Chapter 8

I'm In the Playhouse of Hell

My followers were not loyal at all. My friends had come over wanting to play in my playhouse and not to listen to my sermon. That sneaky Pamela had lied that there would be a circus to trick them. It was a disaster. I had to get their attention back where it belonged which was on me, Goddess I mean Bishop Karen Brewer.

I went inside the house to use Seth's computer to do some internet research. I needed to find out what other churches did about irreverent people.

It turns out that some churches believe that bad people go to Hell. Hell is a place made of lava and fire. It sounded gigundo bad. I did not think I could make something like that although I wanted to. I would get into trouble for burning my friends. I thought it was unfair that I would get in trouble for burning them especially since they were bad and bad people deserved to be burned in Hell. Well boo and bull frogs.

I thought gigundoly hard about what I could do. Then I had an idea. Hell was sort of like a jail for bad dead people. I just needed to make a jail for the bad kids at my church. In jail, bad people go in cages. I did not have a cage. But in the garage, we had a doggy crate with a cage door. It had been for Midgie but Midgie did not it. Seth said it was too big for the kind of dog that Midgie was. Seth bought her a smaller crate but he did not get rid of the big one.

I went to ask Mommy if I could use the crate in the playhouse. She and Andrew were in the kitchen. Andrew was eating a snack. It was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What a pig! All that baby brat does is eat. Mommy was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.

Andrew sounded annoyed to see me, "Oh it is Karen the crazy."

Mommy sighed, "Do not start Andrew."

I could feel rage bubbling inside me. I wanted to attack Andrew gigundoly bad. I am sure he could see it in my eyes because he started cowering in his booster seat.

Mommy must have seen it too because she glared at me and snapped, "You do not start either, Karen Brewer."

"Yeah, do not start, Karen," Andrew smirked and shoved another bite of sandwich into his mouth.

I grabbed onto a chair to control my rage and smiled my sweetest smile at Mommy, "Mommy, may I borrow Midgie's old doggy crate from the garage. We are playing pet shop in the playhouse."

"Well I suppose so, Karen," Mommy answered without looking up from her newspaper.

Goody Gumdrops! I ran from the kitchen to the garage without another word. I found the crate very fast but Seth had set a tool box full of nails, screws, hammers and screwdrivers on top of it. I tried to lift the tool box to move it but it was too heavy for me to move.

I was gigundoly frustrated. I growled angrily at the tool box. I was so mad about being unable to pick it up that the box started to remind me of Andrew. I was still angry with him for calling me crazy in the kitchen. I backed up away from the tool box and charged into it. My annoyance with Andrew gave me enough strength to ram the tool box off the doggy crate. It fell to the ground with a big slam and the tools scattered everywhere. It sure was a big mess.

I ignored the mess for now and dragged the doggy crate towards the door. I had to hurry or my friends might all go home before I could show them the wonders of Karen Brewer Hell.

I got back out to the backyard. Hannie and Nancy were outside the playhouse playing "Miss Mary Mack" with each other in the grass. Bobby and Ricky were playing catch with a tennis ball that belonged to Midgie. Natalie was swinging on the swing set. It looked like Pamela, Jannie and Leslie had left. I would put them in Hell next time they came over.

"Listen up everyone," I bellowed as loud as I could, "This doggy crate is Hell. Hell is where bad kids who do not want to participate in my church go. I will put anyone who is bad during my sermon in here and make them stay until I am done preaching."

The other kids stared at me with their mouths open. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved to go back to the church either. That made me very mad.

"DID YOU ALL HEAR ME?" I shrieked at them.

I saw Hannie roll her eyes, "We heard you Karen. We want to play something else now. I am sorry. We could play Let's All Come In?

I stomped my foot, "No we cannot play that. That is a game for a mansion not this measly shack my Mommy calls a house. Besides this is my yard and I wanted to play Church of Karen."

Ricky shrugged, "Well Karen, we are done playing that. It was boring to us. We were tricked that a circus was coming and you gave us a big boring surprise."

Bobby snickered, "It was more like the playhouse from hell than a pretend church."

"You were not very nice to us either," Natalie piped up.

I glared at her. Natalie is such a major dork. "I do not have to be nice at my own house. Here I make the rules."

"No Mommy does," I turned around to see Andrew. Mommy was right behind him and she did not look happy.

"Yes Mommy?" I said in a sweet voice.

Mommy was very mad when she spoke but she did not shout. Probably because my friends were there. "First of all, you made a very big mess in the garage out of Seth's tools. I want you to have it all cleaned up before Seth gets home. Second of all, you lied about what you were using the doggy crate for. I heard everything that you said. You may not lock your friends in a doggy crate for any reason. Third, I have told you to drop this religion fascination that you have developed and I find you playing a mean church game that hurts your friends' feelings. Lastly, I heard you insulting our house and referring to it as a measly shack. Seth and I work hard to put a roof over your head. I am sorry that we are not as well off as your father but this is not a shack."

"But Mommy…" I saw my friends scurrying off through the side gate while Mommy talked. She had scared them off. Boo and Bullfrogs.

"No Karen. There is no excuse for the way you are treating your friends. I want the crate put in the garage and the mess cleaned up. Then you are to report to your room. When Seth gets home, we will call your father and discuss a suitable punishment for what you have done." Mommy said firmly.

I did not say anything. The anger I had been struggling to contain all day boiled over. I shrieked like a wounded animal and charged into Mommy. Unfortunately Mommy was used to my rages and grabbed me before I could attack. She stuck me in the doggy crate and picked it up and hauled it into the garage. I was so startled that I stopped screaming. This was child abuse!

Mommy set the crate on the garage floor and opened the door. I scrambled out on all fours and glanced up at her. I did not know what to say to her.

Mommy said, "Karen, I am at the end of my rope. I will leave you in here until you clean. I will check on you in ten minutes."

I stuck out my lower lip and pouted as she walked out the door. I started cleaning up so she would not lock me in the doggy crate but I had to come up with a new plan.