Emma's determination dwindled with each step from Gold's shop to her car. She sat behind the wheel and repeatedly banged her head into it. This was lunacy. How could she just grab Hatter and demand he sleep with her? Especially after everything between them in the past. Sure, he was decent looking, that wasn't the problem, and if it had to be a near-stranger, at least he should be tolerable. But still! What could she say? She didn't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing. She'd met Neal when she was very young, and she definitely hadn't had a lot of opportunity to date after prison. She wasn't even sure she could scrounge up one decently alluring outfit to wear, much less a convincing pickup line.

"Ok, this is stupid," she told herself. "Guys want sex all the time, right? I'm not a hag or anything. This is actually Jefferson's lucky day! I'll just go to his mansion, we'll knock the spell out, then I'll go home, pack, and Henry will be safe while I'm gone." She nodded firmly, and having convinced herself (for the moment, at least), she drove off.

As luck would have it, she saw Hatter walking down the street on her way to the mansion. Maybe he had dropped his daughter off at school? Emma pulled the car over and parked slightly illegally on the side of the street. "Well, hell, it's not like I'm going to give myself a ticket."

She got out and wiped her hands on her jeans a couple of times to dry them. She took a deep breath, then jogged up to the man. "Hey, Jefferson, wait up."

Jefferson turned quickly, signature long coat whipping around in an elegant sweep. He looked vaguely alarmed. "Sheriff Swan, what are you doing here? I didn't do anything illegal! I'm allowed to walk Grace to school. Her foster parents and I have an understanding. In fact, she'll be coming to live with me soon. Weekends only at first, but hopefully-"

"No," Emma interrupted. Lord, that man could go on and on. Still, he was rather handsome, and he did care a lot about his child. She was convinced she was taking the right approach. "You're not in any trouble. I just wanted to talk."

He looked at her askance. "About what?"

Emma hooked her thumbs into her belt loops and swayed back and forth a bit with nervous tension. "I… Well, I sort of need a favor. From you. So… that's what I'm here to talk to you about. Ask you. For that favor, that is." Shit. She wasn't making much sense, if the growing apprehension on his face was anything to go by.

"I'm not sure I understand, Sheriff."

"Call me Emma."

Now he looked outright scared. Ok then, it was time to take the bull by the horns. The milliner by the hat. Whatever.

"Look, Jefferson, I need your help with a spell to ensure Henry's safety while I'm out of town."

His expression cleared. "Oh, I see. Henry's a good kid. He believed me when nobody else did, and he's friends with my Grace. I don't have my hat anymore, but what can I do to help?"

Emma stuffed her hands deep into her front pockets. "I need you to mrphlerpmmmme."

Jefferson leaned forward, "What was that?"

"I NEED YOU TO SLEEP WITH ME!" Emma shouted, then blushed fiercely and glanced around. There wasn't anyone else out walking yet. Close call.

Jefferson did not look nearly shocked enough. Maybe this was a more common type of spell than she had thought? "I don't see what sleeping with you can possibly accomplish, but I suppose it's not really a huge favor. You can come over tonight, if you like."

Oh, thank God! He was taking this really well. "Thank you for agreeing to help me, Jefferson, it means a lot to me. But I'm afraid tonight will be too late. I'm leaving town at noon, so could we just do it now?"

"Well, I suppose we could try, Sheriff, but I'm really not tired at all yet."

"Call me Emma. And what does… Oh. SERIOUSLY? What is it with you people?! You've lived in this world for twenty-eight years now! You guys don't know common euphemisms? I. Need. You. To. Have. Sex. With. Me. Jefferson!"

Now he looked properly shocked. "What? I mean… What? I… You… What?"

"Look, it's no big deal, really. It's part of the spell. After Mr. Gold, you have the strongest connection to the land, and-"

"After Mr. Gold?! You mean you-"

"No, gross! God, of course I didn't! I just mean-"

Jefferson started backing away slowly.

Emma growled and ran a hand through her hair. "Ok, I'm going to level with you. The spell requires me to sleep- I mean, have sexual intercourse with a man, and the more magical that man is, the more powerful the protection over Henry will be. After Gold, you and August, Pinocchio, are the only two men who were aware of the existence of magic even during the curse. You two are connected to the Enchanted Forest in a way that most other men here aren't, you two would be the best options for ensuring a strong spell. And August is missing. That leaves you." Emma was aware that this perhaps was not the most flattering way to get a guy, but what could she do? She had to be honest with him. "It won't really mean anything, Jefferson."

"That's, that's the problem, Sheriff. I can't just… I haven't. I haven't been with a woman since my wife died. That was hundreds of years ago."

It was Emma's turn to be shocked. Hundreds of years?

"I've had opportunities, mind you! But it was never the right setting, never the right moment."

"Never the right woman?" she questioned softly.

Jefferson sighed. "Exactly. It was never her. My wife was everything to me, and when she died, part of me died with her. I can't be with someone I don't love as much as I loved her; it would feel like a betrayal. And as much as I would like to help Henry, I don't love you. I hope you understand."

What could she say? "Of course I understand, Jefferson. I'm really sorry I even asked for this kind of favor. It wasn't fair of me. I hope we can just sort of forget about this, forget about everything, and be friends." She stuck her hand out, and he reached over to shake it, visibly relieved.

"Of course, Sheriff. Emma." He smiled, turned around with another little coat-twirl, and was on his way.

