Raining
Sequel to: Street of Dreams
I Want Us To Be A Family Series
Written by: chochowilliams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Summary: There was one woman at the press conference that refused to leave well enough alone. Two years later, she's back and causing trouble. She's determined to prove that Aizawa isn't the biological father of little Takanori. What if she's right?
Warning: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fantasy, M-Preg, Language, M/M, Hentai, OCs, OOC, Hermaphrodites (referred to as "Neutrals"), Christian Extremist POV, Bashing
Pairings: Shuichi/Eiri, Ryuichi/Tatsuha, one-sided Eiri/Ayaka, Mentioned: Shuichi/Taki & Shuichi/OMC
Inserts: None
A/N: Enjoy!
oOo
Chapter 5: A Thousand Words Never Said
Sakuma-Uesugi Residence - Koishikawa Park Tower - Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan
It was too quiet.
Tatsuha glanced quickly over his shoulder. The door separating the hallway where he and his nephew (or was that step-grandson?) were playing from the living room where Ryuichi and Eiri were speaking was shut. He wished he knew what was going on in there. It was just too quiet. If he were in his brother's shoes, he was not sure how he would react to such shocking news. Actually, scratch that. He did know because he had been where Eiri was at this very moment.
He had not taken the news very well, to say the least.
Here it was, five years after he learned about Ryuichi's love child, and Tatsuha was only just beginning to understand and appreciate what a huge risk Ryuichi had been taking by confessing the secret he was being cuckolded into not only accepting but also keeping. Even though Ryuichi had completely understood the risk involved at the time, he still came clean.
"I want there to be no secrets between us."
Doing so could have cost Ryuichi everything-quite literally-had it leaked (most likely from Tatsuha's fat teenaged motor mouth) that he had gone against the contract he'd signed that prohibited him from speaking about "the incident"-as L8r Records had referred to it.
"Me, too."
At the time, though, instead of being sympathetic towards Ryuichi's plight (who'd been stuck between the Devil and the deep blue sea), he'd been so angry with him for keeping something "this, this HUGE!" from him.
"I…I have a son."
The red rubber ball bounced off his thigh and hit the wall.
From the opposite end of the hallway, Little Takanori started jumping up and down with a big, toothy grin.
"Ready?" Tatsuha called to the two year old.
"You have a what?"
Little Takanori sat down on the floor and imitated Tatsuha by spreading his legs out in a V. "Ready," he called back. At least that was what Tatsuha assumed was said. Sometimes, it was hard to tell. Shuichi never seemed to have any trouble understanding what his son was saying. Maybe it was a mother thing.
"A son."
Using both hands, Tatsuha rolled the ball down the hall to little Takanori.
"Yeah right."
At first, he hadn't believed Ryuichi. Why would he? Everybody has secrets. It was inevitable. But pretending you liked a certain movie or food or something of that nature because you did not want to hurt your partner's feelings was not the same as keeping the fact that you have a child a secret. Some lies can be worked through and around. Others not so much. When Ryuichi decided to ambush him with something as startling as "I have a son" after being together for over a year, really, how was he expected to react? With smiles and good cheer? He'd thought, at that point, the two of they had known everything there was to know about one another. Oh, how wrong he'd been.
"I was thirteen when his mother got pregnant."
They'd been cuddling on the sofa late one night having a movie marathon of Inuyasha -The Movie one and two (at Ryuichi's insistence), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the Bourne Supremacy and Ryuichi had been trying to get him to watch the Notebook (which wasn't going to happen even if what followed hadn't of happened).
"I was fourteen when he was born."
Call it by whatever name you wanted, but a surprise attack by any other name was still an ambush.
"I was forced into giving him up by L8r Records."
He still hadn't believed Ryuichi. There was no way he could. He did not want to know that Ryuichi had been lying to him all this time.
"…Not funny, Ryu."
He'd heard horror stories before then from Ryuichi about what L8r Records had done in order to maintain such a "squeaky clean wholesome" image. Without the image, they believed they wouldn't be able to compete in the music industry. At first, Tatsuha hadn't believed the horror stories either. Surely, Ryuichi was exaggerating. Why type of company would be capable to doing such despicable things? But at album release parties, both Nittle Grasper's as well as ones Nittle Grasper was invited to, and other functions thrown by L8r Records, he heard similar stories from other artists, so he'd been forced into believing they were true after all. As they weren't called horror stories for nothing, Tatsuha to this day hoped there was some exaggeration involved. Either way, knowing what he knew about the infamous record company, it wasn't such a farfetched notion that they would force one of their artists to give up a child for adoption or force one to have an abortion. What he hadn't been able to believe was that Ryuichi had, firstly, lied to him and, secondly, had had previous sexual partners, and at such an early age.
"I wish it was."
While he was still trying to wrap his mind around the very real fact that Ryuichi had lied to him for not only the year they'd been together, but the entire length of time they've known one another, Ryuichi told him everything: from catching a glimpse of a cute older boy backstage in New York City to when Yuki threatened to jump off the roof of L8r Records several months later.
"I'm sorry, Tatsuha."
If only sorry was enough, but it hadn't been, not back then. He'd been young, naïve and stupid. They say wisdom comes with age. It was a cliché saying for a reason. It was true.
That night had been the first and only time he ever laid a hand on Ryuichi in violence. The press had had a field day when they spotted Ryuichi sporting bruises. L8r Records had been none too pleased either.
But if that was how he had reacted to the news, he wondered how his brother was doing.
oOo
In bold, black script at the top of the birth certificate was "Kyoto Memorial Medical Center", which was the name of the hospital in which Shuichi was born.
At least that much had not been a lie.
Below that, "Kyoto City, Kyoto", which was where the hospital was located, was printed in the same flowing script, albeit in smaller font.
A black and white photograph of what he was assuming was Kyoto Memorial Medical Center was centered underneath that.
Unlike the flimsy, paper thin, yellow certificate of registration he had discovered his son drawing all over, this one was a cream color, possibly discolored by age, and was nearly twice as large. The paper was of a much sturdier stock as well.
"This certifies that SHUICHI KARISHMA SAKUMA 7 lbs. 10 oz., 22 inches was born to MR. RYUICHI S. SAKUMA & YUKI O. KITAZAWA in this Hospital at 12:34 Pm on the SIXTEENTH day of APRIL 1992," Eiri read.
At the bottom were places for the signatures of the attending physician as well as the president of the hospital. The line where the attending physician was supposed to sign was blank. In the left hand corner was a gold seal with the name of the hospital etched in raised script around the outer edge and a year in the center. He was assuming the date was the year the hospital was founded.
Even though he had the evidence in his hand, Eiri still could not believe it. He refused to believe it. It was too ludicrous to even dwell on. It should not even be a possibility to consider. It was like a story line from a soap opera. He was more likely to believe that this was Ryuichi's idea of a sick joke then he was to believe this was an actuality. There was no way it could be true. Yes, he knew their situation was not a unique one. In fact, he'd heard something similar happened to actor Jack Nicholson. It was surprising how un-unique this whole affair was, but it was still one of those incidents that happened to other people and not you.
Next time on Maury, my brother is my father.
He could hear the redneck jokes now.
"Here."
Eiri blinked up at Ryuichi when the older man shoved what turned out to be a photograph under his nose. It was a photo of a young Japanese male leaning against the side of a black sports car. It appeared to be a Mustang, but he was not certain. In the background was a brick wall covered in graffiti. He glanced from the picture to his brother-in-law (or was that father-in-law?) who was walking away from him towards the patio doors. "Who's-?"
"It was June the first time I saw him," Ryuichi interrupted as if he hadn't heard Eiri. With his arms crossed over his chest, he stood before the sliding glass windows that opened onto a wrap around patio.
