Lily kept her eyes closed. She'd been having a good dream. Something with kind voices and soft edges and pillows. She could almost feel the softness of them, the indulgence of the bed. It had been years since she'd been in a proper bed…

She sat bolt upright. She was in a bed, and a very large one it seemed. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten there, nor why. She couldn't see.

A whimper escaped her lips. She had no idea where she was. She didn't have a hope of finding her way out. Her head ached terribly. She wondered if perhaps she'd been drugged.

"Oh, good, you're up," came a voice to her left. She shrunk away, getting tangled up in all the blankets.

"It's Magnus you silly creature," the voice said and she relaxed. Magnus, whom she had come to see. The events of the night came rushing back to her. Car, angry voices, pain, oblivion. "Come on, up we go, you need to get ready to meet with the Conclave."

She began to tremble. She didn't want to stand before the Consul, the hold the Sword. She didn't want to feel their angry stares or hear their cruel words. She knew what they'd say.

Half-breed. Freak. Abomination.

She'd heard it all before as far as her mother was concerned and she'd paid dearly for it. She didn't want to give up whatever fragile world that she'd created for herself. It was different telling Magnus. He was a Downworlder, a Warlock, he knew what it was like. The Clave had no idea what it was like for creatures like her that fit into no world, but merely hung from the edges of whatever they could.

"Don't make me go," she said her voice shaking. "You don't know what they'll do to me-"

"They won't do anything to you. You are doing them a great service."

"Magnus, I shouldn't exist. I should be dead. I should be dead ten times over-"

"Lily-"

"Magnus, Shadowhunters and demons can't have children. I should have been stillborn. Why am I not dead? Why couldn't I have been born dead?"

She felt tears spring to her eyes and wiped them away angrily. Why was she falling apart like this. Surely he thought her incredibly stupid. She wished she could see his face, could guess what her was thinking, but she was stuck in this black hole of a nightmare.

She felt him sit down on the bed. She bit her lip, waiting for him to tell her to shut up and get to the Clave, that it was her duty as a Shadowhunter, even if no one would treat her like one.

But he merely stroked her hair soothingly. She felt the tears coming again but didn't bother wiping them away. She'd never had anyone treat her like this before, like they cared. Not even her own mother.

But Magnus just sat there and stroked her hair until she'd cried herself out.

"I know I have to go," she said finally, wiping her eyes.

"You don't have to do anything," Magnus said, much to her disbelief.

"Yes I do, or people will die and it will be because of me." And maybe if she helped enough people she could make up for what she was.

"I'll lay out some clothes for you," he said getting up.

"Magnus, I'll just wear mine, I don't want you buying anything for me."

"Who said anything about buying?"

Fifteen minutes and one argument later they were sitting in a booth at Taki's. Lily was clothed in a light blue sweater and a pair of new jeans that he had "borrowed" from Saks on Fifth. She had pulled back her hair into a ponytail, revealing a thick silvery scar above her temple that shot down and into her hairline. Magnus was itching to ask how she had gotten it but held his tongue.

"Do you want me to read the menu to you," he asked. She shook her head.

"I don't want anything."

"You're way too skinny, you're eating something. When's the last time you've eaten anything?"

"One or two, I don't remember," she said, blindly tracing an energy Rune on her wrist.

"You haven't eaten for days?" he asked incredulously. She looked at him as if he were mad, her eyebrows knitting together over her sunglasses.

"Weeks."

"Are you insane? You can't do that, it's not healthy."

"But I figure that if I don't eat for long enough, all the magic will just die." He sighed, putting his head in his hands.

"All you're going to do is kill yourself slowly and you will have no hope of controlling your powers."

"So I can kill myself? I thought Warlocks were immortal-"

"They're immortal, not infallible. You can still die from injuries or starving yourself though it would take months, possibly years.

She didn't seem to have heard him. The corner of her mouth was raised in a sort of sad smile.

"You are not going to kill yourself," Magnus said angrily. Kaelie stopped by the table to take their order and Magnus rattled off a few items without looking at the menu. She smiled at him before sauntering off to the kitchen. "Do you hear me? That is not an option."

"Why not?" she asked angrily. "What am I living for? Impending permanent blindness and living on the street. It sounds awesome."

"Lily, we're going to figure this out, there is no reason for you to talk like this." He reached across the table and pulled off her sunglasses, much to her dismay. "You have to learn to live with yourself and who you are. You have to stop hiding."

He sat back as Kaelie dropped off their food- two plates of steaming pancakes covered in honey- and left. Lily was determinately staring down at the floor, obviously trying to hide her eyes.

"Stop it," he said forcefully. "Stop being so ashamed of your eyes. If you haven't noticed, I have strange eyes too and you don't see me hiding them. You have beautiful blue eyes. Startling really. The only off-putting thing you have to worry about is the fact that you don't happen to have a pupil."

"They swirl," she said suddenly. "It's creepy."

"To you. Now eat your breakfast." She did as she was told. They ate in silence for a few moments.

"Magnus?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," he said, halfway dreading her question.

"What is this that I'm eating?" He laughed, shaking his head.

"Pancakes and honey."

"This stuff is amazing," she said vehemently. "It's like magic in your mouth."

Magnus spit out his mouthful of orange juice and banged his fist on the table, collapsing into laughter. When he looked up he saw she was covered in orange juice, steadily eating her pancakes.

"I'm really sorry about that," he said still laughing.

"I don't even care, these are bloody fantastic," she said, a bit of orange juice running down her nose. He cleared it up with a snap of his fingers, still chuckling.

"You are an odd girl," Magnus said shaking his head.

"Is it the whole shouldn't exist mutant thing or the fact that I've never had this glorious invention you call 'pancakes?'" She said, the corner of her mouth twitching up.

"You seem to be in a better mood."

"That's because I'm eating pan cooked wonderment." Magnus snorted, shaking his head. She gave him a strange look, blinking hard.

"What's wrong?" he asked. She opened her eyes experimentally and stared at him in astonishment.

"I can see you!" she said incredulously. Then her face fell. "Are you sparkly or am I going crazy?"

Magnus laughed, "No I'm pretty sparkly today, but I wouldn't rule out the crazy just yet."

Her face split into the first real smile he'd seen on it. "I can see!" she said and hopped up onto the booth and looked around. "I can see you," she said, pointing to an ifrit and the bar, "And you-" A vampire drinking a blood smoothie, "And you-"

"Yes and we can see you too," said the werewolf dining next to the ifrit grumpily.

"You sir," Lily said, pointing at him menacingly. Magnus kicked himself mentally, remembering the many fiascos caused by young Shadowhunters, especially a certain blonde one he'd like to steer clear of. "Would be correct," she finished in the same serious tone. "But the difference is that I couldn't see when I came in here. Therefore the explanation is obvious." She reached down and held the plate of pancakes above her head. "These pancakes are magical. That is all."

She sat back down, her cobalt eyes glinting. Magnus buried his head in his arms, halfway caught between embarrassment and amusement. It was certainly nothing Alec would have done.

Alec. He kicked himself for thinking of him, especially now that he'd become so good at not thinking about him.

"I told you they were magical," Lily said seriously, though she was grinning madly, one eyebrow raised.

Magnus laughed again, glad for the distraction.