AN: Very Derek-centered chapter, will definitely have more Garcia in the next chapter. Just want to say again, I am not planning on killing anyone. I have a poll (at least I think I did it right) on my profile for what I should change the title to, go vote and help me out. I would also like to ask for your help on something else. I got my first bad review and it really stings. I posted a crossover story and was pretty much told it sucked by an anonymous reviewer. Please read it and tell me if it truly does, I would hate to have less then my best on here. It is Wiccans, Techies and Lies don't mix. Thanks to EVERYONE that has reviewed on this story. It makes me feel a lot better.
Derek stood up and left the table abruptly. It was too much to process on too little sleep. His emotions were too close to the surface and he was afraid he would say something he couldn't take back. He knew it wasn't Hotch's fault, but right now he needed someone or something to blame and Hotch made an easy target. He needed air. He needed a punching bag. He would settle for holding his Baby Girl's hand, so he made his way back to the ICU.
When he got there he found a bustle of activity around Penelope's bed. "What's going on?" he asked one of the nurses coming out of the curtained area. "Miss Garcia is awake. The doctor is testing her breathing and if it's at an acceptable level, he will remove the ventilator. If her breathing stays steady for an hour he will move her to a private room. You won't be allowed to see her until then."
The young nurse paused, crinkled her nose and then said, "I mean no offense by this, but you should really go home and take a shower in the mean time. Otherwise your girl will smell you before she sees you."
Derek gave a bark of laughter. He wasn't mad, hell; he'd been in these clothes since Saturday morning, more than 48 hours ago. If he smelled anything like he felt, he knew it was bad. "Will you please let the others know about Penelope and tell them I will be back as soon as I don't smell like a city dump?"
When the nurse consented he headed for the nearest exit. He got all the way out of the hospital when he realized he would have to call a cab. He wanted to bang his head against the wall and curse the fates that he would have to waste time waiting for a cab to pick him up and take him to the Bureau where his car was.
He pulled out his phone and started to dial the number when he saw Rossi approach him. "Figured you'd be out here. Come on, I'll give you a ride to your house and on the way back we'll stop and get your car."
"Thanks, man. I so did not want to wait on a cab," said Derek as he followed Rossi to where he had parked.
After having his first shower in 3 days, Derek almost felt human again. He quickly dressed and packed a new bag, he knew he would be at the hospital for a while. All the clothes from his go-bag were dirty because they had gone straight to the office after getting home from the last case.
Rossi waited until they were back in the car to try and talk to him. "Derek, you know this isn't any of our fault, right?"
"I know, that's why I walked away. It was too much to absorb at once and I didn't want to say something I would not mean and then regret it. I know we should all feel lucky or blessed that we got everyone back and they will be alright, but did we really? Henry may not understand what happened but Jack sure the hell did. Will he recover from this? Will Hotch? Once again his job threatened his family. He's a great boss and I don't want him to leave, but I would understand and not blame him at all if he was to walk away." Derek paused and looked out the window.
Rossi knew he wasn't done yet and remained silent and waited for him to get to what was really bothering him.
"Will J.J. be able to put this behind her? Her son and husband were kidnapped and Will was shot and almost died. And then there's Penelope. I can't imagine she will ever be ok. Don't get me wrong, Penelope is a strong woman and she has overcome a lot, but this? Did you know that asshole raped her while they were in the car waiting on us?"
When Rossi's head jerked towards him in surprise, he continued, "Yea, I overheard the cops talking about it when we were waiting between phone calls. Not to mention being raped in the house and I don't think it was several times, I think it was several people, several times. Will was shot while he was holding her and she was struggling to tell Bob, shit …Nathan, that it should be her that died. Then to top it all off, she watched a man's head blow apart after he stabbed her. I have no clue how to help her and I'm terrified that she won't be able to deal with all this and that she'll run from us."
Derek laid his head back on the seat, frustrated and exhausted. By this time they had made it back to the hospital and after Rossi parked the car he turned to Derek.
"We all have issues and fallout to deal with from this, some way more than others. But we will handle this like every other crisis we have had…like a family. Penelope, Aaron, Will, J.J. and the boys will all get through this because we won't let them falter. Whatever they choose to do, we will be there and support them. If Aaron and J.J. decided to quit they wouldn't disappear, they would still be a part of our family. We won't let Penelope run, and you're right, she will probably try to hide from this. We just won't let her. It's not going to just be hard on them, Derek. It's going to be hard on all of us. We just have to take it one day at a time."
Derek nodded, "Thanks man, I'm probably going to need you to put my head back on straight for me a few more times."
"Anytime, Derek, Anytime." Rossi turned the car off and they headed back into the hospital. "Dammit, I just realized I drove on autopilot back to the hospital. I totally forgot to drop you at your car."
Derek laughed, "I didn't even think about it either. It's cool, I probably won't leave again for awhile and only because someone forces me to. I can sort transportation out later."
"Just don't wait so long to shower next time, ok?" Rossi said with a smile. "When people position themselves to where they aren't down wind, it's probably been too long."
Derek had a feeling he was never going to live that down; it was probably karma for all the times he had hassled Reid. Accepting his fate with a smile, Derek and Rossi made their way to the ICU waiting room. When they got close, Derek stopped and asked Rossi to send Hotch out for a moment.
When Hotch walked out, Derek said, "Hotch, man, I am sorry," but paused when Hotch raised his hand.
"Derek, there is nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong. It was a lot to take in and you handled yourself the best way possible. Do not apologize to me, if anything I should be apologizing to you. I was the one that had previous contact with the Unsub and I didn't put it together. We were looking in the wrong direction. I let everyone down, not the other way."
"I'm going to use some of your own words when I say, in no way whatsoever did you let us down. You only spent 15 minutes with him, more than a year ago. Hotch, it wasn't your fault."
Hotch grinned at him and said, "She told you I said that, huh?"
"Hotch, she tells me everything and I know it meant a great deal to her that you said that."
"Well then, I will keep telling her how much she means to us. I know you are worried about her, but we will get through this. I'm not going anywhere."
They were interrupted by a doctor calling Penelope's name. Derek and Hotch gathered around with the others to hear what the doctor had to say. "We have removed Penelope from the ventilator and she is breathing remarkably well, all things considered. She has been moved to a private room, a nurse will take you to her as soon as we are done here. However, before you go in, there are some warnings I need to give you. Penelope is physically and emotionally fragile right now. She is also heavily medicated on pain killers which dull the receptors that usually tell you when you are putting too much strain on your body. Try not to agitate her and don't talk about what happened, at least not yet; she won't know she is pushing herself too hard until she's done damage. Her body is not physically strong enough to handle an emotional breakdown at this point. She actually requested me, to tell you to be normal, which I was going to do anyway. Talk about your day, your family. Tell jokes, just keep the conversation light. If she gets too worked up we will have to sedate her. Her body needs time to recover."
When he received nods and affirmations from the people in front of him, he motioned a nurse over. "Jamie is going to take you to Penelope now. Don't be alarmed if she falls asleep in the middle of a sentence; like I said, she is heavily medicated. The team, minus J.J. who was in Will's room, headed to see their favorite tech analyst.