Emma slumped against a nearby oak tree and buried her face in her hands. That figures. She finds the one celibate man in all of Storybrooke and propositions him. Unbelievable.

She was jarred out of her self-pity by a low, mocking laugh coming from the other side of the tree behind her. It was a very familiar laugh.

Oh, no freaking way.

XXXXX

"Hook," she spat, almost choking on embarrassment and anger. She turned and stalked around to where he was standing. "You eavesdropping bastard. What, you have nothing better to do than skulk behind trees listening to idle village chatter? Don't you have a powerful magician to run away from?"

"My dear Emma-"

"That's Sheriff Swan to you!"

"You wound me. Very well, as you wish it, Sheriff." And, somehow, he managed to make even that sound dirty.

"Firstly," he continued, "I am not now nor ever will be hiding from the Crocodile. He should be hiding from me."

"Ha!" Emma snorted.

Hook decided to charitably ignore the unladylike outburst. "Secondly, I was behind the tree because I saw you drive up in your police vehicle and didn't want to make your official acquaintance just now. I thought it would be advantageous to take cover. How was I to know you were going to stop and accost that poor slob? Thirdly, don't try to change the subject. That was definitely not idle village chatter. I've heard more subtle talk in whorehouses." He started laughing again.

"Eavesdropper! Filthy scheming bastard! Goddamned pirate!" Emma temporarily lost her mind and swung out wildly at Hook. He easily caught her hand in his own and continued to chuckle lightly.

"Uh uh, love, you won't catch me off guard with that sledgehammer again. I've got my eye on you. Which is lucky for you, really, considering…" he trailed off.

Emma fumed silently. Then loudly. "Let go of my hand, Hook! And what do you mean, considering? Considering what? The fact that I'm about to kill you?" She tugged, but his grip was firm. She was debating where to kick him when he abruptly let go of her hand. She stumbled backwards but he caught her by her lapel and dragged her back. Dragged her quite a bit closer than she had been before, in fact. She put her hands up to his chest to push him away, but he looped his arms around her and leaned in waytoo close for comfort.

"No, considering you need me, darling."

"The only thing I need, Hook, is for you to back out of my personal space, then preferably die. In that order." She shoved again, and he spun her against the tree and leaned in even closer. Their noses were scant inches apart now, and she noticed that the kohl around his eyes was badly smudged. He looked tired. But still smirking, damn him!

"Tsk, is that any way to ask me for a favor? One would think you'd be a little more humble. Perhaps on your knees? Ah, but let's not get ahead of ourselves." His smile deepened and it looked positively evil now.

Emma's eyebrows drew down into a rage-induced V. "You'd better not be implying what I think you are! As if I would ever ask you for anything. I would rather have sex with Grumpy! Or Dopey! Or whichever dwarf was lying around! Now if you will get the hell out of my way, I've got to go back to town. I'm running out of time, between you and Jefferson-"

"Fool," Hook scoffed.

"He is not a fool!" Emma shot back. "I find his devotion to his late wife sweet. A pirate probably wouldn't understand."

Hook tightened his grip on her waist. "You might be surprised how well this particular pirate understands. But anyways, I wasn't calling him a fool. I was referring to you."

Emma huffed and glared. "Why am I a fool? I asked, was refused, and I'm moving on. No big deal!" It was, in fact, a huge deal, but he didn't need to know that.

"You are a fool, albeit a very lovely one," he said to her chest, "because you went to him. Why choose the foppish hat maker? You really should have just come straight to me with you little favor. " He raised his eyes and they were so hot, Emma was surprised the tree behind her didn't catch fire. "Granted, I don't have magic myself, but I was born to the enchanted lands and am most recently arrived to your world. If anyone still has the magic of our homeland in his veins, it is I. Who better to perform the spell with, love? Who better to sleep with?" he mocked.

Emma ran her tongue over her upper lip, her mouth suddenly dry. Hook's gaze followed the small movement. "No way, Hook. Absolutely not. It will neverhappen. It will never be you."

"Well, my dear Sheriff," he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Then who will it be? If not the wooden brat, and not the hat maker, and not me, then who is left?"

Emma's heartbeat quickened. The smooth-talking jackass had a point. No need to tell him that just yet, though.

"Well, I suppose there is always Gold," she mused. "He obviously wouldn't be my first choice, but of course, he's not my last, either." Her expression left no room to doubt just who her dead last choice would be. "He even offered, for a price, and I suppose he would ensure the most powerful spell casting, seeing as he's the strongest man in town." She inched to the side, and Hook allowed it in his outrage.

"The Crocodile?! Surely you jest! You cannot be considering him! That is…" he sputtered uncharacteristically.

It was refreshing to see him at a loss for words. His expression was incredulous, and Emma took advantage of his distraction to completely slip out from between him and the tree. He reached to grab her again, but she was quicker. Her right cross caught him so hard that he hit the tree with a loud crack.

"Ouch," Emma sympathized sarcastically. "Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way." She took a deep breath, and waited for Hook to right himself. He glared at her over his bloody nose, but made no further move towards her.

"Fine, be a bitch," he said somewhat nasally. "Happy hunting." He turned to go, but she grabbed at his coat sleeve. He turned back.

Emma stood there, and her face was a mixture of humiliation, anger, and desperation. It was beautiful to see. "Wait", she said. "Just… hold on."

He grinned and his annoyance with her was instantly forgotten. He eyed her up and down. "To what, love?"

Emma sighed, already regretting her decision. It was going to be a long couple of hours.