I was a coward, plain and simple. Why was I a coward, you ask? Well, simply because I could face Strigoi without flinching, and angry parents were no problem (usually) but that electricity I felt around a certain Adrian Ivashkov? Nope, couldn't handle that.

And so, there I was, reading some stupidly inaccurate romantic vampire novel and, when that was finished, writing poems and songs, practicing them on my guitar late into the night. And by late into the night, I mean it was a little after sunrise when I finally called it quits. To be honest, I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to crawl under my covers and escape into my dreams, but I had promised myself that I would make a "daytime" trip into the city to get a few things for Sir Koko.

With a yawn and a stretch, I slipped out of my Guardian outfit a put on a pair of artfully shredded black skinny jeans that allowed my tattoo on my right thigh to show through. I paired it with a black halter top that had ruffles around the teardrop shaped cavity and buttons doing up at the throat. I stared at all my shoes (I loved shoes) before pulling out two different pairs of boots. I slipped on one pair, then the other, and eventually decided on my knee high lace up pump boots. They were painstaking to do up, but damn they were fine. After a thought, I slipped a pocket knife into my right boot, slipping my stake into my black clutch. It was my favourite purse. It was was studded, the studs taking the shape of the United Kingdom flag thing, whatever it was called, and the top of it was a skull. I had a bit of a unique style, I'll admit. Anyways, I realized I probably wouldn't need the stake, but it certainly couldn't hurt to bring it, and humans could recognize a weapon, albeit a strange looking one, when they saw it.

I didn't really do much with my hair, just brushed it and tousled it with some mousse, letting my natural black waves do their own thing while I pulled out a pair of skull earrings. They were silver and kind of like an ear cuff, the skull drooping over the top of the ear while a snake-like spine looped around the back and went through the ear hole, a rattlersnake-like tail coming out the back. To match it, I pulled out my skull necklace with vertebrae-like chains going up to a circled bone clasp on one end, and a full bone line thing for the other side. To match it, I slid a silver skull bracelet on my left wrist, the bracelet catch looking very similar to the necklace. I lined my eyes with black eyeliner and put on some dark eyeshadow, curling my eyelashes and putting on a coat of mascara and putting on some deep red lipstick. I know, I was overdoing it a bit for a simple trip to the mall, but I didn't care. Not only was I getting out of court, but... the otherday's primping to see the Queen put me in a nostalogic mood. I used to love getting dressed to the nines, and now I never had time for it. I missed it, and so, if I was going out to have fun and spend money, I was going to enjoy it, dammit!

With another yawn, I locked up my apartment and headed to the garage. A grin lit out on my face at the sight of my beautiful, black, 2005 Chrysler 300c. Maybe it was a bit old, but it was a beautiful car. My grin instantly turned wary as I could feel someone there, and in the shadows I could see a dark shadow leaning against my car. Instinctively, I pulled my stake out of my clutch, approaching warily.

"There you are, Kitten, I'd begun to think you'd never come."

I blinked, dumbfounded. Okay, that was not what I was expecting, "what?"

He shrugged, I think. "Well, when you decided to disappear for the aftenoon, I asked Mia what was up, and she said you'd probably gone for a nap for your trip to civilization.

Dammit, I should've done that instead of reading and writing. Nevermind that, though, I was going to kill Mia. "And you thought that that meant you were welcome to join me?"

Adrian shrugged, "pretty much."

I rolled my eyes. Sadly, I don't think I had much of a choice. "Fine, get in the fudging car."

He did as I said and I buckled myself in, grumbling to myself. I idly wondered if I could get away with a fake car crash. Or a real one. Whichever.

"You don't swear."

I was pulled from my thoughts and I glanced over at him, confused. "Huh?"

He gave me a curious look. "I've noticed it before but never said anything. You never swear, even when you're mad. Why don't you ever swear?"

An image flashed in my mind. "Innusha." I murmured.

It was his turn to be confused, "huh?"

I sighed, "my daughter, Innusha Marie. She's three." I swallowed hard. I noticed Adrian look over me, look above my head and I couldn't help but shudder. He was looking at my aura.

He put his hand over mine on the gearshift, giving me a genuinely sympathetic look, "I'm sorry."

Well, by now you should know how I would react.

Feeling an electric shock. I yanked my hand away and put it on the steering wheel. "Whatever. Drop it."

He seemed hurt, but nodded. We fell into silence that was surprisingly comfortable, despite our current relationship, or lackthereof. After a while, though, he clicked on my radio. I couldn't help my groan. Great, he was going to put on some classical shit.

