel's head to see his friend looking at him with concern.
Those friggin' blue eyes.
"Cas, I'm fine, okay?"
Castiel got up and they both sat up on the couch, Castiel still only wearing the simple white boxers. He covered himself with the aged afghan blanket and looked intently at Dean. Castiel knew what was going to be coming before it happened. He buried his face into his hands.
"Whoa, Cas, what's wrong?" Dean reached over and pulled his hands away."
"Dean- I- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for every- everything." Castiel struggled to get the words out. "For Sam. For Bobby. I should have been there. I should have helped. You gave up so much. Your brother- He- Sam is the only member of your family you still have. I put you through so much. I destroyed Sam's wall. I let out the Leviathans. I-"
"Cas, stop talking." The tone in Dean's voice showed he was serious. "I never gave up hope that you'd be back to normal again. Never. The sacrifices you've made, I could never do something like that. You killed your brothers when I kill myself for mine. Cas, we're more alike than you think. Both our fathers disappointed us. Our family left us for our own lives. So don't you dare say I gave up a lot. Don't you say that. I did it for others. I knew that if things ended well for them, maybe- just maybe, things could end well for me. Sam's gone, Cas, and I don't have anyone but you. You're damn well staying here."
Castiel looked up at Dean, whose mouth was quivering. He rubbed his eyes. Castiel has a suspicion he was crying, but chose not to say anything.
"Dean, I- there's nothing left for me to say. Thank you." Dean looked up to meet Castiel's tender gaze. Castiel got up and turned towards Dean, holding out one hand. Dean took it and got up. Castiel tilted his head and rested his hands on Dean's shoulders. Dean bent slightly to hug him, but that wasn't what Castiel had in mind. Castiel kissed him on the forehead, just above his brow.
"I'm no longer an angel of the Lord, Dean. But you should know something. Angels have always been watching over you, Dean. Even when it seemed all the light had gone out of the world." Castiel left the room to put on a proper outfit before starting breakfast, leaving Dean to his thoughts.
It took a long time for Castiel to leave his bedroom, though. He liked the scent of leather, burnt wood, and motor oil that Dean's coat had left on him.
Dean still hadn't moved when Castiel cabe back down the stairs. He asked Dean nonchalantly what he wanted to eat.
"Oh, uh, whatever you fix is okay." Dean went to the kitchen table to sit down and wait for breakfast. Castiel quickly made a sausage and ham omelette, with no errors being made.
Dean scarfed down the food. Though it really was quite delicious, a lot of things had been happening between him and Castiel recently, making him want some solitude to think things over.
Realizing this, Castiel left the room after cleaning up for the both of them. He went to the study to review certain incantations and practice making devil's traps, leaving Dean to his thoughts.
After Castiel came back in the kitchen to make sandwiches for each of them (Castiel had discovered that while Dean liked his roast beef and swiss, he was more partial to tomato and pepperoni sandwiches, for some reason), he put the plate down in front of Dean, who was lost in thought. Castiel decided not to say anything until he was ready to talk. He went back to study the spells some more.
Castiel was getting hungry when he looked up to see Dean watching him from the doorframe. Getting up from the couch, he pointed out the devil's traps he had practiced.
"Dean, do you think this is right or should I-"
Castiel was interrupted by Dean striding across the room and kissing him deeply. Small lightning bolts sparked through Castiel's body as well as through Dean. Castiel's heart fluttered and he felt lightheaded, while Dean's was pounding with truth and determination. It was more than anything he had ever experienced, a soft, warm, tender light as their skin touched. Pain and admiration burned from Dean and Castiel alike. Dean let go slowly, letting his forehead rest against Castiel's.
Castiel looked into Dean's eyes- those vivid green eyes- and kissed him back.