As soon as my dad opened the front door I felt the panic hit me. I tried to compose myself but, judging by the look on Derek's face, I wasn't doing a very good job. He reached over, squeezing my knee quickly before retracting his hand. My dad was the sheriff after all. When dad walked into the living room I tensed. I didn't want to be alone with him. I just… couldn't do that yet. I turned to Derek.
"Will you stay for dinner?" I asked, a little frantically. My dad stopped, looking at Derek. Derek's eyes flicked between us before settling on my dad. Dad smiled sadly at him.
"You might as well. It's the least I can do since you stayed here with Stiles all day. He can be a little hard to handle sometimes." My dad attempted to joke. I flinched and guilt flooded his face.
"Please. Stay." I asked softly. Derek's eyes met mine for a moment before he nodded.
"I'll stay." He agreed. There was an awkward moment where dad and I stared at each other. Mom was usually the one who made dinner. I hopped up suddenly, breaking the silence.
"I'll go get it started then." I hurried to the kitchen, knowing Derek would follow. I was almost frantic while I started, rushing around the kitchen, pulling out pans and noodles and hamburger meat.
"Stiles." Derek tried to stop me, but I was afraid that if I stopped moving, I would start panicking. "Stiles." Derek tried again but I didn't respond. "Stiles!" Derek grabbed my wrists and spun me around. I looked up at him, gasping for breath. He slowly backed me up against the counter and leaned forward. His hands were on my hips and his eyes were nearly smoldering. My breathing started to slow, which startled me. You would think the closer he was to me, the higher my heart rate would be. Instead I was relaxing.
"I can't." I gasped. His hands went up to cup my face, making me meet his eyes.
"You can't what?" He questioned softly. He swayed forward and his hot breath fanned over my face. My breath hitched and I bit my lip.
"I can't be alone with him. If we're alone and… and she's not here… she has to be here, Derek! I don't know how to…" I slumped, closing my eyes. "I don't know how to live without her." I knew how broken I sounded, how pathetic I must have looked. I sighed, suddenly feeling so exhausted, physically and mentally. It was silent for a moment, Derek's presence warming me like a blanket. I knew it couldn't last. He needed to leave before I got too attached- before I started to get used to it. "You should go." I whispered, not meeting his eyes.
"Stiles, I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as I think you want me here." I slumped even more at his words, sighing again. "What?"
"You don't have to stay here. You have a life, your family, your friends. You probably have more important things to do. Go do them." I tensed, ready for him to walk away. He didn't say anything, but he didn't move. I waited until I realized he wanted my full attention. I looked up finally, startled at how close he was to me. I could have sworn his eyes flashed blue, but figured I imagined it.
"Nothing is more important to me than you right now." He said finally. The breath whooshed out of me. I searched his eyes but I could only see sincerity. Before I could stop myself I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. He made that almost-purring sound again and slipped his arms around me. One of his hands slid just under my shirt, rubbing soothing circles on my back. We stayed like that for a moment until I heard footsteps walking towards the kitchen. I jerked away from Derek, turning back to the stove. I poured the water in the pot, just as my dad reached the doorway. And If Derek still had one hand on my back, well, at least dad didn't say anything about it.
Dinner was long and silent. I was thankful for Derek being there. I wasn't at all ready to discuss my feelings with my dad. Talking to Derek was different than talking to my dad. Derek was sympathetic, he was trying to understand. He wanted to be there for me because he thought I needed him. It was more than I ever could have asked of him and I appreciated it. My dad, though, he was suffering. He knew exactly how I felt and for some reason I didn't want someone to know exactly how I felt. If dad wanted to talk about it then it became that much more real. I knew in my head that she wasn't coming back. I knew that it was just me and dad now. But that doesn't mean I was ready to talk about it. I was startled out of my thoughts when Derek stood up. I looked up at him, afraid. He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes.
"I need to get going." He said softly. I felt my eyes widen, but I nodded. My dad and I stood up.
"Derek," My dad started. We both turned to him. "The visitation is in two days. The funeral is in three days. I'd like it if you and your family came. Your mother and my wife used to be good friends." My dad's voice cracked when he said 'wife' and I flinched. Derek nodded.
"I'll let them know, Sheriff." Derek agreed. Dad nodded, leaning down to start cleaning up the table. I walked with Derek towards the door, not looking at him.
"Stiles, are you gonna be okay?" He asked quietly. I nodded, eyes on the floor. "Look at me." I looked up. "I'll stay if you need me." I shook my head.
"No, go. I have to face him eventually." I made shooing motions with my hands. He watched me while I looked anywhere but at him. He sighed and opened the door.
"I'll see you soon. Call me if you need me."
"I don't have your…"
"I put it in your phone." He cut in. I smiled at him and he turned to go. "Call me." I waited until he got to his car before running up the stairs to my room.