Blue-Moons169 (Thanks so much for reviewing! That's right, the attack really happened. What of the attacker... Well, it's one of the plot's main mysteries. I can give you all the answers if you want me to, but it will ruin your further experience of reading of this story. You didn't confuse me and, please, don't feel confused either. I've perplexed my readers intentionally, it's a part of the plot :). The answers will be coming gradually. I hope you're going to keep enjoying the story!), Singer Salvage (Thanks for your review! Cliffhanger? Not at all. You didn't expect me to give all the answers immediately, did you :P? I promise I'll keep updating often :)), GrimCharmer (Thank you! Enjoy the next chapter, please. What of the grey hair... Sometimes it happens to people from shock and fear, and it's not such a rare thing, in fact. For example, I met a person of eighteen years old, and she'd been having some grey hair after her skydiving experience. She was in panic, suddenly thinking that her parachute wouldn't open and she would die. There are many examples like that. In this story Thor, by finding a couple of grey strands, realised how horrible things had been for Loki,), smiling-is-my-favorite-pastime (That was so flattering. Thank you so much! :) ), THORKISUPPORT (Thanks!), Guest (Thank you! Glad you liked), Prince Of Pariahs (I will, I promise. Thank you!), Guest (Please enjoy and thanks!), Clint Barton-Loki's Butt Warmer (Thank you!), elite prime (I'm so glad, thanks! ) ), Celdria (Indeed, it was real. Glad you enjoyed. Thank you! :) ), Aquarinus (Thanks a lot!), Guest (Thanks!), Maru de Kusanagi (Thank you! Please, enjoy the next chapter :) ), ryuuzaki19 (Thank you very much! Here's the next chapter :) ), addicted2sasunaru (Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :) ), Noelwing (It's so good to know :). Thank you and please enjoy the next one!), Guest (Already done. Thanks :) ).
A/N: Thursday has just begun in my time zone. Updating a story about Thor in Thor's day is a given!
6. Still Life
~oOo~
If anyone asked Thor to describe what he was feeling, he wouldn't be able to find words. Desperation, grief, helpless anger and pain: those words weren't enough. Since the time of their childhood Thor had been a protective brother; as an older one, he had often done his best to be Loki's rock and support (well, with some exceptions when Thor had been having his difficult age a few years ago). So how on earth had he failed to protect his little one from something this horrible?
He stayed in hospital for the night. The kind nurse brought him a blanket, and he made himself comfortable in the armchair, after moving it to Loki's bed as close as possible. But sleep eluded him, and he kept looking at the face of his sleeping brother instead. To his shame Thor wasn't sure he wanted the boy to wake up any time soon. He wasn't sure he was strong enough right now to face his brother's sufferings.
Eventually, his heavy, slightly swollen from crying, eyelids became too heavy to keep the eyes open, and Thor fell asleep.
His brother's voice pierced his mind like a white-hot needle:
"Thor! Thor, help me! Thoooor!" Loki screamed desperately.
Thor jerked awake violently, his limbs shuddered and were as tense as if he was about to run somewhere; somewhere where his little brother was crying out for him. Mentally, he was in his battle stance, ready to fight. But, as he was on his feet, slightly reeling after his sleep, he saw that there was no danger. It was a very early morning; he was in the same room with his still sleeping brother, who was showing no sign of distress at all so far. He hadn't even changed his position in his sleep. Slowly, Thor calmed down and touched the side of Loki's pale face. And then he leaned down and kissed the corner of the younger youth's mouth.
"I failed to keep you safe... I'm so sorry. But now I'll take care of you. I'd do anything for you," he murmured quietly into Loki's ear with his eyes closed.
~oOo~
Loki's eyes opened almost in the afternoon, but he wasn't moving and his eyes, his face and his body language expressed nothing. Thor tried to talk to him, but not only he gained no response, but he also gained no reaction at all. The blond was very concerned about it. Because of this suspicious condition, later this day Loki was taken for X-ray to check his head once again. After that they took him for MRI to scan it even more thoroughly.
Through the clear glass Thor was watching Loki brought into the next room and carefully put onto the table, attached to the scanner. To make sure he would remain still, they strapped down his body, dressed in a thin hospital gown that reached his knees. In case Loki could recognise speech, one of the doctors told him that he had to lie perfectly still, and explained some things about the forthcoming procedure to keep the patient calm, just in case (really, could he be any calmer?). No reaction followed.
Everyone else left the room and entered the one behind the glass, where Thor was waiting; the room was full of computers and other equipment. The blond pensively watched as the table, where his brother was lying, was sliding into the big tube of the machine. As the scans were being taken, Loki never once flinched, it seemed. Neither the noises that the scanner was making, nor being inside that tube affected him in any way, so strapping him down had been absolutely unnecessary. Thor pressed his forehead to the cold glass and closed his eyes. He had hoped that the procedure would unnerve Loki somewhat and make him react, but no such luck. Somewhere in the background of his tired and slightly hazy thoughts he could hear doctors discussing the scans. There were too many medical terms for him to understand anything, and he was tired, so very tired to concentrate.
Later, when Loki was taken back to his ward, one of the doctors explained Thor that the scans didn't show any signs that his brother's brain was truly damaged, except for the regular concussion that absolutely couldn't be a reason for Loki's unresponsiveness; the neurologist was certain about it after examining the scans. And then doctors said that the boy was still too shocked and needed time, and they needed to do some more tests. By the look of their faces Thor knew that things weren't good at all.
This very evening their parents came back, beyond themselves with worry. Thor felt guilty for being so shaken up that the thought of informing them about what had happened, hadn't even crossed his mind. It was Gunnar who had done it, and Frigga and Odin had returned as soon as they could.
