Hello people! It's me, Chaos, but you already knew that. It's been a while since I've updated this and I feel really bad. I've been caught up in other things (My birthday party/get together, distractions and Pikmin 2). So, I'm sorry for this late update. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
Link's Misadventures in Wind Waker: Dragon Roost Cavern
"Hey, Link?" The king of red lions started.
"Yes?" Link responded.
"Are you sure this is safe?"
"Yes, I am absolutely sure this is safe. What could go wrong?"
The king of red lions glared up at the hero, who was on top of the wind mill holding a fishing rod (Which was actually a stick with some string and a hook), and sighed.
"What are you even trying to accomplish doing this?" He asked annoyed.
"The shop that sells the sail is right below the wind mill," Link started, "I plan on using this fishing rod to fish in the sail, rather than pay eighty rupees for it"
"Link, your fishing rod is just a stick and some string"
"Yes, but I'm not rich. This is the best I could do. I can't afford to buy a fishing rod, it's expensive!"
"Link, it's five rupees"
"I need to save money! I am a twelve year old boy trying to save my sister and the princess. I need supplies, dang it!"
"Link, you can easily get supplies by cutting grass and getting pigs to dig it up using all purpose bait"
"All purpose bait cost money to"
"You are the cheapest person in the universe"
"No, there's cheaper people in those stupid shows called cartoons"
"We are not comparing Wind Waker to a cartoon"
"Why not? We look like cartoons"
"As true as that is, your still cheap"
Link glared at his partner before lowering the string.
"I guarantee that I can get the sail without wasting my well earned money" Link said.
"You get money from cutting grass and finding treasure, in the Great Sea" The King of red lions said.
"Yes, but I work hard for my money," Link said, "Hey, look. I got something!"
The king of red lions, clearly annoyed, sighed and watched as Link reeled in his precious "treasure".
"This is going to be good," Link said, "I can't wait to see that sail"
The king of red lions was surprised at what he caught. Link, who was outraged, glared at the object in disappointment.
"All I caught is someone's stupid wallet!," He cried, "How is this going to help me?"
He opened the wallet and removed an orange rupee.
"Hey, who ever this wallet belongs to is awesome! They have one hundred rupees in here!" Link said happily.
"Link, that money doesn't belong to you. Now, you come down here and find the owner of that wallet!" The king of red lions screamed.
"Your attracting attention, King of red lions"
"So are you! People have been staring at you for hours now!"
Link looked down to see an entire crowd people staring at him, like he was crazy.
"Hey, stop staring at me! Don't you all have a life to live?" He screamed at them.
"Actually no, we're just programmed to walk around the island and look busy" Mila said.
"Wow, you guys are hopeless. I bet who ever lost this wallet wouldn't realize that I have it and wouldn't care if I spent it"
Link, after standing there for several seconds, realized something.
"I've got an great idea!" He screamed.
(15 minutes, at Dragon Roost island)
"Link, I still can't believe that you spent the rupees you stole on the sail" The king of red lions said.
"I had to get the sail somehow! And I was not going to spend my well earned money on it" Link said.
"Link, we are not having this discussion again. I'm just going to say this, you're cheap"
"I am not cheap! I'm trying to save my money for a later thing that can't be mentioned right now"
"Link, we're heroes, we can't just sit here and argue about pointless plot items"
"This is included as a plot item?"
"Never mind. Just get going already"
"What if I don't?"
The king of red lions growled.
(3 and a half seconds later)
Link was running up the slope to the main island screaming.
"My boat just threatened to murder me!" He screamed.
The postman that was standing on the edge of the cliff stared as he ran by.
"What the haystack just happened? I swear some nutcase just ran by screaming about his boat trying to murder him" The postman said.
He pondered about that for a second before shrugging it off.
"Oh, well. Now I just have to wait for Link to show up" He said.
(Meanwhile inside the island)
"I'm telling you! My boat threatened to MURDER me! I'm not crazy!" Link screamed.
The group of birds stared at Link like he was on drugs before looking at one another in confusion.
"Listen, man, we're just waiting for the apparent hero of winds to arrive and calm the great Valoo for us. We haven't been able to get any dragon scales in months, man" The leader said.
Link raised an eyebrow.
"Would this hero happen to be named Link? From Outset island?" He asked.
