I walked up to the wooden house that belonged to the Denali coven.
Tanya had given me good advice before, I hoped she would do it again.
I really didn't know what to do with myself anymore.
I gently knocked on the door.
"Edward!" Tanya gave me a friendly hug.
I smiled.
"How have you and your family been, Tanya?" I ask.
"Well, same old, same old. Please come in. Everyone has gone hunting, so it's just you and me." She gave a little laugh at the end. "How have you been, Edward?"
Her eyes were filled with concern as she watched my face. She had already been told about Bella, I saw.
"Well, that is sort of why I came here in the first place."
"Ah. Well any help you need and I will gladly give it to you." she said, smiling warmly.
"Thank you. It's just, I don't...feel..right. I feel empty." Well, halfway empty anyway. Renesmee still made me feel a little better.
Tanya nodded.
"Yes, I remember the feeling when mom died." I could see the pain behind her eyes from the memory. "It gets better overtime, but you will never forget her. You will never feel like yourself completely. But it was a good decision, to get away from everybody else for a while. You really do need the time to find yourself, and even distract yourself. Just until that pain fades a little into the background."
It was always nice to hear advice from Tanya. Especially sense she has already been through most of this. It's almost like she understands exactly what I am feeling, even if I don't say anything.
I smile a little.
"After a while, you will realize you need to move on with your life. Find a different environment, different people. Maybe even meet someone.."
She stared at me, and I stared at her.
I saw the idea form in her mind.
"No-"
Her lips met mine before I could protest. I tried to turn away without hurting her. But she was stronger than me. I hadn't fed in a while.
But, maybe I could forget about Bella for a minute. Maybe she could be my distraction, she could lead me away from the pain.
I started to kiss back hungrily, pressing her body against mine.
I could almost imagine that this was Bella.
But it felt so wrong.
I dug my hands into her skin, wanting to pull her away, and press her closer at the same time.
She pressed me against the wall and started to unbutton my shirt.
My eyes widened in surprise.
This was wrong. So, so wrong. I was still in love with Bella. I couldn't do this.
My shirt fell to the ground and she removed her hands from my back to shed her.
I leaned away from her and pulled her head back hard.
"Edward, come on.." She lunged for me again.
I shook my head.
"Tanya, stop. I can't do this. It's wrong. So, so wrong. I love Bella. It's just to soon for me."
Her face twisted into a scowl.
She took a step back.
"Edward what is wrong with you! I'm trying to help you move on, at least give you a distraction. But no. You're to caught up in your pathetic little humans death-"
I lunged at her in outrage.
My hand went around her throat and her body slammed into the wall, creating a giant crack and breaking a table in the process.
"Don't you ever call her that again" I snarled, my teeth bared. I slammed her against the wall again. "You hear me? Her name is Bella." I screamed at her.
Her eyes were wide with pure terror.
"Say it!" I shrieked.
"B-B-Bella!" she stuttered.
I let her go and her body slumped against the floor, her face wide with shock.
I stormed out of the house before I killed her.
I felt worse than before. To add on to the pain, and sadness I also had rage.
Horrible, terrifying rage.
I knew I should go in there and apologize, but I couldn't stand it when people spoke bad about her.
I let out a small scream of anger and punched a nearby tree.
The poor thing snapped in half and flew fifty feet, landing with a loud crash.
I stopped and sat down on the cold ground, bringing my knees up to my chest.
I thought of the kiss between me and Tanya, and it made me want to kill myself.
I moaned and fell against the ground, limp.
"I'm a failure." I said to know one in particular. "I'm so sorry Bella."
I lay there until the sky went dark.