HEY! so my exams are all out of the way so I'm free to get back to updating regularly :) but if there is anything you want to ask me or whatever just follow me on twitter or my tumblr which are on my profile here :) Anyway thank you for reading guys, review or tell me how you want things to go ship wise ! Love.
"Santana come on move it! You're giving me a dead shoulder!" the blonde to my side uttered as Brittany's sharp edge to her voice woke me up inducing a grumble of discontent and I received a harsh poke to the ribs. "Santana I'm being serious your massive head is weighing me down."
"I so do not have a big head" I mumbled, the ache in my neck becoming a prominent issue as I leant up "I'll think you'll find it's perfectly proportional."
"Your head is so big I'm surprised you don't fall over from being so top heavy, must be that big ego of yours."Big ego...brilliant just another insult to add to the ever growing list, thanks Brittany you sure do know how to make a girl feel good about herself.
"Oh and here I was thinking we'd made progress" I mumbled, the aftermath of a quick power nap accounting for my orientation as I rubbed my hand over the ache in my neck with my eyes still adjusting to the bright light that was now shining. "Nope wait reality check...Still in the hate zone"
"Exactly" Brittany retorted earning a rather unattractive snort from me.
"Personally I can see where Brittany is coming from Santana you have a less than desirable personality and to be quite honest you're fairly intimidating with your beautiful black flowing hair...the dazzling complexion...the jaw line...your eyes and well your twin assets are a help..." the recognisable voice of twinkle berry trailed off luring me out of my state of after sleep as I realised where I was and with whom.
"Yeah right gay berry don't orgasm while I'm in the room thanks" I chuckled quietly feeling somewhat embarrassed as I quickly masked the uneasy silence that was approaching. "No wait, go on. I missed the part about my dazzling complexion" I laughed again as I glanced at Quinn with a wink as I so often did. We usually behaved like that, jokingly about our appearances, poking fun at one another or employing a false sense of superiority when we both know how insecure we really are. Stupid, yet it relieves any awkward tension and embarrassment you can sometimes feel from compliments that you don't feel become you. Except this time Quinn just looked away, my features tightened and confusion set in quickly. Deciding against the idea to make a show of this now I pushed the confusion to the back of my mind and settled on addressing the issue that was quickly becoming Rachel Berry.
"It's all well and good making fun of me Santana and maybe I got a little carried away in the moment but it doesn't change the fact you're incredibly intimidating, beautiful and both aware of it at the same time" I gulped silently, feeling increasingly more uneasy with the attention that was being directed towards me at the moment. Kind of like when you shine the interrogation light on someone. Yeah kinda like that.
"Rach please stop it, I can feel her head inflating as we speak" Brittany laughed as I nodded in compliance yet feeling grateful for Brittany's although an insult, a well timed one at that. "Although you were way to kind on your analysis" the blonde added with a glance towards me the playful glint in her eyes and the slight curve at the corners of her mouth enabled me to release the breath I didn't realize I was holding.
"And how would you describe me then Britt-Britt" I mused sarcastically as her eyes raked my body before settling back on mine. It was certainly unnerving, especially when one look induced a feeling in my stomach comparable to an elephant waltzing around in there. What was more interesting is that I genuinely wanted to hear her opinion.
"Well" She drew out as I focused all my attention on her next words, a mixture of apprehension and excitement flooding my senses. "Good looking, in shape, a good style though not exactly individual...more generic" She shrugged as I glanced down at my skin tight jeans and tank top. "Arrogant, annoying and a beautiful voice" the blonde finished as I mulled over her words, not exactly a 10 star review but hey who's perfect. I shook my head slowly with a laugh.
"All apart from two Pierce."
"And what's that I'm pretty sure I nailed it"
"You forgot to mention my perfect tits and I don't sing so you're sadly mistaken with your last point" I smirked as her eyes squinted with accusation at me; it would almost be intimidating...if it was anyone apart from Brittany.
"You sang in the car park earlier and y..."
"Would you two please stop flirting and care to address the revelation of Santana's singing capability" Rachel mustered as Quinn groaned grabbing my attention, what the fuck is wrong with her tonight. "Although your abilities may help our club, I would have to make it clear we have a very very talented lead singer, however she may be able to teach you a few things..." Berry rambled on as I zoned out, all I could focus on was the fact Rachel has now resorted to referring to herself in third person...new lows. New lows every time I spend time with her. My ridiculing of Rachel's actions in my thoughts where quickly prevented as Quinn groaned grabbing my attention.
