WARNING: Thanks to certain potty-mouthed individuals of the Pack, contains pretty strong language.
This messed up chapter is the product of a warped mind of a very confused, extremely hormonal, lovesick wolf who simply hasn't "got some" for quite some time (it might be a good idea to bear in mind that he's also taken a knock to the noggin during the run in with his old man) ... so yeah, in this instance maybe, just once, he could be forgiven for feeling and acting the way he does !

XXXXX

Previously:

Sam's pov:

So, here I am. Flat on my back, desperately trying to ignore my wolf's need to dominate and mate with my Beta. Fighting the urge to strip away our clothes and give in to the intense need to claim Paul. And just when I think my problems can't get any worse ... they do. I can't help tensing as I feel my mate's hand skim over my abs, past my happy trail before his callused fingers slip beneath the waistband of my boxers.

Frozen and helpless, all I can do is slowly close my eyes and bite my lower lip in a vain attempt to stifle the needy moan that's threatening to escape. Even though I'm not religious, I pray to gods that I won't embarrass myself as the rest of Paul's hand descends into my briefs. The effect he has on my treacherous body is instantaneous. Despite my best intentions, little Sam springs to life and becomes impossibly hard.

And all the while, only one thought races around in my head: I'm so fucking screwed once Paul wakes up ...

XXXXXXXXX

Chapter XII

Paul's pov:

I'm tired ... so fucking tired. Just sick 'n' tired of everything. I gave up everything I had to give and now there's nothing left. And I gave my imprint my all. My heart ... Body. And soul. And what do I have to show for it, huh ? Fuck all. Scratch that, come to think of it, there is something ... I may not have anything to show for it now, but a couple of months down the line ? Boy, will I have something that I won't be able to hide. Or run away from. And that scares me. If I'm honest, it scares the fucking shit out of me. And that's something I never thought I'd hear myself say or admit. That I'm genuinely panic-stricken at the very thought of what's looming ahead of me. All I've been able to feel lately is fear, doubt, anger and confusion ... and pain. Such intense, relentless pain.

I ache. And it's not just physical, despite the old man really going to town when he laid into me this time. Nah, I also hurt mentally and emotionally and it's all down to this goddamn imprint. It's left me completely shattered. Exhausted. And I wish to gods I never imprinted in the first place. I'm pissed that my right to choose who I fall in love with, my free will, has been stolen from me. Yet, in hindsight, even though I hate the fact that I imprinted, that I've ended up love's bitch, I realize it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even if it means I'm irrevocably tied to a guy. A man who happens to be my best friend and my Alpha. Someone whose good will my happiness entirely depends on.

Despite Sam's assertion that he wants to be with me, that he's more than willing to accept the imprint, I can't help having doubts. Or being wary of him and his motives. Honestly ? I'm still struggling to forget our past. The way he treated me. Hell ! I may have forgiven him, but trying to forget ? That's so fucking tough ... no matter how badly I'd like to sweep it all under a rug and for us to move on. To start off with a clean slate. 'Cause when all's said 'n' done, Sam's my imprint and I love him more than life itself. But it's only natural for me to be suspicious of him, isn't it ? I've always been pretty guarded when it comes to my true feelings, but being the most gung-ho wolf in the pack, the one with a hair-trigger temper, it's kinda unusual for me to be so cautious. Especially seeing as I'm the impulsive one who tends to end up to his neck in crap on a regular basis. It's not clever and it sure ain't something I'm proud of. But the undeniable fact is that I can be a bastard. And most of the time, I'm a massive jerk. I can't and won't deny it. After all, if I did, it'd only make me a bigger asshole than I already am. And I'm the biggest fuckwit I know and I ain't proud of it either ...

Like I said earlier, I seem to be in a permanent state of confusion lately and even more of a moody bastard than usual. All I can say is that my stupid, reckless behaviour's down to my "delicate condition." It's the only excuse I've got for being so erratic, so all over the fucking place all the freakin' time. And I swear to gods, I'm never ever gonna give Leah a hard time for being a hormonal bitch again. Not after seeing I'm capable of being an even greater or worse bitch. Turns out I'm even more of a freak of nature than our much loved she-wolf. A former dominant Beta who imprinted on his Alpha; a Beta who - thanks to said imprint, mated with and got marked by said Alpha - that mysteriously ended up a submissive with the ability to carry cubs. The sick joke here is that someone as maternal as Leah is denied the chance to have children, unless she stops phasing altogether. And that's so very cruel, especially when a complete dog like me, who had no intentions of ever having kids, is forced to do just that. So, yeah, I can totally sympathize with Leah and all she's gone through ... More than she'll ever know. And the irony of the situation ? For someone who hated the thought of kids, I've done a complete u-turn. Somehow, I've gotten seriously protective of Uley Jr, or Little Wolfie as I've started to think of him. Whether it's 'cause my imprint is the sire of my cub, I dunno, but despite my better judgement I do care for or more accurately, I've come to love the little tyke. And that's why I've got to man up and retrieve my balls. I need to quit stalling and 'fess up to Sam that he's knocked me up and that we, Sam Jr and I, need him. Badly. There, I've said it ... finally admitted that I need Sam and his support. Not only do I need it, I crave it. Desperately.

