TONIGHT'S EPISODE: WEASEL ROCK YOU!
This episode is decdicated to DeadHead, who not only gave me the idea for this, but just about planned the entire plot. Thanks a lot, DeadHead!:D
"You know, Perry the Platypus, in the future we won't sit and eat lunch in the afternoon. Instead, angry mutants will rebel against us in rants of rage! You know, just a little something to look forward to."
"Grrrrr," said Perry as he made a steel cage constantly disappear and reappear. He probably meant, "Grrrrr."
"Good afternoon, team," said Rick, extending his computer-thingy over to them.
"'Sup, Ricky?" asked Doof.
"Grrrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Rickardo."
"Guys, haven't we gone over this?" asked Rick, exasperated. "Anyway, here's your mission for today." Rick's computer screen changed to show various pictures of a crashed hovering device taken at different angles. "Reports of this crashed alien spaceship-looking thing have been reported throughout the entire Tri-State Area," said Rick, "The authorities are in a panic, trying to figure out how it got there. You guys need to get out there and find out what's going on."
"Got it!" said Doof, and began pulling Rick where he was telling him to go, while Perry jumped in and placed the siren on top of him.
Doof 'N' Puss arrived at the crash site, where a giant twenty-foot-long UFO was driven into the ground.
"My, that's one big hovercraft," said Doofenshmirtz.
"Grrrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Indeed."
"Not feeling very talkative today, are you?" asked Doof.
Perry shook his head.
Suddenly, Perry and Doofenshmirtz heard a shrill roaring behind them. They turned around to see a horrific horrifying velociraptor!
"A dinosaur!" shouted Doofenshmirtz. "It followed you from the past!"
"Grrrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "I didn't live that long ago, Doof."
The dinosaur roared shrilly and stared at them intently.
"Okay," whispered Doofenshmirtz, "Here's what we do. On the count of three, we run for our lives. Okay? One… Two… Thr-"
"There is no need to run away," said the velociraptor.
"AAAAH!" shouted Doofenshmirtz upon hearing it talk. Perry, meanwhile, jumped five feet in the air and landed in front of Doofenshmirtz. Instead of catching him, like Perry probably expected, Doof merely let him fall to the ground.
"Greetings," said the velociraptor, lifting its two-fingered hand. "I come in peace. As you can see, my spaceship has crash-landed on this here planet, and I need to fix it in order to get back home. However, I've heard you two have saved this Tri-State Are from many a horrible monster, and I am in great need of your help."
Perry and Doofenshmirtz looked at each other, then at Rick. Rick virtually shrugged. "He seems friendly."
"Okay then," said Doof. "I am Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and this is my partner Perry the Platypus, and our talking rickshaw, R.I.C.K."
The dinosaur-alien-thing raised a reptilian eyebrow. "Okay then. My name is Velociraptor, but my friends call me the V-Man."
"Wait, wait, wait," said Doofenshmirtz. "That's actually your name? Parents couldn't think of anything better?"
The dinosaur fumed. "This is why I prefer to be called the V-Man."
"Okay okay, V-Man," said Doofenshmirtz. "So what brings you to this planet?"
The V-Man cleared his throat. "On my planet, we have a large alien weapon of mass destruction, which we were gonna use to win our impending war with the Boogas, an alien species much more eviler than us. Unfortunately, said weapon gained consciousness and went on a rampage, crashing my ship into this planet and running away like a maniac. Unfortunately, the Boogas have caught word and are on their way here as we speak. I need you two to find the weapon and bring it back here before the Boogas do."
"And what will you do while this is happening?" asked Doofenshmirtz.
"I'll be here, repairing my spaceship," said the V-Man. "Remember, the weapon responds to V-Weapon WMD."
"In other news," said Bridgette Oshinomi, the only news reporter in the entire Tri-State Area with an actual name. "A UFO has once again landed in the Tri-State Area, the only area UFOs ever seem to land in."
Suddenly, a loud screaming came from behind Bridgette. She turned around and saw a bunch of huge killer ferrets crawl out of the UFO, lashing out at anyone who was stupid enough to get too close.