"I'm not flirting with her!" Brittany snapped back quickly before I could ask Quinn what was wrong.
"It's not flirting Berry, and like you would know what flirting even is. Your idea of flirting is flashing your ankle in the halls so please save your breath" I chuckled as I watched the corners of Brittany's mouth perk up a bit as she tried to suppress a smile. "Besides where's Cedes and Sugar gone?"
"To the shop while you were sleeping" Quinn quickly jumped in as she stood up, looking everywhere around the room except from at me. "I just remembered I have somewhere I need to be, sorry girls tell the other two I had a great night"
"You never told me that earlier Q" I frowned as I stood up from the chair, watching her as she made her way to the door.
"We don't tell each other everything Santana" the tone again immediately changing as she glanced at me before shuffling out the door only mumbling an irritated goodbye as the door shut.
"What the fucks her deal?" I snapped angrily at Rachel who almost flinched as I pulled my coat on.
"She's your best friend maybe you should ask her yourself" worry and panic slowly settled in as I recalled the last 10 seconds in my mind. Quinn never gets mad at me and especially not like that, no hug, no goodbye and she most certainly hasn't got anywhere to go tonight. I let out a groan as I zipped my coat up feeling the temptation to run after her but then the realisation that I had dropped Brittany here and that I couldn't just leave. "Britt do you mind if we leave now, it's getting late"
"Yeah sure no problem, you go get in the car I'll follow you out" I nodded as I grabbed my phone from the side table and headed downstairs as the front door opened.
"You going somewhere?" Mercedes questioned as I graced her with a small nod.
"I'll see you two tomorrow"
"Sure bye San" Sugar smiled leaning in for a quick hug which I reciprotated to both Sugar and Mercedes then quickly left and walked to my car across the road. The fresh air cooling my heated skin and furthering the smarting in my eyes as I leant against my car, taking the time to embrace it and embrace the few seconds I had alone. I'm probably over reacting and Quinn is just having a bad day but it's rare she speaks to me like that and if it's something I experienced from a young age since I met Quinn...falling out with your best friend sucks. Big time. The door facing me opened as Brittany walked out causing me to open the car and slide into the driver's seat as the passenger's side opened and Brittany climbed in.
"Are you okay?"
"And what would you care" I snapped quickly feeling the anger I've been suppressing rise to the surface, and almost immediately after regret. "I just want to go home so can you please not get involved in my business" I mustered trying to lower my voice as the grip on the steering wheel increased
"Sorry for trying to help, no wait" The blonde next to me laughed almost in a sympathetic like manner that only made my anger increase further. "I'm not sorry in the slightest, you're just being you right?" she shrugged.
"Look I don't have time for your little cryptic analysis of me okay! You don't even know me, you don't even want to spend the time to get to know me and if you hadn't noticed Brittany I'm trying I'm trying so hard" I sighed the smarting reforming in my eyes as I clenched them shut. I have no idea where this was coming from. But how else do I say it without sounding like a desperate loser or some obsessive cling on. Oh hey excuse me Brittany, I find everything you do captivating. Like I can't take my eyes off you in class or the halls and not to mention you're insanely beautiful and the worse part? I've heard so much from Chang and Cedes about how 'great the new girl is yet all I've witnessed Is bluntness and a judgemental attitude. I glanced in her direction to find her already staring at me like earlier, that same unreadable expression that's slowly beginning to drive me mad. I don't have feelings for this girl, that would be impossible. I don't know her and she doesn't know me I thought quickly as the pounding in my heart increased with an aching feeling almost verging on desperation for her to give me a chance.
"You really think I've got you all wrong don't you?" she mused as her eyebrows furrowed and I leant back in my seat with the slow rumble of the engine sounding the silence that settled, as I thought of something to say, something about myself that would sway her predetermined views or whatever she's heard about me.
