Chapter 5: Chapter 5

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Voice

POV's thoughts

Angel

*Ciel's POV*

After all of the commotion and usual questions like "Why did you hurt yourself?" or odd ones like "Where did you learn to build bombs?" everyone settled down and went to their respective rooms. I know, where I am sleeping? Well until they get it situated or the attic cleaned out, I am parking it on the couch. I don't mind. Actually I sort of like the idea, because if I need to make a quick getaway I can grab my stuff and fly out the front door in under 10 seconds. I know, I know, I over think things. But if you were taken from your home at 6 and grew up being beaten half of your life in a dog cage with deranged scientists, you would think out all possible escape routes too.

But right now I am just sitting Indian-style on my cozy little couch staring at a blank TV screen just thinking about everything and trying to clear my mind of all troubles. It helps a lot. If I clear my mind before I go to bed the nightmares aren't as bad. I don't have to see my mom with her blood spilling with scary clarity every night. See these are the things I try to avoid thinking about.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Holy shit don't scare me like that!" I practically jumped and hit my head on the ceiling when Iggy snuck up beside me. Great, just the person I needed to see when I was trying to forget him.

"I wouldn't cuss in front of Max if you want her to like you." Iggy smirked that amazing smirk at me. I shook my head trying to get those thoughts out. I do not need to complicate things further. If he finds out he could laugh in my face then tell the rest of the Flock who would then also laugh in my face and shun me out of the Flock (if I ever get into it) and I would have to spend the rest of my life scarring my skin into oblivion and—

"Hello? Anybody home? I am blind not deaf. I can hear your heavy breathing. What has you so freaked out?" Oh great, I was breathing heavily. He probably thinks I am a pervert now. Oh no he is walking away. Damnit! Say something!

"I am just thinking about if you think I am a freak or something." Wow. Did I seriously just say that? I have got to stop speaking my mind it is going to get me in trouble one day.

"Why? Because you used to cut yourself?"

"Yeah.. sorta.." Could I sound more lame? No I couldn't.

"I don't think you are a freak just because of that. Everyone has their different ways of coping. And plus I have the feeling you have something even worse than cutting yourself that you haven't told anyone and you blame yourself for it."

"Wow." He understands? He just keeps getting better.

"Yeah I know. The blind guy is very observant right. I just hope that maybe one day you will trust me enough to tell me this dark secret of yours….. Maybe I will tell you mine."

"You have a dark secret too?" This guy seemed like he was all happy go lucky. What could he possibly have to hide?

"Yeah. I do. I can't even believe I told you that. I guess I just feel like I can trust you already." Wow. I have nothing I can say to that. So I just walked up and hugged him. It was a measly thank you but I think he got it when he hugged back. I was feeling brave because he responded to the hug really well, he was clutching me tightly to his perfect chest, so I leaned up to his ear and whispered, " I wish you could see me," then we let go and he said our goodnights and he went away. Like a shadow in the night that just swooped down and saved me.

I went back to my couch somehow more tired than before. I didn't even have the strength to clear my mind. For some reason the thought of nightmares didn't occur to me as I laid my head on the hand sewed pillow and drifted off.

*dream*

It was like I was floating on a never-ending sense of euphoria. Like everything will never change and everything will just be calm and peaceful. But my ever-changing mind didn't just want calm. No, I wanted perfect. So I began walking towards a lightly lit doorway, to what seemed to be a better place. You know, the grass is always greener on the other side; well I soon found out that that doesn't apply to dreams.. or nightmares.

As I walked into the doorway I was met with the wonderful smell of blueberry tarts. My mom used to always make them. They were my favorite. As I walked into the kitchen I found my mom laughing and talking with a beautiful prince who just happened to be Iggy. He turned as I walked in and the biggest most wonderful smile ever crossed his face as he swept me in his arms and kissed me with his perfect rose petal lips with such love… I could have lived in the moment for eternity. But as I opened my eyes I heard my mom let out a blood curdling scream that would turn my world upside down. I jumped out of my prince's arms as the Eraser's claw came crashing down on my mom and her side tore open as her precious life liquid came pouring out of her onto our signature Egyptian rug. I ran to her side and looked deep into her onyx eyes and listened as she whispered, "It will be alright. I can't protect you now so I need you to be strong, for Mommy. I will always love you and remember, even though it may seem out of reach sometimes, the sunrise will always come. I love you sweetie. Do not forget that." As the last sight of life drained from her gorgeous eyes I turned just in time to see Iggy, my prince, bashed into the wall with amazing strength. A sickening crunch came out as he said, "I protected you Ciel. Do not forget me." And with that, the last person I loved disappeared. I took the knife from the kitchen counter and plunged it deep into my chest thinking of how I wanted my mom to hold me and my prince to come back-

"Ciel! Wake up Ciel!" I was startled awake by Iggy shaking me violently with a sobbing Angel by his side.

"What is going on? Angel what is wrong?" I asked still shaking from the nightmare still fresh in my mind.

"Angel woke me up saying that you were having a nightmare and that it was awful and you were screaming and thinking about wanting to die if she couldn't be with you." I looked at Iggy's sightless wide eyes as he explained to me. I had woken up Angel by my nightmares. I didn't need another person plagued by them.

"Oh Angel. I am so sorry. You didn't need to see any of that. Come here." I silently held the young girl as her sobs subsided.

"I am really tired now. I hope you don't have anymore nightmares." Angel yawned so I picked her up and carried her to her bed tucking her in with all of her stuffed animals.

Why can't this little girl have a normal life? She deserves it.

I walked back downstairs to see Iggy sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Look I am sorry for waking you I just—" I was cut off by Iggy pleading silently.

"You were saying how you couldn't go on living like this. How if she wasn't by your side you would just kill yourself with the sorrow. That it was your fault you couldn't protect her. Who were you talking about?" Well at least he didn't hear about my prince. That would have been an even more awkward conversation.

"My mom. When I was taken from my home at 6 I saw her murdered by Erasers."

"Is that your dark secret? Why you cut yourself? Because you couldn't protect her?"

"Yeah. I saw her brutally mauled and I couldn't do anything but sit there and cry." He pulled me into his arms whispering in my hair.

"Oh Ciel. You were just six. And a regular human. You couldn't have done anything. Don't think that is what your fault. You don't have to punish yourself for something you couldn't have helped." And he just held me. While I just cried into his shoulder. Anyone who would've walked in would've never have guessed we met each other yesterday.

I slowly started to doze off as I whispered, "Thank you Iggy." And right before the darkness overtook me I heard a faint, "I wish I could see you too."

And for the first time in 8 years I had a sleep so perfect and deep I didn't dream of anything. It was perfect just lying next to my prince. My own personal dream catcher.