"Oh, yes. We heard he's a heroic figure" One of the birds said.
"Oh, that's me! My name is Link! I'm from Outset island!"
"Listen, man, I didn't ask for your life's story. I just want to find this hero"
"But, I am the hero'
The leader thought about it for a minute.
"Oh, so you're the hero of winds?" He asked the child.
"Yes, Link, the hero" Link responded.
The leader growled.
"I'm going to have to fire the guard who told me about you. All he told me was a lie" He muttered.
"OH, you mean like how the cake is a lie?" A random guard from the top floor yelled.
"No, Bill! Shut up and get to work! I don't pay you to mess around!"
"You don't pay us at all!"
"I said shut up, knave!"
Link only stared at the group in confusion. The leader looked at him and sighed.
"Alright, if I must, you're going to have to calm down the great Valoo" He said.
"How do I do that?" Link asked.
"You must climb up the great, deadly volcano and defeat the monster in the cavern below the great Valoo. The dang monster keeps pulling on his tail and it's starting to annoy him to the point where we can't get near him"
"Climb a volcano?"
"Yes, climb a volcano and kill a giant bug"
"So, I'm just an exterminator?"
"Yes, but anyway, I first need you to give this letter to my son and meet up with my assistant, Medli"
"Why can't you just go talk to your son?"
"He's gone crazy"
"How crazy?"
"Let's just say he's jacked up on mountain dew and I took his supply of code red away from him, and now he hates my guts"
"He hates you that much"
"I know, right?"
Link groaned, taking the letter and walking away, he glared at the postman from outside and snatched the bag from his belt.
"I'm taking this to carry this letter, thank you" Link said.
"He just stole my bag!" The bird screamed.
"So?" The boss said.
"You're not going to do anything about it?"
"NO, that bag was butt ugly"
(In the prince's room)
Link slowly pushed the door open and peeked in.
"Hello, this is the hero of winds, I need to give you this letter from your father" He said.
He stared at the boy on the bed and slowly entered the room, placing the letter on the bed and backing away.
"Hello? Are you sure you're not dead? You're ignoring everything I'm saying" Link rambled on.
He heard a faint growl and his eyes went wide.
"I think I'm just going to leave now" Link said, backing away.
All of a sudden, he got hit in the face with a red orb. He picked the orb up and looked over at the boy.
"What the haystack was that for?" He screamed. The boy slowly turned around to reveal glowing red eyes. Link gulped and backed away.
"You're scaring me. Please calm down before you murder me into a bloody mess all over this very room" Link screamed.
(5 and a quarter seconds later)
"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT HE WAS THAT CRAZY!" Link screamed in the leader's face.
"Duh, man, if I would of told you, you wouldn't have gone in there" The leader said.
"I was almost killed!"
"Listen, man, don't just stand here screaming at me when you have an assistant to meet with"
"Heck no! I'm not helping you again!"
"Listen, man, I have a way of getting you to work and it's not pretty"
"How bad?"
(15 seconds later)
"OH MY GOODNESS! HE"S THREATNING TO DROWN ME IN RAINBOWS!" Link screamed and ran up the ramp.
The entire group of guards stared in shock at the leader.
"What? You think that was a little to harsh?" He asked.
"No, flooding him in rainbows?" The entire group asked.
"What? We have a rainbow pit"
"NO WE DON'T!"
The leader scowled and pressed the big red button on the wall next to him. A hole opened in the floor and revealed a deep pit full of rainbows. The guards stared at the hole, dumbfounded.
"What? Is it to beautiful for words?" The leader asked.
"Where the haystack did you get rainbows?" The group asked.
"Oh, I kidnapped a group of nyan cats and forced them to make rainbows for us"
The group looked horrified. The leader then realized the meaning of his previous sentences.
"Ew! What the hell was I thinking?" He screamed.
(Meanwhile upstairs)
Link and Medli just stared at each other as the leader ran around the bottom floor screaming his head off.
"What the hell is wrong with that guy?" Link asked.
"I don't even know. His father was a much better leader than him" Medli said.
"Are you sure?
"No, I'm lying. All the people in his family sucked at ruling over anything"
"Kind of figured that. Anyway you want me to meet you at the empty, formally water-filled area in which the entrance is downstairs?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I want"
"Hey, medli can I ask you a question?"