"I just want to know why you hate me." I shrugged before blurting out a Rachel berry like esque comment "I love to sing!" The chorus of laughter that emitted from Brittany only made me want to slowly disappear right there and then. "What? I'm trying to prove you wrong here?" I smiled quickly finding humour in my completely out of the blue statement as I felt the need to explain. Not as if she was pressurizing me into speaking, not as though she asked me anything directly. Just that I felt some-what comfortable? No not comfortable in speaking more felt compelled to. "Okay, okay" I muttered turning to face her. "I'm in the cheerio's for no real reason, I mean I like to dance but I kind of just use it as a release instead of singing and plus it looks pretty good on any applications I'm going to have to make" I paused as I took a breath from my slight rambling "but ultimately I kind of hate it, I mean I have aspirations you know?" I shrugged notchelantly as Brittany nodded slowly encouraging me further. "I'd love to do something to do with music, being on the cheerio's is so demanding and ...bitchy" I sighed. "It's easy to get caught up in an image you're presenting and I don't want to be that person."
"Isn't that kind of hypocritical Santana? I mean you basically make Rachel feel bad about herself every time she speaks?"
"Kind of I guess, but I don't mean it most of the time. I mean I know I have some sarcastic tendencies, but Berry could stop having things said about her with ease if she dressed a little differently and didn't make everyone want to remove their own ears" I huffed as an incredulous look spread across Brittany's face as I felt the hole I was digging for myself deepen.
"What's that got to do wi...?"
"Because it's so frustrating" I retorted quickly. "I don't have any control over what people say behind my back, I could be nicer than mother fucking Teresa but that wouldn't get me anywhere because they'll all be saying the same thing when I'm not around. Just because I like girls instead of guys, you get it?" I turned as she still looked confused. "It's just frustrating."
"Santana, that still doesn't make it okay to do what you do sometimes. I'm not one to listen to other people's opinions of people but all I've heard is stories of how you treat so many people with disrespect and arrogance. My first day you basically called out a teacher in front of everyone and walked out, not very many people do that Santana because they know it's wrong regardless of how you look or how smart you are, you're not better than anyone else and neither is anyone else better than you"
"I just get angry sometimes, I can't help it. But I don't understand why you obviously don't like me and I've been nothing but nice to you?" I frowned.
"Well correct me if I'm wrong but you seem like two different people sometimes. I completely understand about your sexuality Santana, me of all people get what you have to put up with" Brittany sighed as I watched her expression finally soften and under any other circumstances I might have taken the time to tell her how beautiful she looked but given the context of the conversation I left it. "But when you're with your family is completely different, especially with your brother In fact it completely beats me how you can be so caring and so."
"So?" I encouraged as she stopped and bit down on her lip slightly.
"I don't know, so perfect?" she shrugged as my heart literally almost stopped. "To someone who tears other people down all the time"
"I-I um" her honesty took me aback a little but she had to know I'm not like that, I distance myself from the cheerio's for a reason, sure I like to go to parties and sure I like to be popular even though I know it's only because of my head cheerio status, it makes the whole high school experience easier, but I don't intentionally go about my day to upset other people. "But I am like that with my friends as well Brittany, I don't know how to be who you want me to be but I'm certainly not perfect and you still didn't answer my question. Why did I meet your expectations or whatever you said?"
"I just think it'd be better if you were just you and only you all the time" the blonde muttered as I waited patiently for an answer. "It's just when I first met you, you mentioned being on the 'cheerio's' and I know it's wrong but I just pinned you down as the stereotypical bitchy and egotistical cheerleader but you was so nice to my sister so I thought maybe not" She shrugged as I felt increasingly more uncomfortable. "Then at school, my first day even, first lesson. You basically proved what I hated and I just don't like to associate myself with those kind of people. People who change around other people are difficult to trust Santana and I trust people with everything I am if I like someone. So it's difficult to open up to someone who could be lying about everything they are" Brittany trailed off into a silence as I felt experience came from that statement but without wanting to pry I just reassured her.
"I'm not that kind of person you're just not giving me the chance to show you. I want to be your friend Britt. And there's not much I wouldn't do for my friends. Just please drop whatever idea you have of me in your head and give me a chance?" I muttered as the low rumbling of the engine continued to drown the silence.
"I'll try Santana, it looks like we'll be seeing a lot more off each other anyway" She shrugged as I finally felt the safety to start our journey home as I pulled away from Mercedes' house. I smiled brightly at Brittany as I was driving feeling safe enough with the empty roads to take a moment to show how grateful I was.
