Disclaimer: Veronica Mars and all recognizable characters are the intellectual property of Rob Thomas.
Two:
It's weird waking up on the couch in the house where he used to live. He wonders how he's gotten here, and why his brain is fuzzy. Then Kendall's angry face swims into his vision and even someone as unobservant as Dick can tell that she's royally pissed off.
"We need to talk," she hisses, and rolls her eyes at the sight of Dick sleeping it off on the other couch.
Cassidy nods and gets up quietly. He follows her to her room and rubs at his temples as she closes the door behind her and firmly locks it. She looks like a predator as she approaches him and he swallows thickly, but he's determined he won't show that he's nervous. She gets him backed up against her bed, and then she shoves him back and he lands on it with a grunt.
"All right resurrection boy, let's get something straight right now. I've helped you out when I really didn't have to, although I'll admit you helped me out when your father left me dirt poor and at your mercy. Now the whole point of your dying was so that you could like move on, finally be a real boy or whatever. It wasn't so that you could become your brother's best friend and end up right back where you started! This is how smart people get caught, they start acting stupid! Use that damn brain of yours, already," she snarls at him, and jabs him in the shoulder to emphasize her point as she looms over him.
"Beaver is dead," Cassidy growls right back at her, and swats her hand away. He's surprisingly clearheaded now, though the hangover-induced headache is still pounding at the edges of his consciousness. "I'm your son, Cassidy Banks. So mom, how about welcoming me home with open arms."
"My kid is deader than you are," she bites out, though she pauses, and there's a flash of regret in her eyes, but it's gone in the next moment. "You are just a pain in the ass who is hell bent on self-destructing, and I've been talking to your little girlfriend. She's not too happy with the prospect of working on the site, but I gave her your offered salary, that comes out of your shares of the company by the way, and she didn't pass it up."
He nods. "Good, she is the best, and I like having the best working for me."
"No, you're just sentimental and hopelessly stupid when it comes to anything that can't be seen in a pie chart."
"Gee Mom, just when I was starting to feel welcomed."
"Have I mentioned lately how much I really dislike you? Because I think your memory needs refreshing," she snaps, and narrows her eyes in a show of anger as he simply smirks at her. "Fine, if you get caught and you so much as breathe my name, I will have your ass thrown off of the roof of the Neptune Grand, and kid, I have the resources to do just that."
"So does this mean I can visit you in your pending old age?" His eyes are sparkling as he discovers just what it is that makes Kendall tick.
She adjusts her cleavage in his face and gives him her best, 'fuck you' smile as she says, "Does this look like old age to you? Now go take some aspirin for your hangover, and hang out with your stupid brother while Keith and Veronica Mars figure this whole mess out and then nail your ass. Have a good life in the meantime, really."
She walks over to her dresser and checks her reflection in the mirror, running a perfectly manicured nail across her bottom lip. He gets up from her bed, crosses the room, unlocks her door, jerks it open and slams it hard behind him. He's storming down the stairs when suddenly he runs into a solid chest and falls back against the bottom steps, jarring his elbow and his tailbone in the process.
"Fuck, Dick, what the hell?!" he snarls.
"Bea…" Dick almost lets slip out, but he shakes his head and corrects himself. "Cass, man I'm sorry. I just heard this door slam and then a picture fell and like man, what's up with that?"
Cass shrugs and sighs as he rubs at his temple, which is aching again. "Mommy dearest saw me and freaked. You know how it goes. So got anything that will help with a hangover?"
"Aspirin and like lots of Evian, bro, seriously works wonders. The kitchen's this way," Dick says and Cassidy follows him to the kitchen, though he already knows the way.
He smirks as he watches Dick search all the drawers and cabinets in pursuit of the aspirin and he really wants to tell him that it's in the cabinet with the drinking glasses, but he keeps his mouth shut. He grins when Dick grabs the bottle triumphantly and starts to do a dance before he's clutching his head and groaning in pain. Dick shakes a couple of pills out of the little bottle and knocks them back dry, before he tosses the bottle to Cassidy and gets a couple of bottles of water out of the fridge. He takes a long swig from his water bottle as he hands Cassidy the other.
Cassidy pops two aspirin in his mouth and then uncapping the water he takes a few swallows and downs the pills before he decides to drink a good swig from the water as the dry mouth is killing him.
"I'm so never drinking again," Cassidy moans.