Then, suddenly, one of the ferrets flew out of the UFO with a huge jetpack on its back, carrying a giant laser gun in its arms. "Behold, my people, the planet Earth!"
The other ferrets chattered and chattered and made general ferret noises.
"Now search for the weapon! We cannot let the Voogas win this war!"
Suddenly, the talking ferret began shooting his laser cannon, and Bridgette was one of the unfortunate humans to get hit with the laser.
"Camera Guy," she said as she felt her body changing, "What's going on? Why are you so tall?"
"Uh, you might want to take a look at this," said the camera guy, handing her a hand mirror which he'd gotten out of his pocket.
Bridgette's scream could be heard all across the Tri-State Area as she was confronted with the fact that she was now a platypus.
"Did you hear that, Perry the Platypus?" asked Doof, pointing in the direction of the noise. "It sounded like a scream!"
"Grrrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Yes, I know, now pull faster!"
Doofenshmirtz pulled Rick faster towards the source of the scream, while Perry's siren kept anyone from getting in the way.
A few minutes later, they arrived at a UFO, but the aliens and anyone else that had been there at all were gone, all that was left was a bunch of platypuses. Well, platypi. Platypeople?
"Hmmm," said Doof, "I didn't think there were this many platypuses/platypi/platypeople/whatever the word is, in the Tri-State Area."
Perry narrowed his eyes and rubbed the part of his beak that looked sort of like a chin.
"Grrrr," he said to one of them.
"Grrrr," it said back.
Perry's eyes widened and he stepped back.
"What is it, Perry the Platypus?" asked Doofenshmirtz. "What did he say?"
"Gr-" said Perry, which probably meant, "He says-"
Unfortunately, he was interrupted by Doof's scream of "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
Perry turned around to see a gigantic killer robot man!
"I'm Norm!" said the robot.
"A ROBOT!" screamed Doof. "In the future, they'll control us in human death matches every morning!"
"You didn't freak out whenever the V-Man told you he was an alien, despite the fact that aliens are cannibals in the future," said Norm.
"Oh, right," said Doof. "Wait, how did you know that?"
"I… uh… well…"
"Wait a second…," said Doof, "You're the secret weapon aren't you?"
Norm's mouth lit up as if he was going to say something, but he hesitated. "Yes," he admitted after a while. "Yes, I am."
"Well, come on, weapon guy, you're coming with us," said Doof, and began pulling Rick as Perry jumped into the rickshaw, running towards where they'd last seen the v-Man.
Doofenshmirtz, Perry, Rick, and Norm arrived at the crash site, but the V-Man was gone! Instead, an army of giant weasels was assembling!
"That's not good," said Doof.
"You are currently in possession of V-Weapon WMD," said the king of the ferrets, who stood out from the rest only by the fact that he had a crown, a jetpack, a laser, and a translator chip installed in his brain. "Prepare to become semi-aquatic!"
"What the-" Doofenshmirtz didn't even get to finish his sentence as Perry pushed him away and caught the full force of the laser blast! Fortunately, he was already a platypus, so it had no effect.
"Surrender to OogaBooga, Leader of the Booga Tribe, or you and your planet will regret it!" shouted OogaBooga, Leader of the Booga Tribe as he shot Doof with his laser gun. Fortunately, Doof was quick this time and leaped out of the way with his Kung-Fu skills!
"WAIT!" shouted Norm, just as the ferret army was about to leap out at Doof 'N' Puss, who were about to leap back. Suddenly, a slot opened up in Norm's chest, and he inserted a CD into it, and immediately a very annoying sound began to play.
"Why can't we be friends? Why can't-"
"Okay, stop it, stop it!" shouted OogaBooga. "I've heard exactly one and a half lines of that song, and I now know that it is the most annoying thing on the planet! Seriously, just stop!"
Norm stopped playing.
"Listen, if you give us the weapon and promise not to play any of that horrible music," said OogaBooga, "We won't turn you into a platypus."
"No way!" said Doof. "Why are you even turning people into platypuses/platypi/platypeople/whatever anyway?"
"Because," said OogaBooga. "Humans are horrible, violent creatures that have been known to lock ferrets in cages and conduct experiments on them."