A familiar tune reached my ears and I resisted the urge to play air guitar on my lap. 'Or not' I thought to myself with a grin. It seemed he had found one of my mix CD's, and had put on a good song.

Well, I couldn't help myself.

"Sparkling angel, I believed
You were my saviour, in my time of need
Blinded by faith, I couldn't hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear

I see the angels, I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now, no mercy no more
No remorse 'cause I still remember...
The smile when you tore me apart!"

I had identified strongly with this song for a long time. I had met Aleksandr Drosdov when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. Arianwen had introduced me to her friend, Nikolai Conta and he had introduced us to Alek and Vera, Vera was in her senior year, which was sad but I didn't get too upset. She had tried to warn me away from Alek. A lot of people did, but I hadn't cared.

I thought I was in love. I hadn't even needed compulsion at the time. I started doing whatever he wanted me to do, partying, drinking, whatever. Arianwen was the only one who kept me stable, only one who stopped me from doing the stupid of stupid things.

And then, suddenly, I became my own person. I was in the two month stretch of graduation and not much had changed. Aleksandr and I had done an impromptu weekend roadtrip into the city and we'd been returning to our academy. It was just after sunset and I was lucky as hell that I'd been trained with a stake, because all of a sudden, I was facing a Strigoi.

I made my first kill that day.

Since then, I sobered up. I was being smart and I graduated with top marks. I had never really screwed off with my marks, even while I was partying, and now I spent even more time studying and practicing, and less time partying and drinking.

Vera requested me as her Guardian and so I lived with her and her brother. Before I would do whatever he wanted me to do. I was young and vulnerable and saw him as a dashing knight in shining armour. Now I could think for myself. I told him no sex withotu protection, no more biting, nothing I wouldn't be proud of.

And, for a while, things seemed fine. Later, Vera would tell me that I acted strange whenever he was around, but for now, I thought things were normal.

And then I found out I was that happened, the compuslion Aleksandr had been using on me simply snapped, and I remembered everything. Not only was I disgusted, I was devestated, and mad, and afraid.

And all that bastard could do was smile.

"You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wish they'd turn into real
You broke a promise and made me realize...
It was all just a lie!

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me
Fallen angel, tell me why
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I see the angels, I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now, no mercy no more
No remorse 'cause I still remember...
The smile when you tore me apart!

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wish they'd turn into real
You broke a promise and made me realize...
It was all just a lie!

Could have been forever,
Now we have reached the end!"

How long had he been lying to me? How long had he been telling me he loved me, just to get laid and fed? I had done everything for him, and he just threw it back in my face. With a smile. He promised me he'd never make me do something I didn't want to do, and he lied.

Idly, I realized Adrian was staring at me. I'm not sure if it was because of my singing (I had a pretty good voice. Not something I could do proffessionally, but it wasn't bad), or because of the light show my aura must have been giving off. Probably both.

"This world may have failed you,
That doesn't give you reason why...
You could have chosen a different path in life...
The smile when you tore me apart!

You took my heart
Deceived me right from the start
You showed me dreams
I wish they'd turn into real
You broke a promise and made me realize...
It was all just a lie!

Could have been forever,
Now we have reached the end!"

I don't know what had happened to Alek, to make him think that gave him an excuse to treat people like that, but it didn't matter.

"So... Within Temptation, huh?" Adrian said a little awkwardly.

"Yeah. I never would've pegged you for a fan of... well, whatever style this is. I would've thought you'd like classical or something."

He grimaced, "I like posh fashion, 'cause I look good, and I like fancy food, I'd love to learn how to cook..." He blushed, I swear, "and I love fancy art but... classical music puts me to sleep. I prefer rock and metal, and some of the new age shit is cool, but I can't stand classical."

Hmm... Maybe there was more to party boy than I thought.

We went the rest of the drive mostly silent, aside from my mix CD. We listened to some Nightwish, like Bye Bye Beautiful and She is My Sin, first with the new singer Anette Olzon, second with the old singer Tarja Turunen, we listened to some Manson like Personal Jesus and This is The New Shit, some Avenged Sevonfold with Nightmare, Beast and the Harlot, Afterlife, and Welcome to the Family, some Motley Crue with Girls, Girls, Girls and Dr. Feelgood, a little Maiden with Run To The Hills, a little Black Veiled Brides with Fallen Angels, and some Distillers with City of Angels, The Hunger and This Young Crazed Peeling Feeling. In retrospect, a lot of the songs on this playlist had to do with angels..

