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Chapter Sixteen – Luctor Et Emergo (I Struggle But I'll Survive)

-Alex-

My eyes flew open in panic, my heart slamming away within my chest. A thin layer of sweat covered my skin and it wasn't hard to see why: I was lying on my back on a hard, moving surface in a patch of bright sunlight. It streamed through the two windows of a short set of double doors, illuminating my surroundings in warm golden light.

I was in a maintenance van, the sort that you would see if you'd called the cleaning company to come and get rid of the funny grey tinge in your carpet. It was completely empty except for me… and the faint scent of sharp disinfectant and lemons. From what I could tell, the vehicle was fairly new. In front of me, my hands were still bound by the stupid neon pink plastic tie but a thin rope was wrapped around my ankles.

My pulse soon returned to normal but I was sweltering and parched. I longed to shrug off my jacket. Thinking back to what I could remember, I silently cursed myself for not picking up the knife, even when, in the moment, I hadn't thought I'd need it.

Pushing myself up, I did my best to drag myself over to the doors. I got up on my knees and looked out of the windows onto a highway lined on both sides with hot desert. The sun wasn't that high, so I couldn't tell if it was before or after noon. We still had to be in Mexico… right?

There was a woman driving behind the van in a Nissan. She had two kids in the back of a car, one in a booster seat and another who looked about eight years old. Feeling a flicker of hope, I tried to get her attention, waving my tied hands and mouthing to her. Strangely, she didn't seem to notice; it looked like she was yelling at the kids but still kept her eyes in front of her. How could she not see me? Unfortunately, there were no handles on the inside and I doubted trying to kick down the doors would be any good.

I sat back down with my back against the side of the van. I recalled seeing Webb again, dressed in Chavez's gear. That was after… I shut my eyes tightly, letting my head fall into my hands. Webb had shot David. I was unable to find his motive in that except for childish vengeance if he had indeed found out that he was being used. And since it had obviously been at least several hours since leaving Costa Amenas, what had happened to the SEALs? Ben and Addie?

David had said that one of Mather's men should have taken her. Maybe she was going to the same place I was being taken to. I hadn't seen any other vans behind the woman in the Nissan, but I couldn't be sure.

It seemed like another thirty minutes or so that I sat there, hoping and wondering, before I eventually nodded off. I didn't know for how long I was asleep but after waking, I got a slight idea.

The van had stopped moving. The doors opened, revealing Webb and another man with distinctly Mexican features and dark skin. It was still sunny and I knew for sure that it was afternoon now. They didn't hesitate before reaching out to grab me. I was set roughly onto the ground as I took in my surroundings.

We'd parked in the small parking lot of an old warehouse. One peeling white fence stretched behind me, lining the perimeter of the area. The sky was a perfect blue, the sun beating down with nonexistent clouds to filter it. It was clear that we were in a desolate part of some city or town but I didn't think I'd get an answer if I asked.

The beat-up metal door set into the tall warehouse wall opened, revealing a middle-aged man who sported salt-and-pepper hair, a dirty t-shirt, and jeans. He didn't look at me once, but only exchanged a nod with Webb. Webb bent down with a knife to cut the rope at my feet.

It happened so quickly I could barely register it by the time it passed.

Webb was now on the ground, wrapped up in the fetal position as if he was in pain. The third man was coming on to the Mexican, who was clearly in shock with eyes and mouth wide open. He was a blur as he delivered a number of karate moves, even some that I hadn't seen before, knocking him out in the time of a few seconds.

I stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the unconscious Mexican. What had just happened?

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to beat these guys up since I've been here."

I looked up. The man was panting slightly, his hands on his waist. He met my gaze and raised his brow. "Sorry, you probably have no idea who I am." He offered his hand, about to introduce himself, but somehow, in the midst of my confusion, it clicked.

"You're CIA," I said dumbly, blinking. "Johnson, right?"

There was a groan at my feet. It was Webb, rocking back and forth in agony.

Johnson didn't look at him, merely waving a hand. "Don't worry about him. But yeah, I am. And you're Alex Rider."

I nodded.

"Well, cool. Now that introductions have been made, we should probably get out of here," he said, starting towards the van. Then he stopped, seeing the tie around my wrists. "Oh. Here."

After my wrists were free, I rubbed them tenderly and said, "I thought you were dead."

"Yeah, that was the point," he answered as we climbed in the front. "Mather was too close to finding out who I am. I had no choice but to cut off communication with the CIA." Then he glanced at me, seeming to finally realize my state. "You okay? What happened?"