Him? As in the man in the photo? What did this guy have to do with Shuichi?
Wait!
Eiri glanced at the birth certificate he was still holding. Yuki O. Kitazawa. He'd seen the same name on the certificate of registration. Was this the Yuki Kitazawa in the photograph? Did that mean this man was Shuichi's mother? If so, that meant Shuichi's birth mother was a neutral.
"Just like mine," he murmured.
"It was backstage at Radio City Music Hall for Ani-Con."
"In New York City?"
Ryuichi nodded. The sun was out, but despite the sun's rays that were washing over him, warming his skin, he felt cold. There was not a single cloud in sight. The sky was a deep blue that seemed to stretch endlessly. It should have been a breathtaking view. A flock of birds soared passed, vanishing out of sight, but what he saw was not Tokyo in summer, but events from eighteen years ago. "I didn't get the chance to talk to him then. We were rushed out of the Hall right after our set. It wasn't until we were playing at Zepp Tokyo a couple weeks later that I actually got to meet him."
Eiri's head snapped up and around at that. There was a look of incredulity on his face. "He followed you from America to Japan?"
Again, Ryuichi nodded.
That should have raised a series of red flags. Obviously, it hadn't given the events that followed. Seeing Ryuichi had been only thirteen at the time, Eiri could see why Ryuichi wouldn't have thought twice about him just suddenly reappearing. "And he's…?"
"Yuki Kitazawa. He's…" Ryuichi ran his tongue over lips gone dry. His mouth was parched. "He's Shu's mother. His birth mother," he corrected.
"He's a neutral?" It was more statement than question.
"I didn't know that until much later though."
Eiri's eye twitched. He swallowed the retort that was clawing it's up his throat. How could you not know? Those words were demanding to be let out, but he could not very well ask that question when he'd overlooked that very same fact when he first met Shuichi-Tohma still teased him mercilessly about that-and he'd been twenty-two at the time. Ryuichi had barely been out of diapers.
"There is a clear difference, is there not, Eiri?"
"We had one night," Ryuichi whispered. "One."
"That's all it takes," Eiri said back.
Ryuichi nodded. That was for sure. One night changed his life forever. Dropping his arms, he turned away from the breathtaking sight of the city. On a glass shelving unit against the far wall was a photograph in a faux wood frame. He crossed over to the unit and picked up the photograph. He ran a finger over the protective sheet of glass. Shuichi was one year old in the picture. Sitting in a brown cardboard box in the middle of his parents' living room with a big red bow in his hair, it was the type of bow placed on top of presents, surrounded by a sea of familiar and unfamiliar faces. He remembered Shuichi had been more interested in the boxes the presents had come in than the cards or the money or even what was inside the boxes.
"Do you love him?"
Ryuichi shook his head.
"Did you?"
Sighing, Ryuichi set the photo back on the shelf. "I'm…not sure." That was the truth. Sometimes he thought the answer was yes and other times it was a vehement no. There was one fact he knew for certain was true. "I was attracted to him." Rounding the dining table, he stepped down from the raised platform and crossed the living room to the armchair opposite Eiri on the sofa.
He could still remember that night at Zepp Tokyo. After the show, he'd stepped offstage with Tohma and Noriko in tow, still riding the high from a very successful concert opening for Peace District (which eventually disbanded after four unsuccessful follow up albums), and there He was, leaning casually against the far wall, acting and looking as if he belonged. Their eyes met, locked and everybody else in that instant vanished. He'd walked up to that boy, not hearing Tohma or Noriko or their manager calling out to him, said, "Hi" and until the sun rose the next morning, there'd been nothing and nobody else other than Yuki.
"Then what?" Eiri prodded.
Ryuichi sighed. He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. "I left before he woke up."
Part of him still felt guilty about doing such a cowardly thing, but he'd been a virgin before meeting Yuki-in every sense of the word-and he'd been…He'd woken up after a night of passion and after the realization set in that he'd just spent the night having sex with some guy he didn't even know, there'd been such an intense feeling of regret that he'd let his hormones do all the thinking and that he'd allowed this much older boy to seduce him that he'd felt literally sick to his stomach. Part of him had been ashamed that he'd so such a thing with another man, ashamed that another man could make him feel this way. He woke a very different kid than when he walked into the hotel room and that had scared him. It was all too much too fast.
"Yuki…What I didn't know at the time was that Yuki had become obsessed with me after that concert in New York so he wasn't going to just let me walk away. He started showing up everywhere I was and try to talk to me, but I just kept brushing him off, pretended I didn't even know who he was."
If only he'd known…!
…But what if he had known? Then what? What would he have done? Honestly, if he would have realized just how unstable Yuki really was, he might never have slept with him. But if he wouldn't have slept with him then Shuichi…Ryuichi had to force himself to swallow around the knot in his throat. His son never would have been born. The horror of that scenario was not one in which Ryuichi wanted to dwell upon. He shuddered at the endless possibilities.
Go back in time and stop yourself from killing a fly and a tsunami washes an island nation out of existence.
Maybe if he would have confronted the changes taking place within him instead of running away…?
No. Even if he had accepted the truth of whom and what he really was back then, it wouldn't have changed anything. Yuki was mentally unstable. That much was made crystal clear when he stood on that narrow almost non-existent ledge on the roof of L8r Records and threatened to jump if Ryuichi did not do what he said. Yes. Nothing would have changed. If he would have run away with him…if he would have taken the hand that had been outstretched towards him…if he would have given in to those large, pleading violet eyes, eyes their son had inherited…Eventually something similar would have happened again. The next time something happened that Yuki did not agree with, they would be back to where they started. Only things might not have ended the same way.
"I didn't even find it weird that he seemed to show up everywhere I was. I mean, we were starting to make a name for ourselves and it's not as if he was the only one. There was always a crowd of fans and paparazzi that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. It didn't matter where we were. It wasn't until later that I realized he was stalking me. At one point, he even tried blackmailing me into going out with him."
Ryuichi scrubbed his hands over his face. He was tired. God was he tired. Maybe it was a good thing the truth had been discovered.
"Eventually, I grew tired of his crap and agreed to meet with him. I told him that I wasn't interested. That we'd had one night and that was it. That I'd moved on…After that, I didn't hear from him again. Occasionally I would find a letter or something on my doorstep, or it would arrive at the studio, and sometimes it felt as if I was being followed, but I never noticed anybody in particular and it never escalated, so I thought maybe I was just being paranoid, or something, and that maybe he'd actually gotten the message."
Silence greeted the end of monologue, interrupted occasionally by the low murmur of Tatsuha's voice and laughter from little Takanori.
"Seeing you didn't know Yuki was a neutral, you didn't know-?"
"That he was pregnant?"
"Yeah."
"No." Ryuichi shook his head. "I had no idea. It wasn't until he showed up at L8r Records that January during a snow storm, six months pregnant, that I realized the truth."
The truth being that not only was Yuki a neutral and expecting their child come April, but he was clinically insane. He was willing to do whatever it took in order to make sure Ryuichi's eyes were always on him.
Standing there on the ledge hurling threats in the middle of a blizzard without shoes, without a coat or any sort of protection against the extremely, paralyzing winter weather except for a pair of jeans and a short sleeved T-shirt. One minute he was the boy he'd made sweet love with that night back in the summer. Just a boy pleading to be given a second chance.
"Love me Ryu! Please! Whatever I did, I'm sorry! I'll change! I'll-I'll…I'll do whatever it is you want. Please! Just give me a second chance!"