"Thank you."
"I wouldn't be saying that just yet Lopez, you're still on a trial" she chuckled as I rolled my eyes and turned the radio on low. "You better watch out for your brother though"
"Huh? What's he done now?" I smiled as I heard Brittany laughing at presumably the thing she was about to tell me.
"I came back the other night and Jake and my sister where lying down on the sofa together asleep watching some Disney film. It literally was like the cutest thing I've seen in all my life."
"No way! I knew he'd get the Lopez charm!" I smiled enthusiastically making note to congratulate Jake when I got home. "Did you get a picture?!" I laughed as she pulled out her phone.
"I sure did, it's the cutest thing in the world. But Lopez charm?" She mused as I nodded.
"It's a gift" I smirked. "I romance the pants off of people."
Brittany burst out laughing as I joined in feeling quite content with the easiness that talking to Brittany was becoming.
"You? Romantic?" she laughed quietly as I mocked injury and nodded. "Okay so tell me Romeo what's your idea of romance?"
"Well for a start I'd take the girl out for a meal, because who doesn't like food right? Then I'd tell her how beautiful she is and pay. I always pay. Then I guess I'd take her in my car to my favourite place in the world complete with blanket and just lay down" I mumbled as she started laughing again. "You're just jealous you're never going to see my favourite place" I winked back as I turned on too our road not wanting the journey to end.
"Okay, okay enough Romeo, you can just drop me off at your place, my house is like 3 doors down" Brittany laughed as I drove past my house.
"The world can be a dangerous place for a beautiful girl" I winked with a coy smile as I pulled up outside her place as she rolled her eyes.
"Here" She smiled handing me her phone as I saw my little brother asleep with Brittany's sister and like Britt said it really was the most adorable thing. Smiling, I quickly took to her contact list and added my number and typed out a quick message to myself as the blonde next to me moaned.
"That's a cheap move Lopez!" I giggled and winked as I handed her phone back.
"You love it"
"You can go home now Romeo" She chuckled as she un-clicked her seat belt. "You know Santana I like being a fruit loop in a world full of cheerio's" she winked quickly as I chuckled at the strange comment from the blonde as she stepped out the car. "But thank you for the lift and everything"
"No" I smiled and wound the window down as she leaned on the frame. "Thank you, you're definitely refreshing Brittany. You..." I trailed off not quite finding the words.
"I...?" Brittany coaxed in waving her hand as I narrowed my eyes. What exactly do I want to say here, I'm grateful, less burdened, and optimistic maybe even?
"You...Um...you"
"I...?" Brittany chuckled as I groaned in response.
"You...you know what forget it..."
"Are you trying to serenade me Lopez?" Brittany laughed loudly from the window. "Lady gaga isn't my style but you're more than welcome to give it a shot." She said as her laughed died down and I rolled my eyes in response.
"You and I hey" I chuckled with a wink.
"Never going to happen" Brittany smiled as she stepped back from my car as she turned around leaving me to watch her walk back to her door in the least creepiest way possible before turning the car around and parking it on my drive.
I quickly scaled the stairs and took to my room as fast as I could before stripping down to some shorts and my tank top as I clambered into bed, pulling out my phone as I did so.
Outgoing Brittany: It's a love story baby just say yes!? ;)
Incoming Brittany: I don't believe in love stories Romeo. Goodnight
I frowned at the uliminated screen in my hands as I rolled on to my side. Someone so unconventionally beautiful deserves to be loved and I get the feeling she hasn't been.
Outgoing Santana: Not even if I throw pebbles at your window?
Incoming Brittany: its cold outside Romeo, I'd rather you let me sleep. It's the most loving thing you could do right now.
I smiled slightly before typing out another message quickly back. To the extent of the lyrics I don't know how much meaning they held.
Outgoing Santana: YOOOU AND I! Something, something about the chase. You and I Britt ;) xx
Incoming Brittany: Go to sleep Santana before I come over there and sedate you myself x
I let out a small laugh before settling on one last message before rolling over and settling my phone to the side of my bed
Outgoing Santana: Wanky.
As happy as I was after tonight's breakthrough with Brittany, something still didn't feel right. And that was most certainly Quinn. My best friend and girl I loved with all my heart didn't feel comfortable in telling me what was wrong and well. That just hurt like a lot.