We had just finished City of Angels, when Afterlife came on. I was surprised to see his eyes light up, and even more surprised to hear him sing along.

"I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear
Escape from this afterlife
'Cause this time I'm right to move on and on,
Far away from here

Got nothing against you and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light, and I'd hope you might
Take me back inside when the time is right"

He had a pleasant voice to listen to. Very pleasant. Deep, but not too deep, between a tenor and a bass, and it was a rich tone. It gave me the chills and sent a feeling straight through me, one I didn't really recognize. Very pleasant indeed.

Bad. Bad Liv. The road. Focus on the road. THE ROAD! Okay. Better. Much better. Good road.

Finally, we pulled up to the mall and I jumped out the car, giving my legs a much needed stretch, cracking my knees and back in the process.

Adrian stepped out of the car and squinted in the bright light. I almost felt bad for him. But then he decided to check me out and gave a low whistle. I'll admit, I was done up a bit better than normal and the halter, with the opening between neck and top part showed off my larger sized C cup well. Pair that wit my high heeled boots and carefully slit jeans and I looked sexy as hell. Oh, and I was dressed in all black, which I had failed to notice before. Great.

I played with my skull neck idly, glaring slightly at Adrian, "take a picture, it'll last longer."

To my surprise, he did. "Hey!"

He shrugged, "you told me to."

I just glared, my glare faltering at his next comment. "What's your tattoo of?"

I glanced down at my thigh, my tattoo just barely peeking through the jean slits. "It's the Monroe Coat of Arms. It's a sheild with a demented eagle thing in it with weird flowery things around it, a piece of parchment below saying Monroe, a helmet with another eagle perched on top of it and another piece of parchment above it saying 'Dread God'."

He smirked, "Pleasant."

I just shook my head and walked towards the mall entrance. I had a specific list in mind and I wasn't about to let him change that. First, we went to the eye specialist and I got a monacle, then I went to the fabric store and I bought some black felt, red cashmere and black velvet, then I went to the toy store and bought a plastic wand, the dollar store for some red ribbon and plastic flowers, and finally we went back to the fabric store and bought brown felt and stuffing. Adrian hadn't said a word about my strange items, but finally he requested that we stop at a food court. Feeling hungry myself, I agreed.

We were sitting at one of the tables in a corner, the food court being fairly empty. I was attempting to devour three Big Macs in under a minute while he barely touched his wrap. That's when I noticed he was really pale.

"Hey, you okay?"

He flinched, grimacing, "I'm fine. Just not hungry."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "you're really pale. Have you fed recently?"

He looked down.

"That's what I thought. And you're out in the sun. God, Adrian, you should've said something earlier! Or not come!"

"I'm sorry."

Just then, I heard a familiar voice call out. "Hey, Liv, how's Alek?" The voice sneered.

I froze as Justin Tarus and Allison Jerard made their way to us. Justin and Allison were two Moroi I had known back in highschool. You know, back when I was a partier who would let Aleksandr drink from me whenever he wanted.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him?" I said smoothly, hoping Adrian would keep his big mouth shut.

"Why? You letting this fucktard use you now? I thought you said I could be next if you and Alek ever ended it." Justin complained.

I could feel Adrian staring at me, but I ignored him, "Leave Justin, I'm not like that anymore. I don't do that stuff."

Without warning, he leant in and brushed his fangs against my throat. I seized up and closed my eyes, swallowing as a wave of desire like no other passed through me. It was a burning agony, and I couldn't help my flushed cheeks, nor my soft whimper. I could feel his fangs just barely pierce my flesh, my body coming alive with electricity as it prepared for the agonizing bliss, when suddenly I felt a rush of air as Justin was yanked away and thrown, presumably since my eyes were still closed, to the ground.

Now, we'd been pretty lucky so far, since we'd been in an unoccupied corner of the food court and no one had really paid us much mind, but when one guy threw another into the ground, well, people were bound to notice.

So, when I finally peeled back my heavy eyelids and blinked away my languid daze, I became aware that half the food court was staring at us. I was also aware that Justin was trembling at fear, staring into Adrian's too green eyes. I recognized the look in his eyes. It meant Adrian's spirit was taking over.

"Apologize to Liv." He said coldly. Immediately, Justin was grovel king at my feet, begging forgiveness. "That's not good enough. You can do better than that, can't you?"

I was terrified of this side of Spirit. Okay, it I were to be honest, I was terrified of Spirit in general, but this side of it...

