Chapter VI

Paul's pov:

When I finally came round, I was unusually cold and disorientated. The searing pain had become a dull, niggling ache. Feeling uncomfortable, I shifted hesitantly and was suddenly confused by how restricted my body's movements were. Warily, I opened my eyes and slowly took in my surroundings. Somehow, I'd ended up in a dimly lit, unfamiliar room, lying on a large, comfortable bed, swaddled in thick, blankets with a native print comforter thrown on top for good measure. No wonder my body had felt oddly trapped. Yet despite of the weight and pressure of the bedlinen, I still couldn't stop shivering violently from the cold.

A soft moan escaped my lips and I briefly closed my eyes. Suddenly, I heard the padding of rapidly moving feet approaching the bed, followed by another slightly louder, firmer, more resolute tread. The mattress suddenly dipped beneath me and causing my body to roll in that direction. A slim, elegant hand reached out to gently ruffle my hair before coming to rest against my forehead.

"So, Wolfie, you decided to join the land of the living, huh ?" A husky voice murmured teasingly. It belonged to someone that I'd grown extremely fond of over the last two years. A person who'd become a very good friend. Someone I considered family. Our resident she-wolf. Leah.

"Y'know you gave us all quite a scare, Paulie ... Got Jake and the boys really worried there. In fact, I've never seen Jake get his boxers in a bunch like that befor- OUCH !"

Leah spun around to glare at her grinning, unrepentant boyfriend who'd gently tapped her upside the head as he stood behind her. The funny thing was even though Leah was slightly ticked with him for doing that, she was unable to stop her body from gravitating and leaning into his. Just as Jake was unable to resist moving closer to her. Or how his large, powerful hand came to rest on her slim shoulder, its thumb idly caressing the bare skin covering her clavicle.

Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes once more. I couldn't bear to watch. Everything between them was so in tune. It looked and felt right. Every single gesture, touch and look they shared came naturally to them. Instinctively. And the love, desire and need Jake and Leah felt towards each other was tangible and couldn't be ignored or denied. What they had - what they shared - was what a true imprint should be. It was what I wanted more than anything. What I yearned for and needed, yet knew without a shadow of a doubt that I'd never possess ... That I'd never be so lucky. My imprint had made his feelings all too clear that he didn't want or need me in his life. Unaware of the imprint and how I felt about him, Sam had unwittingly shown me that he didn't, wouldn't and couldn't care for me the way Leah and Jake cared for each other. And that hurt more than anything. Knowing that my imprint thought me unworthy ... that I wasn't deemed fit to even be in his presence. Never mind loved.

My breath hitched and as my thoughts drifted towards my imprint, I felt that familiar tightness in my chest once more. As if my heart was being crushed mercilessly in a vice. And to my dismay and horror, I felt a tear seep from the outer corner of my eye and slowly trickle down my cheek. I quickly turned my head away and prayed that neither of them had seen it. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on my side. That's the problem with being close to fellow shifters. Of letting them in. They don't miss a trick. Leah instantly cottoned on that I was upset and honed in on the fact in the same way that a wolf closes in on a kill. And I hated that. Hated the way she could read me like a fucking book. Hated feeling so vulnerable and so weak. Hated the way the imprint made me feel. That it was turning me into a wuss ... An emotional wreck. Me. Paul Lahote. Mr "I don't give a fucking shit." The Pack's hardass. La Push's most unfeeling, uncaring bastard. This goddamn imprint's screwing with my mind. Screwing with my heart. And screwing up my life.

Long, slim, uncallused fingers gently gripped my chin. My eyes slowly, reluctantly, opened and I was forced to meet Leah's dark, sympathetic gaze. And the wealth of understanding I found there was almost my undoing.

"Oh, hon ... Whatever it is ... no matter how bad, you can tell us. We won't judge, I promise ..." Leah's voice was soft and full of compassion. "I mean it. The worst thing you can do, Paul, is bottle it up. Take it from one who knows, yeah ?"

I shook my head in denial. There was no way in hell I could tell her what had happened. Couldn't face her pity. Or Jake's. I didn't want it ... or need it. And I definitely didn't want the pair of them in my head. Knowing how I felt. Seeing how shit my life had become. That I'd imprinted ... and worst of all, that my imprint had rejected me.

I jerked away from Leah and rolled over so that my back was facing her. " I ... I can't do this. I just can't- " I slowly curled my body until I lay in a foetal position, with my arms wrapped tightly around my waist.

"Paul- "

"No ! Leave me alone ... Please ? I ... I can't deal with this shit right now ... I'm tired ..."

"B-But- " Leah protested, while carding restless fingers through her glossy raven mane. "I want to help and I can't do that unless you talk to me."

"You can't," I stated bluntly. "No one can. Just give it up, 'k ?"