Only right now, I'm too drained ... too hurt and confused to do anything about it. I've never been so tired. So shattered. Just want to curl up somewhere, close my eyes and sleep like the dead ... and hopefully, when I wake up, all this will have been just a bad dream. Though knowing my luck, I ain't gonna hold my breath ...

XXXXX

God ! This has to be the best dream I've had for ages. Well, it's definitely been the best night's sleep I've had for a while. Definitely since I imprinted. It's just good to just sleep. To have no nightmares and just feel safe and warm for a change. I've kinda lost track when I last felt like this. Of when I didn't wake up disorientated, scared stiff and trembling with fear and cold.

I've said it once, but I'll say it again ... I'm having a good dream. One that I don't want to wake up from. And yeah, as always it's about my imprint. My Sam. Only this time, Sam's not rejecting me. In fact, it's just the opposite ... he's busting a gut to take care of me. To be with me. It's such a damn shame that real life can't compare with my imagination and my dreams.

I vaguely remember what happened at home with the old man; how badly he'd battered mom before he laid into me; how scared I was for the little one when I was unable to shift to protect him. After that, everything kinda got a bit fuzzy ... became one huge blur. Then I passed out briefly. Sounds and voices became muffled as I drifted in and out of consciousness and my vision was distorted. I knew I was hurt. Could smell blood. My blood as well as my mom's. Then before I realized what was happening, I felt a pair of strong, muscular arms wrap around then carefully lift me; the sensation of being cradled protectively against hot, smooth, russet skin which covered a powerful, toned torso. A torso I couldn't help nestling against, especially once I recognized its scent as the one I'd hoped it would be. It was clean and musky, yet held a woodsy, citrus undertone. And there was only one person, one Pack member, I knew who smelled that way. Sam. My head demanded that I stay away from him, while my body and heart refused to obey and even if I found the strength to do so, my inner wolf would fight desperately to stay with our imprint.

But damn, it was a good dream. One, I was more than happy to cling to like grim death. Not only was it a good one, it was so vivid. So tangible. I dreamt I was in bed. Asleep. Then suddenly, I was caught up in a nightmare. One where I was rejected by everyone. From my old man who never wanted me in the first place, to my mom who regretted keeping me and the Pack who turned against me and claimed a sub had no business being a Beta. And worst of all, there was Sam, who rejected me and the imprint in no uncertain terms. That he wished I'd died, not Emily. That I was nothing but a freak, unworthy of being a wolf let alone Pack Beta. That he couldn't and wouldn't need or want, never mind love me. That he couldn't, wouldn't, be with a fag like me. And just to reinforce his point, he attacked before abjuring me from the Pack. Leaving me alone. Battered, bloody and bruised and wishing I was dead. Well, if I couldn't be with the Pack, with my imprint, then I may as well be dead.

All of a sudden, a strong arm wrapped itself around me, drawing me close. Offering me comfort and solace. Before I could stop myself, I'd coiled my arms and legs around him and clung unashamedly to my imprint. Sam's breath hitched and he froze for an instant before slowly relaxing. I was dimly aware of the deep rumble of his husky voice, yet nothing he said seemed to sink in. All my concentration was fixated on Sam. That Sam was here. With me. Holding me. Caring for me. And doing it of his own free will. With that thought, I let go of all of my doubts and fears and simply revelled in the feel of his toned, strapping body against mine as well as his tantalizing, mouthwatering scent. I gave a silent sigh of contentment. Things were as they should be. I was finally where I was meant to be. Where I needed - no, wanted - to be. With my imprint ... even if it was just a dream.

But if it was a dream, I could do anything I wanted ... right ? Could live out my fantasies without fear or condemnation. Without vilification ... I could do what the hell I pleased and no one would be any the wiser. Except me. After all, it's my dream. I may not have Sam in reality, but here ? Here, at least I'd have the illusion of happiness. Of being loved and being given the chance to love him as he deserves to be loved and desired. And when it comes right down to the wire, I do desire and love him. I'm in love with him. Even if he can't or won't see it. But seeing as it's a dream, nobody gets hurt. Except maybe me for wanting someone I can never have, but at least I can imagine what it's like to be with my Alpha ... to be had by him as I'd always wanted him to have me. So, what the fuck have I got to lose ? Fuck all, as far as I can tell. Sam would never know. Would never be put in the awkward position of having to deny me or suffer the indignity of seeing just how desperate I've become, just so that I could be with him. So, basically, it's a case of no harm, no foul ...