"Same here," Dick replies and lifts his empty water bottle in salute.
Cassidy is amazed with how his summer passes so quickly, and all of the burdens of his old life slowly slip away. He's happy hanging out with his brother and pissing off Kendall every time he calls her mom.
He's getting to really know himself as much as he's getting to know Dick, and for once Dick isn't ignoring him. Dick is his friend again, like they were when they were little kids and Dick was actually a decent older brother. Like it was before little league, and Woody Goodman, like it was before he was forced to grow up.
He likes just being a kid again. It's so liberating and amazing, and Dick isn't so bad. He can still be a shallow asshole, but he's actually funny, and it's something that Cassidy never really noticed before.
He's lying back in his bed, his fingers entwined behind his head, his legs crossed below him as he looks at his ceiling and mulls over starting his senior year at Pan High. Dick is still a little miffed that he's choosing Pan High over Neptune, but Cassidy knows its necessary. There are too many memories at Neptune and he doubts he can make it though the entire year there, not with everyone staring at him and saying how much he looks like the crazy kid, Beaver, the one that blew up a bus full of kids and a plane.
He also likes his independence, he's free to come and go as he pleases, and he's not trapped in a huge mansion. He has his own little place and he can choose to stay or leave without answering to anyone and he is responsible for the up keep. There are no maids constantly around, eavesdropping, poking through his things, changing sheets he's already changed.
He likes that he's on his own, and it's his. It's nothing that was given to him with his father's money, it's something he's earned all on his own and it makes him proud.
He is starting to nod off as thoughts randomly swirl in his head and then he hears a knock at his door. He sighs, wondering who it is, because it's not the sharp knuckled rap on the door that Kendall usually gives and it's not the steady door breaking pound that Dick always exercises without mercy. He stumbles, tired and exhausted to the door, mindful of the wires of the game controller on the floor. He shakes his head recalling how things have changed and how close he's actually managed to get with his brother.
He pulls open the door, thinking that it might be Dick, when suddenly his eyes widen and he's staring at Mac. Her eyes don't glow the way they used to and the two streaks of color she used to have in her dark hair are gone. She also looks tired, and very stunned as she stares at him. This is the first time he's seen her since his funeral.
"Hello," he says awkwardly, unsure of what to say.
He's been avoiding her.
She's been trying to get a meeting with Kendall's silent partner, the person that insists she's the best person to maintain the Phoenix Land Trust's website, and he's the person who authorized the huge salary that she's been collecting. She got his address from Veronica, and she didn't understand the sympathy and regret in Veronica's eyes as she'd taken the address from her, but now she does, because she is facing someone who is supposed to be dead.
"Cassidy," she says, her voice soft and then her eyes flutter and roll back into her head as she faints, and he barely manages to catch her in time.
He winces as he picks her up and notices that she's gained some weight. He manages to stagger over to his couch and lay her down. He then closes his door, goes into his bathroom, gets a washcloth, runs it under the cold tap, and returns to her side. He kneels on the floor next to the couch, pressing the cool cloth against her cheeks and he can't take his eyes off of her, because she's still so beautiful. To him she's still his Mac.
She's starting to come around. As her eyes open he's expecting her to scream, lash out, hit him, anything but what she does. He winces when she brings her hands to his face and runs her fingers lightly across his features, jaw, cheeks, forehead, and then her fingers are in his hair and he's leaning into her touch, and he can't stop himself. He wonders how she can touch him after all he's done to her. He closes his eyes against the memories of what he used to be.
"Oh God, Cassidy, you're alive, but how? I was at your funeral, and you were dead. You jumped off the Neptune Grand and crushed in the roof of Madison Sinclair's car and you were dead. What are you doing here? Now?" she asks, and there are tears in her eyes as she sits up, and he doesn't know how to answer her because he knows he can't lie to her. She knows him and she knows who he is.
"I'm so sorry, Cindy," he whispers, and he wants to lean forward and kiss her so badly, but he doesn't think it will be right…not after what he's done.
She takes his face between her hands and then her lips are pressed against his and he's surprised. She kisses him greedily, her tongue slipping across his lips and he opens his mouth to her, and it's like it was before that night, sweetness, and hope, and buttery caramel.
