AN: No excuses for lengthy time between updates…just apologies. I hope this story hasn't been forgotten about since it has been a super long time since the last chapter. I have a ton of ideas that are floating around, but I have to complete this first. I hope you enjoy.

I own nothing but the plot

Carly stepped out the patio door and scanned the yard for Derek. She found him sitting on the edge of the deck with Clooney by his side. His shoulders were slumped and his head was down…even the dog looked depressed with his matching position. She approached the forlorn pair and sat down beside Derek. She kept her eyes forward as he wiped the tears off his face. She remained silent, offering him comfort with her presence.

"She's right. There is no way reading a report could ever prepare you for that." Derek said softly, "How will she ever be able to put this behind her?"

"She may not," Carly answered. "The only way will be to get it all out. Sitting inside her, it is eating away at her. She may not want to tell us because it is so painful but she has to face it and deal with it."

"How can I show her that while I am disgusted by what happened, I think no less of her, find her dirty or less appealing in any way? She is always so good at knowing exactly what to say to make me feel better. What are the magic words to do the same for her?"

"Derek, you know better than that. There are no magic words. Only time and support can make this better. When she wakes up we will probably hear more of what happened. Don't be afraid of showing your emotions. What happened to her was horrible and it should upset you. The only reason you should hide your emotions is if you are disgusted by her and are waiting for the right time to leave. Since I know that is not what you are doing, let her see your pain. Yes, she was the one that actually went through the traumatic experience, but everyone is struggling in the fallout. You have to work through this and come to terms with it, just as much as she does. I wouldn't recommend saying that to her right now, she won't receive it well, but you should keep it in mind."

"How will showing how upset I am help Penelope?" Derek felt like he was asking a stupid question. He was a trained profiler, he had extensive knowledge of psychology, but he couldn't see the forest for the trees when it came to Penelope.

"Because she won't be doing this alone. I know she isn't, but her knowing that you are struggling too will ease her guilt and embarrassment over having issues. She will know that she isn't by herself in her mental and emotional brawl."

They continued talking, not knowing that in the bedroom, Penelope was starting to wake up.

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Hotch was trying to get a grip on his raging emotions when he heard the first whimper. He raised his head from where it had been cradled in his hands and listened to see if he was just hearing things. He had sat there for a couple of minutes, contemplating the pain his friends and son had been through when he heard a small ragged cry come from the bedroom. Hotch got up off of the couch and made his way down the hall. He had just turned into the bedroom when Penelope shot off the bed, eyes wide open. Her chest was heaving and she was gasping for air. Hotch stayed where he was, he didn't want to frighten her anymore than she already was. He held his hands up and said in a very soft voice, "Penelope, it's ok, you're safe. Are you alright? I know that's a stupid question, but…" He paused, sighed, and then said, "The job requires me to know what to say at all times but now, when I need that ability the most, it has failed me. The only words that I find have any importance right now are, 'I'm here for you'. No matter what you need, what you want, I am here for you. "

Pen's eyes were slightly less wide and she had caught her breath, but she was still trying to control the panic that was coursing through her body. The look she was giving Hotch was so full of pain and fear that his heart was breaking for her. Going on nothing but instinct, Hotch held his hands out to Penelope. Her lip quivered, her face crumbled and as she stepped towards Hotch, fat tears started rolling down her cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her and held on tight as she started to shake with her sobs.

Penelope had iron grips on the sides of Hotch's blazer and he had a hard time understanding her when she said, through her tears, "This hurts too much Boss man. Please make it stop."

"Oh Penelope, I wish I could. I would give almost anything to take your pain away. But, the only way to get past it is to talk it out." He lightly stroked her shoulder as she tried to speak again.

"Hotch, there is absolutely nothing from those two days that I want to remember. Isn't there some sort of profiler magic to block the memories so I never have to relive them?"

"Even if there was, you wouldn't find anyone willing to do it to you." Hotch gently pulled away from her and led her to a chair in the corner of the room. He sat her in the chair and kneeled in front of her. "Reliving the worst moments of their life is the last thing anyone wants to do."

Knowing it was coming; Penelope sniffled and said, "But…"

"It is the ONLY way you will ever be able to put it to rest and really move on with your life. It will hurt and there will be many more tears shed, on your part and ours."

Pen's head snapped up on the word 'ours'. "What do you guys have to cry about?" she said angrily, ready to divert the topic any way she had to. "I can understand J.J. and, to an extent, you crying over this, but the others weren't there and have utterly no reason for tears."

Hotch reached out and grabbed her flailing hands and clasped them in between his. "Penelope, we are a family. What hurts one of us, hurts all of us. I am in no way saying that any of us know exactly how you feel or what you went through, but we see you in pain and that hurts us. Tell me something, when you found out about what happened to Derek when he was a boy, did it make you want to cry?"

"Want to? I was bawling like…like a baby." She hung her head, chagrined and then said, "Oh Hotch, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. And Derek…Oh my God, Hotch, I hit him so hard and and and…why did he let me hit him…it's not his fault, I should have never hit him." She was talking so fast and getting more agitated as she went on.

Hotch interrupted quickly, "Whoa, whoa, slow down. It's ok. He's not mad at you, no one is. Tempers are going to flair. Derek thought it would help if you got some of your frustration and anger out and he was willing to be a poor substitute for a punching bag. He's not really thinking straight right now either."

"Where is Derek?" Penelope asked. "I need to apologize, not only for hitting him, but for destroying his kitchen as well."

"I'm right here, Baby Girl" Derek said as he walked into the room, Carly right behind him. "And there is no need to say sorry…for anything." He sat down in the chair next to Penelope and turned to look at her.

"Yes there is D," Pen insisted. "I completely lost my shit. I threw cans of chili and punched complete strangers. Will had to drag me out of the store and stuff me in the back of his car. Then I get back here, demolish your kitchen, say horrible things to you guys and then beat on Derek like I'm Sugar Daddy."

Hotch chortled and said, "Do you mean Sugar Ray?"

"Whatever," Penelope replied. "That's not the point. I behaved like a monster to the people I love the most. Is this how I should expect the rest of this 'healing' experience to go?" Pen used air quotations around healing and looked directly at Carly.

Carly hesitated and then said, 'It is very likely that you will experience more outbursts like the one earlier before you can put this behind you."

"That's all I needed to make up my mind." Penelope said as she rose from her chair, skirted around Hotch and left the room. Puzzled, the others got up and followed. They found her in the bedroom she had been staying in, pulling her suitcases and clothes from the closet.

Derek broke the silence first, "Baby Girl, what are you doing? Stop…Penelope! Stop and talk to us. Why are you packing, you aren't going anywhere."

Pen sucked in a deep breath, looked straight into quizzical eyes and said, "I can't do this here. I can't put people I love through that. Not because I don't think you can handle it, but because I can't. I can't be worried every minute about how I may be making you guys feel. You can tell me all you want that it's alright that I hit you Derek; and Hotch can tell me that the way I threw the info out about Jack doesn't bother him. But it bothers me and I'm not ok with it. I need to put myself back together somewhere far away from here."