"Adrian, stop!" I cried out. I shivered violently at the look in his eyes when he turned to me,"stop, Adrian. It's enough. You can stop now." I said softly, approaching him cautiously. He looked at me warily, that dark and twisted look still deep in his eyes. So, I did the first thing I could think of.

I slapped him.

It was a good, hard smack. Maybe a little too hard, now that I think about it, but oh we'll. Adrian blinked a few times as realization and despair came over him. I knew I had to get him out f there.

"Compel them to forget." I murmured.

"I can't." He whispered brokenly, staring at his hands as if he had murdered an innocent child.

I put my hand under his chin, looking into his eyes. "Yes, you can. I know you can."

He looked at me for a moment or two, as if he were drowning and I was a life raft, and, with a shudder, turned to compel Justin and Allison. I had to turn away, closing my eyes at the onslaught of memories. When I heard Adrian turn away and, without thinking about it, I grabbed Adrian's hand and my bags and half dragged him out the door and to my car, leaving our food on the table. I threw my bags into the back and got into the car. I looked over at Adrian, seeing him stare into space.

"Are you okay?" I asked. I could see him shaking, and he was even paler than before. I wast sure if it was because he was angry, scared or exhausted. Probably all three.

"No. No, I'm not. I've never..." he swallowed hard, "I've never let the darkness take over me like that. Usually I just ramble on but that..." he looked over to me, vulnerable and scared, "I wanted to hurt him, Livvy, I wanted to hurt him bad. I'm going crazy, aren't I?"

Livvy? Not Kitten? That was a surprise. Only J.C and Noah called me Livvy.

Nevermind that, though. I've never seen him so vulnerable. I couldn't help but feel awkward. I mean, I always kept my pain to myself, never let anyone in, so I was rarely comforted. As a result, I also didn't know how to comfort other people. But he looked so sad and scared, so pathetic, that I had to try.

"No, Adrian, you're not going crazy. You just got a little mad, that's all. It's okay to get mad. It happens. At least you didn't hurt them, right? You wanted to hurt them, but didn't. You stayed in control, and that's a good thing. It'll be okay."

Like I said, I was at a loss. Still, I leaned over my seat and wrapped my arms around him, letting out an indignant squeak when he pulled me into his lap. I was about to pull away and yell at him, but then I realized he was still shaking. Not only that, but I knew he wouldn't make it back to Court. Not in his condition.

"Alright," I sighed. He pulled away, giving me a confused look.

I rolled my eyes, pushing my hair off my shoulders. I realied that it would also reveal my scars, the scars that marked me as a bloodwhore in the making, but I didn't care. "You need to feed. You won't make it back to Court otherwise. But after, you'll have to drive."

He looked at me, clearly shocked, "Liv, I can't."

I rolled my eyes again and pulled out my pocket knife, flipping it open. I gently ran the blade along my neck, wincing in slight pain. It didn't cut enough to do me damage, only enough to bring a little blood to the surface. Adrian's eyes widened, and without any warning, I felt the agonizing bliss of his bite as he pulled me closer.

I couldn't help but whimper in pleasure, all thoughts erased from my mind as I arched my back. Then, suddenly, it was gone and I was collapsed against his chest, breathing hard. I could feel a burning tingle, hot and cold and hot again, in my neck and when I slowly put my hand there, for once in a long time, it felt smooth.

"Mmm?" I wondered languidly.

"I healed your neck. You don't have any scars anymore."

"Mm..." I yawned, resting my head against his chest.

"Okay, time to switch places," He said quickly, voice a little rough as he lifted me up in his arms. He got out of the car and placed me into the passenger seat, buckling me in. I heard him sit in the driver's side and once we started driving, I passed out.

I awoke about an hour and a half later to the smell of McDonald's. I blinked, feeling much more awake and less high.

"Morning, Kitten," Adrian smirked, dropping the bag of food in my lap.

"Ngh..." I groaned, stretching and sitting upright in my seat, tightening my seatbelt a bit.

"How do you feel, Kitten?" Honestly, I was getting sick of that nickname. Even if it was kinda cute.

"Better, I guess. What about you?" I asked as I delved into the bag. Three Big Macs, two large fries and a large chocolate McFlurry or whatever they call it. Yummy!

"I feel okay. I didn't take that much, 'cause I didn't want to put you too out of it, but it will do until we get back to Court. Now, eat up Kitten. We can't have you getting malnourished."

