Chapter Three

Opportunity Knocks

That night Mommy, Seth and Andrew were going to an end of the school year picnic at Andrew's preschool. I had begged not to go the instant I found out about it so earlier this week Mommy had called the Babysitter's Club to get me a babysitter. She had not told me who it would be and said it would be a surprise. I hoped it would not be Claudia again. All she does when she baby-sits is eat and make huge messes, which she calls "art". Sometimes she tries to make me do art with her but I always refuse since Claudia's version of art is usually tacky and messy.

At exactly 5:30 pm, the doorbell rang. That is one thing I can say for the Babysitter's Club. They are always on time. I ran downstairs from my bedroom to get the door. I opened it and there standing on the front porch was none other than Claudia Kishi herself.

I was gigundoly mad and said in the most disdainful voice I could manage, "Oh it is you, Caludia."

"It is Claudia." Claudia smiled at me as if I was a stupid baby brat like Andrew. "Your mommy said you especially requested for me to come baby-sit and that I was your very favorite babysitter ever."

Mommy had come into the foyer behind me and I gave her a nasty look. Mommy winked at me. I knew that this was her way of punishing me for being rude about Andrew's picnic and throwing a fit about going to church.

I turned back to face Claudia, "You are a liar." "Caludia" really is how she spells her own name. I know this because one time she had a fight with Kristy and I heard Kristy ranting about it on the phone to her other friend Mary Anne. She called Claudia dumb because she sometimes wrote her name down as "Caludia".

Claudia ignored me and greeted Mommy, "Hi Mrs. Engle. I hope you have a good time at your picnic."

"Thanks Claudia. There is a box of macaroni and cheese and a few hot dogs that you and Karen can eat for dinner. Karen may have Oreo cookies if she finishes her plate. We should be home by nine." Mommy practically flew out the door with Seth and Andrew behind her.

That left me and crazy Blobbia the fat blob. There was a bright spot though. Mommy had not mentioned my television ban to Claudia. The evening would not be a total loss. I would not mention the ban to Claudia and watch as much television as I wanted until Mommy and Seth got home.

"Come on, Karen. Let us go make dinner. You can slice the hot dogs and I will make the macaroni." Claudia sounded cheerful but I could tell she was terrified of me underneath. "I brought some fun art supplies in the kid kit so maybe we can make something together after we eat."

"You got it, Clauds," I mumbled in a sassy tone to Claudia's backside.

"What was that Karen?" Claudia chirped as she started down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Nothing." I snapped back at her in what was probably a meaner tone than I needed but I did not care.

Claudia ignored me and went into the kitchen. There is nothing like the promise of food to entice Claudia away from a bad mood. She probably would have yelled at me like a meanie mo if there had not been macaroni and cheese waiting in the kitchen.

I stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching Claudia fill a pot with water to boil. She put the pot on the burner then she handed me a butter knife. "Get the hot dogs out and start slicing, please."

"I want a sharp knife," I whined.

"Karen, sharp knives are not safe for seven year olds to have." Claudia opened the fridge and handed me a package of hot dogs.

I got out the cutting board and sat at the table. While I cut the hot dogs up, I imagined that I was Cinderella and Claudia was my evil stepmother. In case you could not tell, I really love Cinderella. It is one of my favorite fairy tales. My family certainly treats me just like her. I hope someday my prince will come and I will get the castle I deserve.

Claudia interrupted my Cinderella fantasies, "Karen? I am ready to add in the hot dogs now."

I brought over the cutting board and Claudia dumped the slices into the pot and stirred them in. Then she served us each a plate of macaroni and hot dogs at the kitchen table and poured us some milk. We sat down to eat. There is not much mealtime conversation when you are eating with Blobbia Kishi since she is so hungry all the time.

While eating I checked out Claudia's latest outfit. She always dresses like a major freak and today was no exception. She had on a dress made out of paper grocery sacks trimmed with plastic ones. She had her hair tied back with trash sacks. It was so gigundoly disgusting.

After we ate and cleaned up, Claudia mentioned that there was some art documentary on television. I really hate boring channels that have educational stuff on them but maybe I could convince her to change the channel. I followed her into the living room and joined her on the couch.

I had even better luck than that though. Claudia fell asleep on the couch. She snores and drools in her sleep. She looks like a monster when she does. I really wish Mommy had called another babysitter like Black Jessi to come over. Black Jessi is black so we keep it real whenever she is here. Well I keep it real. Black Jessi sends me to me room for trying to get her to take me to the hood and visit a real crack house. It is gigundoly unfair of her but she says my mommy would be sad if I went there.

I watched Claudia sleep for a few minutes with a sneer on my face. Then I took the remote away from her. I was about to change the channel to cartoons but then I saw an ad than changed my mind. I stared open mouthed at the television. Nannie has a saying about when opportunity knocks, open the door. I was definitely opening the door for this. I curled back up on the couch to watch.