Disclaimer: Veronica Mars and all recognizable characters are the intellectual property of Rob Thomas.
Four:
He's in the living room, lying on the couch, his arm behind his head, and he's staring up at the ceiling, watching the shadows shift and change. He's starting to drift off to sleep when he hears a whimper that he can't ignore. Then he hears his name, and she's screaming.
"No, please. Don't. Don't jump, please."
He can't stand how her voice is pleading as she begs. He's down the hall in seconds, throws his bedroom door open and sees Mac thrashing in his bed. She's tangle in the covers, tears trailing her face, and from her expression it looks like her heart is breaking. He grabs her wrists, and climbs on top of her, straddling her so that she can't hurt herself. He pushes her wrists down and holds them next to her head.
He leans down, nuzzles her cheek with his nose, and breathes in her scent, bamboo, lilies, lavender, caramel and Mac. He's shushing her and whispering next to her ear. "It's okay, Cindy, I'm right here, wake up. Come on, wake up."
Her body isn't fighting him anymore as she shifts her head. She's relaxing as her eyes begin to flutter open and he's breathless as he's lost staring into her wide blue eyes.
"Hi," she says quietly, a guilty expression on her face because she thinks she woke him up, and then her face floods with color as she notices their position.
He blushes as he notices too, and slowly he lets go of her wrists. He shifts so that he's kneeling beside her on his bed, the mattress dipping beneath his knees. He pushes her hair back from her face, and decides that looking at his bookshelves is a good idea, because he doesn't know what to say.
He's about to get off the bed and head back to the couch when he feels her hand slip into his and give it a squeeze before she asks him, "Stay with me?"
He could get whiplash, he's turning his head so fast to look at her. She's giving him a sheepish smile, and then her fingers are gliding up his cheek and into his hair. He leans into her touch, grateful that she's still willing to touch him, because he knows he doesn't deserve it, any of this, her.
Soon he's lying down in his bed, with her, and it's kind of awkward, like graduation night. He's breathing shallowly, unsure of where to put his hands, and he's stiff as a board, and he's starting to feel a familiar stirring in his stomach and lower. He really hopes that it doesn't come to that, because he doubts Mac is ready to confront this part of their relationship, whatever it is.
She scoots over, and drapes an arm across his t-shirt covered chest, and lets her head rest against his shoulder. He brings his arm around her and draws her closer. He shifts his head so that he's looking at her, and he gives her a small smile as she looks up at him, and then he asks, "Want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head. "No, it's all right. You're right here with me, and that's what matters."
He gives a single nod, and he's fairly sure that he knows what she was dreaming about, and it breaks his heart a little bit to know that he's the reason she has nightmares. He presses a kiss to her forehead, and she runs her fingers along his ribs, and her touch is burning, even through the fabric of his t-shirt. He wonders if he should tell her as much. Before he can give voice to his thoughts however, she's speaking.
"It doesn't seem fair that I'm sleeping in your bed and you're on the couch. Don't you have a guest room? I mean what is that room across from the bathroom for? Is it a closet or something?"
"It's the guestroom. I haven't gotten around to furnishing it yet, because I wasn't sure when I would be up to allowing Dick to crash here. Waking up to drunk Dick is never fun," he says with a smile.
"I can imagine."
He chuckles. "Especially when he is lamenting over Madison fucking Lamb."
"What? Madison Sinclair and Sheriff Lamb?" Mac says with a start and she sits up to look at him.
He shrugs, and then gives her a curious look. "Yeah, and why does that interest you?"
"No reason in particular," she says, avoiding the issue of the Sinclairs in general.
"So," he says, sensing that a change in subject is desired. "Are you okay with me staying in here tonight?"
"I asked you to stay, didn't I?" she replied.
"Fair enough. But what about tomorrow? You know it's Saturday tomorrow, we could go out and get some things for the room. I'll let you decorate it since it's yours now," he says with a smile and he hisses a little when her fingers find a particularly ticklish spot near his stomach.
She smiles. "I get to decorate it, huh?"
"Of course, and it's all yours whenever you want to stay," he says with a decisive nod.
"But what if I like this bed?" she asks him playfully.
"Then I'll pick the bed for your room," he chuckles.
"I like this bed with you in it. This is nice, being here with you, and since you haven't given much thought to decorating the guestroom, then maybe it shouldn't be a guestroom," she replies logically.
"Okay," he says, unsure of where the conversation is going. "What should it be then?"