And then the next, Yuki would undergo a transformation. It wasn't a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sort of metamorphosis. Physically he would remain the same boy who had just been full of so much remorse. What would change were the eyes. There would be this crazed, insane look to them suddenly and it was in those moments that you knew. You just knew. He was crazy. He was most definitely crazy. The threats he was spewing were not idle ones. He means exactly what he is saying.
"If you don't love me, Ryu, if you don't say we can be a family, I swear in front of all these witnesses that I will jump!"
Though it happened so long ago, Ryuichi could remember that dreadful day so clearly. Other than the day Shuichi was born, it was one of the clearest memories he had. One that he wished he did not have any recollection of. That day he very nearly lost everything before he even realized he had it all. He could remember thinking at that moment that he would say whatever it was that Yuki wanted to hear. He would do whatever was needed of him if it meant stopping Yuki from jumping. It wasn't as if he had any special feelings for Yuki. Not really. Or at least that was what he'd told himself then (and still did); especially after Yuki had turned around at the sound of his voice-
"Yuki! What the hell are you doing?"
-and he'd seen first hand the pregnancy-swollen belly. There'd been no doubt in his mind that the child Yuki was carrying was his. After all, it was he Yuki had been obsessing over. Yes, Ryuichi may have come to terms with his attraction to boys (he'd still refused to believe that he wasn't also attracted to girls at this point), but one had nothing to do with the other. He just hadn't been ready for that sort of relationship. Not yet. But that did not mean that he wanted Yuki to die. Besides, he'd been so confused! He'd thought, up to that point, that Yuki had been a normal male, but seeing his engorged belly…Everything changed in an instant.
"No! Yuki, please!"
He'd said it. The promise had been made and in front of half of L8r Records. Would Yuki believe him and come down from off the ledge or would he call his bluff? For an instant, when their eyes met and Yuki smiled, he truly believed Yuki believed him, but then….
Thank God for Eiji. If the aging security guard would not have been there when Yuki stepped off the ledge…
Ryuichi shuddered. That was something he refused to think about.
At first, he'd thought maybe Yuki had simply lost his balance. The ledge had been quite narrow after all. But that wasn't the case. Looking back as the man he was now, he realized something that he hadn't-or maybe refused to acknowledge-back then. Yuki really had been set on jumping from the very beginning. He'd gone to L8r Records deliberately, knowing that was where Ryuichi was working on Nittle Grasper's new album. There'd been no bluff involved. It hadn't been a scheme to simply garner his attention. To Yuki, it hadn't mattered that he was pregnant. Nothing would have budged him from that ledge. Nothing. Not even hearing Ryuichi proclaim his love. Ryuichi could have promised Yuki the moon and it wouldn't have changed anything. In Yuki's mind, his affections had been scorned and ridiculed and ignored and mocked one too many times. His heart had been torn out and ripped in two. Jumping, and making sure it was in front of plenty of witnesses that would know of the cold-heartedness that was Ryuichi Sakuma, would serve as a lifelong sentence for the crimes Ryuichi had committed against him.
It'd been the look in those violet eyes. The eyes of a madman had been looking back at him. It turned the smile of gratitude into a sinister smile. All Yuki had been waiting for was the signal and Ryuichi's agreement-
"I'll do anything! Whatever you want! Just please, come down from there! Please!"
-had been that signal.
"What happened to him?"
With tears he wasn't even aware he was shedding, Ryuichi whispered around the lump in his throat, "The same place he's been ever since: Yowa Hospital."
The name sounded vaguely familiar.
"It's a psychiatric hospital here in Tokyo."
Eiri stared down at his husband's birth certificate, but what he saw wasn't the cream-colored certificate with its flowing, black script. His mind was elsewhere. At the same time, it was nowhere. It was a lot to take in and a lot to think about, but he did not want to think about it. The tale was so incredibly preposterous and nonsensical that he had no other choice but to believe it.
But there was one aspect Ryuichi hadn't touched upon yet. If he truly was Shuichi's biological father and this Yuki character who was locked up in some looney bin was his birth mother, then why was it that Shuichi believed the Shindous were his parents?
"Ya know…"
Ryuichi's soft voice broke through Eiri's thoughts.
"I'm not sure if Yuki set out to do this deliberately, but…" Once again, Ryuichi ran his tongue along his dry lips.
"Is that what you want, huh, Ryuichi Sakuma? Because I swear to God that I will jump and take your son with me! Do you want that on your conscience? Huh? Just one little promise Ryu! Please!"
Making that announcement with half of L8r Records on that roof behind him was the catalyst that eventually forced him into signing away his parental rights to his only child.
"What the hell do you mean you were forced to sign away your rights?"
Tired, Ryuichi sighed. It was going to be a very long day.
oOo
Shindou-Uesugi Residence - Koishikawa Park Tower - Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan
Mai was not sure how long she has been standing in front of the glass enclosed entrance or how many people have come and gone since she arrived however long ago it was. The same doubts and reservations kept plaguing her. They kept buzzing around her head like annoying flies, keeping her from taking those final steps needed to finish the journey she had started so early this morning. Like the flies they were imitating, she'd swat at them and for a brief moment, there would be a reprieve, but then they'd return with a bunch of their friends.
Would coming here turn out to be a huge mistake? She was so worried that when Shuichi saw her standing there at his door, all the misery, the feelings of abandonment and the extreme loneliness that used to possess his every waking moment would come flooding back just as he was finally learning to smile. From what she saw in the magazines and in the tabloids and on those various entertainment news programs, Shuichi seemed to be genuinely happy and she did not want to be the reason why the smile that had captured all of Japan was wiped from his face.
She could not be prouder of her son.
Ever since he was little, Shuichi wanted to be a singer like his big brother. Nothing else had ever interested him. He'd go around the house pretending his hairbrush was a microphone singing at the top of his lungs along with the radio or one of the countless Nittle Grasper CDs Ryuichi had given him. Of course, Morihiro had been none too pleased with Shuichi's chosen ambition of walking in Ryuichi's footsteps, but it had only been because he'd wanted him to not go without. There was no guarantees in the music business. Talented people like Shuichi were either trampled over or chewed up and spit out daily. But Shuichi had beaten the odds and here he was the lead singer of his very own band, a pop/rock band that was rising in popularity a little more each day. It was a dream come true. Not only was he living his dream, but he was also married to a wonderful man who seemed to worship the ground he walked on. They even had a son and were expecting another child sometime in the new year.
It was because he seemed happier now than she's ever seen him that she was questioning whether this was a good idea. Maybe she should just turn right back around and head home?
"Funny. He always said his mother was locked away in some loony bin."
That was right.
She had to speak to him, if for nothing more then to ask him what he'd meant by that. First, she had to know if he'd actually said it. If it turned out he had, then to whom was he referring? His birth mother? Or had it just been some lie spewed by an over protective neighbor? Or had it been a lie he himself told in order to glaze over the fact that they'd had a falling out? She'd never been told the details surrounding Shuichi's conception and subsequent birth, so she was not sure if Shuichi's birth mother was actually locked up in some psychiatric institution or not. What if she was? How would Shuichi know? Had Ryuichi decided to tell him the truth? With L8r Records' demise, Ryuichi was now free to do so, but he would give her a head's up first…Right?
She shook her head to clear it. Either way, this was something she had to know.
Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath to calm her suddenly racing heart and strode confidently across the sidewalk towards the glass enclosed front entrance to the condominium complex. It did not occur to her that Tohma Seguchi had chosen this particular building specifically for its secured front entrance for his family as she reached the door, thus making it impossible for her to enter unless she had a key or was buzzed in, because just as she reached the doors, a gentleman in a black business suit stepped out into the humid afternoon. Seeing her coming, the man held the door open graciously for her.