~oOo~
Nothing made Loki react. Father's calm assurances and even Mother's gentle touches and words of love and support remained fully ignored. It looked like the boy simply wasn't there. A few days later, however, he was getting up when urged to, so everyone was full of hope. But his eyes remained empty. If he ate at all, he ate slowly and clumsily when he was being fed, swallowing automatically when he could (because sometimes he couldn't), but it was very hard to feed him this way, and there was a chance he could choke on his food or drinks, so it was decided to feed him through a nasogastric tube. It made Thor flinch and cast his eyes away in dismay when he saw his brother being fed like that. Other than that, Loki did nothing. Thor had hoped for some progress, but there was none. It didn't even look like Loki understood when he was being talked to. Often, he looked absolutely catatonic. Nothing could snap him out of that state. Doctors once again checked him physically, especially his brain, but nothing indicated that the problem was caused by any physical damage. That was why they involved a psychiatrist.
After two weeks in the mental institution (Thor was enraged when they had put his baby brother there, and it took a lot to convince him that it was for Loki's good; but even so, Thor spent most of his time with the catatonic boy) Loki was allowed to be taken home. The healing had brought no results so far, and they decided that it was probably better for him to be in a familiar environment, though several days per week a doctor visited to check Loki for any progress, and a nurse visited every day to help to take care of the boy and to administer his medication.
Thor was depressed, because there was nothing he could do except for taking care of what was left of Loki, providing him some physical comfort, just like their parents did. The more time Loki was like this, the less hope Thor had for having his brother back, and he hated himself for unintentionally starting to give up.
To make things even worse, the police hadn't made any progress in finding the sadistic rapist, whom Thor wanted to murder with his own hands. People in their quiet and safe town didn't really feel safe any longer. What had happened was unheard-of here. Everyone looked more vigilantly after their children. Thor loved their town, but he knew he would probably make sure Loki didn't come back in the same school (if his little brother would ever be able to study again at all). Thor wouldn't be able to allow anyone to whisper behind Loki's back or look at him with their unneeded pity or even just sympathy. That was how people often looked at Thor himself at present, but he paid them no attention, only waiting for his lessons to be over so he could come back home and see his brother, hoping to find anything, just anything, in the empty green eyes.
It seemed that, in order to torment his broken heart even more, he was sometimes visited by dreams about Loki, where he could see emotions on his brother's face and where the younger man was smiling only for Thor.
Sometimes Loki was getting up and walking, though he could stop in the middle of a room abruptly and stay like that before someone took him back to his room.
One night Thor found him standing in the dark corridor, absolutely unaffected by the darkness, which was somehow very frightening. Fear of the dark had been a part of Loki's personality. Now that he didn't have even this, for Thor it was especially disheartening. His little brother should have been screaming his head off in terror or become paralysed with fear, hyperventilating. But there was nothing like that. Watching his brother relaxed and indifferent, whilst surrounded by the darkness, the blond really started losing his hopes and reluctantly admitted to himself that it wasn't Loki who lived (or rather just existed) with them, it was a hollow shell; just a body that didn't even react to any pain or stress consciously; there were only physical reactions. Thor was ready to endure anything: screams of terror in the dead of a night to soothe, tears to wipe away, a misplaced anger of a hurt person to take it as stoically as a rock, at least outwardly... But not this.
As he could no longer watch Loki standing in the darkness, Thor gently took his brother's arm and led him back to his bedroom, finding no resistance at all. But it wasn't like what they'd had when they were younger and Loki had followed Thor anywhere and everywhere with his little hand in a hand of the older boy. It was nothing like that now that there was only Loki's body left of the amazing person... Thor helped him to lie down, spooned him up from behind, holding him with both arms, and spent a good half of the night sobbing into the younger one's shoulder and hair, feeling like he'd lost everything and could no longer go on with his life. He cried himself to sleep, refusing to let go of the hollow shell.
He found himself in a dream, and it was both sad and pleasant one. He and Loki were sitting on a sofa, talking about something. It felt so good, so right. Thor couldn't stop smiling and Loki was smiling back. He was holding both smaller hands in his, and the younger of the two didn't mind. Thor couldn't even comprehend what exactly they were talking about, because the whole thing wasn't about words; their closeness was beyond any words. But then Loki's smile slowly faded away, and this time Thor could distinctly hear him.
"Thor... It doesn't let me go..." the younger of the two said sadly.
"What, Loki?" What doesn't let you go? Who? Tell me..." Thor begged desperately, feeling like he was losing Loki, even though he was still next to him, and it hurt.
"I love you so much," Loki whispered. His lower lip was trembling and his eyes became wet with tears. Just as Thor gently took the pale face in his hands, he woke up, weeping, his face tear-drenched. Loki's body was still in his arms and the younger youth was sleeping. Calming down, Thor kissed the back of the dark-haired head.
After that night, in his dreams Thor either had moments of tenderness with Loki, or heard his brother desperately calling for help, like it had happened that first night in hospital. Loki was crying out for him. It was driving him insane even in his sleep, because he didn't know how to help and absolutely couldn't understand what was going on.
"I'm strong, I can fight; I've been taught well. I can take anything except losing you. I want to fight and get you back; I only need to know how. I need to know where to start. I'm strong..." he muttered to himself aloud, like a mantra, like a spell, half-asleep after one of those dreams. Talking to himself like this would've hardly made him proud of himself if he was fully awake.
A/N: That was pretty short, sorry, but the content had to be put in a separate chapter. The next one will be posted in a couple of days once it's done, and it will be much longer.