She pulls back from the kiss and then she's off of his couch and running toward the kitchen, looking desperately for something, anything as she clutches her stomach. She finds the trashcan next to the stove and then she is vomiting. Cassidy winces. He hates that he's made her react like this, that he makes her sick to her stomach. He walks into the kitchen, stops beside her and pulls her hair back. He wants to rub her back and comfort her, but he doesn't know if that is his place anymore.
When she's finished, she looks up at him, and he tells her where she can find the bathroom.
He is sitting on the couch in his living room when she comes and sits down in the chair next to the couch. She's leaning forward, her elbows on her knees, and her hands clasped together. Her body is trembling and he's fighting every urge to just get up, go over to her, and wrap his arms around her, tell her that everything is going to be okay. He doesn't want to lie to her though. How can everything be okay?
Finally she looks up and meets his dark, hopeful eyes, those sad eyes that hold so many regrets. She takes in a deep breath and speaks.
"I came because I wanted to thank my mysterious benefactor. I was kind of surprised when Kendall Casablancas came to me and asked me if I was interested in maintaining the Phoenix Land Trust website. I didn't even know that it was an actual business; I just thought that you were like doing it for your Future Business Leaders of America thing. I guess the joke is on me. Were you paying me off or something? Why did you want me?"
"Because you're the best, and I wanted to make sure you were okay, that you had money to go to school if you wanted to. I wanted you to be taken care of," he whispers, and reaches out to her, before he rethinks the gesture and his hand is dipping nervously beneath the collar of his t-shirt, and he's the same guy who fell for her at the beginning of last year.
"So what happened that night? How is it that you're alive? Why did you just leave me and take my clothes? I've heard it all from Veronica. I know what you did to her, and how you almost killed her on that roof. I want to hear it from you now, because what I heard from her doesn't sound like the Cassidy that I know," she whispers, and she's swallowing thickly, anger and sadness in her blue eyes, and he wonders if he's strong enough to tell her the truth.
"Veronica is kind of smarter than she looks. I found that out when I had her investigate Kendall and she blew the cover on my dad's old company. That night she sent you a message while you were in the shower. She was warning you about me. I went crazy. I knew that I would have to put my back-up plan into action, so I did. I knew it would go down that night if I had to go through with it. Kendall knew this guy Clarence Wiedman, he set up all of the paperwork, found a body he could toss out of a window, and when I stepped off of the roof I grabbed the ledge below where Kendall was staying and she helped me inside and pushed the body out of the window," he says, by way of explanation.
"I've guessed along those lines to get to the part where you are sitting there in that chair very much alive. Now tell me why, I want to hear you say it," she says firmly.
"You don't understand Cindy, he deserved it. Do you know how many kids he's touched and broken? It had to stop, but I didn't want anyone knowing that I was one of those kids. So I blew up the bus to keep them quiet, but it still drove me crazy that he was getting away with it. Yes I blew up Woody Goodman's plane. You want to know why? He used to take me to his house for private coaching, but instead of playing catch or working on my batting average he drank beer and told me how much he cared about me while he touched me! What's makes it so bad is that I couldn't stop it and my body would react. I'd see him getting off and I knew it was bad, but my body reacted. That's why it was so hard for me to touch you, because with you it felt right and I knew it was right and I loved you, but I was dirty, and I knew that you had to see that, you had to know. That if I touched you I'd make you dirty, but it didn't stop me. And I can't even remember why I took your clothes, maybe it was because I didn't want you coming after me, I was protecting you…or I don't know."
"I'm sorry," she says, and she reaches for his hand, takes it and gives it a squeeze. "You could have told me though. We could have gotten through it, Cass."
"I didn't want your pity," he spits out bitterly, and turns to the floor in shame, and then he shifts his gaze back up to her and snatches his hand back from her grasp. "So when should I expect Veronica pounding down my door with the sheriff's department backing her up? Or she hasn't figured it out yet?"
"She doesn't know, but she's probably suspicious," Mac says, and she smiles as she notices the streaks of blue in his hair as light from the hall filters in through his blue curtains, and her fingers are itching to run through it. "And I'm not going to tell her. I have my own reasons for keeping your secrets and keeping you safe."
"Why do you even care?" Cassidy asks, and his voice is cracking with emotion and confusion.
She shrugs. "Because you are the only boy that has ever touched me and I still love you, and there's something I need to tell you."
He cocks his head in curiosity, at the worried tone in her voice and he looks at her, and wonders what she could possibly have to tell him after revealing that she still loves him. "Okay," he says cautiously, to encourage her.