She thanked him.
The man bowed politely in return before vanishing amidst the lunch crowd.
Mai stepped into the air-conditioned building, shivering at the sudden change in temperature, and walked confidently across the lobby with its gleaming marble surfaces for the elevator bank. The call button lit up when she pressed it. As she waited, she pulled out the crumbled piece of paper out of her purse on which she had written the address her daughter had given her. They lived on the eighth floor apparently.
A pinging echoed suddenly into the silence.
When the elevator doors slid open, Mai stepped into the car and pushed the button for her son's floor. As the door slid shut, she prayed that Shuichi was home and was willing to see her.
oOo
Black Dragon Compound - Kita-ku, Kyoto, Japan
They were staring wordlessly at each other over the cherry wood desk when Narata entered fifteen minutes later with tea. Tension hung in the air so thick he could taste it. It coated his tongue and left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. It was almost like a rolling fog. The kind often referred to as "pea soup". It moves in so swiftly and so quietly that before you know it, you find yourself lost in a white void of nothingness. It was a wall behind which everything vanishes and it was making him extremely nervous. Maybe agreeing to allow Shuichi to meet with Kizou had been a bad idea.
Clearing his throat lightly, garnering Kizou's immediate attention, he entered the office carrying a black lacquered tea tray. On the tray was a white ceramic teapot with sprigs of pink cherry blossom branches on the side as well as on the lid. Beside the teapot were two matching teacups (1).
"Ah! Narata," Kizou greeted warmly. "Thank you."
"Sir," Narata inclined his head in return. He set the tea tray down on a free spot on the desk and poured Kizou a cup of tea first. Next, he turned towards Shuichi, but the singer shook his head. It was not lost on him that both Kizou as well as Shuichi looked relieved at his return.
This was going to be a long visit.
"Not thirsty?" Kizou asked.
Narata stiffened.
To those who did not know Kizou well, it would only sound as if he was simply asking a question in order to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe he was just concerned about the comfort of his guest. A host must be gracious to his guest after all. But to those who did know him, as both Narata and Shuichi did, they heard the carefully veiled underlining note.
Kizou blew gently at the steaming liquid. "Or is it you don't trust me?" He took a tentative sip. "This is very good, by the way, Narata."
"Thank you, Sir."
Shuichi glanced down at his clenched hands in his lap through an abrupt blur of tears. A well of sadness engulfed him at the biting words tossed so casually at him. He understood now that what Kizou did two years ago-spewing those harsh words, dragging him bodily from the house and tossing him half-naked (and pregnant) into the street-had been for his own good. It was not because Kizou had truly hated him. No, it was not something Kizou had wanted to do, but it was something he had chosen to do because he'd felt it was necessary. It was only now that Shuichi could understand and appreciate everything this man did for him. Kizou did what he did because he'd loved him and only wanted was best for him, but now, he was not so sure. Had the love Kizou use to have for him turned into bitter hatred?
Sniffling, Shuichi slowly lifted his head and gazed across the desk at his ex-lover and possible father to his son.
He studied Kizou. In the two years since he was forcibly evicted, Kizou seemed to have aged. He looked more like he was sixty-five rather than the forty-something he really was (or claimed to be). There were lines in places there hadn't been before, especially around those slightly pinched and up tilted golden eyes that were so much like little Takanori's. His mocha brown hair appeared to be thinning and even had sprinkling of gray throughout. There was several days worth of growth along Kizou's chin and jaw. Even sitting down, it was obvious how tall Kizou was. Shuichi was not sure how tall exactly Kizou was, but he was definitely taller than Eiri and Eiri was six feet tall. Kizou really did look haggard and worn out, as if he was being stretched too thin. A rubber band can only stretch so far and that was what Kizou reminded him of now: a rubber band on the verge of snapping.
"Doctor's orders: no caffeine," he said, choosing to ignore the biting retort. He cleared his throat violently.
Narata glanced down at the younger man. Shuichi was trying to hide it, but it was obvious that he had been hurt by not so much what Kizou said, but by what was not said.
"Hm." Kizou settled back in his chair behind the desk with his cup of tea. The look on his face clearly said he did not completely believe the answer he'd been given.
"Would you like some juice then?" Narata spoke up. "Or-?"
Shuichi shook his head. "No, thanks."
Narata inclined his head. "If that'll be all then…?"
"Yes, thank you," Kizou dismissed the ex-police officer.
With a bow, Narata escaped as quickly as he could without it being blatantly obvious that he was doing so. He threw one last glance over his shoulder just before shutting the door behind him. "Good luck Shuichi," he whispered.
II
Shindou-Uesugi Residence - Koishikawa Park Tower - Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan
When the elevator came to a stop, Mai Shindou felt her stomach bounce up into her chest and then back down. There was a momentary feeling of weightlessness that accompanied the temporary relocation of her internal organs. She wondered if she would ever get used to it. Shaking off the slightly nauseated feeling, she pushed away from the back wall, unclamping her death grip from the railing, just as a ping resounded. The doors slid open to reveal a brightly lit hallway carpeted in medium burgundy tweed. The walls were painted a tan khaki color. Every several feet there was a wall sconce.
Stepping out of the elevator, she glanced around to get her bearings as the elevator doors slid shut behind her. The crumbled piece of paper that she had scribbled her son's address on was even more rumbled now than had it had been earlier thanks to her death grip on the railing during her brief ride in the fright car. Maybe she should have put in her purse. If their condominium wasn't on the eight floor, she would have used the stairs instead of taking the elevator. She wasn't too fond of elevators, not since she was seven and ended up being stuck in one with her parents during an earthquake. She had never before or since been so terrified. It wasn't to say she now had a phobia of elevators or of tight confined spaces all together. She just was not a very big fan.
Smoothing out the rumbled piece of paper as best she could, she read the apartment number several times to make sure she had it, and then glanced around. There. It was the door at the end of the hall to her left.
Folding the paper, she slid it into her purse and gathering herself, took a deep breath and forced her feet to start moving.
The more steps she took, the longer that distance seemed to become. She kept chanting repeatedly in her head, "I can do this." But the closer she got to her son's door, the more the chant wanted to become, "I can't do this." But she steeled herself and her nerves and chased away the doubts.
Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, she stood before the door. The gold numerals glistened as the sunlight streaming in through the windows that lined the hall behind her hit them.
Fixing her purse strap that did not seem to want to stay in one place, giving her hair a little fluff and smoothing out her clothes so they lay straight and neat, she raised a trembling hand to knock.
"Hello? Miss?" called out a soft female voice behind her.
Startled, Mai spun around. Standing behind her was an older woman. It was hard to tell how old the woman was, but she had to be over sixty at least. Her black hair, sprinkled with gray, was secured in a tight bun. She was wearing black dress slacks, a white blouse and carrying a gray carrier. Beady little eyes stared back at her through the bars. "Hello," she returned with a polite bow.
"If you're here to see Mr. Uesugi or Mr. Shindou, you just missed them."
Mai felt disappointment swell within her. They were gone? Oh, no! Here she was, proud of herself, if not slightly sick to her stomach with nerves, that she'd finally been able to gather the courage to come and speak with her son (or to at least try) and possibly get to know her son-in-law and grandson and they weren't even home. How typically cliché and ironic. Now what was she supposed to do? It had been so hard to come here today. So very hard. Harder than she wanted to have to admit. She'd nearly chickened out several times since she left the house this morning, but she'd taken a big girl pill and beaten back her fears in order to be here, to try and work things out with Shuichi before it was too late. But the welcoming effects of the big girl pill were starting to wear off. She could feel her fears returning. Her courage was failing her. There was no way she would be able to return later when they were home. "O-Oh?"