"Yes?"
"Do you think that the readers will notice that the authoress skipped over us meeting for the first time because she felt that rainbows were more entertaining"
"I hope not. They would pretty angry if they found out about that. Rainbows don't entertain anybody"
"What about bronies?"
"That's racist, Link"
"No it's not! Bronies aren't a race, there a group of people!"
Medli glared at him.
"Still racist" She said.
Link thought about for a second.
"Oh, crap! It was racist! The readers are going to kill me!" He screamed.
(15 minutes later)
Link and Medli, after ending their racist discussion, entered the empty room. They stared in shock at the pit.
"Wow. This is a lot more empty than I thought it was" Medli said.
"I know, right?," Link said, "How do we fix this?"
"I'll give you the solution to this puzzle on one condition"
"And what's that?"
"You must throw me up that cliff with the risk of breaking every bone in my precious body"
Link only stared at her. Medli started to get concerned.
"Link, are you okay?" She asked.
"Yes, I love this plan" He said.
"Well that's good"
"But I have a better idea!"
"Oh, crap!"
(5 seconds later)
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET A CATAPULT?" Medli screamed as she went flying through the air in a barrel.
Link only laughed, maniacally, as he watched her fly into a nearby wall. All of a sudden, a random bottle fell from the sky and hit the rock nearby. The bottle shattered into pieces. Link could feel his brain about crack in frustration.
"Dang it! I broke the dang solution to the problem!" He screamed.
He breathed deeply with anger and stood there, cringing, while the rock broke in the background. He turned around quickly and sighed.
"This is not good. I should be running, but I'm standing here instead. I'm so screwed" He muttered.
All of a sudden, the hole was filled with water. This left Link covered in water.
(Later in the temple)
Link panted and sat down on the ground.
"That was the worst temple ever! I just almost drowned and now I have to battle a boss! How much worse can this get?" He screamed.
He reached into his pocket, for the boss key, and pulled out nothing. He sighed in anger.
"King of red lions, where the fudge is the boss key?" He asked his partner.
"You didn't find it yet, there's more to this temple" The king of red lions said.
Link's right eye twitched in anger. He screamed out in anger, shaking the entire temple.
"I can't believe that there's more to this dang temple! I AM GOING TO KILL THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS TEMPLE!" Link screamed in anger.
He went to scream more, but was rudely interrupted by the following message.
(This rage moment has been censored by this random message. I hope you didn't want to see Link rage epically about the first temple in the game. If you did, I apologize, but Link's anger would make this story self destruct. We wouldn't want that, would we? I bet you would!)
(At the top of the mountain/volcano)
Link, extremely annoyed, dragged his sword up the mountain and stopped in front of a suspicious looking gate. He shot a glare at the gate.
"I'm not falling for that trick, gate! You want me to walk in there and then you'll close on me! Well , it's not going to work! No, not on me!" Link screamed at the gate.
"Link, why the hell are you screaming at a gate? It can't talk at all!" Medli screamed from the other side.
Link shot a glare over there. He appeared to be annoyed.
"When the hell did you get captured? I thought I shot you over to the dragon?" He screamed.
"No, you missed completely. I shot me into this cave! You suck at you're job!" Medli screamed at him.
Link growled and ran at her with his sword, running face first into the bars. He stood up and glared at the bars.
"I hate you, bars. You're keeping me from killing Medli! Now move your selves and get out my way!" Link screamed at the bars.
"Uh, Link" Medli started.
"Shut up, Medli!"
"But, Link"
"Medli, shut up"
"Link, but this is important"
"No it's not. Your pointless!"
Medli's left eye twitched with anger. Link stood there glaring at her. Medli sighed.
"Link, this is really important" Medli said.
"What? You don't need to tell me everything! I'll handle this dungeon without you!" He walked away, walking into the other bars blocking the exit.
Link stared at the bars and sighed.
"I walked in, didn't I?" He asked her.
"Yes, you did. I was trying to tell you that the entire time" Medli said.
"Well, there's nothing here. We're all good!"
All of a sudden, Link was surrounded by monsters. He sighed.
"I just had to say it. I just screwed myself over" He said in monotone.
"You can handle them, just use your sword" Medli said.