She takes his hand and guides it beneath her t-shirt and presses it gently to her slightly swelling stomach. "I was thinking maybe a nursery?"
"You're always saying you're smarter than me," he says, and swallows against the emotion building in his throat, and he's bending down pressing a kiss to her mouth, wondering why she could possibly be giving him this chance as she opens her mouth to his and responds. When he pulls back he continues, "And I'm starting to believe you."
"So are we ready to go?" Cassidy asks as he rubs his hands together in excitement.
Mac chuckles as she looks at him and says, "You look like a kid waiting to go to the toy store for the first time."
"Yeah, so are we ready?" he asks again, and then there is a steady banging on his door. He winces and groans as he says, "And what is he doing here? He's never awake before one in the afternoon on a Saturday."
He opens the door and Dick is standing there, with coffee and donuts. He's bright eyed and bushy tailed and he looks a little let down as he picks up on Cassidy and Mac looking like they're about to go out. Mac takes pity on him and gives him an affectionate pat on the shoulder. Dick gives her a kind of awkward look, and Mac is wondering why she's making the effort as she says, "We're going shopping to get some ideas on what to do with the spare room, you know since there is the baby to consider. We're thinking about making it into a nursery. You want to come?"
Cassidy's eyes widen as he looks at her, his expression clearly stating, 'You are CRAZY, this is DICK you are talking to!'
She shrugs, and then she thinks maybe Cassidy has a point as a slow smile spreads across Dick's face and he's dropped his arm around her shoulder and says, "Aw, Mackie, how sweet, already hitting up on Uncle Dick to spoil the kid rotten!"
If he calls her 'Mackie' again, she really will be doing the hitting, and perhaps some kicking to prevent him from ever dreaming of breeding. Cassidy, sensing that Mac is not pleased with the nickname Dick has bestowed on her cuts in, puts his arm around her waist, and they step out into the hall. He locks his door behind them and they go down to the parking lot. Cassidy notices Dick's silver SUV, and shakes his head before he heads to his blue Kia Sportage and Mac follows. Dick decides he'll ride with them.
Once in the car there is a discrepancy over music. Dick wants to listen to the radio, and Mac would rather listen to Stevie Nicks, which is already in the CD player. Since Cassidy is driving and he's more apt to side with Mac than his brother, Stevie Nicks wins out, and unfortunately Dick is not one to suffer in silence, as "Bombay Sapphires" fills the car.
Much to the relief of all three they are pulling up into the mall's parking lot. Mac has never been so relieved to be at the mall in all of her life, as long as it's anywhere that is not in a car with Dick bitching and moaning over what's on the radio.
Their first stop is in the Babies R' Us. Mac and Cassidy are drawn to the area where cribs and bed sets are set up. Mac is thinking of going with a neutral color, maybe green or yellow, with a nice golden mahogany color for the furniture. She's found a basinet that is lined with green and it's got a teddy bear sitting in the middle of it, and she smiles as she looks at it, wondering what it will be like to look down at her baby nestled under a soft blanket cuddling up with a teddy bear.
Cassidy comes up behind her and puts his arms around her waist, his fingers twining protectively over her stomach as he presses a kiss to her cheeks and looks down at the bassinet she's got her eye on. She runs her fingers along the edge of the bassinet, and he asks, "So what are you thinking about?"
"Colors," she says. "I don't want pink or blue, it's too cliché. I like the idea of green or yellow, especially since we don't exactly know what we're expecting."
"I've always liked green," he says with a shrug. "And we don't have to commit to anything now, this is mostly just to get ideas, and sort of take baby steps into getting ready for this. I mean this is huge, but we have some time before we absolutely have to have everything ready, right?"
Before she can say anything Dick pops up from out of nowhere with the loudest, brightest, noisiest thing in the store. He holds the swirling, blinking, noisy toy in front of them, and he's looking at the thing, and playing with it, and he has the hugest grin on his face as he says, "This is so the radest thing in the store! I'm totally buying it for the little bun in the oven."
Cassidy is gawking at his brother, amazed that his brother is so entertained by a baby toy, and Mac is biting her tongue, trying hard not to laugh as Dick continues to mess with any moving part of the toy, and push all the buttons on the thing. She chooses to ignore the bun in the oven comment for now.