"Said something about visiting relatives."
Relatives? Mai latched onto the tidbit of information. Did that mean Ryuichi? "They didn't happen to say which?"
"Sorry."
The tiny spark of hope burst. Disappointment rushed in to take its place. "Thank you very much." She should have known it was too good to be true.
The older woman bowed in return and took her leave.
Her hands clasped demurely before her, Mai pondered. Now what? It seemed ridiculous to turn around and head back home after coming this far, but just like she and Shuichi, she and Ryuichi had their own set of issues. There was no way Ryuichi would allow her to see Shuichi, if that was where he even went. No amount of begging or pleading would get her in through that door. The trust Ryuichi had bestowed upon her to take care of his only son had been shattered, the pieces tossed back into his face. He was never going to forgive her-ever. While there was a slim possibility of having some sort of relationship with Shuichi, there was absolutely no possibility she would ever be able to repair her relationship with Ryuichi. Some sins cannot be forgiven.
oOo
Ryugan Temple - Usami Residence - Kyoto, Japan
"Make sure to bring the tea to your father before it gets cold," Mrs. Usami called over her shoulder to her daughter as she slipped into her loafers.
"Of course, Mother," Ayaka said from the foot of the stairs.
"Try not to bother him too much," Mrs. Usami continued as she shouldered her oversized straw bag. "He's supposed to be meeting with Mr. Raikatuji and his fiancée."
Torao Raikatuji and his high school sweetheart, Moanna Hyobanshi, had finally gotten engaged-much to the delight of both of their parents-after being together-off and on-since they were teenagers. They had chosen to be married here at the Ryugan Temple by her father next spring, but before the ceremony can take place, it is mandatory that all couples meet with the priest who is to be their officiate for pre-marital counseling (2).
"I won't."
"I'll be back in a bit."
"Okay."
Ayaka crossed to the front window and watched as her mother strode down the front walk to the street, stopping briefly to say hello to their neighbor, Mrs. Nozaki, before vanishing out of sight. Ayaka turned to the phone sitting on the elm wood thirteen drawer buffet table that her father had inherited from his great grandmother (3). Her slim fingers flew over the keys, dialing a number she knew by heart. Why wouldn't she? Soon it would be her in-law's phone number. It only rang three times before the line was picked up and a familiar voice spoke. "Hello, Ms. Mika."
There was a brief pause. "Ayaka?"
Ayaka giggled. "How are you? It's been a while."
Another pause. "Yeah, I suppose it has."
"I have a quick question for you."
"For me?" This was said with surprise.
"If you don't mind that is."
"No. No. I guess not. What can I do for you?"
"Well, you know Eiri, right?"
There was a snort. "He is my brother so I should hope so."
"Well, I was wondering if you would know if he would prefer a traditional wedding or a more Western one."
Silence greeted her inquiry. It went on for so long uninterrupted that Ayaka was beginning to wonder if maybe they hadn't been disconnected.
"Why are you bringing this up?" Mika finally asked.
"Why? Silly! Because I wouldn't want to offend Eiri on our wedding day by walking down the aisle in a modern wedding dress if he would prefer me in a traditional wedding kimono."
The silence this time was longer, but finally Mika spoke up. Speaking carefully and with deliberate precision, she said, "Ayaka, dear, you do know that your betrothal to my brother was called off?"
Ayaka's smile slipped slightly, but she caught it before it fell completely. "Nonsense," she brushed aside lightly.
"…Ayaka-"
"Really, Ms. Mika. There isn't any need to pretend any longer. I know the truth."
"Truth?"
"Of course! When Shindou got pregnant, Eiri had no other option but to marry him. It is the proper gentlemanly thing to do after all. I would never expect anything less from someone as modest as Eiri." A rush of anger coursed through her at the thought of Shuichi Shindou. Stupid Shindou! Trapping her Eiri into a loveless marriage like that! That tramp! Slut! Whore! Apparently, that Aizawa guy hadn't been enough for him. No, Shindou had to go after Eiri as well. There was no telling for whom else that little bitch spread eagle. There could be dozens, hundreds even! The possibilities were endless when it came to who had fathered little Takanori. That poor boy. Having to grow up with a mother like that.
"…Ayaka, I don't know where you got that, but Eiri is happily married to Shuichi. He never intended to marry you. Besides, when Eiri decided to defy the family by marrying Shuichi instead of going through with the betrothal with you, he was readily disowned. He is no longer of any concern to the family," Mika stated pointblank. "My brother has moved on and so should you," she added in a more gentle tone.
"Never." The smile had all but vanished. A determined gleam flashed in her eyes. "Eiri was promised to me."
"Ayaka-"
"Eiri is mine and I will not give up until he is. No matter what it takes, Eiri will be mine."
oOo
Seguchi Residence - Tokyo Midtown Residence - Tokyo
Mika pulled the phone away from her ear and stared down at it. A mixture of emotions flashed across her face.
This was not good.
Like the majority of the family, when Eiri turned down the arranged betrothal with Ayaka Usami in favor of Shindou-who turned out to not only be a neutral, but already pregnant with his ex-lover's child-she'd believed her little brother's relationship with the pregnant teen could only end one way: in disaster.
Their mother had abandoned them not long after Eiri and Tatsuha were born. That knowledge that he had been abandoned and rejected by the one person who was supposed to love him unconditionally had greatly affected Eiri, even more so than it had either she or Tatsuha. The fact that their mother was in fact a neutral had only added to his growing prejudices. Those same feelings remained with him even today, though to a lesser degree, but they were still there in the shadows just waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Before Shuichi entered her brother's life, the prejudices within her brother had kept him from entering a committed relationship. What was the point? To Eiri there'd been no point in getting close to someone who was just going to abandon him in the end anyway. And when it came to neutrals…They'd been a waste of space. Immoral. Disgusting. An insult to everything being human meant.
But then Shuichi came along and her brother seemed to change virtually over night.
The scandal of Eiri's relationship with Shuichi had been kin to blasphemy. It brought about dishonor and embarrassment for their entire family-according to their grandmother anyway. Her father had not had any opinion either way. He'd also kept his peace when their grandmother-the overbearing matriarch of the Uesugi family-had decided to disown Eiri when it became known that Eiri had actually adopted little Takanori as well as married the child's mother. Up until then, there had been some spark of hope left in the family that maybe Eiri would "come around". Mika, at first, had been just as irate as well as worried that being involved with Shuichi would bring more harm than good to her brother, but her opinion changed the first time she'd seen them together. It was obvious that the two of them were very much in love.
She could not be happier for Eiri.
So where did that leave Ayaka Usami? Mika had believed that the girl had moved on after the betrothal was cancelled. What reason was there to linger on someone who did not return your feelings? There was a quote she'd read somewhere that said, "Just because someone else likes you doesn't mean you'll like them back. I don't think you have to. No matter how wonderful that person is, or how great they are (4)." Everybody dreaded been turned down by the person they loved and had a crush on. And moving on after being dumped was easier said than done, but it had to be done. It was not going to do a person any good to remain affixed on someone who did not intend to ever return their feelings.
And what was this nonsense about Eiri being promised to her? Mika could remember no such thing taking place. They'd been betrothed. Nothing more. Nothing less. It wasn't as if the Usamis and her father had set up an arranged marriage. One had nothing to do with the other. Not in these modern times anyway. Ayaka only would have married Eiri if Eiri had accepted her. That was what a betrothal was. Even if Shindou had not appeared, Eiri still would have turned the offer to marry Ayaka down. That was the type of man her little brother had been back them.