I could tell Leah was about to carry on protesting. That she was determined not to give in without a fight. And I really wasn't up to arguing with her. I was too tired for that. Luckily, I didn't have to.

"Leah ... Leave him be, babe ..." Jake's voice rumbled softly. "Paul's tired. He needs his rest. He'll talk ... when he feels up to it. C'mon, Lee ... He's suffered enough. The last thing he needs right now is you giving him the third degree, yeah ?"

Surprizingly, Jake's calm input did the trick and Leah reluctantly, backed off. For now.

"Ok ... fine. Get some rest, Paulie. We'll talk when you're feeling better. Jake and I'll be downstairs, 'k? Holler if you need anything."

The next thing I heard was Jake sigh frustratedly at her persistence, before leading his stubborn, yet well-meaning imprint out of the room and downstairs. I held my breath until I was sure they couldn't hear me, then released a sigh of relief before burrowing deeper into my nest of blankets. And as I did so, all I could do was pray for one decent night's sleep ... where my dreams, for once, were free of Sam.

XXXXX

Jacob's pov:

I threw myself down on the couch and tugged Leah's wrist sharply. The sudden movement made her lose her balance and she ended up on my lap. Leah glared at me.

"What the hell, Jacob ?" she growled softly. I could tell she was pissed at me for insisting that she quit badgering Paul and let him get some rest, yet for some reason she didn't struggle or pull away from me. If anything, she wriggled until she got comfortable ... which unfortunately for me, made me uncomfortably hard. Leah then held my gaze confidently and smirked. Yup, my feisty, tempestuous imprint knew exactly what she was doing to me and had the goddamn freakin' nerve to actually smirk about it !

"Hell ! Leah ..." I groaned huskily, snaking my arms around her slender waist and simply loving the feel of her toned, athletic body nestling against me. "Behave, you little minx ..."

"What ? I didn't do anything ..." Leah protested, her smirk growing even wider at my obvious discomfort. She casually looped her left arm around my neck, whilst absently raking the fingernails of her right hand across my pecs and nipples. I instantly hissed in appreciation of her touch.

"You're evil ... y'know that, right ?"

"Who ? Little old me ?" Leah's voice had evolved from a raspy growl to a throaty purr of satisfaction. It's tone sent a bolt of pure need and lust to my nethers.

"Yup ... little ... old ... you ..." I drawled, leaning down and closing the gap between us then gently capturing her earlobe and nipping it. Leah gasped softly and writhed as she felt my hand sneak beneath her t-shirt and begin to caress her warm, bare skin. This was how I loved my Leah best. Soft, pliant and oh-so adorable ... the lovable side she only allowed a privileged few to see. "Lee ?"

"Uh-huh ?"

"You need to give Paul some space, babe ... Just give him a little breathing room, yeah ? I know you're worried about him ... that you love him ... We all care for him and hate seeing him like this, but he's got a helluva lot to deal with ... and a lot that he doesn't even know about yet- "

"But- "

" "But" nothing. Y'know our Beta as well as I do, he'll start mouthing off when he's good and ready ... and when he does, you - no, we - will both be there for him, 'k ?"

And, amazingly, I meant every single word that I said. Paul and I may have rubbed each other the wrong way ... pissed each other off in more ways than I can remember when we were younger. But that was all in the past as far as I was concerned. Over the past few months, we'd become surprizingly close. Tight, like brothers. He always had my back and I had his. And to our astonishment, we found we shared similar interests and since I'd been voted as interim Alpha, I discovered a different, more serious side to him. That he was a helluva lot smarter than folk gave him credit. And above all, he was intensely loyal to and protective of the Pack, never mind being brutally and pathologically honest at all times. And when you combine all those characteristics together, as a Beta, he couldn't be faulted ... What you saw with Paul Lahote, was what you got ... A man of hidden depths and inner strength and someone you'd always want fighting in your corner when things got bad.

Thanks to those qualities, that's why I was as worried as Leah about him. I'd begun to notice a change in him over the past year or so. A change that gave me cause for concern. Paul had gotten quieter. Become more withdrawn and isolated. And no matter how hard he tried to hide his feelings, he was deeply unhappy. Part of it was due to the problems he had at home with his folks - scratch that, not his folks, but his old man. A violent, abusive, drunken bastard if ever there was one. Rumours were rife around the Res how Frank Lahote loved the bottle more than his own flesh 'n' blood ... Of the vicious arguments that raged at Paul's home when his dad got home after a skinful of hooch ... How Raine, Paul's mom and an absolute sweetheart according to Leah's mom, would vanish after those rows, only to turn up a few days later covered in fading bruises or on rare occasions, in a plaster cast ... And then there were the stories of how often Paul missed school or turned up at the hospital's A&E department, often with Raine in tow, both of them bloody, battered and bruised - Paul even more so, as he'd always leap to her defence, preferring to have the crap kicked out of himself rather than have his slight, delicately built mom assaulted ... So, yeah, in comparison to the rest of the Pack, Paul's had a shitty homelife, so it's no wonder why he's turned out the way he has ... That he's an aggressive, vicious and instinctive brawler. One who tends to protect those less capable of defending themselves.

