Notes: Based on. . . My view of the Dark Tournament. . . And the entire show. If we didn't have Keiko, Yusuke would have a hard time passing as straight. But, eh. I love Keiko—I didn't do this to make her seem terrible.
Doth Thou Hand Wander?
Women were scary—and annoying, and bitchy and just plain pests. Demons be damned, irate women could be worse than a round in the Dark Tournament any day.
Shizuru was one badass fucker, but Keiko was noisy. Like, ungodly noisy.
"Dammit Yusuke, I can't believe you!"
"Would you tell me what I fucking did already?" the boy shouted back, his throat tight from frustration and over exertion. They had been at it for a while and he was afraid Hiei was going to skin something. Hopefully Kuwabara.
"Oh don't give me that, you know what you did. You can't deny it, either. You were so feeling him up out there—everyone saw it!" the girl spat, fists planted on her hips.
The room fell silent. There was a collective huh, and a few heads tilted. He had been getting handsie with someone? Why hadn't he been aware of it?
"You were all over Kurama! And don't think you can bs your way out of it.
Big brown eyes blinked in confusion, blood rushing to the spirit detective's face. "I-I was not," he stammered. "You're being stupid!"
Okay, so that wasn't his best comeback.
"Besides, sometimes you have to unintentionally molest a guy to save 'em—not that I was!"
"Well, I feel vaguely violated," the redhead muttered from across the room. "And I detest alliteration."
"See, he's not gay!"
A longsuffering sigh, then, "That's not what alliteration means, Kuwabara.
The carrot top hunkered down on his side of the couch with a sheepish noise that wasn't articulate enough to be a word.
"Besides, that idiot had his hands all over Hiei when he pulled him out of the ring—why don't you go yell at him!"
"I did not!" Kuwabara shouted, his face red at such a thought.
Across the room, Hiei looked up dangerously. The fox simply shook his head. One fight was enough for the evening, no need to pursue another.
"All I know is that any one of your team mates can go out and risk it all, get beat to a pulp, and then lay on the sidelines near death and all you do is get a little pissed. But if one of those nasty demons even looks at Kurama the wrong way you flip shit!" Keiko accused, and team Urameshi had to give her some credit, even if they were leaving their captain to fight this one alone. "He's the only one you leave the ring to talk to when there's a fight to be had. So tell me Yusuke, what's going on?"
The detective didn't really know what to say. Over in the girls' room Puu was likely going crazy.
Keiko sighed, and with a roll of her eyes shot her boyfriend in question a tired, "Whatever." She headed out the door with Yusuke hot on her heels. He'd smooth it over because that was one thing he was good at. He'd have to propose, and probably beg, but she was the only one for him and she knew it. So it was okay if he gave the fox a little extra care, he'd always be with Keiko in the end.
That didn't mean there wasn't an awkward silence settling into the guys' room. Kurama just ignored the questioning eyes and focused on his homework.