Once they get over the spectacle of Dick running around and playing with all the toys in the store they start looking at clothes, and Dick shakes his head and looks at the two of them, insisting that they are so stopping by the Baby Gap before the day is over. Mac exchanges a look with Cassidy. He just shakes his head as he is not so secretly blaming her for them being stuck with Dick on this shopping trip.
Nearly two hours pass when Mac finally insists on taking a much-needed break. They end up at the food court. Mac sits down at a table, and Dick takes a seat beside her while Cassidy runs over to the Orange Julius to get them something to drink.
At the sound of a throat clearing Mac looks up and sees Veronica looking from her to Dick in confusion and taking a seat in the other chair next to Mac. Logan shows up a moment later and takes the other seat next to Dick, and he looks as confused as Veronica.
"Hi, Mac," Veronica says and then looks over at Dick, and continues, "So how are things, and what is going on?"
Before Mac can answer, Cassidy is back with their drinks and he stops in his tracks at the sight of Veronica and Logan at the table with Dick and Mac.
"I see you've met the guy responsible for your current job. So again, what is going on?" Veronica asks.
"Someone's being a little nosey," Dick says and looks pointedly at Veronica.
"We're just hanging out," Mac says.
"Right, like you normally hang out at a mall with Dick," Logan replies and then he looks down at the bag that's at Dick's feet and his eyes widen as he looks at Dick and then says, "Hey man, who did you knock up?"
Mac turns beat red, and Logan's mouth falls open as Veronica stares at Mac in shock. Cassidy sets the drinks down on the table and then he's kneeling in between Mac and Dick and his arm is around Mac's shoulder, giving her support and making her feel safe.
Veronica and Logan exchange a look for a moment and then they are collecting themselves as they just stare at Mac. Dick breaks the silence in true Dick fashion.
"The bun in her oven is going to be calling me Uncle Dick in a few months."
"Wow," Logan says, unsure of what else to say.
"Oh, Mac," Veronica says, as she looks at her friend, and then narrows her eyes on the dark eyed boy with his arm around her shoulder. She still doesn't trust him. She shifts her gaze back to Mac as she continues, "Congratulations. I…uh, how long have you known?"
"A few weeks now," Mac replies awkwardly and she begins to fidget nervously.
"And Dick knows before I do?" Veronica asks pointedly.
"I kind of found out by accident, but I'm the bun's Uncle, what are you, Ronnie?" Dick says defensively.
"I'm Mac's friend," Veronica replies.
"Will you please stop referring to the baby as a bun?" Cassidy says through clenched teeth as he glares at his brother.
"Oh come on Cass. I can't call her Mackie, I can't call the bun a bun, Dude, it's not like you've discussed names or anything," Dick says.
"Wait, you two are going out? But the kid can't be yours," Logan says as he looks from Cassidy to Mac, and Mac looks firmly at the table, and Logan winces and rubs his arm shortly after Veronica's fist makes sharp contact with it. "What? I'm just stating the obvious."
"Jackass," Veronica hisses.
Logan rolls his eyes, and Mac finally speaks up to avoid witnessing a fight between Logan and Veronica. "You can pretty much guess who the father is," she whispers.
Veronica reaches out and covers up one of Mac's moving hands and gives it a squeeze. "I'm sorry, Mac, this has got to be really hard for you."
"Actually, it's not. I mean it's kind of scary. I never thought I'd have a baby, especially right out of high school. I always figured that would be something that Madison Sinclair did. I'm okay with it, and what I had with Cassidy, before everything came out. It's not a bad thing, Veronica. This, now, I wouldn't change it if it meant that I wouldn't have known Cassidy the way I did then. I don't expect you to understand, but I did love him, I still do," she says softly, and Cassidy takes her other hand.
Veronica gives a nod and a few minutes later, her and Logan are on their way. Veronica looks over her shoulder as Cassidy Banks takes the seat that she'd previously occupied, and then she turns to Logan and says, "Something isn't right. How can he do that, take advantage of her when she's obviously emotionally vulnerable? And why is she shopping with him and Dick? I can only imagine what Dick is probably like in a baby store, actually I'd rather not."
"I get what you mean, but V, he seemed protective of her. I mean he got all defensive when Dick referred to the baby as a bun, and they seem pretty comfortable together. What can you do? You can't save everyone Mars."
"I still don't trust him, and this isn't like Mac. I think she took Beaver's death a lot harder than I thought, but getting involved with a practical stranger just because he looks like Beaver unless…oh God."
