As Chloe opened the door she held her breath, unsure of if she was ready for what would be waiting ahead of her. She had so much she knew she wanted to say, and I was hoping that she was sober enough to keep most of it to herself. As if on cue her phone vibrated in her pocket, she checked it while walking through the door, just a text from Aubrey saying her room was much to talkative for her to sleep, so they were wide awake and if she needed anything just to text and she'd save her somehow.
"Hey, chloe took you long enough, was afraid you were ditching me to clean the whole apartment!" Beca smiled, and Chloe almost melted right then and there as she climbed onto the bed next to her.
"No, I told you I wasn't ever ditching you, remember? Or did you forget that when you were too busy to respond to a single text these last few weeks." Damn, alcohol Chloe thought as her hand covered her mouth and she looked away from Beca, shit what to do I shouldn't have said that.
Beca looked taken aback from what her friend had said, she certainly was not expecting it from her always happy, bubbly friend, but if she was honest with herself she did deserve it. It took her a moment to compose a response, of course her first reaction was to deflect it with sarcasm, but Chloe didn't deserve it, she didn't do anything wrong. "You are right, I-I haven't been a good friend, I did exactly what I made you swear not to do to me. When Aubrey sent out the text inviting everyone, I was afraid I wouldn't be wanted here tonight, that you wouldn't want me here," Chloe finally looked up but didn't say anything, she knew Beca well enough to know that if she had something to say you let her finish without interrupting because once she was stopped she was finished, " I don't know what happened, I mean I have no excuse for ignoring everyone. I guess I have just been swept up so much with being in this relationship that I pushed everyone else away, he makes me so happy Chloe, it scares me how happy he makes me, that's why I wanted to talk tonight because I am afraid of pushing him away, but I guess I never stopped to think I'd pushed you away already."
Chloe just sat there, trying so hard not to cry, not to show too much emotion, because she knew if this was anyone else besides Beca she would not be so hurt by being pushed to the back burner for a new relationship. Over the years even her and Aubrey had done it to each other not meaning to, and it never made Chloe feel like this, feel so alone and unwanted as she felt right now. She looked at Beca long enough to make eye contact and look away from her, her chest was tightening, she didn't know how to be that friend that Beca wanted anymore, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the energy racing through her from the coffee, Chloe didn't know but whatever it was, was making her want to kiss Beca more than ever, so much so that when Beca first started talking again, Chloe hadn't heard anything at all.
"Chloe? Chloe? Are you okay? Damn, I know I fucked up, but please just talk to me, say something, anything. Chloe?"
"Sorry, sorry I am just exhausted I must have dazed out of it. You know I get it, Aubrey and I have done the same thing a million times to each other not meaning to. It was just really hard, because," Chloe paused she wasn't sure what to say, it was really hard because I want to be the one who is making you so incredibly happy you forget about everyone, everything else in the world, she settled with, "it was just hard because like I said you were part of why Aubrey and I decided to stay closer to Barden, I was crushed when you vanished on me," more like I was devastated and probably annoyed Aubrey to death whining over you, wondering what you were doing with Jesse, how much of yourself you were giving him and how I wished it were me instead, " because I had been hoping we'd spend the summer together becoming better friends and keeping me sane from Aubrey, the two of you around each other always bring a laugh at any rate." With that Chloe smiled hoping that Beca hadn't seen right through it.
Beca broke her stare with Chloe, "I'm sorry Chloe, I guess I never really thought about it all. Jesse means a lot to me, but so do you," her hand now grabbing onto Chloe's, the warmth it provided made Chloe wish she could hold it more, she imagined what it would be like to walk down the street hand in hand laughing, "Chloe, I'll make it up to you. I have never done well at friendships or relationships so I sorta like suck at it, but I'm willing to try to make them both work, if you'll give me another chance at the friendship thing that is."
With that Chloe let go of her hand and smiled, "Of course I forgive you Beca," with the most enthusiasm she could gather giving how she felt and she pulled Beca into a quick hug, not quick enough because as soon as there body's were pressed together even for that brief second Chloe couldn't help but feel a pang of desire for her friend. As she released the embrace, she took a deep breath in knowing if she was going to be a good friend it meant doing the one thing she didn't want to do, "so how is Jesse? Are you two doing okay?" Chloe would have to serve as the relationship doctor just like she had for Aubrey in the past, only this time it would literally take all of her energy to remain neutral.
"We are doing good, really good actually. I mean not many people can make me smile, but he's one that seems to a lot."
Chloe nodded along, but as she listened she couldn't help but wonder if she made Beca smile too, I mean she knew she could make Beca smile, but she wondered if she was one of those people like Jesse, one of the people Beca noticed could make her smile.
"Our trip was amazing, who knew that besides music and movies he is also a giant history buff. I'm not really, but on the trip when he knew something about whatever we were looking at he'd just go into story mode and light up while he talked about it, he would just be full of so much energy telling me all of these things that I never would have thought about before, and that honestly most of the time I couldn't hear because I was watching him so much, I loved how excited it made him to tell me these little things."
Chloe had to break away from looking at Beca for a second because what Beca was describing about Jesse, was exactly what Beca was doing when she talked about Jesse.
"Chloe, it's late. I really do want to talk about everything with you, and I do need some advice because being happy is, well different for me. But I think you need some sleep and I could use some too, we'd only just got back right before I came over here, I'm drained."
Chloe was secretly relieved, "If you are sure, and we can always finish talking in the morning too."
But Beca was already sound asleep, Chloe sat there for a moment watching her as she drifted further into sleep.
Before going to sleep herself, she sent Aubrey a text saying she was okay, of course Aubrey was waiting for the text and quickly responded saying she didn't believe her, and tomorrow they would have to catch up on the events of the night.
As Chloe lay there awake, she couldn't help it when she decided to slide closer to Beca, she thought to herself all the times her and Aubrey cuddled in their sleep together, especially if either had been drinking, and when Beca slid back closer to Chloe, Chloe smiled and drifted off to sleep.