But the catalyst to the change in him had to be Sam's girlfriend. The late and not-so-dearly-departed Emily Young. Now armed with the suspicion that Paul may have imprinted on Sam, I can't even begin to imagine the agonizing pain Paul must have suffered ... the constant anguish he experienced having to deal with seeing his imprint living happily with someone else on a daily basis ... how badly that had to have eaten away at our fiery Beta's heart. All I know is that if I'd been in the same situation - if I'd lost my Leah to someone else - then I'd be in even worse shape. The actual thought of being without Leah damn well kills me.

But in hindsight - looking back on things - the way Emily insinuated herself in Sam's life ... the way she invaded the Pack meetings and interfered in our business, I should've been on my guard. But I wasn't. Unlike Leah, who quickly sussed Emily out and saw her for what she truly was. An outsider - someone who wasn't a Quileute - intent on causing trouble. And when she drove that wedge between Paul and Sam she outdid herself. Emily deliberately came between two Pack brothers. Constantly meddled in matters that weren't her concern and humiliated and undermined our Beta at every opportunity she got. And the worst thing about it ? She thrived on shit stirring ... She actually revelled in Paul's suffering and the way she made him feel like an outcast within his own Pack. And Sam, poor, ignorant sap, was too blind to see it and all too quick to find fault with the one person who genuinely cared for him.

And in the end, it all got too much for Paul ... He did something I never dreamt he'd do. He backed off. Gave up and simply walked away without a backward glance. Something I now know took a helluva lot of guts and must've damned near killed him at the time. To have acted so selflessly ... to have placed Sam's happiness and needs before his own, surely must've torn Paul apart. And for the first time since I'd known him, I actually felt sorry for Paul Lahote. I felt genuine pity for him. Pity for what he was currently going through and for what he was about to experience ... Something that was going to turn his world upside down and change it forever. And the poor bastard had no idea of what was to come ...

"Hey ! Jake ..." Leah's soft voice cut across my thoughts and I blankly met her concerned gaze.

"Huh ?"

"You ok, hon ? Y'kinda zoned out on me there. Wass up ?"

I shrugged helplessly. "Oh, y'know ... just thinking, 's all ..."

" 'Bout what ?"

I sighed and carded my fingers absently through my cropped hair, spiking it even further. " 'Bout us ... How lucky we both are ... Lucky that we found each other and ..." I stopped abruptly and glanced upward, my thoughts drifting again to our stricken Pack brother who lay, hopefully, asleep in the room above us. "This is some big, fucked up shit, Lee ... Really fucked up shit. But if Saul's journal's right about Paul being a sub and if he turns out to be carrying Sam's kid too, then ... it'll destroy him, Leah. He won't be able to deal with it ... any of it. Being a sub goes against everything he stands for ... everything he knows ..."

Leah nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know ... All we can do is be there for him and give him all the suppo- "

Whatever Leah was about to say was drowned by the loud sound of glass being smashed, followed by an equally loud thud and the frantic scrambling of paws. We both leapt off the couch and darted for the back door, just in time to see the familiar form of a distraught, sleek, dark silver wolf bolting at breakneck speed towards First Beach.

"Fuck !" I breathed as my shocked gaze immediately collided with Leah's equally horrified one.

"Shit !" Leah muttered, before sprinting down the porch's wooden steps and diving behind a bush to swiftly undress. "Guess that means we don't have to worry about breaking the news to him any more, huh ?"

I briefly looked up towards the house and noted the shattered window pane that overlooked the porch. It was the window to the room where Paul had been resting.

"I'd say that's the least of our problems, Lee ... We need to find him before he does something stupid. Before he hurts himself ... or worse ..." And with that godsawful thought in my head, I phased and quickly gave chase after the pair of them.

XXXXX

Paul's pov:

I swear, I honestly tried to sleep. My body screamed that I desperately needed it. That I had to rest. But everytime I closed my eyes, sleep eluded me. All I could see was Sam.