Ayaka has always had a crush on Eiri, ever since they were little. At first, they used to be good friends, buddies. Then Ayaka had become too clingy. It was a major turn off for Eiri, who'd stopped hanging out with the girl soon after. Of course, Ayaka had not seemed to understand that she was unwanted. It was apparent she still didn't.
A buzzing sound tore her out of her thoughts. It was coming from the phone. She replaced the receiver. Her hand still on the slick white handset, she pondered whether or not to inform her husband of this…worrying, she decided, phone call. It could be nothing at all. Empty promises. Empty threats. But what if it wasn't?
That was when her mind leaped to that woman that has been all over the news. What was her name? Mami? Nana? Mari? Nari? Whatever. It was something along those lines. She was from some sort of left wing Christian rag or some such nonsense. Probably one of those conspiracy nut jobs. Saw shadows where there weren't any.
"Whatever it takes."
She wondered…
Picking up the phone, she dialed her husband's cellphone. There was no point in dialing his office number. He was rarely there.
He answered after the first ring. "Mika, darling. What-?"
"I just had an…enlightening conversation with Ayaka Usami," she said, interrupting him.
oOo
NG Productions - Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan
Tohma frowned as his wife outlined her phone call with Eiri's ex-betrothed. In all honesty, he had forgotten all about Miss Ayaka Usami. He wanted to reassure his wife that she was indeed making something out of nothing. That there was nothing to be worried about. For some reason, he could not bring himself to say those things. It felt like empty promises.
He did not really know all that much about Miss Usami. What he did know was that she and Eiri used to be friends once upon a time and that she was the only child of a couple who ran the Ryugan Temple. Other then at the get-together several years ago when Mr. Uesugi had tried to set his son up with Ayaka, he'd seen her maybe two other times. Each time, she'd come off as a nice girl, if a bit on the quiet side. This girl Mika was describing seemed like a very different person from the one he'd met.
"So?"
Good question.
NG Productions was in sight. He headed towards the underground parking garage.
"There's not much I can do, but I'll have a talk with her." That, unfortunately, was the most he could do at the present time. Unless, that is, she tried something, which, God forbid, she wouldn't, but if it came to that and she did try something, then hopefully, it wouldn't be too late for him to act. He would never forgive himself if something were to happen to his family.
"Tohma…"
His wife did not sound pleased. Who could blame her?
"My hands are tied, Mika, but like I said, I'll try talking with her."
There was sigh. Then, "At least keep an eye on her just in case?"
That he could do, especially if it turned out she was indeed in league with that Nami Mataguchi. He just hoped that was not the case. A cornered animal was a very dangerous animal.
oOo
Black Dragon Compound - Kita-ku, Kyoto, Japan
Scared-no, not scared, terrified. Shuichi was absolutely terrified.
"So, Shindou," came the gruff, husky voice, breaking through the heavy silence that had followed Narata's exit.
Shuichi jumped at the suddenness. He was glad in that instant that he had turned down the offer of tea. Otherwise, it would be all over him instead of in him. How uncouth would that have been, especially in front of an ex-lover?
It was not by the doctor's orders that he was not allowed caffeine, for his doctor had said it was alright in moderation. Eiri was the culprit responsible for forbidding him to consume anything sweet (unless by sweet Eiri was referring to himself) or caffeinated beverages. Surprisingly, even decaffeinated beverages had some caffeine in them, so they were not an option either. Eiri was such a party pooper. When it came to Shuichi's ingestion of food and drink during his pregnancies, Eiri turned into a ruthless dictator. It was sweet, but at the same time very aggravating.
"Or is it…What was that guy's name? Yuki?"
"That's his pen name," Shuichi answered automatically.
"Ah!"
"And no, I didn't change my name."
"So noted."
Silence fell once again. It was shattered only by the sounds of Kizou sipping his tea.
"Was there something you wanted? Or did you come back for the…stimulating conversation?"
Hot tears prickling his violet eyes, Shuichi blushed hotly, but said nothing. He stared down at his hands clenched tightly in his lap. How was he supposed to bring up something like what he had traveled all the way to Kyoto to say? He was not sure why he just couldn't come right out and say, "I think little Takanori is your son." Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple. If it were-
The sound of choking coughing forced him out of his thoughts. When several droplets of liquid landed on his hand, another on his cheek, he lifted his gaze. Panic and a surge of adrenaline rushed through him immediately at the sight of Kizou. The man was red-faced. His golden eyes were wide and glistening with moisture. "Oh my God!" He pushed to his feet. Was he choking? "Kiz-!"
"I'm fine," Kizou managed to say between his coughing fits.
Biting his lip, Shuichi glanced over his shoulder at the closed office door. Should he go find Narata? Was anybody else awake at this hour? Probably not. Maybe he should call 911. Or-?
"What was that," there was another series of coughs, "about your son being mine?"
Shuichi went completely still. His violet eyes went wide. All thought fled his mind. He even forgot how to breathe. Had he actually said that out loud? Dear God. He hadn't meant to! "I-I don't," he stuttered without meeting Kizou's penetrating gaze.
"Don't even start Shuichi Shindou," Kizou snapped. He coughed again. "You better sit your ass down and start explaining yourself. Now!"
Wincing at the irate tone, Shuichi's mind raced along at lightening speed as it tried to search for a way out of his sudden predicament. He could not help but feel as if he had somehow been transported back in time to that fateful day when, drunk off a single beer, he had opened his mouth to admit to something that he'd been suspicious about for some time, but had been too afraid to prove either way.
"Shuichi!"
Swallowing a gasp, Shuichi jumped. What was said was said. There was no way he could take any of it back now. What was the point in trying to come up with an excuse to explain what he had let slip? Was this not why he'd come here to see Kizou in the first place?
Clasping his hands over his belly, he rubbed slow, lazy circles in an effort to calm and sooth the suddenly agitated residents.
A stray tear rolled down his cheek. If asked, he would not be able to say why he was crying. Hormones? Or something else? Was it Kizou? Had he, subconsciously, come here in the hopes that everything would be as it had been before? Was he hurt because of the cold callousness he was being shown?
Kizou grabbed a napkin from the lacquered tray and started mopping up his tea spittle. It had even landed on the invoice. Great. Just great. This was all he needed.
The sound of sniffling caught his attention. He lifted his golden gaze to Shuichi. His anger dwindled slightly as he took in his ex-lover's defeated and silent posture. Frowning, he balled up the wet napkin and tossed it into the trashcan beside his desk. He had forgotten how sensitive Shuichi was, especially now that he was pregnant.
Sighing, he retook his seat. "So. What's this about little Takanori being my son," he asked again in a gentler tone. When Shuichi turned to face him, he wasn't surprised to see tears coursing down his face. The sight had his heart breaking. "What makes you think he's mine?"
Silence.
Kizou sighed again. As much as he would love to be able to father children, to admit that yes, Shuichi may in fact be correct. Little Takanori Uesugi may well in fact be his. Unfortunately, from prior experience, he knew it to be impossible. It was an exercise in futility to even dream such an outlandish possibility was more than just a dream. He could not have children. No amount of wishing, hoping or praying was ever going to change that fact. Life had dealt him a double whammy. First, he'd always had a low sperm count; one of his doctors blamed his lifestyle as one of the possible reasons, or more accurately, the stress of his chosen lifestyle. Then, when he underwent treatment for testicular cancer, the results of the radiation had not only dissipated the cancerous growth but had also ended up cutting his production of sperm down even more. So, while technically it was possible for him to father children, it was unlikely.
Scrubbing at his wet face, Shuichi reached for his bag and searched among the rubbage for his wallet. When he finally found it, he pulled a small wallet sized photograph from the back pocket.
"While I'm flattered to be in contention as your son's father, unfortunately, that is not-What's this?" he interrupted, eying what Shuichi was holding out to him.