I shrugged, staring out the window as the van left the warehouse parking lot. It was understandable that he pretty much had no idea what was going on, considering how excluded he'd been, but I was in no mood to go through the events. "It's a lot to explain."

Johnson just nodded. "I feel you, kid. But you don't have to worry about anything anymore… I'm taking you home."

-Addie-

"Please… please just let them go."

The mischievous grin on his face only widened, reducing my desperate hope to a measly spark. "Who's it gonna be, Addie?" he asked for the hundredth time.

David, Alex, and Kylie stared at me, their faces hauntingly somber in the face of the situation. It only made me more frantic as I sought for a loophole, another way to save their lives. I couldn't choose between them—I didn't care about my own life but for the other two that I would risk for the third. How could I be asked of such a thing?

I tried negotiating again. "Take me! Just take me, please, and let them go! I'm begging you—"

Mather shook his head, making a tsk tsk noise. "I can't do that. Your life for one of theirs. Clock's ticking," he sang, tapping his wrist. "Who's it gonna be, Addie?"

In a moment of pure hopelessness and desperation, I blurted the first name that came to my mind.

I watched as he stared at me, the smirk slipping away. His features were a mirror image of David, Alex, and Kylie's. Blank… and dead. "Wrong answer."

Three shots were fired, each one with a twin that buried itself in my heart.

"Addie?"

My eyelids fluttered but didn't open. My whole body and mind felt submerged in a thick, viscous fluid, like I was floating in molasses. I was faintly aware of the voice calling my name but it sounded far away.

"Addie, you need to wake up now."

Oh, so I was sleeping. I struggled to pull my mind away from cloudy sleep, away from the nightmare lingering in the corners of my head. Trying to get my body back into reality took a few tries but eventually, a hand shaking my shoulder did the trick.

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar view: the tall gold curtains of a large window set into the wall were drawn, revealing the late afternoon sun as it dipped closer to the horizon, washing it in red and orange. It was definitely not my bedroom—the sheets I was wrapped up in were too soft and foreign, and the mattress felt thicker. That's when I saw my mother's kind face in front of me, her soft eyes gazing at me with carefully—though not completely—concealed worry. There was a healing cut on her chin… and it all came rushing back to me.

It was Sunday. Early yesterday morning I'd been reunited with my parents, spending the day and night with them at the hospital. Today had started out with Mom and Dad contacting various people from our insurance agent to the fire department, eventually coming to our check-in to the Hilton in Tysons Corner. They'd insisted I take it easy here while they went to recover what they could from our house… or what was left of it. I guess I'd fallen asleep and now they were back.

"I didn't really want to wake you," Mom said with an apologetic smile, "but it's already getting late and… someone's here to see you."

Only one person crossed my mind. I sat up, aware of the tangled mess of hair around my shoulders, but looking decent didn't matter to me at the moment. I looked around the room, my eyes skimming across the desk, flat screen TV, and other double bed, finally landing on the figure standing by the door.

I felt my heart sink. I'd been expecting a particular blond guest… but not this one. I watched as Kylie slowly walked towards the end of my bed, her eyes filled with nervousness and an uncertain smile on her lips. Mom patted my leg, saying, "Holler if you need me." Then she disappeared through the door that led to the outer sitting room/living area.

Kylie stood there awkwardly and I couldn't dispel the surprise and (though I hated to admit it) disappointment I felt. All day yesterday and today Alex had been on my mind as I worried over him, praying that he was alive and okay. Out of the hours I'd spent doing that, only a few minutes had been used to consider what I would do if I ever saw my best friend again. I'd known she would be back this weekend; I just wasn't able to figure out what I would say. Thinking back to the dream I'd had, had I been wrong to say his name over hers and David's? The Mather in my dream seemed to think so.

Guilt made itself present as she walked around the bed to sit on the long couch set into the wall under the window. She knew I was a CIA agent; that much was obvious. I could see it in the way she was being careful: sitting and not flopping onto the couch, even crossing her legs. She was uncomfortable, I knew that. I half expected her to throw one of the pillows at me but instead she just stared at the comforter.

"You're back," I said quietly, wincing lightly as my voice cracked.

"Yeah." She pursed her lips and looked up at me. "You look like hell."

I let out a small laugh, fingering the ends of my hair self-consciously. "Yeah, I guess I do." Most of the injuries were healing fine even though my stomach was worse off from the brutal kick delivered to it. Other than that, muscle aches and exhaustion were going to be my best friends for a few days.