He haunted my dreams and governed my thoughts. Different images of Sam flashed across my mind. The first time I laid eyes on him after I'd phased ... the moment I imprinted on him and he became my world ... all those patrols we'd shared ... bonfires on the beach when we'd messed around and had fun ... the times we went cliff diving with the Pack ... Happy times ... times I could never recapture. And then those images changed. I saw Sam on the day I'd gone to tell him of my imprint. That fateful day when she stole him from me for good. Then came the memories of her staking claim on my imprint ... when she moved in to his cabin. Recollections of all those Pack meets where she stirred and deliberately turned Sam against me ... The bitter arguments we'd have where harsh, cruel words were spoken and almost immediately came the memory of that fateful day where we came to blows after she played us both off against each other and I finally realized where I stood with him ... That our friendship meant nothing ... That I was nothing to him. But worst of all ? The one memory which broke me completely. Left me totally shattered. Without hope or purpose. The memory of our last encounter. The one where Sam gave me a brief, tantalizing glimpse of heaven before banishing me to an eternal hell ...

So, yeah ... after half an hour or so of restless tossing and turning, I admitted defeat, knowing I hadn't a cat's chance in hell of catching any zzzz's. I lay on my back and stared blindly at the ceiling. By now, I figured if I tried to keep my mind blank, free from all thought and stress, I'd stand a chance of not feeling so drained ... that I'd be less exhausted. Little did I know I was about to be proven wrong.

Being a shifter and sharing the traits of a wolf has its advantages and disadvantages, depending on how you look at it. Between the shared Pack mental link and all heightened senses, you'd naturally think they were benefits ... Believe me, there are times when they're not. Like I said, I was flat on my back, minding my own business when I heard voices coming from the room directly below mine. At first, the flirtatious banter between Jake and Leah had me groaning and squirming with embarrassment. It really wasn't what I wanted to hear and I began to feel sympathy for poor Seth who'd had to endure such crap for far longer than the rest of us. After a while, their voices became softer. More serious. And then I heard it. My name was mentioned.

Now, a wolf's hearing is extremely acute and even though my Pack brother and sister were under the misguided impression that I was asleep, they spoke quietly. Yet I could still hear them. Perfectly clearly. As if they were standing outside the bedroom door. And naturally, as soon as I heard my name ... well, I was bound to listen and pay attention. I'd've been a fool not to. But once I heard what they said ... when they voiced their suspicions as to whether I'd imprinted or not, I froze. Biting my lip, I closed my eyes and inhaled raggedly. How could they've known ? I'd been so careful. Had deliberately guarded all my thoughts about Sam and kept them under lock and key ... No one was meant to know about my imprint ... I didn't want them to. Didn't want to have to face their pity ... for them to feel sorry for me.

But what really made my blood run cold were Jake's next words: This is some big, fucked up shit, Lee ... Really fucked up shit. But if Saul's journal's right about Paul being a sub and if he turns out to be carrying Sam's kid too, then ... it'll destroy him, Leah. He won't be able to deal with it ... any of it. Being a sub goes against everything he stands for ... everything he knows ...

All at once I was struck by many conflicting emotions. Shock. Disbelief. Confusion. Denial. Fear ... and anger. But most of all, anger. It was like a red mist came over me and I was powerless to fight it. There was no way in hell I was a sub. No one was my master and I definitely wasn't anyone's bitch. Least of all Sam freakin' Uley's. And I was no chick. I wasn't blessed with a large rack and the last time I went to take a piss, I was still in full possession of my balls and pecker. They definitely hadn't been switched for pussy. The more I thought of Jacob's words, I could feel my control waning. I struggled free of the blankets with a low, furious growl and my body began to shake uncontrollably.

The next thing I was aware of was the sound of breaking glass; of shaking numerous glistening shards free of my sleek pelt as I paused on top of the porch roof. Then with a infuriated snarl, I leapt to the ground, my claws scrambling for purchase on the slippery earth before bolting in the direction of First Beach.

It was all too much for me to handle. Jake had been right on that score. He knew me only too well. I couldn't - wouldn't - be able to handle all this shit. Not on my own at least ... and certainly not without the help of my imprint who'd cast me adrift like a kayak without its paddle. And no matter what Leah or Jake said, that they'd be there for me, I was alone. I would always be alone. Not only had this fucking imprint stolen my right to choose who I wanted to be with ... who I wanted to love. It robbed me of my free will, my sense of self-worth, who I am ... my dominance. But what killed me more than anything about this fucking imprint was my loss of freedom. I was now tied forever to someone who wanted nothing to do with me and to reinforce that bond further, it appeared that I literally was Sam's bitch ... That if I was carrying his child, then I'd become even more of a freak of nature than I already was.

I found myself at the cliffs. Phasing back, I stood at the edge and gazed blindly as the huge waves crashed against the rocks below. The sky was a dark grey and storm clouds were swiftly gathering. Before long it started to rain. At first, it was a light shower which gradually became heavier. Yet I took no notice. I didn't care that I was standing on a precipice or that I was naked. Wrapping my arms protectively around my torso, I kept my eyes firmly fixed on the horizon and ignored the howling wind and lashing rain. After what I'd recently overheard, all I was capable of feeling now was numbness. Nothing else.

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed. And without thinking, I hesitantly began to take a step forward ...