"This sounds interesting. What is going on inside of that pretty blonde head of yours, Sugarpuss?" Logan asks, and looks down at Veronica, waiting for her answer.
He isn't disappointed when she says, "What if Cassidy Banks is really Cassidy Casablancas and Mac and Dick know. Of course they'll cover for him since they care about him, and with Mac in her current condition. Oh my God, I knew there was something about him. But why would Mac… She's not stupid, and she knows what he did to me, what he did to the people on the bus and the plane… Why?"
Logan pulls Veronica close and presses a kiss to her forehead. "If Cassidy Banks really is Beaver, and she knows it, she just told you why. She's going to have his baby and she still loves him. So what do we do about this? If you bring this up with Lamb I doubt he'll believe you, and it'll destroy your friend and Dick."
"But he'll get away with everything. He's killed people, and he raped me. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it," Veronica replies, her voice filled with conviction.
"Are you willing to hurt your friend on a hunch? I mean his story does pan out as far as we know."
"You've seen him, the way he acts. Do you honestly think he's not Beaver?"
Logan sighs. "I think you're right, he is Beaver, but again, are you willing to hurt your friend? And what about the baby?"
"You saw him on the roof. What kind of father do you think he'll be?"
"We won't know until the time comes. Do you remember him on the ledge? He was scared and hurt, he was just a kid who'd been picked on, used, and abused all of his life. Maybe he's trying to make up for it. He really seems protective of her, and maybe the reason he took her clothes was to make sure she wouldn't find her way up to that roof, so that he would know she was safe. He was scared and hurt and lashing out. I'm not saying that what he was doing was right or wrong, but I kind of get it. He was desperate and stupid, and what he did to you, it makes me want to hurt him, but I can't help feeling sorry for him, knowing what he went through with Woody Goodman and all. So maybe we should just wait it out for a while and see what happens. Mac isn't stupid, she wouldn't be with him right now if she didn't trust him," Logan says, and Veronica hates the fact that she sees logic in his words.
She decides to bide her time for now, but she will be watching Cassidy Banks like a hawk. There's too much on the line for her not to watch him.
"You know for a small person, you totally eat a lot. Just because they say it's all you can eat, doesn't mean you can clean out the restaurant," Dick says, and Mac saddles him with a glare, before she perks up at the sight of a convenience store and asks Cassidy to stop.
"Why? We're not that far from home if you have to go to the bathroom," he says.
"Pickles. We don't have pickles," she replies, as though this explains everything.
Dick gives her a confused look and asks, "Why would we want pickles?"
"Not for you, idiot, for me," she replies shortly, and both Dick and Cassidy are surprised with the bite in her voice.
"But, dude, you totally polished off the entire salad bar, and you're still hungry?" he asks incredulously.
Mac rolls her eyes, as she says, "I don't want them."
"Then why are we stopping?" Dick asks, completely lost.
"For the baby, Dick," Cassidy answers.
"But they don't sell baby stuff in there, do they?" Dick is scratching his head at this point.
"No," Mac sighs, and Cassidy takes it from there, "But they have pickles."
Cassidy parks in front of the Sac N' Pac, and hurries out of the car, to get the pickles. Maybe if he's lucky Dick will attempt to figure out why they need pickles silently. If he isn't so lucky, maybe Kendall and some of her people can help him stash the body, because he's beginning to notice that Mac has a bit of a temper, especially with Dick, who can wear down even Ghandi's patience.
The bell over the door tinkles as he steps inside the store. He walks down the aisles, and finds the pickles. He also grabs some chips, pretzels, and a pint of chocolate ice cream for Dick, as Dick has voiced a complaint over finding sherbet and only sherbet ice cream in the freezer. It's not like he lives with them, but he's a constant in the apartment.
He drops everything on the counter and reaches back to his wallet. He's grabs a twenty and when he looks up he realizes that the cashier hasn't rung anything up. Instead the cashier is staring at him, with his mouth hanging open and his dark eyes wide. Cassidy looks at the guy's nametag and then it registers. Wallace Fennel, former star basketball player of Neptune High and Veronica Mars' friend. He's heard Mac talk about him on occasion, even met the guy a couple of times, and now he's being gawked at by him.
"Uh, I kind of need to go before the ice cream melts," Cassidy says softly, and Wallace closes his mouth as he rings him up, but it doesn't stop him from staring.