"I've got a better idea"
Link placed a remote bomb on the floor in front of him, Medli and Link stared at each other. Medli looked annoyed and Link just grinned.
"Link, you are aware that those only exist in minish cap, right?" Medli asked.
"Not anymore" Link declared pressing the button, activating it.
The bomb exploded and covered the area with smoke.
Link and Medli stared at each other when the smoke cleared. Medli was clearly annoyed, but Link was grinning.
"See, it works?" Link said.
"Yes, but you almost killed us!" She screamed.
"Medli, are we inside now? Because there's no breeze in here"
"There is no breeze in here! Where the heck are we?"
They slowly turned around to see the boss glaring down at them.
"Oh, we're in the boss chamber" Link said in shock.
"Oh, this is bad. I didn't even give you the dungeon item yet" Medli said.
The boss stopped and stared at them.
"Oh, there are graphing hooks on the wall behind you. You just have to pay ten rupees" The boss said.
"I am not paying ten rupees for the dungeon item! I have to save money!" Link screamed.
Medli grabbed 2 blue rupees from Link's pocket and gave them to the boss, throwing a graphing hook into his arms.
"You just did, now fight the boss!" She screamed in his face.
Link grumbled and faced the boss.
"I will defeat you! Now, stop pulling on the dragon's tail so we can all go one with our lives!" Link screamed at him.
"I wasn't pulling on his tail," The boss said, "He's just mad that I took this property from him while I was looking for a new home"
"A new home?"
"yeah, my mom kicked me out and I was just looking for a new place to live. What did you think I was doing?"
"I don't know. Being evil?"
"I'm not evil! You're talking about my evil twin brother, Gohma"
"Than who the hell are you?"
"Marshmallow"
"What kind of name of is that?"
"Ask my mother I don't know"
Medli stared at the ceiling while the pair argued back and forth. Her eyes went wide when they realized the ceiling was cracking.
"Hey, guys. How much does Valoo weigh?' She asked the pair.
"I don't know. Why are you asking?" Marshmallow asked.
"The ceiling is cracking"
The trio looked up and then at each other.
"This isn't going to end well, is it?" Link asked.
"NO" The other two said.
All of a sudden, the ceiling collapsed and buried them in rubble.
"Ah, crap! We're screwed!" Medli screamed.
"Oh, don't worry. We'll spawn on the island again!" Link said.
(5 minutes later)
Medli and Link spawned on the beach of the island to see all the people of the island standing there.
"What happened to you guys? Island destroyed?" Link asked.
"Yes, the dragon crushed our home. Now we have to live on this beach!" The leader screamed.
"Yeah, that's sad, but I can't help you. I have a world to save and I can't spend this time saving you from poverty"
Link walked away, clearly not caring to help them. The bird people looked offended and glared at the boy.
"Does anybody else here want to kill him?" The leader asked.
"Hell yeah!" They screamed.
Link quickly jumped into the king of red lions.
"Play the ballad of gales already! The entire race of bird people wants me dead!" He screamed.
"The boss destroyed the island and now the people are blaming you, right?" The king of red lions asked him.
"Yes, now hurry up and save me!"
"But playing the ballad of gales would be breaking the fourth wall!"
"Who cares! Save me!"
King of red lions sighed and played the ballad of gales. The bird people flew at him at high speeds. A tornado flew around the pair of heroes, blowing them back and making them ram into various walls.
Once they were gone, the bird people sat on the shore of their now ruined island and sighed.
"This is where we die. We will die on the shores of our once beautiful island" The leader said.
"Of hunger?"
"Of monsters?"
"No. Komali is going to brutally murder us or, if he's hungry, eat us one by one"
The race of people looked at one another as Komali flew around in the background at the speed of sonic the hedgehog.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" The entire race screamed.
Okay, that wasn't as good as usual. I kind of rushed this chapter and that was an AWFUL idea! I wanted to get this chapter up today and it didn't turn out as good as I hoped it would. I hope you still like it anyway. I'm so sorry about the late update. I was getting distracted by extremely unimportant stuff. Anyway, constructive criticism is always welcome and flamers can go somewhere else. Feel free to review. I was going to say "Read and review", but if you read this, you already did the reading part! Anyway, you guys have an awesome day! See ya!