In the end, I didn't take much convincing. In reality, my life sucked. So, if there was the slightest glimmer of happiness to be had, then I was gonna take it even though I knew deep down, nothing would come of it. Reaching out, I skimmed a hand down his rock-hard abs. At first, my touch was tentative, but gradually I gained confidence and began to enjoy the feel of his sleek, powerful frame cloaked in hot velvet beneath my hand. I felt Sam abruptly tense, yet the need and longing I had for him made me more daring. It gave me courage and oddly enough, something else ... Hope. Then, before I totally wimped out, I nestled closer to him and allowed my hand to seek out what it eagerly sought ... For a dream, all I can say is that it seemed so very, very real. His scent was alluring. So masculine. Virile. As I gently curled my fingers around his thick length, I could've sworn I heard his breath hitch. Sam froze for an instant, then slowly relaxed. The tension ebbed away from his powerful frame, except for where it truly mattered. I held his dick reverently in my hand, marvelling at how right it felt to hold it ... how perfectly it fit in my grasp. It felt like hard, smooth granite encased in warm silk. And the longer I held it ? The harder it was to let go. Unable to resist temptation, I began to lazily stroke him, my grip gradually tightening around him as I revelled in the feel and the scent of his arousal. Well, who in their right mind could possibly resist the temptation known as Sam Uley ? I sure as hell couldn't ... not when he lay beside me in almost all of his ruggedly handsome glory. And he sure is handsome. Breathtakingly and undeniably so.

And as I happily devoured the sight of my imprint while I continued to caress him, that's when the shit hit the proverbial fan ...

XXXXX

"WTF ? Paul ?"

"WTF ? Sam !"

Seeing Sam hastily scramble away only to fall on his ass on the bedroom floor quickly brought me to my senses. Mortified by what I'd done, I groaned inwardly and closed my eyes. Shit ! It hadn't been a dream. I'd actually gone and groped my imprint and humped him like a dog in heat. Crap ! Could my life actually get any worse ? Could I even manage to embarrass myself further ? Normally the sight of my cool, unflappable Alpha being totally flustered would have been a great source of amusement. But seeing Sam's stunning, whiskey-hued eyes widen in a strange combination of panic and longing had guilt gnawing away at me. And 'cause I felt guilty, I immediately got defensive and pissed. Not with Sam, but with myself and the plight I'd unwittingly gotten into. Matters weren't helped when I realized I was still as hard as a rock and then I made the fatal mistake of looking at Sam. He looked hellishly uncomfortable, probably due to the situation we were in and the fact that he had a boner that exceeded mine on all levels. Sam fired an accusing glare right back at me.

"What ?" I snapped indignantly. "Just what the fuck's your problem ? And what the hell were you doing in my bed ?"

" Huh ? 'Scuse me ? My problem ? Your bed ?" Sam growled sexily, a fire suddenly igniting in his red-gold eyes. "When I last checked, bro, this was my bed- "

"The hell it is !"

"Hell, yeah ... My bed ... My room ... My home, Paul," he stated bluntly, meeting my gaze head on.

Fuck ! I hastily scoped the room and quickly realized that this was so not my bed, my room or my home. I really should've caught on to that as the bed itself was far more comfortable than mine. Man, I was so fucking screwed. "So ? Just 'cause it's your territory, it sure as hell doesn't give you the freakin' right to jump into bed with me ... or try anything- "

Sam gave an incredulous snort. "Hey ! I wasn't the one freakin' out in the middle of the night and having problems sleeping. And I so wasn't the one dry humping his Alpha or touching him up. You were the one who woke me and got me hauling my ass off the living room couch. You were the one in a cold sweat, having freakin' nightmares. I didn't have to come in here to try and comfort you ... but I did. I could've easily ignored you ... but I didn't. I came ... I came here 'cause I couldn't stand hearing you in so much pain. That you were hurting so bad. I just wanted to help. I wasn't the one taking advantage or trying to cop a feel in any way. I wouldn't do that ... even if I wanted to. Not after all you've been through yesterday- "

"S-Sam ... ?" Whatever it was I was about to say was forgotten as I was struck by a sudden bout of nausea as my stomach turned and began to play up like crazy. Oh, gods ! Perfect. Just freakin' perfect. That's all I needed. Talk about perfect timing, or what ... The last thing I wanted was for Sam to see was me spewing my guts all over the place. For my imprint to see me being as sick as a dog. That familiar searing feeling of acid rising up my throat had me swallowing hard and I quickly scrambled off the bed. I could feel the blood drain from my face and suddenly felt cold and clammy. I needed the bathroom ... and I needed it fast. "Oh, Jeez ..."