There was a determined gleam in the younger man's face as he shoved the picture towards Kizou.
Shock rocked him to his feet when it took what turned out to be a photograph. "What the hell?! Where the hell did you get this," he demanded. Burning golden eyes turned to face Shuichi. He took in the wince, the slightly crestfallen expression intermingled with confusion, but ignored it. The face staring back at him from the picture was one he had not seen in more years than he cared to remember.
Without a word, Shuichi twirled his finger in the air.
"What," Kizou snapped. What the hell was that supposed to mean? With a frown, he flipped the photograph around. Was that what he was indicating? There was something written on the back of the photograph in blue ink. He stilled when he read what was written: Takanori Uesugi. "What the fu…?" It couldn't be! Turning the photograph back around, he took in the toddler smiling that beautiful smile that he realized now he had seen numerous times before. It was Shuichi's smile. What he also saw was his little brother Lucien Kizou.
At the tender age of six, his brother ran into the street to retrieve his ball. Any other day at any other time, it would not have mattered, but as it turned out, on that particular day, a farmer had been driving past their house to bring fresh produce to sell at the farmer's market. Lucien had literally appeared from out of nowhere when he'd jumped out from behind the ancient stone wall and row of hedges that had marked their land. Old Mr. Rye had not been able to stop in time. After that day, their family sold the old family estate and moved into the city. All the photographs containing images of his only sibling had mysteriously vanished sometime during the move. "This is…?"
"My son…Your-son."
Kizou slowly shook his head, back and forth, over and over again. It couldn't be…! It was…! His legs gave out, sending him tumbling back down into his chair. "But I…"
"Can't have kids?" Shuichi supplied.
Kizou's head snapped up.
Shuichi saw the astonishment and the confusion on Kizou's face.
"But…how…?" For some reason, he'd never told Shuichi. Other than his doctors, only his ex-wife and Narata knew. Narata was his right hand man, his lieutenant. He could tell the man anything and vice versa without fear of being judged.
"Taki."
Kizou frowned. Taki? As in Takanori Aizawa? But how…? Then he remembered.
He'd been in a meeting with Narata and his various other "Cabinet members" discussing what should be done about their infestation problem. The E Street Gang had been a small band of hoodlums that had been causing him an exorbitant amount of trouble about five years back. After preparations were made for an all out extermination, Narata had pulled him aside to talk to him about his then girlfriend.
Apparently, Narata had overheard her on the phone with a girlfriend. Chitose and he had been together going on eight years at that point and it seemed as if she was beginning to wonder why she was not yet with child. It was not as if they'd been actively trying to get pregnant. They hadn't even discussed it. It was, in fact, something she'd been trying to do behind his back. Most likely as a stunt to get him to marry her.
After he'd thanked Narata for the information, saying he would handle it, he'd stepped out of the office where the meeting had been held to see Taki skirting around the far corner. He'd thought nothing of it at the time, but now he knew. Taki had been eavesdropping. Made sense that he would. Taki had always been jealous of those within his inner-circle and angry that he still wasn't part of it.
"He said something about…" Shuichi's forehead scrunched in thought. "…man land not being the same ever since you had cancer…or something."
Massaging his temples where a headache was just beginning to make itself known, Kizou sighed. If Taki wasn't already dead, he'd kill him. Dropping his hand from his forehead, he held up the photograph. The boy was definitely not a lithe waif like his mother. The fact that little Takanori, instead, looked almost identical to his long deceased brother gave him pause, but…Was it possible? After countless women and neutrals had remained barren, after artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization had failed numerous times, had this boy sitting before him finally done the impossible?
But…
What if…?
"How do you know?" He wanted to be absolutely sure before he got his hopes up.
Shuichi shook his head. "I just do."
Kizou felt a hand clench around his heart. "Shu…"
Shuichi's face contorted in irritation. "Look at him!" He jumped to his feet and pointed at the picture. "You look at him and tell me he isn't!"
Little Takanori did resemble his brother quite a bit. That had to be more than just coincidence. "I've…"
Shuichi held his breath.
"…Always wanted a son."
Shuichi felt the tension ease from his shoulders. "So you'll do it?"
"Do what?"
"A paternity test."
Kizou gazed at the boy smiling up at him. He didn't even have to think about it. "Yeah."
III
Kyoto, Japan
Coming here had been a bad idea. What had he been thinking?
Shuichi hesitated on the sidewalk in front of his old house. A hand lightly grasped the closed gate. The other rubbed his agitated belly. He made soft shushing noises. "Hush now, Kita, Kaya," he whispered.
Violet eyes ghosted over the buzzer uncertainly before raising to take in the dwelling before him. Even now, he felt unwelcome. He gulped as he studied his old house that had never truly been a home.
It was strange. Except for the potted plant on the front steps, still slightly titled and uneven from an earthquake that had shaken the city before he was born, nothing appeared to have changed. The white paint on the house's façade was still peeling, only in much larger chunks. Debris still filled the porch light. He wondered if the gate still squeaked. It used to drive him up the wall, which was why he'd always left it open, which had driven his father insane. Shuichi chuckled at the memory. To get the gate to stop squeaking his mother used a household remedy: cooking spray. As strange as it sounded, it actually worked…For a time. Eventually the squeaking started back up again, only worse. It was a never-ending cycle.
For some reason he had been expecting something to have changed, but everything was exactly as he remembered it-minus the plant. Instead of nearly three years having passed since he last step foot anywhere near this neighborhood, it suddenly felt as if it had been mere hours, as if he was just coming home from spending the day at Ryuichi's studio with Hiro and Suguru practicing for some upcoming gig. Well, if he'd had a normal childhood, he supposed that's what would have happened. Reality was something all together different. Instead of returning here after practice, he would have, in reality, gone back to the Compound.
He wasn't sure he cared for the feelings being here was stirring up.
When he felt the pressured sting of tears, he wasn't sure if it was from hormones or memories.
Three years. Had it really been that long? Little Takanori was now about two. He'd been halfway through his first trimester when he'd been forcibly ejected from the Shindou household. So yeah. Just about three years. More or less. Wow.
He remembered having his pregnant ass hauled out of the house. Oh, yes. That day had been forever emblazoned on his soul. Every time he looked at his son, he remembered the humiliation and the anguish, the anger, the despair. He also remembered the look on both of his parents' faces: the devastation, betrayal…the disgust.
There was also something else he saw when he looked at his son: a miracle.
He scanned the front yard. There! Suddenly he felt nauseous. He hugged his arms around his belly and started to slowly back away, fighting tears. That was the exact spot where he'd landed.
As he'd been pregnant at the time his father kicked him out of the house-literally tossed-he was lucky the fall hadn't caused him to have a miscarriage, but then that was probably what his father's aim had been all along. Couldn't have any freaks under his roof. Fortunately, the only injury he had sustained was to his heart.
Yes. Coming here had definitely been a very bad idea. There was nothing left for him here. Nothing at all. His parents had made that very clear three years ago.
Turning his back on the aging structure, Shuichi started down the street towards the train station. It was time to head on home.
oOo
Bored. Maiko was so bored! It had only been…what? Maybe four hours? Five since the school officials had cancelled classes for the day? And she was already going out of her mind. It was so frustrating! And to think her mother did this every single day. How did she stand it?
It had quickly become apparent that there was nothing good on daytime television. Talk shows. Infomercials. Game shows. Soap operas. The same old nonsense that was interesting the first five seconds that quickly became redundant. Her cat-dead since she was five-could come up with a much more interesting schedule than the obviously illiterate producers of daytime television could.