Wallace hands him his change and then snatches his hand back at the physical contact with Cassidy's hand. Cassidy gives him a quick nod before he drops his change in his pocket and takes the bags. He's walking out of the door, when he hears the familiar nickname that he hates so much, Beaver. He stiffens for a moment, then he jerks the door open and almost runs to his car.
Wallace watches him go, and his mouth falls open again as he realizes that Mac is in the passenger seat of the boy's car. He could have sworn that was Cassidy Casablancas, or Beaver as he was known, but that can't be right. Beaver is dead. Veronica and Logan saw him jump off of the roof of the Neptune Grand, it made the news, and there had been a funeral. He then shudders at the thought of the guy buying pickles and ice cream, and he can't help wondering as his thoughts turn toward Mac and he decides that he really needs to talk to Veronica again, real soon.
"I never thought she'd stop eating, and how can you dip pickles into anything that tastes like raspberries?" Dick asks with a wince as his thumb works the joystick on his controller and his player is totally kung-fuing the shit out of some bad guy, blood spurting out of the bad guy's head with every hit.
Cassidy shrugs, and shudders a little, because he has to admit deep down, he kind of agrees with Dick on pickles and anything raspberry flavored just not mixing, meshing, or otherwise coming into contact with one another. "I don't know, but it's not like she can help it. She didn't just one day wake up pregnant. It's not entirely her fault."
Dick grunts, and then the bad dude's head is flying across the screen and he is victorious again. He shifts his gaze to Cassidy for a moment with a small smile and messes up Cassidy's hair. Cassidy drops his controller and works to fix his hair as Dick says, "And I never would have thought my baby brother would knock up a chick before I did!"
Cassidy sighs as his player dies. His mind isn't on the game, it's on Mac sleeping in his bedroom, and it's on the baby growing inside of her. He still can't grasp that fact that she's giving him this chance, and that she wants this baby. He wonders where she finds the strength. He only hopes he can stumble across her secret, because he's scared shitless. This is a huge responsibility, and yes, he's been responsible for most of his life, but he's fucked up majorly too.
"Dick, I don't know if I'm ready for this. I mean, look at me, the things I've done. How can I possibly deserve any of this, and what do I say when this kid is old enough to ask questions? How do I teach them right and wrong when I've done so many things wrong?" Cassidy asks, and his voice is thick with guilt and fear.
Dick lets out a long breath as his player dies, but he continues on with the game, as Cassidy continues, "How am I supposed to care for a baby? I mean I'm going to be a father before I graduate, and I hardly qualify. I don't want to screw up my kid's life. I can't tell this to Cindy, either. She'll finally come to her senses and she'll leave, and I'll lose everything all over again."
A sucker punch from the bad guy causes Dick to lose another life, and he's getting annoyed. He hits the pause button on his controller, looks at Cassidy and says, "Dude, if you want to talk, say so, but don't just rattle on and on and distract me into getting killed. That's kind of cheating and not cool. Logan's bad about that too, man."
"So does that mean you were listening to me?" Cassidy asks, surprise evident in his voice.
"I died didn't I?" Dick points out, and Cassidy shrugs at Dick's simple logic, but now he's at a loss for what to say, so Dick continues, "And let me get this straight, you go out shopping to look at baby clothes, put up with me playing with all the shiny, loud toys, which are way awesome by the way, and now you're having daddy issues. Man, you got to get your head on straight. Either you want this or you don't. Going into baby stores with Ghost World means you want it. She wouldn't be here if you didn't want it. I know we don't know much about the whole family thing what with Mom and Dad being all fucked up, but we aren't them."
Cassidy's eyes bug out as he realizes that Dick is actually being profound for once. He shakes his head and stares at his brother in shock. Dick grins at him. "Yo, you know I like to catch Oprah, man, but seriously, you'll be fine. I mean if Mac can trust you after everything, and kind of forgive you, then you just got to, you know, do the trust and forgiveness thing for you. You know trust yourself, and forgive yourself. Shit, you're making me go all emo. You tell anyone this and I swear I'll kick the shit out of you, or force you into surfing."
"Well what would you do?" Cassidy asks, genuinely curious.
Dick laughs. "Honestly? I'd totally shit myself and get as wasted as possible. The thing to ask though, isn't what I would do, but what you're going to do."
Cassidy can hardly believe that he's having this conversation with Dick of all people and Dick is being supportive and even insightful. Cassidy sees this as a sign that the world may be coming to an end.
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