"I'm pretty sure that's illegal," said Doof.
"Oh…," said OogaBooga. "Well… This is… Awkward…"
"So why are you warring with the dinosaur aliens, anyway?" asked Doof, curious to know.
OogaBooga looked up into the sky like he was entering a flashback.
"The Voogas have ruled our planet with an iron fist for decades," he explained, "They force us to work at concentration camps, and then every year they take twenty-four of our children and put them in a cage together to fight to the death."
"My, that's horrible!" said Doof.
"Grrrr," agreed Perry.
"Which is why we started a rebellion just last year," continued OogaBooga. "In short, we are the real good guys, and the Voogas are the bad guys. This is why we need that weapon if we want our freedom!"
"Oh," said Doof, "Well in that case, you can have hi-"
"You are too late!" shouted a familiar reptilian voice from behind them. Doof 'N' Puss turned around to see a huge, weasel-themed spaceship hovering over them, and in the front seat stood the V-Man, smiling a sharp-toothed smile.
"MUHAHA!" laughed the V-Man. "Stealing this Booga spaceship was much easier than fixing my own! Good thing you idiotic weasels didn't leave anyone to guard it! MUHAHA!" The V-Man moved the spaceship above Norm, and picked him up with its tractor beam.
"Oh my!" said Norm as he was lifted into the air.
"Now I can go back to my home planet and be showered in riches while we win the war! MUHAHA!" laughed the V-Man and zoomed off into space.
"Well that was-" Doof was getting tired of being interrupted by aliens as he heard the sound of fifty weasels screaming behind him. Doof 'N' Puss turned around to see a helicopter carrying all the giant weasel aliens in a giant net.
"You are currently being transported to Area 51," said a voice from within the helicopter. "Struggle, and it'll only be worse for you!"
"Don't worry, Doof 'N' Puss!" shouted OogaBooga as he was carried away, "We'll find a way out! But you need to find a way into space and stop the V-Man from taking the weapon back to his home planet!"
"You know," said Doof once he had made sure there were no more interruptions, "Somewhere in my subconscious I always knew that an alien species with a fuzzy weasel motif couldn't possibly be the bad guys."
"Grrrrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Or that an alien with a creepy dinosaur motif could possibly be a good guy."
"Guys," said Rick, "What are we gonna do? The V-Man has stolen the Booga spaceship, his hovercraft is utterly destroyed, and our only source for alien knowledge is long gone!"
Suddenly, Doof 'N' Puss heard a noise behind them.
"MEEP!"
The V-Man was riding through space, enjoying his victory, when suddenly; a huge fist broke through the floor! The V-Man turned around to see the V-Weapon WMD crawling out of the hole he had punched.
That's when the V-Man noticed something was different. The weapon's head, instead of a smiling face, was a now a black piece of metal with a red line through it. (In case you didn't get that, cuz something tells me my description skills are not the best right now, that was a shout out to the NormBots from the movie)
"Must exterminate fuzzy weasels…," said the weapon in a monotone. "Locating nearest fuzzy weasel…"
In his mind's eye, quite literally, V-Weapon WMD could see the outside of the spaceship he was inhabiting.
It looked exactly like a fuzzy weasel.
"Must exterminate fuzzy weasels," said the weapon, flying out through the roof. Once he had reached the outside, the weapon extended his arm out to the spaceship, and in a matter of seconds, his hand was replaced by a giant laser cannon!
With a flash of green light, the spaceship completely disappeared. He had no idea where it went, probably to another dimension or something. One with a green alien baby in it.
"Must exterminate fuzzy weasels," said V-Weapon WMD, turning on his inner sonar.
The weapon observed the sonar for the fuzzy weasels. They were running all over a planet which the locals called Earth.
"Must exterminate fuzzy weasels," said the weapon, and zoomed across the Milky Way.
Will Doof 'N' Puss make it to space in time to stop the evil NormBot from destroying all the weasels on the planet? Will OogaBooga and his people ever make it out of Area 51? And who is this mysterious figure whose entire language consists of the word "Meep!"? Many questions will be answered next time on:
DOOF 'N' PUSS!
And many will not...