The radio wasn't any better. Only crap polluted the radio airwaves nowadays, with the exception of her brothers' music of course. No originality. Apparently, talent was an alien concept these days. It was the same old cookie cutter crap. Just interchange the name of the singers and bands on any album cover in any music store in the country. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Whatever talent these so-called "entertainers" might have had at one point obviously died a hideous death, along with whatever brain cells they used to possess, the moment they stepped foot inside a recording studio. There must be some sort of toxin polluting the air of music studios. It was the only explanation. She would have to remember to bring it up with Shuichi the next time she saw him.
You would think the internet would alleviate her seemingly endless boredom, but as it turned out, there was only so much to do on the internet. It only ended up adding to her already mounting frustration.
If she would have known she'd have only half a day of school, she wouldn't have finished Eiri Yuki's latest novel last night and in record time, a mere five hours after purchasing it. It didn't help that "Fallen" was more a novella than a novel.
She could always help her mother out with some of her chores…well she could if the house wasn't spotless. You could literally eat off the floor.
Maiko flopped down into the armchair, exhaling an explosive breath of air.
Bored.
Bored.
Bored.
Bor-
Maiko cocked her head. She'd turned to look out the picture window when a flash of pink caught her eye. Immediately, her mind leapt to Shuichi, but she just as quickly shook the assumption aside. It couldn't be Shuichi. Her brother was in Tokyo. What would he be doing here in Kyoto?
But still…
She could not shake the feeling that it had been Shuichi.
There it was again! Another flash of pink between the neighbor's hedges caught her attention.
Leaping out of the armchair, Maiko rushed through the house, slipped on the first pair of shoes she saw and burst out of the house and down the front walk. She pushed through the gate and skidded to a halt.
"Shuichi," she called. "Big brother!"
Oh, she hoped it was him. Otherwise, she was making a complete fool out of herself.
oOo
Almost there. Why was it the closer the destination becomes, the farther away it seems? Or was that just him? Either way, Morihiro Shindou could not wait until he got home. This heat was killing him. Maybe he should have moved to Hokkaido when he had the chance. Wasn't it supposed to be cooler there? If he was lucky that position he'd turned down might still be available. The central air at work had finally up and failed early this morning, too, which hadn't exactly helped matters either. Talk about Hell.
He and his fellow co-workers have been complaining for years about needing the central air replaced. The old one was, well, old. In fact, it was older than dirt and he was not exaggerating-by much. Of course, the powers that be, time and again, claimed that there was nothing wrong with the current system. The fact that it was cooler outside than it was inside during a heat wave in the summer and colder in the building than outside during a blizzard in the winter apparently had not been much a reason to switch the system out. Now the system was fried. Completely. There was no salvaging it. Or so claimed the repairman. Guess the bosses had to ante up for a complete new central air system. Bet they were kicking themselves in the ass.
Morihiro chuckled.
He rounded the corner to his street and came to a halt. There, not more than one hundred yards down the street, stood Maiko and…
"Shuichi."
Not wanting to be seen, Morihiro quickly ducked back around the corner, flattening against the stone wall. He could feel the coolness of the stone at his back through his suit. A surge of panic flooded through him. Had he been seen, he wondered over the fierce beating of his heart.
His mind churned. What was Shuichi doing here? It could not be a coincidence. Their street was a cul-de-sac. There was no outlet. For him to be there in front of their house meant that he had come there deliberately, but why? He has snubbed them for the passed three years. What possibly could have happened that would cause him to change his mind?
Laughter floated passed him. Curious, he carefully poked his head around the wall. Maiko was laughing at something Shuichi was saying. As he was too far away, he could not make out what was being said, but if the nearly identical grins on both of their faces were any indication, it was clear the two of them had patched things up. He was glad.
He watched Shuichi drop his hands to his belly. This time Shuichi laughed at something Maiko was saying. Hearing his son laughing brought a smile to his face. He wasn't sure when the last time he had seen Shuichi smile let alone laugh. It was obvious that Shuichi was happy. He was glad. Maybe kicking him out of the house and signing away his parental rights back to Ryuichi had been the right decision after all.
oOo
Black Dragon Compound - Kita-ku, Kyoto, Japan
How long he sat there staring at the photograph of the child that could possibly be his son, Kizou was not sure.
Was this really his son? Could it truly be possible? Was years of hoping and wishing and praying coming to an end? It was hard to believe this wasn't just another one of his dreams. It just seemed too good to be true.
He knew he shouldn't be getting his hopes up. After all, there was always the possibility that little Takanori Uesugi was not his son, despite what Shuichi insisted.
"You look at him and tell me he isn't!"
It was not something he cared to advertise let alone dwell upon, but Shuichi had not exactly been faithful during their brief courtship. The only lover he was aware of was Taki Aizawa. Had there been others? Possibly. Shuichi claimed there hadn't been, but you never know. Why would Shuichi admit to their existence if he were all too aware any possible lovers he took would only get their asses handed to them? Of course, he'd like to be able to say with confidence that there hadn't been any, but after learning that Shuichi had actually slept with that sleaze ball Aizawa, he really couldn't do that. These "others", if they did in fact exist, would have just as much chance of being little Takanori's father as he did, regardless of how much the boy looked like his deceased little brother. Though, the likelihood that little Takanori was his child remained and he couldn't help but grasp onto it with both hands.
It was hard to say what he was feeling. He might have actually fathered a child. It was a dream come true.
But…
The giddiness eased back as the reality of the situation set in. As much as a time for celebration as this was, it was also one of caution. He was, after all, a mafia boss, leader of the Black Dragons, a Yakuza. The question went from, "what if he's mine?" to "what if he is mine?" What if? If it turned out little Takanori was indeed his son and if he were to acknowledge him as such, there was the possibility that his enemies could use the knowledge to get to him. Had he not used that same technique countless times against his enemies? To get the upper hand, you had to find your enemy's weakness and exploit it.
Kizou pushed that all aside for the time being. There was no need to obsess over milk that had yet to be spilled. If little Takanori did indeed turn out to be his son, then only then would he mull over the possibilities of what he would do.
Setting the photograph aside, he reached for the scrap of paper sitting a top the invoices that were now stained with tea. On the torn piece of paper was written a phone number with a Tokyo area code. Kizou smirked at the barely legible chicken scratch. It seemed Shuichi hadn't improved his handwriting skills much.
Picking up the phone, he dialed the number. As the line rang, he sat back. Spinning the chair around, he gazed out the window. He could see the koi pond out back. Shuichi used to love sitting on the large boulder beside it writing in the notebook he always carried around.
"Tohma Seguchi speaking," a voice broke into his thoughts.
"Yes, hello." Kizou turned from his reminiscing. Unconsciously, he found himself sitting straighter. Everyone knew of this man. Tohma Seguchi was infamous, especially among the Yakuza. Nobody messed with him. Well, nobody messed with him and lived to tell the tale. "My name is Rique Kizou-"
"Shuichi told me you would be calling," Tohma interrupted smoothly. "Shall we get right to it then?"
Kizou gulped, suddenly nervous.
…To Be Continued…
(1) The Asian Plum Tea Set I had here originally is no longer available so I changed it. To see this one, go to amazon and do a search for "Cherry Blossoms Ceramic Tea Set with Strainer Asian Dinnerware Decor".
(2) I highly doubt this actually happens in Buddhism (if something similar does happen then let me know), but it is mandatory for Roman Catholics. They have to be activate participants w/in the church for a year prior to the wedding and they also have to meet with the priest for a pre-marital counseling session or something.
(3) Go to "oriental "then plug in "13 Drawer Buffet Table" in the search box.
(4) This quote is from "Desire" (the novel) and is said by Toru.