"Hey, what's this ?" Sam smirked, pushing himself off the doorframe which he'd been leaning against. "Don't tell me the Pack Beta's screwed up and realized he's actually got something wrong." He moved forward and stopped directly in front of me. Effectively blocking my access to the hall which led to the bathroom.

Feeling dizzy, I swayed slightly and mumbled, "Outta my way ... I gotta ..."

"You don't have to go on my account y'know, Paul ... After all, when you think about it, mi casa es su casa ... My bed is your bed- "

By now, the place was spinning like crazy and I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. "I got no time for this ... Please, Sam ... will you just move your fucking ass and let me pass ?" Once I thought I had the nausea under control, I opened my eyes and found my imprint watching me thoughtfully through narrowed eyes.

"What's the rush, Paul ?" he asked softly. "I more or less told you you could stay. That you could make yourself at home. Didn't anyone tell you, that you were more likely to get what you want by using a little honey rather than vinegar ?"

I glared at him through tired eyes and snarled half-heartedly, "Sam, for the last time, don't piss me off, quit being a jerk and move for fuck's sake ... I mean it, if you don't, you'll regret it- "

He raised an eyebrow sceptically and snorted in amusement. "Oh, Paulie, I don't think so somehow."

"Swear to gods, Sam, if you don't move your goddamn carcass pretty damn quick, then I won't be held responsible for accidentally throwing up on you. Now, for the last time, freakin' MOVE, will ya ?"

My words must've had the desired effect as he hastily stepped aside and I bolted for the bathroom at break neck speed. I only just made it, fell to my knees and began to vomit copiously into the toilet bowl. Minutes passed and even though I'd emptied the contents of my stomach, I continued to painfully retch and clung to the white porcelain bowl like grim death. I was dimly aware of the sound of bare feet padding softly across the wooden floorboards, then the sound of water running into a glass. Afterwards, once the retching had finally - thank gods ! - stopped, I slumped weakly and dared not move away in case of any accidents. A large, warm hand came to rest between my shoulder blades and began to soothingly rub my aching muscles, temporarily distracting me from the nausea which threatened to flare up once more.

"Better ?" Sam's husky voice was full of concern. Slowly, I raised my head and met his worried gaze and was immediately struck by the sympathetic expression on his face. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded wearily. "You should've said something, bro ... Should've told me you weren't well- "

"I-I tried ..."

"Y'know I wouldn't have given you such a hard time, if I'd known you were sick. Here, take this ..." He handed me a glass of water. I took it from him gratefully and nodded my thanks before sipping cautiously from it, not wanting to aggravate my guts any more than I already had. "How ... How long have you been like this ?"

"A couple of weeks, I guess ..." I muttered reluctantly and suddenly found that I couldn't meet Sam's eyes. Turning my head, I began to worry my lower lip and carefully placed the glass on the floor beside me.

"Fuck ! A couple of weeks ? Goddamnit, Paul ! Have you seen someone about this ? D'ya even know what's wrong with you ?" Sam agitatedly rubbed his nape and I could hear the frown in his voice. There was no doubt, that my imprint was pissed with and worried about me.

Exhausted, I sighed and realized it was now or never. I had to bite the bullet and 'fess up to Sam what was wrong with me. "Give or take," I replied quietly. "But, yeah ... I know what's wrong with me."

"Then tell me, for pity's sake ! If you're sick, you're gonna need my help- "

I finally found the nerve to look up and my eyes made contact with his. "I ain't sick, Sam ..."

He snorted in disbelief. "Bullshit, Paul ! If spewing your guts ain't being sick, then I'd love to know what is- " He carded restless fingers through his his neatly cropped, spiking it.

Glaring at him, I snapped angrily. "If you'd just shut up, I'll tell you. I ain't sick ... I'm fucking pregnant, Sam !"

"Pregnant ? Nah ... That's impossible." He slowly shook his head in disbelief. "You're a guy ... you can't have- "

"Huh ! That's what I thought. Seems like we were both wrong on that score," I replied bitterly, studing him carefully before I dropped the bombshell on him.

"Then ... then who's the father ?"

I rolled my eyes and took another deep breath. "You, Sam ... You're the one who knocked me up, dumbass. Congratulations, you're gonna be a dad !"