"I've only found out recently, but…" she begins and then she's up and running for the bathroom again, and he's there in a flash holding her hair back while she moans and retches over the toilet. When she's finished and the toilet is flushed he leans against the door and watches her as she cleans up. She swirls some of his mouthwash in her mouth and spits it out to get the taste out of her mouth and then she looks at him and her eyes are brimming with tears, and he's wondering what could possibly have her so upset, if it isn't him.
"What is it, Cindy? Are you sick? Do you need to see a doctor? If you can't afford it I'll gladly pay. I'll do anything for you," he says, and pushes off from the door and puts his arms around her, and she's clinging to him, and he notices that her stomach is poking against him, not much, just a little bit, but enough for him to notice. She's shaking, her face is pressed against his shoulder and he feels her hot tears burning through his shirt.
They sink to the floor together as he holds her and she cries against him. When she has no more tears and her sobs have died down to random hiccups, she finally pulls back, and he still thinks she is beautiful as he looks at her. He reaches into the cabinet below the sink and grabs another washcloth. He stretches and runs it under the cold water, before he turns the faucet off and then he's washing her face off with the cold, wet washcloth, and he's whispering anything he can think of that might calm her down.
Finally he shifts and holds her against him, as he leans his back against the bathroom door, and he wonders what's wrong with her. She isn't about to tell him that she's got some kind of incurable thing and that she's dying, is she? His breath stills in his throat and his body stiffens. She senses that he's stressed, and again there is fear in her eyes, but she is determined to tell him.
"I'm pregnant." She doesn't mean to blurt it out, but it's too late. The words are said and there's no undoing them or taking them back.
He's stunned. He doesn't know how to react, but that does explain why she's heaving every few minutes, why she fainted on his doorstep, why she's gained weight.
"But how?" he asks and winces because he knows it's a stupid question and then he says, "I mean, it wasn't all that great. I let you down and it was over in like a few seconds. I couldn't hold out or anything, and the condom slipped when I…oh."
"Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too," she whispers delicately and her cheeks are flushed.
"So who else knows about this?" he asks gently.
She sighs and leans her head back against his shoulder as she looks up at him. She's surprised that her anger with him has faded. She sees that he's the boy that she fell in love with again. She knows he's done terrible things, and she should probably hate him, but she can't bring herself to. Not after she's seen the look in his eyes and knows that he desperately wants to be forgiven in spite of whatever act he's putting on for everyone. She also sees the fear in his eyes, and wonders what this news could mean for him, for her, for all of them.
"No one. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell anyone. I mean I'm not supposed to be the clichéd girl who gets knocked up on graduation night. I'm too smart for that, but I guess someone else had other plans," she says lightly.
"I guess I've really messed up your life," he replies, and his eyes are so sad, and his voice sounds so bleak. "I'm sorry. What are you planning on doing?"
She shrugs. "I'm going to shoulder my responsibility, and see that this genius in the making is raised right. I mean think about it, this kid will have my looks and our combined brains. Business and technological savvy, may the future beware. I won't let what happened to you happen to them though."
"Neither will I," Cassidy says, and there is conviction in his voice, and he pulls Mac closer against him and drops his hands to the bump that is barely noticeable.
He drops a kiss on her temple and he wonders how she can be so forgiving when he still can't forgive himself. She said that she still loves him, he hopes that it will be enough. He's not stupid. He knows they have a lot to work through, but knowing that after she's found out that he's alive, and she intends to keep that a secret, and she trusts him with the knowledge of the existence of their child growing inside her, there is still something between them. He's almost afraid to hope until he shifts his gaze down to her face and sees that her eyes are closed. He realizes that she's fallen asleep.
He carefully gathers her in his arms, slowly gets to his feet, opens the bathroom door, carries her down the hall to his bedroom, and gently lies her down on the bed. He pulls the covers over her and presses a light kiss to her lips before he retreats from the room and lies down on his couch, one arm behind his head as thoughts of a baby swim through his mind. He thought school would be the thing to keep him up all night, but a baby makes school seem so blasé in comparison.
The smell of bacon and eggs slowly registers as consciousness seeps into him, and he groans as he shifts and realizes that he isn't sleeping on his nice, comfy bed. He slowly sits up, his body aches from having slept on his couch, and then he remembers why he slept on the couch and he stands up.