I rolled my eyes, but took the first burger out of the bag, my mouth watering at the warm, delicious smell coming from the wrapper. Usually I tried to eat healthy but sometimes... sometimes it felt good to be bad. And right now? Something so bad never tasted so good.

It took my less than a minute to eat my first burger, and after I licked the sauce off my fingers, I took a big sip of my chocolate McFlurry. Adrian looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or throw up. Probably laugh while throwing up. Gross. I hope he'd pull over to the side, first. This was my precious car. Plus, he'd ruin my appetite if I had to smell it.

I pulled out a handful of fries and munched away, pulling out another burger. I finished hat off, and other one, and the rest of my fries in under five minutes. I think that was a new record! I took a long sip of my McFlurry, my cheeks squeezing as I struggled. Damn, they were thick!

"Finished?" Adrian asked. I nodded happily. He passed me a couple baby wipes and I used them to clean my hands and face, drying them off on a napkin.

"I should drive now," I said, scooping a little of my... is it a milkshake? What is a McFlurry, anyways? Anywho, I scooped a bit of it into my mouth.

"No, you're still weak from bloodloss."

No I wasn't! "No I'm not!"

"Yes you are," he said patiently, "now finish your shake...thing."

I scooped more into my mouth awkwardly, "Thank you."

"Huh? What for?"

"For not letting him bite me? For buying me food? For... I don't know, just being you?" I shrugged.

He seemed shocked and pleased, "Wow, a genuine thank you from Olivya Monroe."
I growled, "do NOT call me that."

He chuckled, then sighed, "you remind me of Rose, you know. Back in the good old days, where she would flirt and play along with my games? Now things aren't the same."

I bit my lip. Awkwaaaaaard...

"Listen, things go back to normal when we get back to Court, kay? I go back to not liking you and you go back to bein annoyin. And you do NOT repeat anything you heard about me today. For all you know, I've never been bitten in my life. Got it?"

He looked confused and hurt, but nodded.

"Good." I grinned, switching on my mix CD. City of Angels by Distillers.

We sang out loud, grinning and acting like fools. Like we were best friends. Song after song passed, until we came to BVB's Fallen Angels.

"Take joy in who you are
We know our wings are flawed

We're bored to death in heaven
And down alone in hell
We only want to be ourselves

We scream, we shout
We are the fallen angels
We scream, we shout, woah, woah
To those who sing alone
No need to feel this sorrow
We scream, we shout, woah
We are the fallen angels."

He pulled into Court, driving to my apartment building and parking it in the underground garage. We both got out and I grabbed my bags and purse, taking the keys when he passed them to me.

We stood there for a moment, me leaning against the car. With neither of us talking, I actually took the time to study him. As I was only 5'8, a height that sounded taller than it actually was, he towered over me. I think he was around 6'3, maybe 6'4ish? His face was angular, but not in a bad way, and he had a lean and lanky, yet still musculard frame. His hair was fairly long and deep brown, stylishly messy and looked soft and silky to the tuh. Nice sized eyes that were a deep, emerald green, staring at me in a focused, smouldering way that sent odd tingles through me. He had nice looking hands, an odd thing to think about really, and a little bit of stubble. Five o'clock shadow, it's called. He smelled really, really good, but it wasn't overpowering. With a start, I realized he hadn't been smoking or drinking.

And dammit all, this man was downright sexy. I couldn't breathe, and my mouth felt dry as a bone. But, with intense attraction came fear. And curiousity. He was gazin at me, drinking it in, almost as if he were as unsettled by me and the thick attraction between us as.
He started to lean in, and I realized just how nice and soft his lips looked. He was going to kiss me, and I was going to let him. No; I was going to enjoy it.

I closed my eyes, feeling his breath on my lips and I felt my own breath hitch. We were inches apart when...

"Liv!"

Shit! Mia! We both jerked apart, my heart pounding, both of us blushing like mad. Hopefully Mia wouldn't be able to see it.

"How was your trip?" She asked

"Fine," I shrugged, willing myself to calm down, "but I gotta go and do some craft work. See you later Mia, Adrian."

I nodded to each of them, tring not to blush as my eyes lingered slightly on Adrian. He smirked at me, and then did something I hadn't been expecting at all.

That asshole leant in an kissed my cheek!

I couldn't help but go scarlet as his lips brushed against my cheek, his warm breath tickling my ear as he chuckled, making me shiver. Mia smirked at my expression as I shoved him away and rushed by, eager to get away from them both.

Damn him and his so-hot-it-will-melt-my-brain-till-I'm-nothing-but-a-pile-of-goo looks.