"I'm sorry," Kylie suddenly said. "About your house, I mean."

I could only force a smile; I was afraid of what would happen if I opened my mouth.

"How are you holding up, though?"

Shrugging, I answered, "I'm okay. What about you?"

She seemed to flinch at the memory; I would have too if I wasn't pressing my lips together so tightly. "Better," she admitted. Then she appeared to remember something, sitting up and looking around the room. "Oh. Where's Alex?"

I'd told myself a thousand times over that he was alright but it had been hard to keep myself together. Ben informed me yesterday that the backup team had managed to pull Lieutenant Scott, Boyd, and the two Mexican soldiers out, but I could find little to no relief. It got even harder when he said that they hadn't found Alex or all of Mather's men… and then it became impossible when he broke the news about David.

Just like I did with Joshua, I was trying to stuff everything into a corner. My grief, his death… I refused to acknowledge any of it. But with Kylie wondering the same thing I did, I could no longer keep it shoved away.

"Addie?" I heard her say as I closed my eyes, a few tears escaping from them.

"I don't know," I said in response to her question, shaking my head. I sniffed, using the sheets to wipe my cheeks. "I don't know where he is."

The bed gave a little under her weight as she sat in front of me and took my hands. "I don't understand," she said quietly. I looked up at her. My best friend was waiting patiently, her blue eyes watching me carefully.

I don't know how I did it, but I told her everything. I started with the reason why Alex had come here, not forgetting to mention that I hadn't known the truth until Friday night. Normally she was the type of person to prod and ask questions, but although I left long enough pauses for her to voice what was on her mind, all she could manage was "Okay." The stare that she was giving me never wavered except when I mentioned David. She'd tried consoling me but I just waved her off and continued on, not wanting to linger on it.

Despite everything, I felt a little relieved by the time I was finished talking. I really didn't care that I was spilling all of this to her—she was my best friend and I owed her that much of an explanation. I was finally glad that I didn't have to make up some excuse about Alex's absence, no matter what she thought of me now.

I watched her as she sat before me with her knees up to her chin, rocking back and forth while staring out the window. The sun was almost completely set but the sky was still a blood red.

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" I whispered.

She met my gaze, smiling. "It sure is. I just can't believe…" She bit her lip and then began again, "I just can't believe you were even able to keep this—this side of you hidden for so long."

A pang of guilt hit me again. "I know, and it makes me feel terrible. I just wish I'd told you sooner."

"No, I understand perfectly why you couldn't. I mean, there's definitely more to being a secret agent than cool gadgets and saving the world."

I smiled sadly, remembering what Alex had told me. "Yeah…"

It was quiet for a moment until Kylie asked, "So what about Arianna? And Derek? Are you ever gonna tell them?"

I had to think about that before answering. "You know, I think I will someday, just not real soon. With finals and graduation, they don't need to worry about their best friend turning out to be some real life James Bond," I chuckled.

"Don't forget about prom," she pointed out.

"Prom," I repeated, unable to keep myself from scowling.

She gasped. "What do you mean 'prom'?" she asked, mimicking my tone. "Don't tell me you're still thinking about ditching!"

"If you haven't noticed, Ky, my house burned down. It's not like I bought a dress anyway."

The astonishment disappeared from her eyes, pity replacing it. "Right, sorry…" She looked down at her hands in thought before saying, "I'm sure he's fine, Addie. You said it yourself: he's really saved the world many times. He'll turn up sooner or later."

I just nodded, pulling the covers tightly around my shoulders.

I asked her about Florida, mostly to steer the conversation away from myself. That took up a good twenty minutes but I felt comfortable, listening to her go on about the beach, sun, and boys. It was almost like old times all over again, except I didn't have the heart to really join in. It wasn't as if I had any fascinating stories to share, unless someone wanted to hear what it was really like being a CIA agent. We moved on to school and graduation, expressing our mixed feelings of excitement and dread. Though the subject had come up before, she told me her plans on attending New York University while I repeated my indecision between U-PENN (1), UCLA (2), and good ol' Virginia State University. I managed to get her to show me a picture of her dress for prom, no matter how many times she insisted that she didn't want to make me feel bad. In the end, I was really glad that she came.

And not once did we ever mention Alex again.

Note: (1) U-PENN stands for University of Pennsylvania and (2) UCLA is University of California, Los Angeles... just for anyone who didn't know.

Anyway, I'm super excited for this next chapter. I'm so glad to be done with that action stuff. Whew! But wait, I can't give too much away hahah (;