His eyes widen at the sight of Mac in his kitchen, and she's cooking. It's such a domestic thing and he finds that he likes this, could maybe even get used to the prospect of seeing her cooking breakfast every morning.
He then realizes that she's cooking bacon and eggs, and she's a vegan. She isn't cooking for herself; she's cooking for him. He steps into his kitchen and smiles as he slips up behind her and presses a kiss to her cheek, and he hopes he doesn't sound shy and awkward as he quietly greets her with a good morning.
She smiles at him and shakes her head. "I'm just amazed that I've managed to actually cook this without ralphing everywhere."
"You didn't have to, but thanks," he replies, as she puts the steaming food on a plate for him and pushes the bread down in the toaster.
He takes the plate and munches on some bacon as he sits down at the counter and watches her move around his kitchen. He watches as she butters the toast and then hands it to him before she drops two more slices in the toaster.
He pours himself a glass of milk, while she takes a sip of orange juice. She gives him a sidelong glance and says, "If you're thinking of asking me to stay you better get used to soymilk and sherbet ice cream."
"Raspberry is your favorite," he says, and then after a thought, continues, "I think I can pick a few things up after school."
When the toast pops up out of the toaster she takes a bite of it dry and smiles at him, pleased that he remembers her favorite ice cream. He watches her out of the corner of his eye as he finishes his breakfast, and then she looks up at the clock on the wall and says, "So maybe you should consider a shower, like now or you're going to be late. Can't be late your first day."
He nods and then sighs. "Cindy, will you be here when I get home?"
"I'll have to go home to change, but sure," she says.
He nods again. "Thanks."
She gives him a small smile, knowing what he's thanking her for. She knows he's sorry, and she is trying to understand, without judging too harshly, because knowing him; he's judging himself enough for everyone. She knows this normalcy that she's trying for with him doesn't change anything, doesn't sweep anything under the rug, but after thinking he's dead for the last few months and finding out about the baby, she needs it.
She'll ignore the reality for just a little while until he's ready to open up to her, because she knows that he's not the monster he's been painted out to be. He's just scared and trying to find a way to stop hurting, granted he went about doing it entirely the wrong way. She just hopes that she can get Veronica to see it that way when the time comes, because Veronica will figure it out. She's fairly sure that Veronica is more than a little suspicious, which was why Veronica had hesitated with telling her where to find her benefactor.
She sighs and listens as the shower comes on. She finishes her toast, and the last bit of her orange juice, before she begins washing dishes, just for something to do. After about ten minutes Cassidy is in the kitchen, fully dressed in a pair of jeans, and his usual layers, a dark blue t-shirt and a light blue button up shirt that is open. He shoulders his new backpack, glad that he's going with the backpack as opposed to the messenger bag his first day of school. Messenger bags are more for cafés anyway.
She likes that his hair is wet, and he smells like his soap, pure and simple like that bar of aloe Ivory. His hair smells kind of fruity, like it used to, and she's glad that the things she loves about him haven't changed that much. She runs her hands through his wet hair with a smile and he kisses the corner of her mouth.
"So I'll see you when I get home?" he asks and holds out a key for her.
She smiles as she takes it. "Of course, and then we'll go over some new ideas I have for improving the site. I also have some thoughts on presenting your real estate to prospective customers. I might be a little cranky when you get home. I'll probably be working on my psych paper. Like I need that class when I'm planning on majoring in computer programming and can put most of the computer teachers to shame with my knowledge. Still the degree is a nice credential on a resume."
"So what is your schedule like for classes this year?" he asks out of curiosity.
"I'm taking my classes electronically. I made that decision when I found out about the baby," she replies, and he nods in acknowledgement. She looks up at the clock and then gives him a small shove toward the door. "Go or you're going to be late."
Cassidy has a smile on his face as he slips behind the wheel of his SUV. He knows things aren't okay, and it will take some time before it gets there, but it's headed in that direction, and maybe he can hope for some kind of normal after all. Still he's going to be a father before he graduates. He takes a deep breath at the thought and suddenly he's scared that he can't measure up, not after everything, but Mac believes in him, so maybe it will be okay.
He doesn't even realize he's made it to school until he's shutting off the SUV and getting out of it. He grabs his book bag from the passenger's seat, and then heads toward the large building. He takes a deep breath and savors the first official breath of his fresh start. Thoughts of Mac and raspberry sherbet ice cream drifting through his mind as he heads to the main office to get his schedule, locker number, and combination.
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