I was faintly aware that the whole class was watching me have a breakdown while Derek had me on his lap. Under any other circumstances I probably would have been mortified and ran away but right now…it doesn't really matter. I stared blankly down the hallway as the nurse hurried towards us. She was too late. I could breathe again and there was nothing she could do. I shifted a little on Derek's lap and his arms tightened around me, thinking I was getting up. Something broke inside me at the small gesture. My body went limp against his and I buried my face in his neck. I was probably going to regret it later but right now I just needed to be held.
I heard my dad and Ms. Leake explaining to the nurse what happened and she responded that I probably had a panic attack. I had never had a panic attack before and I hoped to never have one again.
I had stopped crying, my whole body feeling numb. I was apathetic. Even the fact that it was Derek's lap I was on didn't really make me feel anything. Derek rubbed his cheek against the top of my head, and I probably imagined it, but I thought I also felt lips on my forehead. Ms. Leake made the students go back to the classroom and she turned to look at me and Derek. I thought maybe she was going to make Derek let me go and I almost started to panic again. She looked at me sadly and then walked into the classroom, closing the door. I sighed in relief.
"Stiles?" I looked up at my dad, flinching at how much older he looked. "Do you want to go home?" I nodded but didn't move at all. Neither did Derek. My dad's eyes flickered to Derek then back to me. I knew I was supposed to get up but Derek's arms were like a blanket, warm and comforting. I didn't want to move. It was a few moments before Derek's arms slipped away from me. He didn't push me away, letting me get up whenever I wanted to. I stayed there, nuzzling his neck, for a few seconds longer before getting up. I walked to dad and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling suddenly small. My dad hugged me but it wasn't the same. Dad's shoulders were tense in a way they weren't before.
"Dad," My voice cracked on the word and my well of emotions burst forth again. Tears welled up in my eyes and the pain in my father's face deepened. My only thought was I have to get out of here. I turned, running as fast as I could to the front of the school. I heard my dad's shout of 'Stiles!' But I kept running.
I ran out the front door and to the parking lot, bypassing my jeep. I knew I couldn't see enough to drive anywhere. I don't know where I was going, only that I had to get away. Away from my dad. Away from the school. Away from life. Before I knew it I had ran into the woods. I don't know how far into them I had gone before I collapsed. My breath was coming in short gasps and sobs were tearing their way through my chest. I fell against a tree and slid down. I tried to control my sobs. Why today? Why on my birthday of all days? Today was supposed to be perfect. Pancakes for breakfast, go to school, go home, and eat the best birthday dinner ever because mom only ever makes it one day a year. She can't be gone. No. I'm going to go home and she's going to be at the stove cooking. She's going to hug me and tell me happy birthday. Then we're going to have cake. I knew telling myself this wasn't helping. It was only going to make it worse when I got home. I realized my hands were shaking, along with the rest of me.
"Stiles?" My head jerked up towards the sound and I choked on a sob.
"How do you always show up at the perfect time?" I managed to say. Derek smiled sadly at me.
"Just instinct I guess." He answered. He walked over so he was standing right in front of me, holding out his hand. I looked at him hesitantly. "My house isn't too far from here. It's going to start raining soon and we might as well get inside." He explained. I took his hand and he pulled me to me feet. We started walking towards where I assumed his house was. He didn't let go of my hand, but instead slipped our fingers together. Any other times I would have questioned his motives, but I knew he was just comforting me. It's just pity, that's all. It was a short walk to his house and the trip was silent.
"Mom?" Derek called when we walked in the front door.
"Derek?" A woman's voice called. "Honey is Stiles with you? The Sheriff called and explained what-" Mrs. Hale's voice trailed off as she rounded the corner. She looked just like Derek. Her hair was dark and nearly down to her waist. She was only about two inches taller than me, which makes Derek almost 2 inches taller than her. She had smile lines around her mouth and eyes. Her green eyes showed the same sad, concerned expression that Derek's had. "Stiles, you poor thing, come here." She rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug. The hug was awkward because Derek still hadn't let go of my hand. She hugged me tight and for a long time until the tension went out of my shoulders. She pulled back and her hands went to my face.
"Mom, you're smothering him." Derek sounded amused and she turned to give him a look. She rolled her eyes then and turned.
"I made some chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate. They're in the kitchen." She walked towards what I was assuming the kitchen. As soon as she disappeared through the doorway I sighed. Derek turned to me as I slumped against the door. He took a few steps forward and his hands bracketed my head. One hand went to my chin and tiled my face up.
"Hey, you okay? Mom's just… trying to help. She probably doesn't realize that she's…making it difficult." Derek whispered. His questioning green eyes searched mine. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him. He froze for about a millisecond before his arms went around me.
"Thank you." I choked out. He nuzzled the top of my head and pulled me closer.
"For what?" He questioned softly.
"I just…for…being here I guess. We're not exactly friends but you're being so awesome and understanding and your mom made cookies and hot chocolate which are two of my favorite things and my mom makes them every Christmas but now she can't and I just don't know how to handle it and your mom's being so nice and sweet and I just-" I stopped abruptly, realizing I was rambling. Derek just held me until my heartbeat steadied. I heard footsteps and assumed Mrs. Hale was coming to check to make sure we were coming. They paused for a second before retreating back to the kitchen.
"I think after this we can be considered friends." Derek finally replied. I smiled into his neck and he pulled back enough to look at my face. "Let's go get chocolate high." I grinned at him and he grinned back. "That's a good look on you. I know you don't have a reason to smile right now but I love seeing it." As he pulled me into the kitchen by my hand, I realized how Derek was acting like my boyfriend. I mean there's no kissing or anything but he keeps holding me and complimenting me and he's always there. He even remembered my birthday when Scott didn't. It was odd but it was soothing and comforting to know someone cared enough to skip school for me. Derek pulled out a chair at the breakfast bar for me and I sat down. Mrs. Hale set a stack of cookies and a mug of hot chocolate in front of me. I smiled timidly at her.
"Thanks Mrs. Hale." She wagged her finger at me.
"You can call me Hannah. Mrs. Hale makes me feel so old." I chuckled softly and she beamed at me. My grin suddenly fell away as I thought about how my mom would never grow old. They noticed my change in mood and Derek scooted closer to me. I picked up the hot chocolate and took a sip. I gasped as I swallowed it.
"This tastes just like mom's." My voice cracked on the word mom and Derek's hand went to the back of my neck, massaging it. Hannah's smile was timid.
"That's because it's the same recipe. We came up with it when we worked together. We never told anyone our secret. I hoped it would help." I nodded solemnly.
"Thanks. It does, I just…wasn't expecting it." I looked up at her curiously. "What is the recipe?" She grinned.
"It's chocolate milk heated up with peppermint melted in it." My eyes widened.
"Really? That's it? You mean I could have made it this whole time?" I whined. Hannah laughed.
"You boys take your stuff into the den. Watch a movie or something. I'll let your dad know you're here." I felt a pang in my chest as she mentioned my dad. I felt guilty for leaving him alone but there is really no way I could face him right now. I think I'm out of tears but the pain in my chest still hurts. I nodded at her, grabbing my stuff, and following Derek to the den.